Is it OK for you to flirt with your friends ex?

Question

Is it ever OK for you to flirt with your friends ex? Assume that she/he is not a bff but anyway still your friend...

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

For over 40 years I've watch people lose morals values and ethics in just about everything they do every generation

But with my friends and I we have always had this unsaid rule out of respect

You do not date or you do not go out with one of your friends exes no matter what

And to this day that respect has remained the same while everything else has changed kind of

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

No, not okay.

I suppose the caveat would be if you truly believe you were meant to be and you’re willing to lose your friendship over this.

But, that’s like a very unlikely scenario.

It’s an ultimatum. Pursue this person and lose your friend. Or leave this person alone and protect your friendship.

SugarSugarplum · Accepted Answer

That depends. Did he wrong her in some way? Cheat on her? Dump her in a humiliating way? Or was it just two nice people who got tired of each other and broke up amicably?

If he was a douche to her, then it's best to avoid him. Otherwise, tread carefully unless you want to anger a friend.

19magic · Accepted Answer

All depends if it's dated and years then no, it's it was a few dates then sure. The gray area is how do you define it. I've been in a situation and so has a few friends where the guys we dated so did another friend. Both times it didn't work out but that was for different reasons.

Nxtawm · Accepted Answer

Not okay, I’d get permission if she’s okay with it

DishLady · Answer

Typically no. There’s an understanding among friends not to do this — at least among respectable people. But as we know just from being on g@g, respectful treatment of others tends to take a back seat to satisfying one’s random sexual urges and generating drama in the present day.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Nope  not okay

blueonblack22 · Answer

You already know deep down this is risky and wrong. And by the way you worded it’s you initiated the flirting with this guy. You probably had a long time crush on this guy and/or he’s “forbidden fruit” to you and that drama is turning you on

Anyway you are playing with fire here. If your friends ex takes this a step further (and it sounds like you are giving him the green light to do so) then you will be even more in a predicament. It will come down to this guy or your friend. And even if your friend says she’s okay with it we both know she really isn’t.

You posted this question because are just hoping for someone to give you affirmation that it’s okay so you can feel better about it. Not that you don’t know if it’s right or wrong. You already know it’s wrong so quit playing dumb.

Seriously why is it that whenever I see a stupid question like this on GAG it’s 9 out 10 times a girl posting it. It’s always a “I am doing wrong or want to do wrong but someone please tell me it’s okay. Somebody take my guilt away” stupid questions. Like you are just so powerless over your emotions and unable to think for yourself or something.

At least when guys admit they’ve done wrong they usually (but not always) take accountability for their actions. They will admit it’s wrong and look for resolutions to make amends (if it’s possible). Or if they don’t feel guilty then they will just do it and don’t care about looking for affirmation.

Either way they rarely look for other people to tell them “oh that’s okay”.

Anonymous · Answer

This would go against "bro code." I may have an interest if she she was just a crush, not an ex. I have gone out with women where a friend was interested, they went out once, but it just didn't work out for whatever reason (s). And I STILL talked it over with the guy friend.

Luckily, for the most part, most of the exes weren't anyone I'd want to flirt with, even if the guy was diplomatic about why they broke up. There are enough women in the world without me going after some friend's crush, because even then, it rarely goes well, and the jealousy becomes an issue. I'd rather keep the friendship.

That being said, I usually seem to hold myself to a different standard than a few guy "friends" Because many wouldn't HESITATE to do any of that with me - no discussion; don't care about what I think. Hell, some will try to take me down in order to try to get with her, even while touting some unspoken rules (that they ignore). The rules are for other guys - not for them.

MrOracle · Answer

If your friend and their ex broke up more than a decade ago, or they were only together for a very short amount of time, or they were super casual, then it's probably fine. It's also fine if you clear it with the friend first. All those are exceptions to the rule.

The RULE is the you don't get involved with (not even flirting) with a friend's ex without prior permission, and if the breakup is less than a year old or if you know they still have unresolved feelings for the ex, you don't even ask. Now, if your friend was the jerk and broke up with the ex and immediately got with someone else, or cheated on the ex, then the ex is a free agent and the rule does not apply.

