How can a guy lose interest in you so fast? Should I call or just forget him?

[Anonymous]

Well, I have only known this guy for a 2 weeks. And we really connected and had a lot in common and laughed a lot. I don't get it. Everything was going so well. He kept telling me how much he liked me...then he just stopped calling , texting and responding to me. I haven't heard from him since last Friday. I guess he just doesn't like me anymore? should I just wait for him to call or should I call? I haven't called because I feel if a guy is interested he'll call or text.

Updates

+1 y

I erased his name and number out of my phone. I'm Done. Like a said, when a guy is interested...he makes it known.

[centerforjoy]

Yep, just forget him. Live your life, and if he calls later and tells you he was going through something, I'd be more cautious about moving forward, slower.

He could just be a player. Often the most charasmatic and charming people who you think you "connect" with, instead have some kind of narcissistic personality disorder or who knows what. But don't believe everything you see in a guy till you see his bad side - everybody has one- communication skills(can he work things out with you or does he just get defensive?RED flag)

I know someone where the guys often lost interest fast becasue she was the one calling and texting the guy first all the time. They had no chase, that classic need for hunting (as corny as it sounds) so it was a turn off. She looked desperate just from that. I do not know if that is the case for you but hopefully I've helped a little.

Oh also, guys easily get turned off by girls who have no other life than him. They often think its a little pathetic if there is no ambition, no involvement in outside life, if she has no other world than him. THIS is very common for girls, for a lot of reasons which I won't take the time to go into. BUT if you'd like to change your life a little or just need a distraction from this guy who left you hanging, here's some GOOD reading:

Honestly, Every guy girl young or old should read these.

First - the psychological pillar upon which all other things are based. ready? "How to Raise Your Self Esteem" by Nathanial Branden. its important.

Second - Loving Him Without Losing You (ok this one, not so much for the gents)

Third - Is it Love or Is It Addiction (forgot who its by) third edition

Last - The How of Happiness - by Sonja Lyubomirsky - she was given 1 million dollar grant to research happiness, and its findings are fascinating. It tailors a plan to you by the quizes you take and ya there's a lot more to it but its quite amazing.

Good Luck Darlin.

[Asker]

I don't make myself easily available. It's like every time we communicate it's on some sexual note. I'm not trying to be his woman but I'm not trying to be JUST a booty call. I'm done and moved on. too many fish in the sea.

[Lolo1720]

That is true that if a man is really into you, he will move heaven and earth to see you. He could have some issue that you aren't aware of or he could've lost the attraction for you. Not necessarliy physical, but you could've pushed him away from being too available, too easy to get for him. Men will be inspired to chase you IF they know that your life is so full and he would be lucky to be a part of it. If he gets the vibe that you're making him the center of your world, unconcisously his attraction for you will diminish and he won't feel compelled to "get" you. I'm not saying it's anything you said or did, just a vibe he picked up on. Believe it or not, men are sensitive and can feel a woman's vibe! That's why it's important to BE hard to get, not PLAY hard to get. Fill your life up with things that make you happy and you will be irresistible to him. If/when he contacts you again, just play it cool, act like you've been busy and just say, "it feels good to hear from you." Don't expect any explanation. If he keeps it up, then move onto to a man who gives you the attention you deserve!

[Asker]

Thank you:-) Very insightful. But I don't really make myself available to him. Everytime he asks if I can come visit, there's a reason why I can't. He stays an hour away. If he doesn't call, I don't. I rarely text him first. If I haven't heard from him in like a week, I may send a text. He wants me sexually very bad but he seems too lazy to make an effort. So now I'm wondering if there's another chick in the picture. I truly believe his main goal is to have sex. Not that I mind, but damn...

[Asker]

he needs to give me more conversation than "when can we have sex?" Dudes have to go through an interviewing process before they have sex with me. lol. I need some back ground information! Not about to be jumping in the bed fast.

[Cloud9]

Guys do call when they are interested. This guy is probably just bored and looking for a challenge, looking for the girl who thinks she's too good for him. The kind of girl who is too busy/ important to return a text most of the time. If I were you I would ignore him right back. You have to really believe men were just put on this earth to open doors for you, pull out your chair, serve you, and kiss your feet. Even though deep down inside you absolutely adore them and would do anything for them.

