What is the best way to get a guy to talk to you/approach you? How can you make friends with him?

[Anonymous]

There's a guy I work with that I like. I don't know a lot about him because we don't get to work directly with each other all that much. We do get to see each other at times daily, but it can be hard to start a conversation because seeing him isn't usually planned, so I'm almost always "on the spot".

Example - when I was leaving work today, I was walking out of my area to go to leave and he was coming towards me. We both stopped, he let me go first and gave me a little smile. I returned the smile. I felt like an idiot after though. I had the perfect chance to SAY something to him and I didn't. I should have smiled AND said something like "have a good weekend!". It would have been casual, yet friendly and there wouldn't have been any obligation to hold a conversation or anything. Plus, it would have hopefully helped encourage him to talk to me in the future.

He initiated the smile and he's never done that before. So I feel like that may be somewhat of a positive indicator. Of course I know smiles can be 100% friendly too. I just thought it was a good sign with him in particular since he hasn't done that before despite us having interactions (without actually talking).

What would be the best approach here? I want to know more about him. I would love to find out his status relationship-wise too. I'd be happy being friends with him and I'd also be open to trying something more if it went that direction. Right now, I'm just interested in getting to know him and see if he's also interested in at least being friends.

I want to encourage him to approach me and stuff without being weird, seeming desperate or anything seeming forced/pressured. I want it to just come naturally and be something he does because he wants to, not because he thinks he "has" to. I am friends with some of the people he talks to, so how could I maybe get their help without being weird AND without making it seem like I have a "crush" on him (in case he would just want to be friends only)?

[CrazyGirl2]

Okay, first no you would not be happy with JUST being friends… hell if you just wanna be friends, invite him and some other people from work out for drinks next Friday! Obviously you like him, and signs point to him at least finding you attractive (given the way you described his smiles at you whenever you are near each-other. Given that this is a work situation, you must understand that he will be terrified to ever ask you out, because he doesn’t want to get fired for sexual harassment! That is an all-to-real issue facing men in the workplace. Best option (knowing that he will never ask you out) is the next time you see him just invite him for a coffee. As in “hey, “Joe” did you have a good weekend? Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun, you know I was wondering if you would like to maybe grab a coffee with me after work some time?” His response to this will tell you all you need to know! If he struggles to find a reason to not go out with you, you have your answer. Yet no harm no foul, it was just coffee. If, however, he seems really psyched to go out with you then you may have an opposite answer, but you still have the answer you want!

[Asker]

As an update, he actually did approach me today. He was over in my section dropping stuff off and he asked me to borrow something of mine that he should have had his own of. He kind of seemed like he was debating what to say and if he should go for it at first because he kind of hung around and walked back and forth a couple times before he actually came up to me. Then he asked me if he could borrow something. I let him and was friendly and causal, but not off-putting or overly excited and didn't make it seem like I wasn't into talking. I was "warm and welcoming" so to speak. When he asked, I said yes and gave him what he asked for. He gave me a little smile and thanked me and I said you're welcome. When he was done with it, he brought it over to me and I thanked him for giving it back and he said you're welcome. He seemed to relax a little more once I was friendly about it.

I want to do this more. Encourage him to find ways to talk to me and also find ways to talk to him. I just need some tips on what reasons I could find for this.

[Asker]

I also notice that when he's around other girls, he seems super chill. He seems totally relaxed and at ease. With me, it seems like he gets nervous or something. I mean this is the first time he's ever actually talked to me. He usually just stares at me every chance he gets. Other girls he'll talk to if they talk to him and stuff like it's nothing at all.

[CrazyGirl2]

I’ve already told you all I can. I don’t know either of you, and without personally knowing you both, everything that I could advise you, I have actually already told you! I truly have no additional advice other than ask him out for coffee. That’s it!

[HollyK21]

Before delving into this I’d say to be sure you know if there’s any sort of rules (even anything you’re unaware of) before considering interoffice dating, especially if this is a job that either of you would like to stay at and grow in. Think through the worst case scenario happening as a result of this, and if you can be ok with that, then feel confident with proceeding. As far as the approach, don’t overthink it. It’s important to remember that at the end of the day he’s only a person just like you, and starting a conversation with him deserves no more concern than chatting with a friend. You know your workplace, so try and pick a time that seems a little less busy (like lunch) to chat. Even if he’s on his way to lunch and you pass by him, ask where he’s headed off to and if you could join. Essentially I’m saying be casual, approach like he’s already your friend.

[HollyK21]

One more thing I forgot to address: don’t rope any work friends into your shyness and hesitation. There doesn’t need to be any other parties in the mix, especially right now before anything’s even happened. It creates all this fuss around the anticipation of you two talking, and you don’t want him to feel like he’s being hooked up or whatever, especially if he has a girlfriend. Be brave, find a moment and take you chance.

[Asker]

Thank you very much! I felt stupid for missing the shot today! It was perfect since nobody was around and it'd be super casual and in passing. But there will be a whole new week starting next week and I bet you we have another chance similar to that so I can say a "good morning" or something then!

