I am 24 and my relationship with my parents stops my growth. How do I overcome this?

[Anonymous]

I used to live alone at university. Now I live with my parents because I don't make enough money for rent in this city, even if I'm now trying to complete a project which might get me enough money, but it's unlikely. When I don't answer my phone because I'm working remotely (my dad knows I'm at home), he freaks out and calls my mom who is at work that he can't find me and mom freaks out too. I tell my mom that I would cook dinner for myself. When I come back home, dinner is ready and she tells me she wants to help me because I'm tired. Then I want to cook some peas to add it to the meat. When I do that, she tells me that I don't know how to do that (?) and that I don't know what bags of peas are expired or not (?), because she keeps expired open bags of peas in the refrigerator and opens new bags before she finishes one. When I tell her that I can do it myself, she accuses me of raising my voice and tells me that I'm too sensitive and that I'm exaggerating with cooking. When I tell her that she makes a fuss about it she tells me: "That's how I am, I am too old and tired to change." Whenever I'm not at home and they aren't, I keep getting messages: "How are you?", "Where are you?". They can't sleep well when I'm on a night out.

Yes, I've always been told I'm too sensitive, that's why 24/7 I tell myself to regulate my emotions and I work out like crazy to be less "sensitive".

They are good people and I love them, but they sabotage my growth. Some people my age are so independent. I still feel like a child. It's so tiring to have arguments every day, but I have to change their perspective since I still have to live with them.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that does sound like a really tough situation. I can understand why living at home makes you feel trapped - it's hard to feel fully independent when your parents are still treating you like a kid. Some suggestions for overcoming this:

- Set clear boundaries. Have an honest talk with them that you're an adult now and need space to make your own choices/mistakes without constant checking in. Compromise on check-ins if needed for their sake.

- Stand your ground in a calm way when they challenge your autonomy. Don't raise your voice but firmly state your case. "I'm handling dinner tonight."

- Spend more time out of the house - studying at the library, working late, meeting friends. Absence makes the independence.

- Save aggressively so you can move out ASAP. Maybe get a roommate to cut costs. Freedom will help you spread your wings.

- Remind them (and yourself!) that growing up is normal/healthy. Their worries come from love so don't take it personally.

- Focus on your goals and don't let them sabotage your confidence. You've got this!

Hoping you can carve out more space to blossom. I know you'll figure it out - you seem like you've got a bright future ahead.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You get some roomies and split an apartment like the rest of us did. If you still can't afford that you move to a third world country where you can.

[Asker]

My friends can't share an apartment with me: one doesn't want to live with me (he thinks that would ruin our friendship), one wants to live alone, one lives with his brother, one with his sister, one with his girlfriend and one is not allowed by his parents to share an apartment with someone

[BoopBoopBeep]

Right, then you put and add on Roomster or something and live with strangers, just like every other college kid in the world.

[rosemilk]

yeah this will never end. and when you move out, it will get worse and they will text and call you even more. this is what happens when you have toxic parents who don't know any boundaries. i'm guessing you're an only child. as much as i'd love to say hey you need to set some boundaries, with parents like these they will take it the wrong way and it'll just start fights

[sheikalana]

Get a better job and get out of their house.

[Anonymous]

Nothing will change until you move out and get away from your parents. So start saving m money anyway you can.