[DoggyDude]

Follow that advice and you will get a guy alright, just a question of wether you will still want that guy in five years time. If someone is really not interested they never will be. You can play emotional games to make them feel they might be interested, you can even trick and fool someone, but in the long run those games just become the reason they will leave or will leave or worse lead to a loveless marriage.

Just be yourselves and live life the way that makes you proud to be you.

[Asker]

@doggydude...you and cloud9 are on point...for real. I peep this guys motive though. He wants sex. I've never had a friends with benefits relationship, so I was curious. But damn...what makes him think he can put little to no effort into getting laid...and will still get laid?! Wow. wrong chick.

[DoggyDude]

I don't know what will come from your situation but I can tell you about an experience I had.

I met a really sexy, attractive girl on my train route. We got on really great and got close very quickly (we had much in common it seemed). After the 4th day, I had decided to give her my mobile number and arrange a date (seemed like I could not miss keeping in touch), thinking about it at work all day! I got on the train and was just planning / waiting for the right moment as we talked...

but... as we taked, after about 5 minutes I not only had lost ALL interest but was actively glad I'd not given her my number earlier! She was no less sexy, no less attractive but just something about who she was and they way she lived her life had put me off completely.

I completely lost interest in her (excepting in the purely sexual sense which is not what I like to base a relationship on), as I lost interest, she seemed to talk faster and faster and the more she talked the worse she made things!

So, its possible for a guy to lose interest in the space of 5 minuets, even if he's into you. Especially at our age when we really know what we want in life and what we are looking for.

[Asker]

Well, we went out on a date and he called me to tell me how much he enjoyed it.he was so excited about me to coming to visit him so he could introduce me to his roomates but I didn't feel comfortable because they're all guys. He's younger too. 23

[Asker]

Thanks everyone. I think I have officially given up on men though...just not working out for me.

[DoggyDude]

Don't give up on men. When you meet the right one, it will be impossible for him to lose interest.

Also, this guy might just be playing it cool.

[Asker]

Playing it cool?then this dude is cold. We had a lot in common and shared similar interest....made each other laugh all the time...I'm just discouraged.

[DoggyDude]

Whenever you meet someone new, the first thing we do as humans is look for what we have in common and shared. When we find that bond, then we look for what's different and undesirable.

As a general rule, an older guy and a younger woman/girl work much better. Guys generlaly mature much much slower than girls.

Don't give up :).

[Asker]

But we weren't trying to be exclusive. See he never been with a black woman. And really wants to. So I asked him was he looking to experiment with a black woman and then move on or was he looking for a FWB. He said a FWB. And since I'm not looking to be in a commited relationship...i didn't mind. But I wasn't ready to jump in the bed with the dude.

[DoggyDude]

Sorry, I don't think I can offer any proper advice for that. For me a sexual relationship is exclusive or its not a relationship (therefore I cannot personally understand your position to offer sensible advice).

[Memoryfalls]

"Don't give up on men. When you meet the right one, it will be impossible for him to lose interest." - very well said!

[Asker]

Ok, so why is it when a woman says " f it!" the guy decides to pop back up on the scene? So he sent me a horny text today saying he was in need of my body. I haven't responded because I'm feeling a little baffled. I'm sure the answer is right in my face but I'm over here feeling dumb and dumber. So I guess he didn't loose interest. So my other assumption is....was he with a chick? But if he was with a chick why is he so horny? See, this is why I don't mess with young dudes. Too many games.

[DoggyDude]

Its probably not a game. Its just a young man being a man. He probably doesn't think anything of being out of touch then calling up for a "booty call" *shrugs* not my world but I know of such men as work colleges. It does sound as though his interest is manily (possibly purely) sexual though.

[JerseyGirl]

Quote of the week!!

"Don't give up on men. When you meet the right one, it will be impossible for him to lose interest."

LOVE IT! :)

[Middleman]

Apart from thinking he is being interested in you, it is also possible that he's playing you. Some men can do this...they come up unexpectedly and say they like you, call you up once and then leave you altogether. Depending on how long they treat you this way (days/weeks rather than months, because longer ones tend to be genuine relationships), it is a way for some of them to make you feel attracted and think of them.

