I am a divorcée who is often out with her children. I get "hit on" quite a bit. When I say hit on I mean men attempting to or making prolonged eye contact with me then staring to see if I'll respond.
Some of them do pique my interest and I'm not afraid to reciprocate BUT I've been apprehensive because I think these are probably men looking for an affair since most people assume a woman with kids is married or in a relationship.
I mean I get the same type of timid approaches when I am without my kids also so I don't know.
Sometimes, it's men who have seen me with and without my children and they are still super curious and making it clear they are interested even subtly.
Am I wrong in thinking they all have nefarious intentions or shoud I reciprocate if I'm interested?
Guys who ogle a woman with kids have bad intentions
They are just regular guys who want to know more
Probably married dudes looking for an affair with a married woman
Just dudes looking
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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+1 y
@PinkMichae don't argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. I had my last child at 33. It isn't only the woman. Men's sperm gets old too. I am. perrectly fertile and I doubt Inwould have complications if I were tonhave more kids. I just hate being nauseuous for 6 mo ths since I get "morning sickeness" really bad. Any ignore this individual.
Are guys who signal interest in a woman whilst she is with her kids to be avoided or no?
As a person that identifies as a guy I can tell you some guys such as myself actually stare at people out of what is called as "human nature." Basically, I might stare at someone because let's say I'm going out in a public setting and I'm on a walk and then I take a seat on a nearby bench to take a breather for a moment and relax and then someone happens to pass by or is sitting on the same bench or on another bench nearby but usually I don't notice that until I sit down and then in my bead once I see someone I'm like "oh cool another human I'm gonna try to be myself and just be non verbally friendly (smiles and nods then looks away)" I can definitely understand why some people may think if a guy stares at you they are interested but me personally if I stare at you that doesn't tell me anything about your personality and that's what I'm mainly interested in regardless of your gender.
@coulis. Just because someone checks you out , it doesn’t mean he is interested in a relationship. He may very well just be checking you out. But if he’s trying hard to hold the gaze , then it may mean that he is interested in having something with you whether it’s sex or a relationship. You would need to be cautious though because there aren’t many guys in their 20-30s that are interested in a woman with kids
@coulis. There are some guys out there who would date a 37 yr old woman without kids. But if you’re a single mom with kids , It may make a lot of guys hesitant unless they are older gentlemen , which may be more sympathetic
@Arabella_Rose no dating is not in my radar. The question is more to do with the horrible things that are said about single mothers with kids. I'm not gunning for guys younger than me. I just have always attracted men in the 25-30 age group when I was younger and now that I'm pushing 40. I am wary because all you hear are older single mothers bejng perceived as the desperate, irresponsible, entitled, past my prime overall undesirable and that tiu should be lucky to have some bottom feeder as a partner. (This isn't true nor do I believe it.)
So you say to yourself, if this is what people think then what good intention could a younger single man have towards someone in my situation. So I am wary.
I don't look my age so older dudes have this whole "o my daughter" type demeanour with me. It's all good though. Hahaha.
Oh I see. I can only say from my personal experience I have never tried to force an eye connection or maintain an eye connection with someone else on purpose because I was interested in them or because I was attempting to signal interest. Me personally I prefer to just be upfront and let them know with words once I understand their personality. Going back to your original question if this should be avoided, it's a matter of personal opinion. How do you feel when someone blatantly attempts to keep eye contact with you? Do you think it is possible for someone to accidentally maintain eye contact due to human nature or are you only referring to blatant eye contact? If you don't like people staring at you you can always walk to a different place or choose a different path or you can choose to walk at a specific time of day when you know you can have a friend walk with you that can look out for you.
I didn't mean this to be offensive but marrying a single mom has a lot of implications. In his eyes, if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, it would also mean that he will be spending his own hard earned money to raise kids that are not his. Understand that this is not something that most young guys are not willing to take on. Most young guys still have their entire lives ahead of them and will very much prefer to have and raise their own kids.
I'm NOT saying that no guys won't date single moms. But such guys who would take on the responsibility of raising kids that aren't their own, tend to be more predominantly located in the older population.
