What I Think Most Women Want From a Guy

[AlwaysBelieving]

Please keep in mind this is from a person that has limited dating experience and hasn't had a LTR. This is also from a male to female POV.

So this is what I think a gal wants from a guy. Essentially it comes down to her feeling safe and secure without being bored.

We've all heard (not only here on G@G) that girls want a "bad boy." I will tell you what I think of what they mean by that. Below is what I THINK a girl has in her head of a bad boy. Please keep in mind this is just an image of what a bad boy can portray.

Also, the guy may or may not smoke, have a leather jacket, etc. One thing is for certain though, he does treat women "badly." By badly, I mean what so many say is the opposite of what a nice guy would do. The bad boy (from now on, I'll just say "TBB" for simplicity sake), does what he wants, when he wants. He will (this is just conjecture here) make and break dates. He's the opposite of dependable without me getting into it all. TBB may be abusive in its various forms (emotional, physical, verbal, and any or all combinations of these). He keeps you wondering what what his true feelings towards you are (once you're in a relationship with him). As women (humans in general really), you want to know that you're wanted (I'll try to explain more later). He keeps you excited because you don't really know what will happen next (This is the simplified version since I don't want this to get too long).

When you think of a nice guy, this image probably comes to mind.

While he may be nice, he's probably too nice. He does whatever you want, when you want to do it. He doesn't assert himself at all. In other words, he's a door mat. Eager to please and keeps his true feelings bottled up. There is NO backbone to the guy. Sure, he's easy to be around since he caters to your every whim, but he leaves something to be desired. You feel little to no sexual attraction towards him. Nothing on him since he doesn't tease / flirt with you (aka, creating sexual tension). The nice guy (TNG) thinks that if he's a friend even after telling a girl that he's interested in her, that he'll "wear her down." TNG may or may not blow / become bitter towards women when he finally does ask his crush out. This is probably why TNG gets a bad wrap not only on G@G, but the world in general.

Another person on G@G preferred to call him "the kind guy."

In the endI think that women want a guy that will be good to them, yet also stand up to them / assert himself when he has an opinion.

[Nyx_85]

I've dated what you have described as 'TBB' (minus the abusive part) and the results were severe anxiety on my part. Not knowing where you stand with someone, having them break dates, dismiss you, being totally uncertain and feeling like they don't really care are not good feelings. You may get insecure and try really hard at first but the novelty eventually wears off. For me it didn't last long.

I've also dated 'TNG'. One of my exes was such a NICE GUY. Like he would give you the clothes off his back and the boots on his feet in the middle of a snow storm if you said you were a little chilly and walk through the snow half naked and with no boots on... Ok I'm exaggerating but that's close. He was always doing things for people. Buying them things, paying my people's drinks and dinner, lending them money, driving them places... and always complaining about it. I would tell him "Why don't you say no?" "Oh because I don't want to offend them" he would say. One time we were having a good morning, cuddling in bed. His phone goes off and he suddenly gets up and says he has to go. I ask him why and he tells me that he told his ex he would take her to run some errands. "I don't really want to. I want to stay in bed with you" he said. "Well... why can't she find someone else to help her?" I asked. "Well you know... I said I would. And I feel bad for her... She's got kids you know... And she's hasn't been feeling well." This was a CONSTANT thing with him. I put up with it without saying much but it got to the point where it was affecting our relationship.

What we want is something in between.

[10dsw]

Oh yea god I second your last sentence

No different for girls - you either get girls that are too nice/boring in bed/clingy OR girls that are super slutty/heartless etc. I wish more "something in between" existed

[capturemyheartnow]

Women want 3 things from their men (1) Cleanliness---Wear neat and clean clothes. Trim your pubic hair and finger nails. Clean your hands , and teeth. Shower before sex. (2 Presence--Be more present and less "in your head" trying to DO your lover instead of just simply connecting with her. (3) Communication---Using words like "OK baby. instead of Thank You" when she gives you feedback. Encourage her to give more feedback. They should know how to get closer to their desire with experience. When asking question give her choices and wait for feedback. This feedback allows you to give her more pleasure and allows you to feel more confident that you are doing the right things.------All women like guys with masculine qualities , the guys who know how to approach girls first.. He needs to be the man of strength (i. e taking the lead , being in-charge , being the emotionally stronger one ) . He should be strong enough to joke around with her , who is not intimidated by her charm and beauty , etc. He should know how to trigger her feelings of sexual attraction by the way he behaves and interacts with her. He needs to be confident , charismatic and interesting to talk to her and make her laugh and make her more feminine to make her drop her defense which she is using to test you. He should always take the lead and be more dominant one when he meets her , take her out on a date , and get her into the relationship. When this woman feels protected , she will feet relaxed and accept her feminine role and this gives the man an advantage to get to her heart. Once the heart surrenders everything is yours.