The other idea why he hasn't called could possibly be that he is actually with someone already and was just playing around with you for a little.

Put it this way, if the guy hasn't got a girlfriend already, he'll more than likely call you right away and ask for a date. Why else wouldn't he call you? If he is as interested in you as you say he was?

[Asker]

We already went on a date. After the date he kept asking me to come visit him and asking if he could visit me. But I didn't feel comfortable visiting him because there's a house full of men there and I didn't have him come to my house because I don't bring guys over until I get to know them(I have children). even though he's not going to meet my children I still try to play it safe. We didn't even have sex, I told him I wasn't ready for that. but sex is always on his mind.

[Middleman]

I see. Well if that's the case the question that springs to mind is....did you tell him you had children before or during your date? It's quite possible that he was a little put off if you were a single parent.

Either way, I think it has revealed what this guy's true motives are. Truthfully I'd be very wary of this guy (even though he is talkative). If someone is seriously looking to commit to a relationship, sex should be the last thing on their mind and not the first.

[Asker]

I told him I had children before our date. I was very upfront with him. the other day I sent him a text telling him that I felt like he is loosing interest and that I feel foolish reaching out to someone who is not really responding, and I don't want to feel that way so take care. He then responded that, that wasn't the case he just wanted me to come visit him. So I asked "so you ignore me?" and then he says that he will try try to pay more attention to me and not do it again.

[DJKlaasJan]

LOL he obviously read too much into it, he thought you were playing the game where you test if he's clingy and things like that. This boy fancied you but he didn't want to seem desperate because of all the rules the girls make and boys have to follow. Its the 21st century, you should've called him if you wanted to show him you like him too. He was definitely wondering why you never initiate contact with him. So don't over think things next time and look at it from a boy's point of view before you make a decision. GIRLS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE ALL THOSE SILLY RULES THAT BOYS "HAVE" TO FOLLOW.

[Asker]

If you noticed I said he stopped responding. I reached out to him. no silly rules. If I keep reaching out and a guy doesn't reach back, why would I waste my time?

[DJKlaasJan]

oh OK well then in that case forget him he wasn't worth your time in the first place

[ap1100]

It's likely he's playing a game or has found another woman he likes better. I encounter this more than I'd like to. In my case, the girls often dfo turn up with a second call or text, but they've found their new boyfriend and it's not me. That's the reality of today's culture of dating as many people as you can at once. Either way, try sending him a text or calling him once, because if it's only been a few days, he may have gotten busy (you get busy, don't you?) Yes, its unlikely he is that interested if he didn't call right away, but you never know, and you at least could get some feedback.

[MandMandM]

If you want the guy you should make some of the running. If he has lost interest he'll let you know. If he wants you but is shy, you getting in touch encourages him to keep going. If you feel you are too special to make any effort, he's probably better off without you.

[Asker]

have you ever liked someone and got the feeling they weren't that into you? well, I've come to the conclusion that's his case. I have reached out with nothing back in return so I'm done. I don't chase guys. I move on.

[MandMandM]

> have you ever liked someone and got the feeling they weren't that into you?

Not for ages. It is more efficient to confront now and know for sure if she's shy but keen, hadn't thought of me but might, or never would. It does risk rejection, but that's better than weeks or months of wondering.

> I have reached out with nothing back... I don't chase guys. I move on.

Fine if he's not that special to you. If he is, I'd make it obvious because we guys can be very slow to read the signs.

[TemperMcAngrypants]

Who do you think you are ? If you are that interested in him, why didn't you try to at least find out what's going on? Maybe he had an accident, maybe someone close to him is really sick/needs care? Clearly you must think you're something so super special, that everyone should have to chase you. There's a reason why you are 30 and single. It's called "unrealistic expectations".

[Asker]

first of all angry pants he's treating me the way you think I'm treating him. I have asked him and he just ignores me for days and then when he finally responds its something sexual. it's not a two way street. I let a guy know I'm interested but I'm not going to kiss his ass. I don't have unrealistic expectations...expecting a man to be respectful and decent, and sincere is not hard for a man to obtain. he's just not that into me because I'm not moving fast enough for him sexually. ...

