29 years old and have never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, or held a girls hand, people starting to think I am gay or a creep and I feel hopeless help?

[Anonymous]

Like the question states I am 29 years old, I have a bachelors degree and work in a great job, I spend my time outdoors or doing other activities etc and also like the question states I have never had a girlfriend, being 29 years old and having no experience with women isn't a great situation to be in, many women my age already have had children and gone through divorces etc and here I have never even held a girls hand, I won't lie it is frustrating, I do not know what to do, I have enjoyed my life and was always told the right one will come along or i am a nice guy by girls and girls have told me that I'm the type of guy that is perfect for girls and would make a great father and a great boyfriend but no girl has ever shown interest in me in a romantic way. People are starting to think I am gay and it's really hurting my self esteem, family members are also starting to think that maybe I am weird or a creep compared to when I was younger I was always told I would find someone and to focus on myself, it's kind of hard to have a relationship when I have no experience and I don't know what I am doing when like I said women already have children or have been through numerous relationships or marriages, I have friends who can smile and say hi to women and hit it off right away, they have sex with numerous women and they are viewed as this charming person, on the other hand I do the same thing and there is no attraction and nothing there, I will admit I am nervous but how can I not be when I have never had a relationship, I have tried to change myself from advice from female family members and tried to become a different person in the past 6 months but I just don't know what do anymore, I feel women are repelled from me but yet I am always told that I am such a nice and great guy but nothing where friends of mine have women left and right and can talk to any woman, does anyone have any advise besides focus on yourself because that hasn't gotten me anywhere all my life?

[Anonymous]

I'm older than you and prefer to be single. Maybe people think something is wrong with me, some ask why I'm not married, some ask why I don't have a girlfriend. Guess what? I don't give a flying crap what anyone thinks or asks and neither should you.

Let people think what ever they want. Unless they are paying your bills, walking in your boots and living your life, their opinion does not mean jack.

Taking and / or following dating advice from females is one of the worst things you could ever do, they will just repeat the usual bs about being yourself, or being a nice guy when most of them will go out and find exactly the opposite type to be with.

Women will rarely admit this and you may have heard this before, but being a nice guy is not what women find attractive really.

Fact is, when ever I ignore women (after showing some initial interest) , am aloof or not very nice, they follow me around and show me attention. If you are nice, they won't bother for the most part.

Most women will deny this for ever. I was asked out by a woman I showed interest in but beyond that, did not pursue. She ignored all of the guys that were following her around.

Don't be nervous, they are just human beings and have problems just like everyone else. Stop putting them on a pedestal and talk to them like they are anyone else. Do this to a hot girl and see her wonder what's wrong..

[Klokateer]

well since you seem to have hobbies and a job, etc, you're right there's no point suggesting working on yourself really. so the other side of asking someone out is actually doing it. So are you just too afraid to do it or have you tried and it's gone badly? Both of these things can be changed

[Asker]

It has always gone badly for me.

[Klokateer]

well a little self-reflection is good for you. think about how it happened, was it going well until suddenly you said something to change it? was she just not interested from the get-go? was the rejection hugely harsh, and was it sudden or eventual? obviously across multiple attempts the answers will differ a bit but is there a trend?
Basically I'm asking how you go about it and how that seems to be working for you, a lot of people in similar positions seems to get stuck in the cycle of 'no-one wants me, therefore all women are bitches', which is always an immediately obvious thought process that ensures they stay alone.

[Asker]

It wasn't once its been all my life I have thought I am hitting it off with girls and I have gotten many girls numbers but when I call, it is either someone else's phone number or there is no response, I have tried and tried with female family members even helping me and girls saying i am such a great and nice guy but then when it comes to hanging out etc nothing, from so many rejections I can now tell when a woman doesn't want to be talking to me or is totally uninterested I have reflected and changed my clothes my hair my approach style what I talk about my cologne how my voice sounds my facial hair everything that I have been told my guys that have a lot of girls or female family members etc but still nothing completely nothing nada, from experience of being rejected I am also now more careful from who I approach after having been embarrassed and laughed at, I have even tried building my social skills but before the conversation can even start, I get answers like uninterested etc