HawkPerception · Answer

I have never found that to be appropriate in any way and I don't believe people that would have a great moral compass.

I had a "friend" once that told me he had a date with my ex a week after we broke up. I told him I appreciate the honesty, but I'm done being friends with him.

He was still in my social circle even though I didn't consider him a friend though and there was a girl that I was dating at the time. And he knew that we were dating and still tried getting with her. She told me about it and I told her he's 100% not my friend.

As you can see, the types of people that do that are just genuine scumbag sociopaths.

sage2021 · Answer

No, that is not ok! She found him first and you didn't have to lift a finger to flirt, and I am sure you mean more than flirt, you want him to be your boyfriend now.

It seems like you can't find a guy on your own so you have to take her ex boyfriend! What if she decides she wants him back?

I had what I thought was my friend, but when I told her my boyfriend and I just broke up she didn't waste any time and went to his work to see him.
When I asked her why she went to his work, she said "Just to do a little P. I. (private investigating) work.
I never had anything to do with her after that!

hahahmm · Answer

Depends on what your friend thinks. To be safe, don't mess with your friend's ex. Or get their blessing first. Although some people will say 'yes' and then change their mind 5 minutes after you're in a serious relationship with the other person so...

MisterWack · Answer

If they are no longer dating your friend, go for it. All that matters is YOU are happy, doesn’t have to be with your friend’s permission.

HOWEVER If your friend warned you about the guy/gal in question and you still try to smash/date this person, not a good idea since they know them best… You’ll end up with no friend & a broken heart, just a heads up!

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Friendlybro79 · Answer

Depends on the friend honestly. Some people are way more sensitive about this stuff. I don't do these things just to be sensitive to a friends feelings. It might depend on a lot of factors like how serious it was or how long they dated. Also if my friend was seriously hurt by the breakup I def would not.

Juxtapose · Answer

With how long I have been searching for a mate you are out of your goddamn mind if you think I going to let anything stand in my way once I find her. What goes on with her and I is between her and I.

And besides, literally none of my friends have ever respected that rule so I would be a sucker if I was the only one who abided by it.

Marklaw12 · Answer

No.

What's stopping him/her to think you did everything in your power to break them up in the first place?

Nah, good friends tell their friends things that are only shared amongst friends.

It's like back stabbing him/her cos you would have given advice before the breakup

rebeliouse · Answer

you could always ask their view on it before you start flirting and then you will know how good a friend they are if they warn you off with truth then they are good if they have issue but unfounded then screw them unless you think the friendship is worth more than the guy

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

No if you do that, It makes you an unloyal friend. Well just my humble opinion that is betrayal. Even if they aren't together anyway there's a lot of men on this earth why chase after your friends ex-boyfriend.

Purpleronnie · Answer

100% NO , not sure if this is just guy logic or an unwritten accepted ful of friendship but you shouldn’t do that and he def shouldn’t reciprocate…. It’s disrespectful in my opinion and it’s just ick !

Finchie40 · Answer

If you still want to keep your friendship with your friend then you are better off not to , your friend might feel like you betrayed them and not trust you anymore , so ask yourself what is more important? Your friendship or flirting with their ex?

KelsoAlexander · Answer

if its a recent ex and they still got feelings for them nah. if they don't care or they say go ahead when you ask them then sure. if they're your friend you should be able to be honest with them but they should also move on, me and my guys make sure to keep respect between each other so if we like each others exes then well talk about it like men and come to a reasonable conclusion, might not work for everyone but it works for us.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

You should probably ask the friend first because a lot of people are really sensitive about it. You don't want to ruin a friendship over wanting to date someone but that friends ex could also be a perfect match for you so it's tricky.

Meropatrick · Answer

Yes. I dont know why people get all ape about someone flirting with their ex. The ex isn't your slave or owned by u. Once they r and ex or past tense then they r free to date whomever they want and u have no saying in it

Anonymous · Answer

Helllll No! Thats girl code. Plenty of fish in the ocean. Can’t go around homegirls back and try and f-k her exes. Ew 🤢 And he’s been inside of her? Nope! I’m not sharing and swapping dildos

MysticDevice · Answer

The code of chivalry says no, but if you feel that strongly towards a person then...

