Why does he still talk to me?

[Anonymous]

I was seeing this guy for a while. We weren't officially dating or anything because of distance but we were very close (close enough to have sex, and for the record, he was my first) and we had been friends for a very, very long time. We were planning on trying to make something work out sometime in the future so we could actually date. Then, all of the sudden, he ended the romantic side of our friendship. We had hit a rough patch but I really wanted to work through it and he made it seem like he wanted to also, until he suggested that we just stay friends. We're still friends, I guess you could say - we still speak sometimes. All of this happened about four months ago and he is in another relationship now. The thing is, he initiates the vast majority of the contact. Every once in a while I'll text him or something but most of the time, he contacts me. Also, we both have Twitter and while I use my account pretty much every day, he almost never actually tweets but still tweets @replies to me sometimes. Keep in mind that he only follows two or three people on there, and I seem to be the only one he ever sends @replies or anything like that to. When he ended the romantic side, he asked me to always be his "best friend" and not to hate him. But why would he contact me so much even though I barely ever initiate any contact? I don't mind the contact at all, because truth be told, I'm not over him at all and I'm still in love with the guy - but I find myself wondering why he still talks to me, even though I barely contact him. Can any guys (or girls) give me insight?

[heatherlu]

I was in a similar kind of situation not so long ago. They guy was literally my best friend, you know, the kind of person I could talk to about anything, and someone I knew I'd always love, but never really be in love with (kind of sucks, and wish I could be - but yeah). We had our first time together - basically because we wanted it to be with one another - and after that a sexual relationship ensued, but as far as I was concerned we were never in a 'real' relationship; we were just best friends who got together every now and then.

Problem was he was more into me, in ways I couldn't be to him, so we stopped; and for a while there wasn't much contact between us at all, it just fizzled between us and was a bit awkward. But when it came down to it - I loved him - in a completely platonic way, and I missed his company. I guess he did so mine to seen as he always responded and now were far more comfortable together, it's almost like it didn't happen. Not that I regret it, or don't ya know, love that we've shared that, but it hasn't changed our relationship in the long term.

My guess is, if he's the one initiating the conversation, he does, genuinely want to be your friend still, and feels comfortable enough with you not to let the past the two of you share to disrupt that. I think any feelings you're holding on for him should definitely be put on the back burner and remember that you were initially close friends, and that's the way he still sees the two of you; and if you're friends he'll initiate the conversation and want you in his life.

[musicgirl1189]

Maybe because you agreed to stay friends when the romantic feelings stopped? If you had said something along the lines of "no, this isn't going to work out" (in regards to you two just being friends), then he would know how you really feel and the relationship would've done what it had to from there.

If he is in a relationship now, and if he really likes this girl, there isn't anything you can do about it. Don't be a boyfriend stealer.

Based on what you've said, I think he thinks you still want to be friends and that you're OK with that. If you don't think you can just be friends with him, you need to let him know (keep in mind, this probably won't change his feelings for you) and then if it's not going to work out, maybe phase out of being so close to him. Maybe don't respond right away to all his texts, don't text him as much (not that you do much anyway), and start hanging out more with other people, to make some closer friends, and make it easier.