[Klokateer]

important point, if you're getting turned down before the conversation started then it's not that the girl isn't interested in YOU, it's that the girl isn't interested in a CONVERSATION. A lot of guys take a rejection a lot more personally than it needs to be, when it means 'I'm just here to drink with my friends' like 90% of the time. Not every girl wants 'picking up' at all, which like every choice should be respected.
I don't want to offend you but you've clearly got a good amount of emotional baggage, well earned or not, this doesn't make for a good partner. I don't want to make baseless accusations since I've never seen you talk to a woman, but if any of that 'forever alone' vibe comes across it's going to put people off. It's pretty clear you're unhappy with yourself, which is understandable in a society that puts so much stock on finding a partner, but at the same time thats a lot of the problem. People look for stable partners, not someone who's mental health they have to watch

[Asker]

It's kind of hard to not feel bad when your family and coworkers men and women think you are gay or must be a weirdo because you have never had a girlfriend.

[Klokateer]

i'm not saying it isn't, i'm saying that the fact you care so much about what these people think of you and the fact that you see any interaction with a woman as a foregone rejection is not a good trait to have. I get it hurts when people you value laugh at you, but at the same time the world doesn't owe you anything, if you're unhappy with the situation YOU have to change.
If you really want to find a girl you need to stop looking at it in terms of 'I need her to like me, if she does I'll be so happy, is she doesn't i'll be destroyed' and start thinking of it in terms of 'she seems like an interesting person, I'm going to talk to her to have an interesting conversation, if she likes me great, if not, I had a good time talking'. I get that saying relationships aren't everything is easy when you're not losing hope but if you're having to post here then you're clearly desperate and desperation comes across. easier said than done I know but you have to stop caring so much

[Asker]

I know it's hard though with everybody telling you to change or judging or you have to present yourself in a certain way or do this in order for a woman to like you. Etc, I have only started to let it get to me in the last 6 months since I've been focusing on it more and more after a coworker of mine told me that women don't want men with no experience and that if I don't find someone I would die alone. It's frustrating when on top of rejection you get people kicking sand in your eyes when you are down you know.

[Klokateer]

People who tell you shit like that don't give a fuck about your situation, they're just using it as an excuse to go 'thank god I got mine'. Besides anyone insensitive enough to go 'no chance virgin' aren't the type of person you want to be with anyway. You try online dating? Blind dates set up by friends (genuine friends you trust not to fuck you over)? In fact I'd say if you could maybe get a friend to agree to a double date where he finds you a blind date that'd be ideal, gives you as good a chance as any and at least if there is genuinely a problem you're unaware of the friend can tell you about it after.
Fuck if it's being inexperienced you're worried about get a hooker, sure it'll be awkward but that/s what they're paid for, and it'll set you at ease if nothing else.
As I say I know it's hard, but the main point is to relax, nobody wants to go home with the guy that looks like this conversation is his last chance at happiness, it's too much pressure for a casual meet up

[Anonymous]

step one: don't whine, never tell a woman this
step two: take care of your appearance
step three: go get them lol
you have a good job and hobbies, you must have a crappy personality and lack confidence or be deformed ugly or have high standards then

[Asker]

If a girl asks, lying is okay then in this situation? Won't she find out sooner or later by my experience

[moviedude714]

Ya, because being passive is a feminine thing

[Opinion Owner]

@moviedude714 you don't have to lie just don't tell her unless she asks, it's ok if she suspects/asks but telling her what you wrote here is making a pity party out of your love life and you don't want that...
no one wants a whiny partner

[moviedude714]

ya if there's anything i've noticed over the years, it bothers me a lot, but if a guy is complaining, ranting, he is seen as whining, if a girl is complaining, ranting, people will come to her aid

[YouAskedForMyOpinion]

You sound stable, but you need to accept yourself. Confidence is sexy no matter what your gender is.

[Dan_cColt]

Workout, and just try meeting women everywhere.. obviously don't come off as a creep but don't seem too desperate. Once you talk to a lot of females you see patterns and it get's easy. Hope it works out for you!

[Kindoflonelyguy]

I'm 19 and I'm in about the same situation. I know it sucks, but I get by just losing myself in my own interests. If you feel bad, just find something you like to do and do it. It won't solve the problem, but it will make life a little easier.

[sweetshyguy]

Honestly that's weird, not even held a girl's hand? come on! i don't want to make you feel bad but that's really incredible.

[blutwolfe]

try getting a prostitute?

[Asker]

I want an actual relationship

[blutwolfe]

oh sorry bro haven't got one either we're all in the same boat there