@coulis Just because a guy checked you out, it doesn't mean that he is a pervert and just wants to use you for sex. Just because you're a single mom, it doesn't mean that there's absolutely no chance that you can find a boyfriend. Its just harder and takes extra work.
If you're interested, reciprocate if you want to. In my opinion your children don't make a difference. First, especially these days, I never assume she's married or with someone. There's so many single mothers out there. To me that's 50/50. Seconds, the guys that are showing interest, again, 50/50. They could be any type of guy that would approach you if your children weren't with you. Some might be married (for those types), or might be "regular" single guys? Bottom line, I don't think your children changes anything. You have to get to know the guy and find out these things. Can't make assumptions or judgments.
Depends what you want to expose your kids to. I became a single mom at your age. I gave all my attention to my kids when out and about. I also don’t want my kids to get to know “strangers” from the street.
I took time to get to know the guy who is serious about me. Know that I have kids and committed to be with me and my kids... at that point, I introduced my kids to him.
depends what you want. It’s not hard to meet people. Harder to meet the right man who is at the same level.
I don't really have any idea. But men look. It's so common. I don't think it's necessary to draw more conclusions from it... unless they come over and talk to you.
Being "hit on" is not being looked at. It's more active than that. I think they might just be looky-loos who are looking around randomly, or like the way you like, but they don't have intention of doing something about it.
I'm not in the West so here that is. Basically one person throws out eye contact, the other person responds and soet of lingers around. Then they subtly inch towards each other on purpose by accident. Open hitting on is not acceptable. So that's why I detaoled it in the question.
I don’t see why it’s not acceptable open hitting on and how you’re going to hit on them in that case. But I do the same thing I think it’s bad to just walk up and talk to girls, especially now a days very threatening for the males. But if she is not responding to eye contact no point. I think guys that go up to and hit on girls are losers. But that’s just me and I’m alone
@dillbill561 I am not in the West and in this society it isn't acceptable to try to get a woman's number in the street.
There's a difference between hitting on a woman and approaching a woman.
Basically, how people do itnhere is low key stalk the pwrson so they get the hint. This is by either frequenting the area they see them more often and passing looks for a bit to really get the pint across.
Then they will ask a thord party about the man/woman of interest. Then it will get back to the person and then the girl will send her brother or someone to checknout the guy strike up a convo etc and vet him basically to see if he's serious or wants to just play around.
Too often, women become SO DEEPLY ensconced in their maternal roles that they lose sight of their innate beauty!
I married a mid-life divorcee, whom was so mindset, it took a trip to the 'Glamour Shots' portrait studios to provide her with an unbiased perspective of HOW the world COULD view her. She'd found that with a little 'polishing' she "tarted up" quite nicely! <3
It MAY seem superficial, but it certainly put a more confident bounce in her step for her to be consciously AWARE she could... and DID still have that male response! "Poor me" became "Yes I do; but, NOT with You" ;)
I do agree with the poll I voted on... They are just regular guys who want to know more sometimes I look at females who have kids and they appear to be single due to divorce or widow but I do stay away from girls who are separated cause your just getting someone else who is likely to go back to their ex
for me it how they act with the kids tell me if they be a awesome girlfriend if they kind and nice but if they yell at the kid the whole time i wouldn't ask her for her number but i dont feel okay on hit on someone mom in fornt of them right out of the door so i usually say hey and wait until next time we run into each other and it just her then i charm the shit out of her lol
Ah I see. I didn't think that men paid attention to that. I have a lot of fun with my kids and I really enjoy going out with them. I don't really know how that is perceived.
I met a guy who seemed to use this strategy but he just wanted to get me into bed so yeah. Going with the ignoring/pretending I don't see because I'm feeling very disrespected lately.
i'm sorry he sounds lames , will u sound awesome to me i understand the feeling i had take take of my nephews for couple of years so i understand someone think they can use u for a one night stand bc ur a mom or dad, hey it go be okay how u holding up today? ur welcome to message anytime if u ever need someone to chat with
That's so nice. I'm cool though. It's better than no one wanting to sleep with me I guess.
