Are you able to tell the difference between someone just complimenting you and when they are flirting with you?

[Anon_desi]

Yes

No

[DaveJord]

I think most men struggle with compliments from women... especially unsolicited ones. Honestly because it happens so very rarely... it triggers something in guys mind, because why would she say that?

I have dated women that never complimented me, and now this random person out of the blue wants to tell me I am a nice guy or handsome... why?

You want to confuse the fuck out of guy, just start randomly complimenting him every now and then... his head will spin.

[desperatelyhungry]

That’s sad. I will do friendly compliments like wow I love your shirt, but as far as being like “you’re so handsome” I would never unless said guy showed interest in me or we had been starting to see each other. I would feel uncomfortable complimenting a guy I don’t know well in fear of him having a girlfriend or not wanting the compliment from me if he isn’t interested (women get rejected too, ask me how I know 💀) but to BE with someone and not compliment them ever is fucking crazy to me. You definitely deserve better

[DaveJord]

@desperatelyhungry Thank you. :)

[modeunae]

@desperatelyhungry Women are generally like that. They fear complimenting someone, a man that is, who they don't know because of rejection. Even after knowing him for a while (note: I didn't say even after getting to know him, although, this could still be the case even after that time for a while)-- women still hesitate beyond comprehension because of fear.

It's kind of unfortunate, but oh well. Is there anything we can do about it? No. Not really.

[DaveJord]

@modeunae I think women get too caught up in giving away too much... and complimenting a man makes them seem vulnerable. Whereas most men just see it as the descent thing to do.

[modeunae]

Complimenting a man does make a girl vulnerable because she doesn't know what the outcome will be, but this is the case for anyone. That's how it is with both genders, whether you're complimenting a classmate, workmate (I know the word is 'coworker'), waiter, waitress-- you don't even have to like the person. You may just like their shoes, their hair, or their eyes even though that's typically flirtacious to say 'You have nice eyes'. So, ja. But it is true that women feel vulnerable in this situations, causing them to refrain from complimenting a guy. One of the last things a lady will do, is walk up to a guy and tell him he has a nice "something". Women can't do that. They just don't because of the fear. 'Walking there-- in front of everybody. You talk to the guy, you don't even know what his going to say. What if he reacts badly and I get embarrassed in front of everybody? What will people think?' and all these other things. It's kind of a shame because it would be nice for a lady, particularly an attractive one, to walk to a guy and tell him she likes his "whatever". But the world largely isn't like that, and by largely I mean 99.9 of women will never do that. I've witnessed women eyeing me and acting in ways that show their attracted to me, women of various ages, but never-- still to this day, has a woman come up to me and complimented me on the way I look or whatever it may be. It's always the other way around. So-- it's unfortunate.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, most of the time. Girls don't usually compliment guys and when it is about his looks, it's always flirting.

[Anon_desi]

Lol i can see truth in that.

[Malwi93]

No? What if he's exceptionally handsome

[Screenwriter]

A compliment is usually not weighted with sexiness. "Great purse. Lovely shoes. Your nail job is impressive." ... Clearly compliments. But, "You have lovely eyes. I like the way you talk. Brainy women like you are such a turn-on." Definitely flirting...

[Boomchakalaca]

What if he compliments ur makeup?

[Screenwriter]

@Boomchakalaca Could go either way with the makeup compliment. I'd weigh HOW he says it and if he continues with "body" compliments. If someone compliments aspects that are body-enhancing, eyes, figure, hair makeup... things attached to your body and that are usually associated with being "sexy" alone, I'd be wary. See how the conversation continues...

[KelleyN]

Of course. There is not much difference between them. Men don't compliment fat women, nor do the flirt with them.

[Anon_desi]

Haha correct

[missCivi]

i mean, what if that is what they’re into? a dear friend of mine is mainly into really heavy girls, so of course he’s flirting with and complimenting fat girls because to him that’s what’s attractive.

i realize that’s a special case, but regardless, not every dude is shallow enough to think big girls can’t be good partners. i’m not exactly skinny but i look after myself and doll myself up to go out and rarely have a trip to the bar where i don’t get attention from a guy or two at least. the kind of guy who only chases skinny girls is a guy who is gonna he a terrible lay no matter what kind of girl you are because he’s just thinking of his own fun.

[Tchaikovsky420]

I've flirted with "fat" girls before. Just because their fat doesn't mean their not attractive.

