I hooked up with a co-worker. How should I act around him?

[DizzyLizzy]

This guy and I have had so much tension between each other for about 8 months. A few weeks ago, we finally hooked up. He said he really had been wanting to kiss me for a really long time.

Since then, he's been acting a little weird, which is hurtful, because I had the impression we would be hanging out more. I guess we went into it with different expectations. I know he has a female friend that is pressuring him to date her, so that is a handful, but I think it's rude for him to treat me like this.

Should I say anything or just pretend nothing happened?

[Tamikaze]

Considering the way he is acting, you need to act like you just don't care, like nothing ever happened. I realize that could be very difficult.

Unfortunately, if you hookup with someone you see regularly and they just wanted sex, they can act oddly after out of fear that you will get the wrong idea. They can even back off of flirting out of concern that you will think they want to date you or have feelings for you. It's enough to cause them to just not want to try and have sex again.

Warning, sometimes even acting cool is not enough to fix the weirdness. The guy can just overall be one who enjoys the hunt and then feels completely awkward after. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

If you say anything it may make things awkward. "Pressuring him to date her?" Isn't it his decision who he dates? I feel like guys use that as an excuse

[DizzyLizzy]

True, but he didn't tell me that, though. He told our mutual friend that she's pressuring him. They are friends and he doesn't think it's a good idea.

[indelible]

He might have had superficial/sexual feelings only towards you but nothing more. If that's the case then I can see why he'd be awkward after having hooked up with you.

The best way to find out is to talk to him alone sometime. Just be casual about it (sure the talk is hardddd but you'll be glad to know). "So, was what we had just a casual thing for you or are you interested in me?" something like that..

[DizzyLizzy]

Yeah. That will be hard. I am afraid if I tell him I have stronger feelings then things will get even MORE awkward.

[indelible]

Yeah,so just see where he stands towards you - if it's just casual, then you can quit hoping and waiting?

[Anonymous]

Did you only kiss when you "hooked up" or did you have sex?

[DizzyLizzy]

The latter.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like he got what he wanted from the encounter and has moved on now...

[DizzyLizzy]

I just think it's risky to do that sort of thing with someone you work with.

[Opinion Owner]

...then why did you have sex with him?

[DizzyLizzy]

Because I assumed if he was taking that risk, it meant that he didn't just want a hookup that would turn weird and awkward, that maybe he actually wanted to start hanging out. Oh well.

[Opinion Owner]

... but isn't that backwards reasoning?If he wanted to start hanging out with you (aka building a relationship) then he would've just asked you to hang out. Guys that want sex before anything else are never trying to build a foundation for anything serious.

[DizzyLizzy]

I guess. Dudes make it so hard, I always expect the best intentions and find myself unpleasantly surprised.

[Tamikaze]

It is true, if you want to find a guy who wants to build a relationship or hang out with you, and you don't want these unpleasant surprises, you need to leave sex out of the mix. I agree with the comment "Guys that want sex before anything else are never trying to build a foundation for anything serious".

[DizzyLizzy]

Yeah, but we have a foundation already. We've known each other for months and hang out in the same group of friends.

[Opinion Owner]

It's pretty straightforward with guys actually. If a guy is interested in having a relationship with you he's going to ask you out and take you on dates. If a guy just wants to jump into bed with you he doesn't want a relationship.

[DizzyLizzy]

I think that's a broad statement. I don't think all guys are like that.

[Opinion Owner]

Obviously it's hard to encompass all guys in a single statement. However, as a general rule of thumb you shouldn't be jumping into bed with anyone (male or female) if your ultimate goal is to have a relationship with them.

[Tamikaze]

I agree. A guy who really sees potential in a relationship with you would not just come up to you and say they have been dying to kiss you and plant one on you. That is a player move. I also would never consider just hanging in the same group or working together as any sort of protection from a guy just wanting sex. I have heard of opposite-gender friendships where they finally have sex, and the guy moves on. I would just avoid having sex and stick with dating until you really know him.

[properplay]

like normal. or very subtle about it. I actually think it's very attractive to look like you're just carrying on like normal.