My friend says I'm the problem. Am I the problem?

[Anonymous]

I had a really close friend who was like my sister for 5 years. I really trusted and loved her like family. In the past year before our friendship ended, we stopped talking as much. I think we were drifting apart. I tried reaching out to ask how she was and she would reply disinterested and slowly.

I asked her if everything is ok because she felt distant, and she said no it’s fine she’s just busy with life. But she said she was going away with her boyfriend and when she came back we would celebrate our birthdays together. But when she came back, she celebrated her birthday with her other friends, left my texts on unopened and didn’t acknowledge my birthday either. Our birthdays are a month apart and I bought her a present.

I felt she was ghosting me so I sent her a message to basically end our friendship. I said I wish her well and I’ll always care for her etc. she didn’t reply to that.

She is apparently blaming me for the demise of our friendship, saying I overreacted and that even though she knows she did hurt me it didn’t mean I should end our friendship. That I ended it over something stupid. And that I pick on her flaws while she ignores my flaws. But the thing is, I wasn't pointing out her flaws. I felt she didn't care about me or we had drifted apart.

I reached out again a year later to ask how she is, because I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong or not. But she hasn’t even opened it.

She is saying I'm the problem but I believe time and distance are the problem. Am I to blame for our friendship ending? Someone please tell me.

[KrakenAttackin]

Well, who the "problem is" really doesn't matter, and we don't know all the facts. Your friend has decided to distance herself for whatever reason and that's her choice.

You have reached out and she has not responded. All you can do is move on.

[Asker]

You're right. Thank you.

[KrakenAttackin]

I get it, it sucks, and you want your friend back. Best of luck.

[HelpfulWoman]

This sounds very much like she wants you as a second option to pick up when she's bored.
If she can't put in basic effort, you shouldn't either.
Not the problem here.

[Guccigabbana18]

You're not the problem. She's kind of the problem but not fully.

[spartan55]

There's no way to tell from one side.