[Snoopycomehome45]

Not true. If I find a bigger woman attractive then I complement her. And I find a woman attractive by how proportioned they are. Legs match hips and top? I like proportioned women.

[CaptainOverthink]

I may not find them attractive but If we get talking (because I treat everyone like a friend) then I might try to build them up by countering their negative views of themselves (if I feel they're off target or not having a healthy perspective).

That can be seen as flirting, but really it's just general compassion.

[Finchie40]

It depends , sometimes I can catch on and sometimes I can’t , so it just depends on the scenario and how well the chemistry and connection is going on between her and I. A lot of times I will just be talking friendly conversation to a girl , not flirting what so ever with her but she takes it as I am , this tends to happen more than anything, What makes us guys and girls’ different , if an attractive girl started a friendly conversation with me , there are times I feel she might be flirting with me not realizing she wasn’t , So I mainly focus on body language if I am not sure completely, If she gets giggly by me and I catch her locking eyes with me and smiling , I pretty much know she wants more , but it doesn’t always happen that way , it’s still a 50/50 chance

[coachTanthony]

Yes because when they add touch or hugs or longer eye contact than usual then that is usually a good sign of flirting

[Monalisa77]

Exactly im fed up of people assuming i can't tell the difference

[Screenwriter]

Excellent point. When I'm talking and having a great time with a man, if I touch him on the forearm, hand or shoulder, that is a definite sign of ME flirting. I make eye contact with anyone I'm having a good conversation with. That is not flirting in my case. HOWEVER, AVOIDING eye contact means I don't want to converse or do anything else with someone.

[AviatorTom]

Sometimes Yes, sometimes No. Probably more Yes than No, but sometimes a flirt is not meant to go anywhere. Waitresses often flirt just to get a better tip, nothing more intended.

[Screenwriter]

Excellent points! Keep flying high!

[ohsheeT]

Yes whether it's in real life or even online

Can tell by the look in their eyes
Or I can tell how they use their words

[Avicenna]

Yeah, I think I usually can

[Summeroflove]

It really just depends on the situation.

[Anonymous]

Well, anything I do get in the way of compliments is usually from work. But even that's unusual from women. Even girlfriends only flirted (or gave compliments) once or twice.

I sort of notice flirting, but unless it's obvious, I wonder... "Wait, why is she being so nice all of a sudden? She is not NORMALLY this nice to me... is this her version of sarcasm? What does she really want?). If it's subtle, I may mistake it for just kindness, but kindness puts me on guard. If it's obvious flirting, it's usually either a "joke" at my expense, a "test" to see if she "got enough still to toy with me and get the goofy loser to fall for her" or it's meant just to get something from me - The girls who expected a little flirting would make me jump at the chance to "help" her move, or something way out of what our "relationship" is at the moment.

Kindness is already reason enough to be on guard... or be pleasantly surprised (if I think it's real). I'm usually not wrong, though. I usually won't act super suspicious, but it's enough to be careful. On occasion, if it IS "real," it's a mistake. I suddenly realize they were flirting with the guy behind me, or they flirt with everyone, and I thought it was just me. I do ask around with people I trust if I meet someone and they seem kind right away...

[earearear]

I have a general idea because I took a class on attraction and I’m incredibly observant. I can tell with other people, but when relating social things like that to myself, it’s more difficult because I’m on the spectrum. Here’s some general attraction “tells” that I learned in my interpersonal psychology class that can help identify flirting verses kindness:


- Body posture is focused on you. Leaning in, pelvis or toes pointed to you, general energy feeling like it’s centered on you.
- Strong eye contact and smiling, frequently looking at your lips or licking their own.
- Men touch the backs of their necks, women play with their hair, both fidget with their clothes and/or accessories.
- Men try to play a helping role (covering your dinner, helping you get something off of a high shelf, jumping your car), women try to play a nurturing role (bandaging a wound, offering emotional support, cooking for you).
- Men often try to make you laugh, women often try to play damsel in distress.
- Unnecessary but not out-of-place touching. Hand on shoulder while laughing at your joke, putting hair in your face behind your ear, touching the small your back as they walk by or leg when they bend over to pick something up.

[Phoenix98]

Sometimes I can and sometimes I can't, some women just naturally are really flirty in how they talk, move about, etc so those are the tricky ones.

But @DaveJord also made a fair point as well. Honestly outside of gag I can't recall a single time within the last 10 years that a woman actually gave me a compliment so in the event it did happen I'm actually not sure how I'd register it and would most likely question it.