[Memoryfalls]

Forget about him or do you want a boyfriend that doesn't answer your txts?

Only exception to this is, if you feel there has been a misunderstanding (like you said something that could be taken the wrong way), then you should try to contact him, but overall I think he just hasn't the guts to tell you that he's not interested or that he has something else going on.

[Asker]

Amen to that sister. He finally contacted me. whateverrr. See now I feel like one of those girls who are about to stop caring about mens feelings and just take what I can get from them because I don't feel like any guy out here will genuinely care for me. I know that, that is not the right approach..and I'm really not that kind of person on the inside...I'm just tired of my kindness being taken for granted.

[Memoryfalls]

Not every guy is like that, but it's OK not to get your hopes up to high, but it also can spoil the excitement and the fun of dating. =P So next time you can try not to get too involved in the beginning and first get to know the guy and see what he's really after. If he's really into you, he won't mind it if you play it cool. If he's a player he'll soon get off the dating train. Just keep in mind that there are guys out there that are looking just for a girl like you...hope one pops up soon =

[Asker]

Thank you:-)

[Ramalama]

He's just not that into you. Why would he stop calling someone who's compatible with him? 'Cause he didn't think you were compatible for whatever reason, in the first place. Him dropping off the face of the earth says so much anyway. He hates confrontation, hurting people's feelings, and would rather not take responsibility for the way he made/is making you feel... so really, you're not missing out on much.

[flower1000]

mm sound right but I would tex him asking what's wrong see what happens if he doesn't respond do NOT tex him or call him again even if he has gone off you he should say I don't think this is right I wish you well by so do what you feel is right if you decide not to casll you must totaly forget hm :) plenty more fish in the seaa

[CerneAbbasGiant]

It sounds as if this particular guy is VERY popular with the ladies. That's why he's being flakey. He tells every attractive woman he meets that he really likes them.

[Tamikaze]

Yes, people can lose interest quickly, especially when you have not known each other long. I agree with not texting him. Not that I wouldn't want closure but it is the rare person who is comfortable enough to tell you what happened to begin with.

[Tamikaze]

Oh, and I see you had a great date. Sadly, yes, even after a great date, even after a guy calls to tell you it was great, they can lose interest. Sometimes we are trying to fight our instincts or what others are telling us and when we get a little time for clarity, we can realize that we really are not in to someone enough to keep dating.

[laxjul22]

You are right... Bottom line- Guys must chase girls in order for the relationship to work. Some thing are just human nature. Don't even think about him and move on to the next. Once you pull your energy away from him, watch how fast he contacts you.

[SportyGirlA]

Well it hasn'tbeen too long so just shoot him another text messagee. If he doesn't respond then wait a day and then call him. If he picks joke around saying something like "And here I thought you fell off the planet or something. I was bored and wanted to say hey" or something like that.

If he doesn't respond to the call don't leave a voicemail, instead you just have to wait it out. If he doesn't respond at all there's two options 1 He DID fall off the planet or 2 He may have lost interest.

Remember there's only so much you can do to get him to contact you, if he wants to keep you hanging on his every text then you don't need to be around someone like that anyways.

Good luck!

[Asker]

oops I accidently pushed the arrow, so just to let you know I don't disagree with this answer.

[Soccergirl27]

this exact thing happened to me and I'm telling you just get over it. He's probably just insecure and has low self esteem. don't bother with him

[girloncue]

he found something better or decided he wasn't ready.

[Asker]

He just wanted sex and I wasn't giving it up that easy.

[girloncue]

Ahh...well that's why then. men are like that

[Asker]

Yea at the time I didn't realize it lol

[cutekid]

Maybe he didn't get what he was lukn 4,.a guy probably won't loose interest in a girl so fast,.maybe he z a jerk..

[snex450]

I know how your feeling hun,it's difficult for me cos he lives just round the corner..i like him a lot but recently things have been quiet..until Christmas eve when he text me early hours on the morning,why do they do that is what I question?

[Asker]

booty call! he'll do the same thing to me. he won't call for weeks and then out of the blue he's texting me something freaky. dooooooooooooone.

[Arwens-Fire]

Nope! Don't contact him...NEXT!

[Asker]

thank you! NEXT!

[Kathisfunny]

player move.