Why am I so mad even though I know I have the right to be?

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband have started to hang out more with his family. I have always tried my best to be in my nieces life and have also taken care of them since they were young. Well it was my niece's birthday and I got dressed up and had told my mom one month ago and so we could go. I didn't leave with my sister because I was supposed to go with my mom. I don't have a car so we were going to go together in her car. We're the only ones on my sister's side. My mom doesn't get along with my sister's husband and his family but I have tried to get her to forget them and let's just be there. Well today I'm already dressed and my mom comes in and tells me at what time is it. I had called her twice and she didn't pick up but I didn't know she went to go do an errand. I said it's now but she wasn't dressed and when I told her she goes well it's past the time. I text my sister we're not going but if she can come pick me up and I can be there. My sister tells me I'm sorry but I can't because I'm already sitting here and some people are here.

Updates

+1 y

It seems my whole life I have had to try to get a family even though I already have one. My dad abandoned my family since I was young so I have always felt I have a broken family. So when I am trying to keep the little family that I do have. I have always seen just one person as family but I can't even get that. My mom than went and tried to make it up by telling them we'd go there again, and I told her not to worry about it.

Updates

+1 y

I don't get it you say we need to stick together and as the grandma you don't go even though you got the day off. I'm guessing it's also the representation of my family I'm trying but I'm getting to the part of not caring either. Maybe this is the reason why people get with other friends. I'm just trying to keep things together and I'm obviously not good at it.

[DoggyDude]

You do have a right to feel mad about it, and its good that your reasoning yourself when your feeling that way.

I would say it was very rude of your Mum to not be ready when you gave her the time ahead of times.

So, you have perfect right to be mad. Though, its also good your trying to understand the other side here. Maybe your Mum is having some kind of traumatic trigger from the relationship your sister has with her husband. Perhaps its difficult for her and she doesn't want to appear weak saying so so just engineers a situation where she can go "oh, ooops! well I can't go".

Though maybe she IS just being rude because she didn't want to be there.

That said, you said you did know she didn't want to go and yet arranged a situation where she otherwise may have felt compelled to go. So possibly your attempt at a good thing didn't work as it might have otherwise.

Family is always a little complex. The real important part is to be the one whos level headed, calm and tries to keep people together and understanding one another. If everyone does their part it makes for good family.

So, its not wrong to feel irritated (mad) about the nice get together you tried to arrange being sabotaged, but your doing the right thing trying to find the way to understand. Maybe talk with your Mum about it gently and find out why she did what she did. Explain how you where feeling about it (without guilt tripping, sometimes hard) and see what she says.

Though sometimes, some people, just aren't able to be honest about certain things they do, especially if on some level they know their being petty. So, don't push anything but just try and see.

Hope this helps, or at least gives you a short interesting read.

[Asker]

She got in a fight with my stepfather. I told her to please not lie to me next time. Now I at least know what to expect. She did get the day off specifically for that event. I always try to see the positive side maybe something bad could've happened on the way there. We did have a party recently so I was able to be with my family again. Thanks for your response. You have great insight on situations. Thank you and have a great rest of your year.

[DoggyDude]

Thank you too, a pleasure.