[capturemyheartnow]

Thanks for the MHO.

[SmartButBroke]

It's hard to explain, but I think the crux of the matter is here:

"He keeps you wondering what what his true feelings towards you are... He keeps you excited because you don't really know what will happen next."

And this is not coming from me in terms of what I like; this is based on my experiences with women, because women who like women discard "nice girls," too.

The thing I don't think guys understand is you don't have to be a total jerk to women in order for women to be attracted to you. I notice that women like me most either when I show zero interest in them, they're confused about whether or not I'm interested in them, and/or I'm verbally a jerk in the sense that I call them out on their schitt and don't seem to be worried about how they will respond, i. e. "stand up to them." If you stand up to a woman, it's something you have to start out doing; you can't get into the relationship, get mad and then start trying to fight for yourself out of the blue. They won't like that, they're not used to that dynamic. But I consistently notice that middle issue being the main thing, i. e. confusion about how you feel about them... like, almost every woman seems to respond to that, whereas some women don't want you standing up to them and some will move on if you don't show interest.

With nice guys, I don't know that the issue is being a doormat... I think it's that they blatantly are into the chick, and some probably express/show it too much. I know this is the biggest mistake I've made in relationships, just going overboard with attention, affection, etc. *Almost every relationship that I see that endures, the woman seems to obviously care more about the guy. The guy is not emotionally expressive that often, he does just enough of it or when the woman gets mad/hurt about how he doesn't express/show how he feels about her. At some point, obviously the woman is not "confused," but she is definitely the more expressive one and the one putting more into the relationship, even if she doesn't realize it.*

Essentially, I think women want relatively unemotional guys--not jerks or bad boys or "nice guys". It's just that the jerks and the bad boys display the "unemotional" quality because, obviously, they often don't give a schitt about the chick (she thinks he does, but he doesn't). Most women don't want you to not give a schitt; they want you to care/love but to kind of hold it back, or else they're bored, overwhelmed or feel like you care more than them.

[Indian-African]

Exactly instead of putting on a facade why not be genuine and be yourself.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Thanks for writing. It's as if you finished some of my unfinished thoughts.

[Kitty44]

Nope. You really need to take a look behind the curtain, my friend, at what we see:

The bad boy is never mean to the girl he is trying to get with. To you, he looks like a bad guy and you wonder, why the hell would that girl date him? Well guess what? You're not my friend, I don't know you, and I don't know him. You assume we have information we do not have.

When I dated the "bad boy" he acted like a sweet, nice guy who was very "complicated" ... he had a lot of problems and really needed me to be there for him. He was in love with me, I was so beautiful, he'd never met anyone so special as me. He'd had a hard life, and just wanted a girl to love him.

I was young and stupid so I fell for it. In fact, we're TAUGHT to fall for that crap by media that tell us we should be kind-hearted talks-to-animals types who make birds fly in our windows to do the dishes or whatever. Women are supposed to be kind and nurturing, we're socialized that way. We want to save the bird with the broken wing, and we have no idea (unless somebody who ISN'T trying to bone us tells us) that he's being super nice to us one minute and then cheating or talking to his friends about "boning" us the next.

The "nice guy" is not nice because guess what? He's hanging around the prettiest, most popular girl trying to "wear her down" while blowing off every other girl. She might fall for it for about five seconds in a moment of weakness before it dawns on her that he is just another manipulative jerk playing the angles. He doesn't have the looks of Mr. Puppy in the rain but he makes up for it by feeding us the same guilt our parents did and making us feel "mean" and "judgemental": two horrible things "good girls" are NOT allowed to be.

How awful would it be to judge this poor, nice guy on his looks EXACTLY THE WAY HE JUDGES US? Eventually, even if we date this guy, we quickly realize that he did have other choices, but zeroed in on the "hot girl" he thought he "deserved" even though he's a complete superficial jerk.

