Is it Overstepping for your friends to hang out alone with your SO?

[Anonymous]

Let me elaborate a little. Now, I know of course you want your SO and your friends to get along, and hanging out altogether shouldn't be an issue. But I've PERSONALLY always been of the mind that you just don't hang out with your friends SO's privately or talk to them privately. It feels like a line that shouldn't be crossed to me.
Well I have a close friend who views this a little differentially. She sees no issue with it if we all trust one another. We both recently met guys and have started seeing them, however both of us were friends with each guy before we really started "seeing" them if you will. We met her current SO first, nice guy, and again, we were all friends before they started getting serious. Even before they officially announced anything, I could TELL it seemed to be getting serious so I backed off and do not and have not spoken with him privately outside of what's said in front of said friend or in a group chat that she is in.

Now fast forward to meeting my SO. Again, we met mine at the same time and were friends with him before anything started. From the start he was definitely kinda seeking me out, talking to me more than her and what not so it wasn't really a surprise when we started seeing one another however, unlike the boundary I have myself not to cross... she doesn't really seem to have issue with trying to seek him out alone to hang out with or talk to privately. To my understanding my SO is not really receptive to it. Doesn't hang out with her when she offers, and it's hit or miss if he even responds to her when she tries to message him. Not that I've pressed for details, but they've both vaguely mentioned it here or there.

I don't want to be "controlling" or "toxic" or seem like I'm trying to commander their friendships, but I just am unsure if I'm the one with the issue or if there really is something weird about this.

Yes, it's wrong to try to engage with your friend's SO's privately

No, it's not wrong, this is completely fine

Other (please explain?)

[DaisyM23]

I think it's fine to talk to your friends' partners alone, if it's just FRIENDLY then that's good for you if your friends are friends with your SO too, it's only weird if it's going behind your back or something secretive or just TOO much

That being said, I'm friendly with my friends' partners but I wouldn't seek them out unless it was something to do with my friend lol, I'd be fine with talking to them alone but I don't like them THAT much to go out of my way to hang out with them alone unless I bump into them somewhere

[LazerBean]

It is not overstepping your friend if you are literally doing the same thing that you've been doing. So if your friend with that person before, and you continue to hang out with them even after they start dating your other friend, it is not overstepping. But it's weird if you randomly start hanging out with their SO if you were not before.

[Asker]

I think there is a bit of confusion, the issue is her trying to continue to hang out with him privately/alone, which I do not do to hers nor have I attempted to do with hers

[LazerBean]

So you want her to change and stop doing what she's been doing since before you were in the pictures?

[Asker]

that's kind of a weird thing about it too? She'd only ever hang out with him when I was around to begin with, same thing with the one she liked, I'd never really spent time with him alone either so in my eyes it didn't seem like a big leap to assume that it would continue to be more how it was before, just didn't expect her to start seeking him out

[LazerBean]

I see, that makes sense. Yeah that is not very good of her to do.

[Anonymous]

That’s far too much reading. But ill say this. If it’s organic friendship (between the 2 of them) and if you trust em. Then its fine. If it seems suspicious though, voice your concerns individually. And be prepared to deal with whatever reaction happens after.

[jahaims]

You have trust issues