Me & my sisters kids can’t get along?

[khb031498]

Let me start off by saying that I love my sister & we seem to enjoy our time together when it’s just us but when we’re together with our kids it’s a whole different story…

She has 2 boys (age 5 & 7) I have one boy (age 5) we used to live together when we our kids were smaller but regardless of if they were infants/toddlers her kids always had a problem with hitting/fighting. Both of her kids would always hit, kick, punch, bite & pull my kids hair. It was so bad that my kid was always covered in marks/bruises, me & his father were co-parenting so when I’d send him over to visit his dad & other family I was accused of abusing my kid because of the scars, bruises & scratches… my kid also always had multiple bite marks all over his body which I must mention that my kid has NEVER bit another kid so I don’t think it’s normal for kids to bite.

My son gets along very well with other kids & he never fights other kids or his friends. So I don’t find it a coincidence that he only ever fights his cousins. He shares everything he has & is super generous/giving, meanwhile his cousins never share, if they have candy or a snack they won’t share at all but if my kid had even the tiniest chocolate bar he’d still split it in 3 for all of them. They take away all his own toys from him, they will fight him over his own stuff & tell him he can’t play with or have his own belongings. He’s also never allowed to play with any of their things as well, it doesn’t matter, whatever my son has they take it away. They also wreck, break & ruin his toys & things. I pay money for my kids toys & they just end up breaking them. Recently my son had a birthday and his cousin slapped him really hard, his face went all red & he was almost crying at his party they then later on intentionally spilled a drink all over him. I feel like they ruined his birthday.
If I say anything to my sister she just gets mad & acts like I’m being dramatic. I don’t even want my sister apart of my life anymore.

Updates

1 mo

I feel like my sister takes everything personal, I think we could have a great relationship together if it weren’t for her kids behaviour & the fact that she doesn’t discipline or try teach them better.
I spend a lot of time talking to my kid & trying to make sure that he is polite & proper, he takes very good care of his stuff just for his cousins to break them.

[DoggyDude]

That sounds very annoying and difficult. I sympathise.

The good side is, you can use this to help your child grow up and be more able to handle such bad actors in the real world (meaning people who think that hitting or slapping is something to solve or get what they want).

If someone is claiming your over reacting, rather than seeking to understand why your acting, that does show a distinct personality issue on their part in my opinion. The difficulty is, some parents believe letting their kids figure things for themselves [aka don't get involved], and are certain positives to that approach (but looks like your facing the negatives of a parent unwilling to discipline their children, based on what you wrote).

When these kind of things happen, if the person your talking to is not listening (presuming your raising matters politely and not in a mannor that might sound like your attacking someone as a parent or person) there isn't much else to do but police / guide / help your own child deal with the troubles they face (meaning, teach them how to cope, fairly fight back, and to step-in if needed when stuff is unfair, like a bigger child using their superior age for bullying).

Since this is your sister, and your kid is likely to see her kids throughout its life. The best you can do is teaching / guiding your child when its appropriate to defend itself and with care to keep an eye for yours picking up any bad habbits off the other children.

I recall when I was young my mother gave me some of the best advice of my life. "If someone hits you, first tell them exactly what you're going to if it ever happens again, then ALWAYS do what you said you would". Meaning, don't let people get away with it. It's easy for well behaved kids to become the victims of bullying kids, and honestly easy for bullying kids to never realise their the bully because good kids back off and they think thats how life goes. Though that said, its also easy to see our own children with rose coloured glasses, so I would watch for that type of way of being in myself and in others too.

So, my point, sorry rambly reply.

I think your right to limit your interactions when your kid is getting effectively bullied. Though, before going to that solution, definitely see if you can use the oportunity to teach your kid the right sets of skills to make those bullies learn they can't bully your kid (they might solve it and actually teach your sister the lesson she's not listening to you for) and, if your sister then complains your kids hitting back; Point out that, "well, only if he has to...".

Hope you find the right way for you, and respect my reply is based on your writing so if I misaprehend anything forgive me.

[Cutegirl06]

I would tell your sister that her boys are no longer welcome at your home. Why put your son through all that trauma? They take and break his own toys? That's ridiculous. I wouldn't want her or her boys around my son. Keeping your son away from them is protecting him. He is more important than your nephews and if your sister can't understand that then good bye. If you don't protect your son and his belongings he will wonder why you didn't protect him and be resentful towards you.

[XXblack88]

Before his cousin's come over allow your son to give you his favorite toys and you can hold on to them until they leave. If they are visiting your house, they should abide by your rules that shouldn't be too much to asked of your sister and her kids.

[Danny_dan92]

Time to get everyone together and talk