Finally, the "nice guy" is often the WORST to date because he has zero social skills (obvi, since he's been stalking some girl forever). They usually only want to stalk you and don't have much of an actual sex drive. Most of them will dump you the minute you sleep with them, or spend the whole relationship second-guessing you and waiting to be dumped. They've seen more porn than real women, so they're also obsessively superficial and angry at real women for not being CGI.

[sjoes006]

I don't care about looks so long as you aren't morbidly obese and then it isn't even a looks thing it's a we can't do the same things thing.

All I really ask for in a man I want to be with is acceptance and dedication which I will equally provide to you no matter the ups or downs. Of course if you beat me, our kids or rape someone these acts would lead to us parting ways but I still wouldn't screw You over financially and you could see the kids within what is reasonably supervised until you sort yourself out.

I think I'm most women and I think these values are what any healthy man or woman wants. Don't violate me, mutual trust, honesty within reason and we stick together.

We aren't here to gain anything tangible from one another but gain the intangible. A Union and a family that we hold even if homeless living ina tent camp. In fact in my experience when I've suffered financial hardships of any kind in a relationship and made it through those are happy times, the suffering.

You know why they are trulywith you and it is t about things. Also less is more. Fancy dinners don't really make you happy.

Good never tastes as good as when you are poor. I used to your manage for smaller acts in my early twenties and man you can make eggs taste however you want them to taste.

These days I'm actually pretty ashamed of the places I prefer not to eat at. That said it isn't a flavor issue alone but a healthy living issue.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Why do I get the feeling this is "the short version"?

[Anonymous]

girls look for a guy that is "exciting" but still shows them their attraction
but who isn't overly eager in showing it all the time

a nice guy often showers a girl with their affection to the point it ain't genuine anymore or like; " get a life, u annoy me"

a "bad boy" often shows just enough, and doesn't feel the need constantly portray his affection...
His affection towards you might be articulated through verbal language, body language and/or time spend with the girl

this doesn't mean he acts like a real jerk or asshole, no he just knows how to give the girl a good and fun time and thats the type of thing everyone is attracted to= someone exciting

the mysterie part often comes from either;
the guy not being an open book
the guy has his own life and needs, so is often distant causing mysterie

this doesn't mean girls dont like being complimented, heck everyone likes being complimented

but a nice guy often just goes overboard and feels the need to show them and expect something back
whilst for example the bad guy, might just drop one or two compliments that are genuine (meaning he doesn't expect something back) and might just playfully tease her for the rest of the time

its basically , u trying to have a good time, without really worrying about impressing her... If you are who you are during date or anything, you'll have more chances of fancying her, and if not then u just werent meant to be

[BrileyCat]

after 7 days of wild delusional speculations of what women want from a guy .
including money looks dick and more dick . not one word by male or female
about wanting respect or faithfulness . without those, relationships are illusions .
respect and faithfulness is more important to girls and women than looks and money .
just so you know .

[AlwaysBelieving]

Good call,. Anything else?

[JohnDoe3000]

Well, obviously you shouldn't be a doormat to a woman. But overall I think mytakes and articles like this one underestimate the role of physical attraction.

A lot of bad boys only get girls because they're very handsome in the first place and girls just let them get away with more shit because they're so handsome so these guys turn into entitled assholes because of that. And if you're more of a nice guy, but considered very handsome by a (mentally stable) girl she won't demand you'll be constantly keeping her intrigued as much, because there is already a strong attraction and she doesn't need to be distracted as much.

[victoriameliegray]

For me it's mostly a "bad boy" that keeps things mysterious, smart, able to keep up and understand my puns and jokes quickly😂and crack some of his own. Can keep things exciting etc. I've only met one guy that was like this so far.

So no, that does not include smoking, leather jackets or excessive drinking.

[PrincessPie]

Worryingly i kinda agree with this.. and that last picture lol.

[TheUsername27]

So someone who is a cunt to others but nice to you? That says a lot about the girl if she would be happy with someone like that.

[PrincessPie]

@TheUsername27 Yes i think there's plenty of girls who are okay with this...
I don't agree with this.. but have seen it many times.

[TheUsername27]

It makes sense why this utter cunt at my school was so popular with girls. Yes he was good looking but one hell of a dick. I have a friend who used to attack those kind of dudes... i sometimes felt bad when the guy was with his girl but tbh that's what you get for being with a cunt.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Why are you worryingly (kinda) agreeing with this? I'm just trying to understand (and learn).

