What should I do if she left me on read?

[Anonymous]

I need some help!

A few days ago, my crush initiated a conversation with me. I responded after a few hours (I didn't want to seem desperate). It was late, so she didn't check my message. However, the next day, I sent her another text (mentioning when I'd be free to hang out), and she just left me on read...

Is she mad at me (for taking a few hours to respond)? Or is she mad at me for being busy these days (I haven't talked to her a lot lately). Either way, she left me on read, and it is very hard to take. I have never left her on read. Maybe she just read it and forgot to respond?

She sometimes take a day or 2 to reply, but she usually never leaves me on read. :(

What should I do? Should I wait one day and ask her if she's okay? Should I let her reach out to me?

Updates

1 y

Update: she replied to me, and she doesn't seem to be mad :)

[quaranta]

Your approach here is completely submissive, and you're giving way too much energy to this matter than her. As much you "give", as much your "credit" will increase and she won't repay the "debt", and it will cumulate. At the very end, you will be left with nothing, deliberately, because you're setting a lower and lower price.
First of all, do not make any video to apologize. This looks absolutely desperate and out of scale, first, making a video is something you would do only to someone you have a very deep bond with, and you faced a deep breakup, or something (example: a sibling, an ex-wife...); second, you shouldn't apologize for something she didn't even express because this is like telling her:"You don't need to give me a signal, you can mistreat me with silences, I will anyway apologize in any possible scenario and I will accept this standard as the norm, with you! Also you can take even 4 days to reply, but I will never put you on hold for some hours anymore, I swear!". Especially if it's something that hurts you and not her, you should not apologize. Also, this is full blast unattractive and damages your own self-respect and image in general. Why would you offer her a slave instead of a guide? Is she looking for a granted, submissive, fragile and with no self-worth man? No. I know unrequited crushes make anyone lean towards this direction but you must resist, both for increasing chances with her and for not making your future wound bigger (nobody will repay the "debt" to you, you will have to rebuild your respect alone).
Second thing: she is absolutely aware she is ghosting you. Maybe not right now, because she might not remember about your message and forgot to reply. But if she usually responds after 1-2 days, well, she does know she is ghosting you. And if she never apologizes for late replies, or anyway never tries to make it better, then she is not interested in chatting with you and she knows it. If you ask her "hey are you okay?", she will know that's a way to test waters and to remind her she didn't reply / apologize, and that you were waiting.
You might wonder why she initiated a conversation with you, now. Well, sometimes, girls are bored, or are emotionally triggered by someone else, so they would go picking their granted resources in the attempt to get distraction, then change their mind back when things settle again. I think this happened, not that she is upset you didn't reply on time. She takes 1-2 days to reply, what could she expect? Or maybe you took a simple reply as an "initiated conversation" just because it had a question mark...

I would suggest to stop initiating any contact with her, and when she does, do NOT appear too glad or even "thankful", but treat it like a normal chill social exchange, as if she isn't bringing anything special on the table yet (remember her debt is high!). Chances she contact you soon are small because if she is used to ignore you for 2 days it's clear her interest is low, but she proven a small chance exists in general.
Start fixing your self-worth asap. Improving your life without her will bring positive outcomes in any case, for your own self, new girls you will meet and your chances with your crush if she will be still in your radar at that point.

Last note: sometimes, during unbalanced crushes, the crushing one goes all the way to make it explode, almost deliberately. Sometimes you have to smash the face against that, and to make it worse to the point you force her to be rude / block you. This is achieved by going more desperate, and then angry. This is a fast way to put an end to this dragging situation. I'm not against suggesting this option as well, but that will hurt all in once, so you have to be brave. Apologizing with a video goes in this direction, anyway.

[Asker]

You're right, but anyway, she actually replied! And she doesn't seem to be mad at me :)

But by the way, she pretty much asked me out a few days ago. So in my 2nd text, I was only telling her when I'd be available to do something with her.

