I am the asshole for being really strict and grounding my teenage constantly?

I expect 100 πŸ’― percents she makes A's and B's

She is so negative

She joined all sorts of sports jobs clubs and sports so she is never home

She keeps running away sneaking out

She got her license after I said no but my husband said yes

She's ruining our marriage

My husband sides with her

Refuses to go to church

She Refused to wear what I said on her birthday so birthday dinner was cancelled. He dad let her have it anyways at his mother's house. She wouldn't redo making the beds I wanted them made like we doing the army. She said no this is the third time e I remade it.

So I took all her Christmas presents and she was grounded from seeing her Grandparents and cousins. Everyone was pissed at me.

I want her to be more positive all the time follow orders no questions asked she wants to know why I make up these stupid rules

She said screaming at her right before bed And long lists everyday of everything doesn't help her grades and she can't even go to the bathroom or get her dinner without me up her ass complaining.

I am using what I learned in the army to parent. It works with the younger kids but not her. My husband doesn't like it. He me quizzing the kids on what if my older daughter left her room is making our son a nervous wreck and it's making our middle daughter into a snitch and our older daughter hate her.

She is currently grounded for three months for using microwave safe bowl In the microwave. Because they cause cancer and I am the parents. she must follow orders. No questions asked.

I don't want her using it because it may cause cancer. We are currently not speaking.

Updates
1 y
She has been grounded 90 percent of the year since middle school for various infractions. She is not allowed dessert but her father sneaks her dessert. I also want her to eat very small portions so she will be healthy.
Updates
1 y
The no decorations rule. Has caused a lot of problems. But it is a hill I will die on because I want our house to look classy. All of my children and husband united against me during Christmas and Halloween. My daughter and son are both December birthdays and bought decorations for our house which caused a lot of problems. I had to deal with a Santa and nutcracker and tacky little trees from the dollar tree.
I am the asshole for being really strict and grounding my teenage constantly?
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