Do mature and independent people revert back to being immature when they move back in with their parents?

[Anonymous]

I have no problem with people who choose to live with family. There are many reasons for this. I’m just baffled by someone I know who moved to another country, was fairly independent and mature and now that he has moved back home with family has slipped back into his old ways. What is it that causes this?

[rosemilk]

no. if anything, it makes them work harder to get back out. unless there are some mental health issues. also, he could have a bad family dynamic that pushes him back to the way that he was because it's so demoralizing to move back in when you're an adult. it sucks. his family could be a bad influence.

[ZamerZ]

It's the old power dynamic clicking back into place. I've experienced that a lot when I was younger and lived in different cities for internships and jobs as a preparation for my studies. I became very independent and confident, but one time when I was staying with my mother's best friend for a few months and my parents visited, her best friend pulled me aside to tell me "you're such a strong, young woman, but you let them treat you like a child the moment you're in the same room, honey."

I also heard her talking to my mother late at night that she needs to meet me at the same eye-level. Both parties fall back into old patterns and that's not a healthy, nor a productive place when the child made a big progress in life. Especially not when the old hierarchy was a "I'm the parent, you're the child, I'm right and you're wrong!" or a "You're my child and I will spoil the hell out of you and ruin you for anything and anyone else!" kind of thing.

Both parties need to be aware and do something about it.

[strateguy632]

of course not.