[MoniqueTLC]

I don't think you should message her again. Let her reach out to you again as it may come across as too needy and cause her to distance herself again. I also assume she didn't reply not because of anything you did, but because she may have just gotten into contact with you for her own selfish reasons. Does she know you like her? (If she does, it could be to see if she's still got your attention, you're still available)

She shouldn't be mad at you for that, but if she is, that's quite petty, especially if she normally takes a day or two to get back to you.

[Asker]

Well we've been friends for a few months. We used to chat daily but now we chat once every 2-3 days.

But I dont think that she knows that I have a bit a of crush for her.

[SayLesss]

The truth is, you already messed up by friendzoning yourself for months. You should have stated your intentions since day one. The most you can do now is be honest to her which might fail since it’s clear she doesn’t like you like that. Or, pull your attention away from her, talk to other women. This will show her you’re desirable to others. It might spark her interest bc she feels like she’s losing you which will make her realize she has feelings for you. Right now you’re not giving her the chance to lose you. You’re like a dog, she can shake the treat can and you’ll come running like your well being depends on her. You’re not well because of her. You will have to go through these downs to learn. You’re not ready to be a man yet you have a lot of work to do for sure.

[MoniqueTLC]

@SayLesss I agree

[SayLesss]

A woman will always respect a man who’s upfront and tells her I want a non serious fun relationship (we all know what that means) over a guy that’s too emasculated to do anything about it. A man that beats himself up everyday trying to make a move. A snake that slithers behind its prey waiting for a vulnerable moment (i. e she broke with her man). It’s disingenuous to be friends with a “crush”. You’ll be disappointed in the end and might turn into a Nice Guy. Just tell her straight up and if she says no, move on. You’re literally operating like a female that likes a bad boy but doesn’t know how to approach him etc…. Stop being a bitch

[Anonymous]

She could’ve been mad bc you took so long to respond but then again, she does also sometimes take days to respond back… Seems like she left you on read on purpose tho

I think you can definitely reach out to her again or let her reach out to you, there’s no wrong answer here.

[Asker]

I think I'll wait to see if she responds.. And if she doesn't, I guess I'll just text her (tomorrow night): "Hey what's up?" or something like that (without aknowledging the fact that she left me on read).

But yeah, she clearly did. And she's been active on another social media a few moments ago...

[Opinion Owner]

She’s overreacting a bit tbh, bc you’ve already double texted her the day after and she just left you on read still…

I understand that she might be pissed, I get that way too sometimes but doesn’t mean that she has to punish you by ignoring your several days lol

I think it’s good that you’re giving her time to respond back to you but at the same time you’re not above reaching out first again. With the last text that you sent her, did it warrant a response or was it just “hey by the way I’m free on x day”?

[Asker]

No it didn't warrant a response. It was just like you said "hey by the way I'm free on x day". But I have to admit that I have been making her wait for my replies quite a few times lately (I could read her message on the notification). I did so because I wasn't sure if she just liked my attention or if she really cared about me (plus, she's sometimes slow at replying).

But should I send her another text tonight (just to ask her how she's doing)? If she doesn't respond, I'll let her reach out to me. And should I apologize for being unavailable these days (in the same message)?

[Opinion Owner]

I think you should go for it, while you’re at it you could also hit two birds with one stone by asking to take her out to make up for you being unavailable the past couple of days.

[Asker]

Would it be a bad idea to send a video message? Like, what if I don't send anything today (just to give her the time to respond) and send it tomorrow if she still hasn't replied? I could apology for being unavailable lately, etc.

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm I think that’s a bit much tbh unless it’s something that is pretty regular between the two of you. You could send her a link to a funny youtube vid or a song that reminds you of her or just some memes to be more casual

[Asker]

Well I've already sent her a video message in the past. But I wanted to do it so that she could see that I'm being honest with my apology, etc.

But I don't know anymore... I might send her a text about something casual. And if she leaves me on read, I might wait a few days (4-5 days) before sending her the video (as a last resort). And if she doesn't respond.. well good bye :(

[In_Trance]

Call her