[PrincessPie]

Well its because its worrying lol i mean lots are not good things are they

[ADFSDF1996]

I think this also might be one of the reasons why the myth of "women aren't visual" is still around. A lot of the guys that women tend to find physically attractive have poor morals but the guys who are nice, tend to have good morals from the female POV. This is why you might often see a hot woman with a below average man.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Good thought. I only was taking it from the "personality" of the guy.

[redeyemindtricks]

Uh... what? Dude you are literally just making stuff up, right now.

Couples with significantly mismatched levels of attractiveness are so rare that they're almost nonexistent.

[ADFSDF1996]

@redeyemindtricks In the city where I live, it's very common. I often see a very gorgeous woman with guy that is out of shape and wearing baggy and sagging shorts. Or I'll see a very gorgeous 30 year old woman with a much older guy. Most frequently I'll see a very gorgeous woman who has classy fashion with a below average guy that dresses in saggy pants, oversized shirts, backwards caps, and the face of a trouble maker.

[redeyemindtricks]

Honestly, I think you're reading too much into the clothing.
And/or you're just more likely to give the women greater credit for attractiveness, because... well, because you're attracted to women.
And/or you are underestimating the attractiveness of other guys who don't look like YOU (= the most common mistake made by both sexes, in my experience).

... because yeah.

I mean, boys are just more likely to have sloppy clothing, etc, because that's more acceptable for them. So, comparing on THAT basis is obviously unfair.

try to think of it as a percentile thing: if a woman is more attractive than, say, 70% of other women (... to the extent such a quantitative measure is possible -- work with me here lol), then, she'll get with a boy who is more attractive than 70% of other boys.

[ADFSDF1996]

@redeyemindtricks @redeyemindtricks It's not just their clothing, it's their faces. I'm straight/heterosexual but I can still tell if a guy is good looking or not. These guys are definitely not good looking.

[ADFSDF1996]

Sorry for the double tag, I'm not sure what happened.

[OlderAndWiser]

Women want to be entertained, made to feel secure, appreciated, and. . . they also want a man who arouses some lust or passion within them.

[Unit1]

What about money? Where does money come to play?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Unit1 made to feel secure

[Unit1]

😨😞😖😠 money

[OlderAndWiser]

@Unit1 Money is one form of security.

[Unit1]

I find money disgusting these days.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Unit1 If you have any which you would like to donate, I can suggest some worthy causes.

[Unit1]

I try to support a worthy cause, which involves me relocating to the USA and become a permanent resident there. So far 0 progress.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Unit1 Do you have work skills which would be in demand in the US?

[Unit1]

I have no idea. I should probably look into VISA sponsorship and the job market first.
And I do not know where to start looking.

I do finish up my college IT degree however in 2 months. Currently I am employed in a new and little IT company, that is based on USA San Diego. Not sure what my future holds for me but I do not want to be stuck in the 3. th world countries. Note, that I am not in Iceland.

I am doing a big role in QA and assistance in programming.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Unit1 Good luck!

[Unit1]

Thanks.

[AlwaysBelieving]

This really DOES go with your u/n (user name).

[OlderAndWiser]

I appreciate your kind words.

[CoolSky01]

what women want from guys? they have no idea my friend they literally do not know what they want, if she is genuinely a good person you can count on her being there for you and not cheating on you but even then she will have no idea what she wants , women dont know what they want from a guy so its useless to ask , just choose a decent loyal girl to date cause at least you will not get cheated on.

[BackAgain]

I tend to like bad boys meaning the ones that are assertive and have that don't give a F attitude. I'm a nice girl and nice guys just seem to watch the bitches so opposites attract. Besides a nice guy won't lead and take charge they usually don't so nothing happens and I resent them when or if I make the move on them

[lacorine197]

question so you want the guy to always message you first, when you say you like when they take charge, amirite?

[BackAgain]

@lacorine197 assuming you're the one who voted a thumbs down, I don't see why you care what my answer is to your question. Other than to maybe prove your point, amirite? 😚

[lacorine197]

Your assumption is wrong, I didn't thumbs you down, I am curious about your answer because I want to relate it to my situation, which is why you ask the question in the first place, don't be so immature.

