My husband and his family are delusional, how do I convince him we need to move?

[Anonymous]

I was born and raises in Arizona. My husband was born in Kansas, raised in Arizona since he was 3. His father is a Kansas boy and most of his family still lives in Kansas. We were married a couple years ago (in Arizona) and found ourselves needing to move out of the state for essentially being priced out due to the crippling economy.

Half of my siblings live in Alabama and the way my family has been talking and planning, it sounds like the rest aren’t far behind. And my husband spent a couple years living in the south and loved it. So when we were talking about moving I wanted to be close to my sisters. For whatever reason my husband and his whole family view Kansas as this “promise land” and have always wanted to move back. Since my husband refused to move to Alabama and the need to move was so urgent, I reluctantly agreed to move to Kansas. His reasoning was that it would be better for us financially and his whole dad’s side of the family is here. Supposedly my husband’s immediate family wouldn’t be far behind in moving here.

We have now been here just shy of 2 years and I pretty much hate it. We have no familial support despite the quantity of “family” we have here. I have struggled to make friends and keep a job. And my husband's family decided to open their own clinic in Arizona and IF they ever move out here it won’t be for AT LEAST 10 years. I want to be close to family that actually cares. It’s to the point where I refuse to have kids here. I have no village.

it’s looking like we are going to be alone out here for unnecessary reasons for as long as we stay here and I can’t stand the thought. My husband says being close to family is important to him but it seems like his family is living in the close minded Kansas pipe dream.

if it’s about the money, Kansas is not that much better than Arizona at this point and Alabama is not any worse than Kansas. Not to mention he could easily get a job any where he wants as a diesel mechanic by trade.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Sounds like you’re just bitter he chose the closer state over nearly halfway across the country. The difference is you don’t like his family and you don’t want to make friends. And I imagine that bitterness and resentment has been following you at work and giving off a vibe that no one wants to interact with. Your husband would be in your exact position if you had moved to Alabama, do you really think that trade off would be somehow better if this was all it took to make you so upset? You both value being near family but you can’t choose both family lines in the same state so you chose the state that would take less travel time to get there, which was Kansas. Moving into a new place is always isolating, and I don't know what you’ve been doing outside of your house and work to try and make friends that aren’t your husband’s family but I imagine it would be less of a daunting task if you went out somewhere regularly to meet folks, like a bar trivia night or maybe a game store that has an open table policy for DnD or something. Maybe you’ve done that and haven’t had any luck, maybe not. Either way, blaming your husband for choosing his family is not the reason you feel so alone and miserable.

[Anonymous]

Sounds more like a family issue than a location issue.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Purely from an outsider's point of view (both in respect to you, AND The US in general) I see it like this:-

You've given his idea of being near family a solid try with a good heart, despite your belief it may not work, and it HASN'T worked out like either of you had hoped..

So now? It makes perfect sense that if you can afford it, to move nearer to YOUR family and see if your way of life improves..

[OlderAndWiser]

Calling your husband "delusional" gives a fairly good insight into your way of relating to him. Not very persuasive!