Hell I've probably given more compliments out to women in the last 10 years then I've received in the last 30.

[DaveJord]

So sad, but very true. And they say they cannot find any good men.

[Kaneki05]

Within reason yeah? Like I know the manager at the charity shop I work at ain't flirting with me if she say's something nice. Or if a old granny who came in and said something nice.
It's only assumed to be flirting if there is a chance of something been there.

[siseñor]

That makes sense

[JennieF]

Usually yeah.

[SongBird3]

This reminds me of a very funny story.
I am a straight female, who is married. I have a friend who is a lesbian and polyamorous. And I always thought she was really cool and we would text back-and-forth and we tell jokes to each other. We would also complement each other, and at one point, I thought to myself, "wait? Is she flirting with me?" then my brain was like "ugh! no OP! Just because she's gay doesn't mean she likes you! check yo privilege!"
Well, it turns out, she did tell me that she was actually making a move (she was unsure if I was flirting back or if my marriage was open) and I politely declined. Moral of the story is go with your gut

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

I guess at my age, it's usually pretty obvious, for two reasons: no one flirts with me that much because I don't get out that much, unless we are out as a couple :-). I mostly associate with all the friends we've made as a couple, and I know none of those individuals Would flirt with me. We're friends.

[Anonymous]

As a man this can be very difficult because we get complimented so rarely compared to women. And since compliments are often used when flirting that can be confusing for many.

For me it is very clear that it isn't flirting when the compliment is about something I have done or said but it can be difficult when the compliment is about my appearance. Especially when the person speaks in a way that could pass as flirty.

I have a coworker that often compliments me and she speaks in a very flirty way so in the beginning I was like "wtf, is she flirting with me? She has a boyfriend" but then one time I met her and her boyfriend and she complimented me and then I understood that it was just the way she speaks while doing so...

[Anonymous]

This question reminds me of a guy at the gym I talked to once. I was trying to start in the weight area and so I asked some random guy over there if I could watch his form so I could learn but he looked visibly uncomfortable, obviously had a girlfriend but she wasn’t in the gym, he really didn’t want me talking to him but I could tell it was because he thought I was hitting on him, which I wasn’t.
Anyway, he reluctantly showed me and I thanked him, not sure what went through his mind at that point but since that day I knew almost anything I asked a guy would be taken as me flirting with them so I stopped asking them for help lol.

[Utahslastbadboy]

Because I have had 8 wives dated 13 blondes named Elizabeth and gone out with hundreds of women! But don't get me wrong? I am not easy, Nor am I just a two dollar whore! Yes It is sad I know! But unfortunately these Utah girls just don't know how to use one properly!

[Heyoka]

I choose Yes as in I do know when a woman is flirting with me. I exude attention and conversation with them. They brush up on top of me wanting to be validated. Some want to touch my skin, neck or arm and massage it. I let them, but I am not into them. Eventually they stop wanting to touch my neck or embrace me from behind, touch my hair or bump into me. They have a need to sit next to me even if I don't invite them. I don't interact with them nearly never and yet they find a way to get my attention with their nice smell, smile or as we cross eyes (right eye to left eye, eye to lips, etc) and that smile that says it all (wow, what poison). Yeah, I know when she is friendly and when she's after me. The bad is that while I do read those signals, I won't go there, I am a one woman man.

[Jasmin01]

Most guys are easy to read. I have no doubt whether he's just complimenting me or whether he's trying to flirt. It's rare that I don't know and am wrong about it. But it's already happened to me and because I wanted to get involved in the flirting, it was pretty embarrassing when I found out that he wasn't interested in me at all.

[ZackBan]

Not by default but it doesn't take long.

I always assume it's a flirt and once I answer I'll see if she keeps going or if she switches to full cordial in such case it was a compliment.

There are exceptions whrre it's clear from the start

[Insecure2]

Generally, complimenting someone is the first step to flirting so I think there is no need to differentiate. People don't compliment the opposite sex if they are not attracted to them or directly asked about their opinion. When you receive a compliment involuntarily you should smile and just say 'Thank you' that will make the experience enjoyable and both parties will feel appreciated 🙂

[virtue2332]

If they are going out of there way as in making an effort to go to you and give you a compliment chances are she is into you unless she just walks around to everyone complimenting. If you run into her and she compliments you it could be friendly but people are people and you have to think about the ways you compliment and what they mean. We are all different people that have similar ways of doing things.