Andres77 · Answer

She’s an ex for a reason. Probably not a good idea even before taking ones friend into account. IF I were so inclined I’d ask him first, because it would affect our dynamic.

OddBeMe · Answer

Flirting is iffy. Intent is the main deal. Am I trying to fck someone behind my wife’s back? Etc…

For me, I “flirt” or just talk laid back with girls and guys because it doesn’t matter. I have no intent.

rosemilk · Answer

NOT okay. that's crossing the friendship boundary line.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Oh Hell NO! Never! Guys say “Bro's before hoe’s”! Well we say “Bitches before Exes”!

Anonymous · Answer

Bros before hoes until you are married. Bro code.

Basically, if you value your friends, don't do it. Your bros were there before the hoe and they the ones who will be there when she cheats and leaves.

Account · Answer

I am many terrible things, but a conniving snake is not among those.

thatshydork · Answer

Only if they give the green light. Otherwise, stay away from their ex.

lilylangley · Answer

Of course! They’re their ex for a reason! Usually it’s because my friend found out that he fucked me behind their back!

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Yes. It’s always okay for anyone to flirt with everyone.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I don't care who flirts with my exes. I do not own the exes nor do I have any claim over them nor is it my business nor do I have a frail ego that will leave me butthurt if someone does.

Sasha0426 · Answer

It just means that you were after their boyfriend/girlfriend before they broke up. You weren’t truly that person’s friend. You just stuck around waiting for them end their relationship.

TaureanBull81 · Answer

Absolutely not! If you want to maintain your friendship with your friend you'd be advised to not contact their ex out of respect 🙏

violetsareviolet · Answer

Only if they're over their ex and are ok with you flirting with them

exitseven · Answer

If they were really broken up it is okay. Probably not if they were only half broken up.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Sure, if you really don’t honor you friend or haven’t seen your friend in a long long time. Or last but never least… You don’t give a fuck.

Lokiion · Answer

personally opinion that’s weird cause you gotta have liked them when they were still together

BryanMoore · Answer

if they don't like it it's kinda their problem and they got some stuff to work out for themselves lol

loveslongnails · Answer

Very situational. Depends on how good a friend he is and why they split.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably not. Especially if it ended badly for her.

jahaims · Answer

Obviously not unless your friend doesn't care if you fuck

Pudsmucker · Answer

I'd say it's okay you're not tied to your friend's EX. And he shouldn't care who you date.

Wise4myage · Answer

Yes, but it might be best to mention that to her.

nawtee_me · Answer

Sure it is, friend or no friend they are not together so flirt all you want to….

Anonymous · Answer

It's not okay. And I say this as someone who actually had a huge crush on the girl my friend is dating now. Even if they ever breakup (which I sincerely hope they don't) I won't ever go for it.

SUMAIREBRAHIM · Answer

No it's disrespectful to my friend and disrespectful to the guy

Bobbysworld · Answer

It's an ex. Why not. Didn't work out you both moved on

prakhindev92 · Answer

No , that is really f*#d up , leave the friends group for God's sake

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Flirting with ANYone is NEVER okay unless you intend to follow through with a BJ.

HH1488 · Answer

If he didn't let me fuck her before they broke up, we weren't really friends

Bubbble · Answer

I'm sorry but no. I considered their ex as my foe on the day they broke up

RageBabe · Answer

Personally, not for me.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Only if your friend says it’s ok

lilBigPotato · Answer

Wouldn't recommend

serious · Answer

The answer is No.

avery58 · Answer

No, that would be pretty bad.

Dinklex3 · Answer

Not to me.  But I’m big on girl code.

sheikalana · Answer

I wouldn't play that game.

DrPepper12 · Answer

No hard fast rules there. It depends

Is it OK for you to flirt with your friends ex?

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Is it OK for you to flirt with your friends ex?

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