Oh man, boys take a lot of energy. But yourea goos uncle for taking them on. I hope they are in a good place emotionally, spiritually and physically. I hope you get good things coming your way for that.
that not true u sound like a super hottie to me i would so ask for ur number but im kind hopeto find something more then one night stand thank u they good they mom try get her shit together and they get to see her but I don't know if anyone truly get off the drugs. how u feeling? it okay to tell me i promise cry dont scary me off lol
When a guy sees you walking, of course he's thinking of sexual things if he's attracted to you. He doesn't know anything else about you. It's not because he wants to buy your car or trade hair styling tips.
There's different degrees to it. One guy might be thinking of LOTS of sexual things. Another guy might be thinking of very little (no pun intended). But it's all back to why would he be interested in you? Sexual attraction.
A guy with real confidence who wants more than sex isn't going to be interested in you tho.
The other problem for you is let's say a guy approaches you and genuinely seems not interested in you sexually. Okay... he could be pedo.
You must tick all the boxes, beautiful, beautiful kids, happy etc and they want to be part of it. Not all men want to marry a girl who wants kids, rather a woman who has is more appealing. She might even have her own house so he doesn't need to worry shell steal his house through an awful divorce settlement.
Id love to see a picture of you with your kids just to get an idea of what they see haha, if you are uncomfortable about that fair enough but I've never been married or had a long-term relationship and would like to know if I'd prefer a woman like you or a girl wanting to start a family.
Like with anything study their character then soberly weigh the pros and cons. If the pros are worth putting up with cons then why be alone and unhappy?
I get where you're coming from. I had a friend who even while friggin' pregnant and obviously so with a fat shiny ring on her hand, would get hit on. You definitely have to put some guards up for your kids sake and for your heart, but if you are interested back, maybe if it even gets that far, you can give them your number and see if it goes anywhere. Anyone serious will make the effort and anyone just looking, well, they're just looking and not much you can do about that.
Yes, YOU get it. In her case, those guys were obviously looking to see if they could realise the sick fantasy penetrating a woman who is carrying another man's progeny.
I have some walls up at the moment because I am more concerned with my kids at the moment and it isn't the time to incorporate someone new into the mix. I don't think it's healthiest in the long run to stay alone if there is a decent man that I like who is available for committment.
There's looking and there is signalling. I guess there's nituing wrong with showing interest back. There are so many liars out there that like to bait and switch and play mind games.
Personally, I would be more interested at that time on the behavior of the children than the woman. Then I would decide if I was interested in finding out more about the lady. Not all men would need to be avoided, but that is the million dollar question as to which ones!
@Jlegacy In more communal societies people exploit their vast social networks where third parties help get people together. Or if someone is a familiar stranger, they will ask around about the persin if interest and then if it gets back to them then people will hep them get together.
Direct approaches are always very subtle and slipping a phone number is a bit daring.
"most people assume a woman with kids is married or in a relationship." That was truer in my generation, and less true today. I expect it will get less truer still. Lots of women have kids who are single.
If it's done subtly, I dont think there's an issue.
A few years ago, in the one and only foray into dating since my wife's death, the woman I was dating kinda took her own granddaughter on one of our "dates." We went to the park with her. To my surprise, this woman began kissing me in front of her granddaughter. Not a full on make out, but it wasn't a quick peck either. Honestly I was surprised and it seemed vaguely weird. Any rate, at some point the granddaughter kinda wanted to feel the love too. She climbed up on my lap (she was two at the time), put her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. The woman I was dating playfully teased, "Should I be jealous?" We both laughed. And then the little girl hugged us both. She's always been touchy feely and very affectionate... like her grandmother.
by the way, it didn't work out between me and that woman, though we remain friends. I still see her granddaughter from time to time. I'm assured she's an adoring fan of mine. The last time I saw her, as I carried her on my shoulders, she joyfully exclaimed, "If you never met grandma, I wouldn't be this happy!"
It is an area now well covered by... let's say popular wisdom,
The way I know it (from my own thinking and men who have told me how they see it) - women with children typically arouse interest of guys who are a lot more after sex than any level of additional commitment beyond it.
You can understand that since no sane guy wants to be raising someone else's children (no, it does not exist, that level of being 'nice' - he will either be a sexual deviant and thus accepting of it, or be doing it for... profit, if you are well off).
If you are after satisfying your sexual urges, I guess it could be good (enough) - otherwise, I believe only someone who also has children and is divorced would be looking to get serious with you (same problems/issues thus a kindred spirit).
