How common is it to lose your best friend of 25 years because his wife doesn't like you?

[red324]

I don't know what I ever did to get her to not like me. I think she's just controlling, wants to know where everyone is at all times and guilt trip you when she's not happy. That's what she does to my best friend. She doesn't even let him hang out with anyone anymore it seems. I'm just kind of irritated that the friend I've known for so long would out up with that bs. I feel like my best friend basically got taken away from me.

Anyone else have this happen?

Updates

3 mo

I guess it's just time to move on and put more effort into making another friend then. I only have two best friends and he was one. Maybe he'll come around one day.

[HollyK21]

I had that happen with my best friend of over 17 years, so in a sense I do get where you’re coming from.


What I learned was that when it comes to your friends partner, you can’t tell them anything. Whatever you say in confidence regarding their partner, they will tell it back to them, even if they asked you for advice in the first place. Sucks even more when your words are used as ammunition. What ultimately ended my friendship was how when they’d fight or argue, her go-to was always something like “well Holly said it’s messed up when you do this or that to me and I agree!”. Getting thrown under the bus without my knowledge, interjected into arguments and so forth was way too much. Your friend might do something like that with his girlfriend without you even knowing and it’s causing her to form a bad opinion of you.


So while I’m not sure what all your friend is experiencing, if your relationship matters then focus on that and don’t even talk about his girlfriend. Keep the two things separate, that way you aren’t so involved in his mess and won’t feel like your friendship is being destroyed.

[red324]

I feel like it's destroyed already and I haven't really brought it up

[HollyK21]

Question (if you want to answer of course), are your frustrations more about her as a person or the fact that she’s sort of disrupted your friendship? If your frustrations are about her, are these things to be genuinely concerned about as a friend or more like nuances? Only asking because if you’re really worried about his wellbeing then nothing is wrong with telling him that, then removing yourself as much as you can from the situation.

[red324]

My concerns are more about him. I just think she's holding him back from moving forward in life. He works all the time and I still think he's spinning his wheels as far as making money is concerned. He should have a house and a nice car etc with the money he makes. He even complained about never having anything nice.

[red324]

He just doesn't have anything to show for all his hard work.

[HollyK21]

You think if she weren’t in the picture he’d be more accomplished? It’s very possible, but at the same time is there a reason he wasn’t accomplishing these things before her?

[red324]

Yeah he didn't have a good job before her, but she doesn't even work and has kids of her own, plus one of his so they're always broke. He makes like over a 100k a year now, but that's not much when he has to pay for her all the time. I just think he bit off more than he can chew is all. I feel bad because if they ever get divorced he's still going to be in the same place he was when he met her. Left with nothing.

[HollyK21]

Got it. I do agree that can be a lot, to go from just him and his kid to a wife, and more people to take care of. I’m sure you don’t want him to be used or unfulfilled, which is good of you as a friend. It could be worth a conversation voicing your concerns, as I do think they’re fair, but also offer a solution if you have one. Like let’s say the woman wasn’t in the picture, does he have a game plan to better himself? I mean even if it’s not with her, eventually he’s going to wanna settle down and have a family. He’s getting up there in the years, so I think it’ll be harder to find a woman with no kids unless she’s fairly younger. So in any case, there should be a plan in motion to make more money, but if you don’t have any suggestions then it’s kinda pointless. Unless he was just single with no money.

[red324]

That is my suggestion. Divorce that broad since he's got nothing to lose and focus on himself.

[red324]

What's he going to do when he's 40 or 50 and realizes he still doesn't have two pennies to rub together. Kids don't get cheaper they get more expensive over the years.

[HollyK21]

Well, if he loves her and he’s happy then he would have something to lose, at least in my mind. I saw in another comment that you don’t really invite her to hang out, but I don't know maybe here and there you should. It’s just making an effort to know her outside of how you feel she’s shackling him down.

[Anonymous]

That sucks. Unless you are a bad influence on him or rude or disrespectful to her, I don’t understand why he let it happen. I would be angry if my friend dumped me because her husband didn’t like me.

[red324]

I never did anything, but she would even want to come with whenever him and I hung out. Its supposed to be guy time, he doesn't tag along with her when she hangs with her friends.

[red324]

She's probably mad I don't include her

[Opinion Owner]

That’s annoying of her. Men need “guy” time. She’s overbearing.

[red324]

I've never really talked about it with him because their relationship is really none of my business, but I think something needs to be said. I just feel I'm doing him a disservice as his friend keeping my mouth shut.

[molonski2]

I've seen it happen , but quite frankly your " friend " ( what kind of friend ) , needs to " grow a pair " he allows her to do this sht , to get away with this sht , stand up to the bitch and make it crystal clear who is running this show , and its not her ! Simple , things can't carry on in such control freak actions , if she can't change she needs to be cut clean , who the hell does this controlling bitch think she is?

[red324]

I don't know. I always thought you're supposed to be man of the house. That doesn't mean getting walked all over.

[red324]

I was hoping they would just get a divorce after a few years, but it's been like 10 years! I see him like once a quarter now at most.

[red324]

Do they ever come back around whenever things with that person end?

[molonski2]

I'm with you bro , the guy ( your best mate ) has issues , I had a mate like this..
But , he ended up going opposite , too far really , he is still struggling with his life , coz he needed a motor figure.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I've never had that happen to me but fairly common with my more submissive buds ("pussy-whipped" as they call it) is that they have to ask their wives' permission all the time to do anything. So it's hard to hang out with them sometimes even though I get along well with the wives.