How do I handle my mother‑in‑law’s body and food comments while pregnant?

Question

I just need to vent and get your opinion on something because I feel like I’m going a bit mad trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or not.

So me and my mother in law have always been really close. Like genuinely, she’s treated me as one of her own since day one. She’s been there for me and my husband a lot, and she does have a lot going on in her life , she cares for vulnerable family members and runs a charity, so I do have a lot of respect for her and I don’t like speaking badly about her. That’s why this whole thing feels a bit complicated.

We spend quite a bit of time together, like going out for little “girl days” shopping and getting lunch, and on the surface it’s always nice. But there’s this ongoing thing that’s started to really get under my skin, and it’s mainly around food, my weight, and just little comments she makes.

She and my sister-in-law have this weird habit when we go out where they’ll order the tiniest thing, barely eat it, and then go on about how “full” they are, like they couldn’t possibly eat anything else all day. It honestly feels performative, like they want to come across a certain way, and I just find it a bit ridiculous. I’m the complete opposite, I love food, I eat properly, and I’m not ashamed of that at all. As long as I’m healthy and eating normally, I don’t see why it’s an issue.

But she constantly makes little comments about it. Things like “I love that you have such a healthy appetite” or “I wish I could eat like that,” which sound nice but don’t feel nice. They feel like backhanded compliments. She’s even straight up called me “piggy” before, which I laughed off at the time and joked back, but when I think about it, it’s actually quite rude.

Now that I’m pregnant, it’s got worse. I’m 6 months along, so obviously I’m eating more and my body is changing completely normal. But she keeps making comments like “you barely look like you’ve put on weight” and then in the same breath “you look massive.” It’s really confusing

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I'd be straight up about the comments saying you don't appreciate them and wish she would stop. If she says they mean nothing, tell her it sounds invasive an inappropriate to comment on anyone's body, especially while they're pregnant, and you don't care to hear such comments, now or in the future.

Don't wait until this occurs again. Get it off your chest now, and I'd do it when I was on my way out to put a tough "period" on your comment. You may have to remind your in-law in the future. But any time she does it again, bring up that you've told her you don't want or need such personal comments and they damage your relationship.

Your in-law doesn't have firm boundaries. It's time you impose them. Good luck.

MissSunshine2 · Accepted Answer

Point out gently but firmly that her comments are hurting your feelings and that you'd like her to stop saying them.

1WildBeatlejuice · Accepted Answer

Maybe say something along the lines of I feel sorry for all those people who have to diet and worry about everything they eat they end up wearing like another body on top of them sing that song hungry hungry hippo 😂
I don’t understand why some people just can’t stop belittling or trying to or trying to put others down you have to eat for 2 and she being a woman and mother should know this and shouldn’t be saying anything to bring you down maybe bring up if they say anything about weight tell them that you don’t give a rats ass if you gain any weight during your pregnancy just as long as your baby comes out healthy and not malnourished from you not eating enough for 2

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Next time you eat out together, say to her. "How do you do it? You eat so little yet you're so fat." She will probably react negatively, and when she does, simply say " Now you know how I feel when you make food and fat comments about me." Then, go ahead and finish your delicious meal. Eat whatever you want.

People learn by example, and hopefully she will learn by this example.

Anonymous · Answer

are you just going to keep allowing her to talk to you like that? you laughing it off or not saying anything makes her feel like it's okay to talk to you like this and you're fine with it, you're fine with being talked down to like that. so shut her up. tell her like it is, tell her how you feel. don't sugar coat it, no time to spare feelings when she wasn't even thinking about your feelings at all. also, where is your husband in all of this? ? he shouldn't be letting his mother talk to his wife like that...

lightbulb27 · Answer

I'd just be honest and happy that "I like food, I love eating, so shush".

in reality she is projecting onto you that she can't eat like that anymore.

and you'll have your day when you cannot, so enjoy your days eating. if you are able to flip that into empathy for her, all the better, although she's probably one of those "up beat" positive gals, they always have a soft vulnerable side they are hiding.

ABitShattered · Answer

I mean your body is doing something wonderful and amazing, just carry it with confidence. You're not lesser for doing one of the most natural things to humankind

Jersey2 · Answer

First you have to be honest with yourself and see of what she is getting at is true. If it is, do you care enough to change it or does she at least have a point and you choose to ignore it. Once you get clarity, ypu will be able to decide how you wish to react or not react in the future. This puts you on firm ground and then it will be easier to deal with whether you want to confront her, ignore her pr do something about it of needed.

OneViewpoint · Answer

As @screenwriter said, tell mom to back the fuck off. People who don’t respect boundaries need a little help sometimes. Either act like an adult or the matriarch will treat you like a child.

molonski2 · Answer

OMG , she sounds a mirror image of my mother

I don't know the answer. , my mother did all that stuff and was so similar.

Good luck with your pending birth. Try and ignore her ( easy to say. Hard to do )

RingOfFire · Answer

You should talk with her and tell her what is bothering you. You can ask her what she is thinking that makes her say those things and tell her that you like her very much but don't understand why she makes those comments.

Massageman · Answer

Establish personal boundaries, even if she doesn't have them. The Book "Boundaries" by McCloud and Townsend is a good place to start.

MrChinaski · Answer

If your doctor says you are healthy, you are healthy. Don't sweat the in-laws. You have far more important things to do.

Anonymous · Answer

its hilarious you named yourself miss piggy... no offense... but cool joke

AngryCarl3 · Answer

Passive-aggressive. She secretly hates you (as all Mother-in-Laws do).

Guanfei · Answer

Don't care. Let her be petty. At some point she'll push it a bit too far and your husband will step in, while you won't look like the villain

How do I handle my mother‑in‑law’s body and food comments while pregnant?

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