Whether they are looking to cheat with someone/an affair with someone who has a husband - I cannot grasp that/I find it utterly deplorable (to the level my gut wrenches over such ideas).
Obviously if they're unattractive. Why would you avoid someone you're attracted to? Seems like a lot of information for such a simple question. You sound like a very complicated woman, Godspeed
Get a dog if you're not gonna trust anyone around your kids in public. Wait until theyre adults to start dating if you have trust issues or therapy. How is he supposed to even know you're their mom? Nannies, aunts, and god parents do exist
Either you like the guy or not. You can't tell if you can trust a guy you like if you haven't interacted with him. Seems like you're argument is in bad faith because you're not giving him the chance to talk if he is interested and there's just fear on your table
I can quite accurately tell if someone is a single mom. I mean I was raised by one. It's a very intuitive skill, so I couldn't explain what's the difference but it is there, so others might know as well.
To me being single means the opposite when you're not desperate so you don't put up with shit that is over the tolerable limits and it results being single. I actually think that the term os desperate is invented by people in relationship who put up with lot of stuff. My uncle forexample was always telling me that in a relationship men has to be men dominant and controlling tell them bitches where's their place, while he himself was talking to his girlfriend in a stereotypically gay tonality and agree on anything. Relationships are about lot of compromising, and I think only people who envy the freedom and independence of singles try to portray it in other ways. Having a preference of not being alone is okay.
I believe it's 35+ women that get pregnant is considered high risk already. Because our eggs are getting older and have a much higher chance of miscarriage or something going wrong during the pregnancy.
Most women at 35+ either are or were in a long term relationship or marriage as well. And if they wanted kids they likely have them by that age. But the key word here is most not all.
Shocked at all these late in game females posing as fresh just for they're single promiscuous behavoiur till they're almost not good for family raising and making all the young guys wait till you'all to old. I'm NOT speaking for myself , but other younger men waiting to raise family earlier in life than when everyone is practically over the hill.
@Djaay I forgot you have a problem with single ladies having a sex life. You bought into that theory that a woman who have sex while single can't be good at raising a family when she eventually finds her person. It's not true but hey.
You don't have to date them. So then what is the problem? There's plenty of men that don't have that same bias as you. So stop hating already. It's not going to change anything.
Plus I want to add the poster of this question didn't say anything that would lead a reasonable person to think she's promiscuous. Neither did the woman who made the comment. So please tell me what was said that leads you to believe their behavior is promiscuous?
@Djaay I don’t understand what you’re saying but a woman’s biological peak is from the early 20s until the late twenties. I hope to be done having kids by my late twenties!
@Djaay there is no such thing - you can have children as a female even at 50 Sex for entertainment is an issue though, both for the emotional pain one accumulates, and for the diseases The 'biological peak' only depends on your lifestyle
@ThatNoUVAtYourEyes Oh so doctors are crazy when they term a pregnancy in a woman over 35 as a geriatric pregnancy? Are you a fertility expert or doctor going around encouraging geriatric pregnacies? That’s pathetic. Just because people very rarely miraculously get pregnant after 40 it doesn’t mean it is medically advisable or right. It is biologically better for women to finish having children by 35.
I never stated that , the other woman implied that I felt that way , which incidently I was specifically speaking about the my distaste of whores Also I have 12 children already. So please try not to give me lessons on women and children. My accual point here is that a lot women today should be avoided at all cost.
@Sarahr123 well, irregular periods, if you leave them as such, would use up an egg only when meaningful reproduction can take place. Sex as sport and you run out. I am not the one dick hoping (or chasing sex for pleasure, science and work are more rewarding than whores.
@Sarahr123 as far as the nature goes, there isn't a limit. You think doctors are interested in more than profits of getting you onto the pill so you waste your eggs early?
You sound like the typical feminazi that considers even the slightest glance to be "stare-rape." You also seem to have a much higher opinion of your attractiveness than a woman of your age actually possesses. You nuked your marriage, rode the cock carousel and now you are a post-wall harridan inventing stories to convince yourself men are still attracted to you. Face it, sweetie, no guy under 60 is interested in you for any more than a pump and dump. And with your crotch-goblins in tow, they don't even want you for that.