[BackAgain]

@lacorine197 I tend to be immature but nevertheless to answer your question... I prefer a guy to initiate things like he's texting first. It's not a requirement but if he doesn't I know/assume he's not that into me

[lacorine197]

That's exactly what I was thinking most of the girls I've met are exactly how you prefer things, they want guys to text first all the time. I think that's why I have the problem cause I'm not a text first person. I've never been, even if I did I can't always do it cause it requires too much effort on my part and I feel like there's no interest coming from their way.

[BackAgain]

@lacorine197 I guess that's how everyone feels; no one wants to get/feel rejected.

But someone has to do it or else nothing will happen!
I don't necessarily want him to ALWAYS text first but more so in the beginning so I know that he actually likes me. There are some guys who let a girl (they so-so like) come on to them. I don't want that because once I stop texting I'll never hear from him... I guess that's one way to find out that he's not that into me.

I would text first but not often. I've done that and it doesn't feel good esp when a guy takes hours to text back and sometimes doesn't reply. Or never texts me unless I text him.

Ok there's been one time I texted first and then the guy stepped up to the plate and started texting me first! That was great... except I resented the fact that he didn't initiate it. Like I'm the one who asked to exchange numbers but I could tell he kinda liked me so maybe he was shy and needed a push?

[lacorine197]

He probably was shy, yeah that's the case with me, previously I used to like this girl like (like like) this girl and she does this exact thing, I guess she's used to being texted first or something, so that made me not be as attracted to her as I once was because like you said, it seems like she's not as interested in me, so right now, I'm good with being friends with her. If she's interested in the future though, I won't be able to reciprocate those feelings back because I think you know as well as I do, it's not fun having someone you once liked, not like you back, then a while later comes and all of a sudden.. they like you back

[BackAgain]

@lacorine197 Ya I when/if they like me back later, I can't take them seriously.
Well next time if you like a girl, don't text just call her up and ask her out! If it goes to voicemail she should call you back or text you asking why you called

[lacorine197]

Yeah exactly! I never like that later bs, and it seems to always happen, I'ma try the next time with this crush of mine

[BackAgain]

@lacorine197 lol it doesn't happen to me often. When it does I get mad that they weren't checking for me back then and I feel like an option

[lacorine197]

It doesn't happen to you often? Well, you got the luck of the stars. I need that same luck sprinkled on me. :D

[BackAgain]

@lacorine197 maybe it is luck. Less drama haha

[lacorine197]

Haha, very true.

[desidoll]

Women want a man who is mature, independent and the most important thing is he can provide for the future.

[Tomsta]

Can you tell that to girls between 17 and 25 as it seems they go after guy that are litterally none of the above... they are arsehole that have confidence

[desidoll]

@Tomsta I have met those kind yeah which is why I use *women* rather than girls. I tried advising them but all I got is "I know him better than you" 😑

[Tomsta]

I only see 'girls' and never women

[timesplittersxsxd]

yes because you are incapable of providing for yourself because you are a woman.

[desidoll]

@timesplittersxsxd true 😊

[Anonymous]

No. On the whole, we really do not want to date men who are fuckers and assholes and criminals, but just nice to us. We REALLY like stable, decent guys who have interests that we dig also. Some women also crave security.

Yes, there are some women who dig dating shitstains, but they're notably few in number.

Feminist men are THE SEXIEST though. By a million miles.

[AlwaysBelieving]

What do you think a feminist man is?

[Dale1982]

Women want a confident guy who can make them laugh and enjoy themselves. An arse licking muppet makes them puke. Fuckin stop putting them on a pedestal and start grabbing your balls. They want told what to do and for your to lead. They hate timid girls blouses that can't string 2 sentences together. They want a man to take them by the hand, they're girls after all. Women want to be treated like women and it takes a real man to know how that's done

[Anonymous]

Women only care about 3 things:

1. Looks (Height and Face)

2. Money

3. Social status (Job status, popularity, social connections)

[timesplittersxsxd]

Easily summed up and very accurate. MHO

[Anonymous]

I think for the most part girls want a guy that will both make them feel safe and secure as well as excite them.

[spnsfi]

Women don't know what they want, but they want it NOW!

[Warmapplecrumble]

Its someone who can protect you or stand up for you, yet is majority of the time very sweet to you..

[John_Doesnt]

I only clicked because of the hot ginger at the top.

You forgot to mention that most women want money and a huge dick.