We do not have any bans on dating. We are actually open to hiring couples. We have one boyfriend/girlfriend pair that works different shifts. Then we have had some that have worked together on the same shift. As long as you aren't inappropriate at work and you don't goof off and do your job still, it's ok by management. So yes, I am clear there.

[HollyK21]

Nice! If dating is allowed at your job then it’s great that you don’t have to worry about it☺️. Even if you missed your shot today, like you said next week is a whole new opportunity. I know it’s easy to talk yourself out of something in the moment, and I think that is just some anxiety/stress, but a good way to help get rid of that is not to blow the situation up too much. Keep it like a casual thing and you’ll be fine☺️

[Asker]

As an update, he actually did approach me today. He was over in my section dropping stuff off and he asked me to borrow something of mine that he should have had his own of. He kind of seemed like he was debating what to say and if he should go for it at first because he kind of hung around and walked back and forth a couple times before he actually came up to me. Then he asked me if he could borrow something. I let him and was friendly and causal, but not off-putting or overly excited and didn't make it seem like I wasn't into talking. I was "warm and welcoming" so to speak. When he asked, I said yes and gave him what he asked for. He gave me a little smile and thanked me and I said you're welcome. When he was done with it, he brought it over to me and I thanked him for giving it back and he said you're welcome. He seemed to relax a little more once I was friendly about it.

I definitely hope for more of this type of thing! I hope to subtly encourage him to keep talking to me about whatever. I'd also like to find ways to talk to HIM. I just don't know what reasons/excuses I could come up with that would be legit yet not mega obvious and something that is still casual and doesn't come off as invasive.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

You said your answer " I want to know more about him." just tell him that. "I find you interesting I want ot know more about you. Maybe over lunch or some tea after work."

[Asker]

Thank you! I personally don't drink alcohol, so none of that. But I do like the casual approach of asking to grab a coffee or something.

[purplepoppy]

You have to be like a dog. Some dogs, even if they're friendly just look like their going to rip your face off. But others have got that "I'm nice" approachable look about them.
It's the same with people, some give off a "piss off and leave me alone" vibe. Don't look like you're in a rush to get away or you're going to bite his head off.
A couple of tricks that work are looking like you need help with something or my favourite take an interest in a photo on the wall. Either way your giving them a reason to approach.

Or just remember as a woman were much better at taking to people so make the first move yourself

[Asker]

This is very accurate and I love the dog comparison! I do get this 100%. Some people just do not seem friendly at all or just seem like they don't want bothered.

I am a friendly person. I get along well with my co-workers. I always smile at them to be nice and always return a smile. I do have several work friends that I routinely say good morning to as well. I am pretty sure he has seen/heard me laughing and stuff with co-workers who work with me.

It would be easier if he worked more directly with me. I made friends with another guy like this. He works in the same area as the guy I like, but they wanted to train him in my area. So I made friends with him simply by being there to help him out and stuff. Now whenever he comes around, he'll acknowledge me. That is what I hope for with the guy I like.

I want him to know I'm absolutely friendly, easy to talk to and all that good stuff. I know sometimes at work it can be hard because you can be in the middle of something and your face may look like "pissed off" when you're really just busy. That's why I try to look back at him if I catch him looking at me and that's exactly why I returned his smile today.

[Anonymous]

Just be flirty, friendly and outgoing.

[Asker]

Obvious, but appreciated. I am a friendly person overall. I smile at my co-workers a lot and always return a smile from someone. I routinely tell co-workers good morning, have a nice evening/weekend, etc. I'm pretty sure he has seen me talking/laughing with co-workers before, so he should be aware that yes, I am friendly and fun. He hopefully has noticed that I am well-liked and have several buddies at work that routinely chat with me. That is exactly why I smiled back at him. As soon as he smiled, I definitely smiled back. I just can't believe I missed the opportunity to say something lol I definitely should have threw in a "have a good weekend". Dang. Lol Any tips on how to be flirty... yet not over the top and not weird/awkward/creepy? How can I see if he's responding well and maybe even flirting back (even if it is from a distance since we aren't directly together at the time... but are close enough to see one another)?

[Asker]

As I said, I am thinking about asking one of my good friends that works with us some stuff. I've seen them talking to this guy several times, so they just might be able to help. But how should I approach them about it? I don't want to make it seem like I have a crush on him or anything just in case he would be uninterested or just wants friendship. I don't want to come off as weird or pushy. I want to be cool and casual. He seems like a cool guy to be friends with. I'd like to find out more and see if he's interested in getting to know one another. How could I ask my friend that talks to him that without being weird?

[Opinion Owner]

Like you said, just be cool and casual.

[Asker]

I will also add that this guy stares at me A LOT. I mean... a lot. Like every chance he gets. Anytime he's around where I am, he's staring. It isn't just once or twice... it is every single time he comes around. If I look up and see him, he doesn't act bothered. He will allow us to make eye contact a little. That was actually one of the first things I noticed with him - he is always looking my way. It was the first indication I had that maybe this guy is curious about me. Maybe he's interested in friendship or more. Now that he actually smiled at me, I think there are decent odds of at least friendship. I just need tips on how to gracefully handle this and hopefully be successful because I am very rusty at dating (just putting myself out there again after a long-term relationship ended).