I suspect it is a mixture of dudes with various intentions from evil to honorable. It's safest to avoid all of them and try to learn more about the ones that pique your interest on the Q. T.
okay- I think if I saw a woman that was attractive looking with her kids I might just try to be friendly just to see if she would be interested. I'm not the type to go through all that trouble just for a one night stand. Truthfully if you want to know, I am not sure I would be interested in dating somebody that had kids, especially toddlers.
Exactly, most men want nothing to do with it. Totally understandable. My mom fully broke up withbher boyfirend and said if it's meant to be when I was older then theybwould be together.
They are together now but I kean he would never have been able to handle raising a kid.
One of my kids is under 3 so I'm saying, what do you even want with me.
Some really young guys too so that's why I don't want to engage at all because what 25-30 year old signs up for that? I don't trust it.
Having kids is not for sissies, I have 3 of them. They take up the lions share of your life. I was lucky to have a great wife but I can imagine what it would be like if I had custody of my kids and had no spouse. I would probably be too busy to think about dating and I suspect that most women would run the other way once they were aware of my circumstances. However I am always the optimist and think that finding somebody interested in getting to know me would be difficult maybe but certainly not impossible.
i think it’s in your head. You’re obviously noticing this because you’re looking at them so they’re probably looking at you thinking why are you looking at them. People don’t really care, especially not about someone with kids on the streets
@Djaay exactly. I don’t get why she’s so fussed who’s looking at what instead of minding her business. It looks like she’s thirsty for attention because she isn’t getting any.
Sarahr123... Spot on !! 👌 I never hunt a woman , yet I've never been single in my adult life , except momentarily after my first wife passed. My point is tho , never look for some one , let them find interest in u first... both male or female. Good people are generally attracted to those who are busy being themselfs with an exceptional character and out going personality.
@Sarahr123 Apart from it being basic street smarts to be aware of who may be looking at you at you, it is scientifically proven that you can feel another's gaze on you even if you are not looking at them. I actually would like less attention. Take care.
You do realise that you’re not the only woman in the world? It’s obviously all in your head. What makes you think these men are interested in a woman nearing 40 who has kids? Most men these days aren’t even interested in attractive young single girls. They’re really not as desperate as you make out. There is no shortage of women in the world. Believe me, nobody cares as much as you think they do.
You’ve made a valid point. Most women with kids are usually married or in relationships.
But understand that sometimes guys just look , to check you out , it doesn’t necessarily mean they want a relationship with you. Understand that with all the baggage (kids ) that you have , many young guys likely won’t be interested in you. They may very well check you out or look at you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they want anything with you.
Probably want to know you but you are probably attractive if they are doing that often so who knows what they want exactly, every guy of course wants sex but the ones that want more you’ll never know until you talk to them
If you spend two minutes in Gag and all the single parent questions you start to think there couldn't possibly be any well-meaning individual who would be with a single mom. Also, we are vulnerable to a lot of men who view us as easy prey who are miserable with our kids and no man and are rather predatory. Just in a phase where you would rather lose the right one than risk letting in the wrong one. People are so devious.
Once again another perfect example of an overthinking woman. Based on ur concerns it sounds like u like to head straight to the sack when u meet a guy and don't plan on talking and getting to know him because pretty much all those concerns are questions I'd think people would ask during courtship.
I wouldn't say your judgment is wrong. Especially with all the sexual immorality these days. People watch porn and than they wanna be a home wrecker cause its sexy to them. I think your judgment is good. If i saw a woman with kids id think she is taken.
Depends where you are and what your situation is. Someone just "looking" is no indication of anything much.
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Anonymous
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+1 y
Why is it always assumed that if a man is interested in a single mom who is with her kids its bad? For that matter, why is it always assumed that if a man is a child care worker he has ill intentions? Massive double standard..
I agree with you. If you take a scroll through the responses, you will see that people. ci tinually say. You're an older seingle mom, no one wants you for anything but sex and they tell you you should take what you can get and no worth man will want you.
So when this type of negativity is pumped around you start to think this is how men who show interest in a single mother perceive you.
So if you do have respect, self-worth and are responsible human you are wary and apprehensive.
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