I don’t get along with my mom anymore—will our relationship ever improve?

Question

I used to get along with my mom better than I do now but never great. The last year or so we have not got along at all and we never agree on anything. Will it always be this way? Were you or are you the same?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well i moved out when I was 16 1/2 I never had any arguments with my mom I always just respected her and she was raising three kids on her own and I know it was hard for her

But I thought I new everything at that age and probably about the second or third night I realized I didn't know anything so that kind of changed me very quick to start relearning everything to start seeing things in a whole new light

And that made me respect her even more and just every one even more i was quiet and kind of shy anyway I mean what I would suggest is you gotta have to understand that your mom Has already been through all this crap And She can see the outcome So she tries to protect you Because she doesn't want you to go through what maybe she's gone through

And if you can understand that You would probably give her a little bit more slack Or you would just agree with her And just try to understand what she's trying to do for She is really trying to protect you she's not trying to hold you back

And at the same time she needs to do the same thing for you and let you fall every once in awhile because then you're going to have to pick yourself back up and keep going forward and that's really what she should be doing instead of protecting you so much because then you would see her job her role as a mother a lot different

You have to remember your life you think of life as it's on today and that's it you don't think about the future that much your goals that much and she's already been through that. In her life when she did the same thing

At one point she thought she knew it all too And I'm sure the moment that she got pregnant everything changed

I can tell you this no matter what you feel your mom loves you very much she would die for you she would sell her soul for you

There's just something you don't tell your kids though you have to play badass sometimes to make your point parents do is what I mean

But I can tell you this You have nobody in life right now nobody except for yourself That's it A good friend is to have a good friend There hard to find sometimes your mom will always be there for you the good the bad the ugly times and then one day she's going to be way older and you're going to have to make a choice are you going to be there for her

So the only advice that I could give you is that either go with the flow because there's no reason to argue about it or to fight about it understands her better so she understands you better give her a reason to understand you better

And just because you don't like something she says or does Doesn't mean that you have Verbally Vented For whatever reasons Sometimes it's not cool sometimes it is Something you have to do But not always So it's your choice

Like I said she will be there for you it's your choice if you will be there for yourself and for her and understands her better

Life goes 10 times smoother when you can get along and that's with anybody you don't have to be right you don't have to be wrong you just have to be see both sides of everything and keep ego out of it

molonski2 · Accepted Answer

Well I hope it does , but some mothers are just utter bitches , had the same issues at the same age , did it ever improve? Only a bit , just made me tolerate her in small moments ( or mandatory moments ) right at the end she was a good grandmother , but that's it..

I still resent the things she said , and I made sure I didn't repeat all her faults..

Good luck , you don't need this stress at 18 , life is tough enough...

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Ah! The teenage years are some of the hardest years when trying to get along with your mom. It was for me as well.

For us, when I was in high school and the age that you are now, I was becoming my own person with my own ideas. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and she was still in mother mode trying to tell me what to do. I resented her for that and it did cause us to not get along. Everyday was a struggle.

I moved out and away from her right after I got out of high school and got my own apartment and was working.

Even though we weren't living under the same roof together anymore, I think there was so much damage we did to each other that we never really got back to where we once were before my high school years.

I hope that isn't the case with you and your mom. If I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't have let things get out of hand which caused the damage between us which never really went away. It was both of our faults though.

So, try to minimize the things that are bad to her, and try not to argue with her because if it continues, then you might end up the way I did with a very damaged relationship and we were never the same after that.

I think that we both were just too hurt and couldn't pretend like nothing had happened - because it did.

I'd say to do what you can to try and get along better with her now, even though it's hard - but that way you two will have a chance to have a better relationship in the future.

Have a conversation with her about it and tell her that you need to have the two of you start to get along better.

Maybe you can discuss what each of you can do better and work on it now.
Exchange ideas with each other. Troubleshoot your relationship together and it may allow the two of you to get along better and not get any worse.

I wish you the very best and I know that it's not going to be easy but it will be worth it in the future years. But you two need to start now for both of your sake.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

Things usually get better the older you grow. I am aware that if both have strong characters and don't give in easy, the gap will first get bigger before eventually starting to close. This might not happen today or tomorrow. Both of you will eventually have to give in a little.

However, usually, when you reach adulthood, like the mid twenties, you will start to realize that having a bad relationship with your mother is impacting your entire personality and she will also realize that she is getting older and that having a harmonious relationship is something that is high on her priority. Remember that you don't have your parents forever and that anything can happen at any time.

RavVid · Answer

Parents always see you as a 5 yo. But of course you are an adult. Is your mom just not accepting you as adult currently? In time she will and your relationship will improve as she does.

If your relationship is poor because of more fundamental reasons it may not.

Sunshinelips · Answer

It’s possible it’ll improve when you’re in your 20s and 30s and you start your own family, you may need her. I didn’t really get on with my mum when I was your age then she died when I was 21 but before she did we got along and I needed her.
Just give it time, try not to piss her off too much and understand her values and interests are the same as yours.

MrChinaski · Answer

It depends on the underlying issues. My mother has a personality disorder. I haven't liked her since I was 13 years old and the only thing that has changed in three decades is that now I don't care. People don't change much as they age and to the extent they do the changes can be small positives or small negatives. Your milage may differ.

Staximus · Answer

I always got along with my mom but she died when I was 20. I I think the last argument I got into with her was when I was in 7th grade. Ask yourself what has changed, why, and what can be done about it. When we become adults, we realize that our parents aren’t perfect and we may disagree with their way of thinking.

QuineJessica · Answer

It seems to me that this is a certain stage in life that everyone goes through. It seems that it is simply worth taking the first step, there is no person in the world closer than a mother... although sometimes it is very difficult

In_Trance · Answer

If you want it to improve, you have to make efforts to improve it

Sal_Monella · Answer

From a life of experience, it is time for you to move out and stand on your own. If you have, don't seek approval from her. Wait for her to call.

PolarPoint · Answer

YOU HAVE TO GET ALONG WELL. MOTHERS ARE PRECİOUS. THEY DONT WANT ANYTHİNG BUT YOUR GOODNESS. OVERLOOK HER MISTAKES. AND TREAT HER AS GOOD AS YOU CAN.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

If your values have changed from hers then middle ground will not be an easy challenge but not impossible. Just don’t assume you two will be besties or anything

CherryLove007 · Answer

YES and if you don't part ways with her... I have been there done that with my mother :( we are in a good space right now.

laraWM · Answer

I haven't talk to my mother in several years, so I know what you mean. If you wanted to improve then you should work on it

Masumgunahkar · Answer

Your mother always thinks what's best She never wants anything bad to happen to her. You're in the I-know-everything mode right now. When you grow up a little more, you will understand your mother better.

Shiprex · Answer

Once you both realise what's at stake you will probably get back on speaking terms

ironsteelbirade · Answer

Not always but this is mainly common among abused kids.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Yeah, you'll grow up and mature. Then you'll realise she's not wrong on everything

genericname85 · Answer

it most likely will improve massively once you moved out and lived a few years by yourself.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

It will, but may take a while until your more independent and she can appreciate you as an adult and not just her little girl

Sinanpy · Answer

Because you're growing up now, and because you're growing up, all your opinions clash with your mother's.

RRT_7511 · Answer

Tbh it depends on what you two disagree on about. If it’s nothing huge it will get better especially if you two don’t share the same house

888theGreat · Answer

You are 18 and going through "I know it all " phase in life. You will pass through that phase and will be ok with mom.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Has something happened to cause this rift?

Jeff51 · Answer

You 2 should be working on that.

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