Girls: why do you ignore/avoid speaking to shy guys who have a crush on you?

[Anonymous]

Just wondering why this happens; as a guy its really confusing?

Not interested; leave me alone!

Am interested but want you to talk first/make the first move

Other (Comment below)

I am a guy/see results

Updates

+1 y

How do we tell the difference between interested/not interested?

[spsophie]

I find a lot of shy guys either seem insecure and low value or stuck up and negative. This isn't necessarily true, but because you're extremely introverted with limited social skills, you either seem quiet because you think you're superior and aren't interested, or quiet because you know you're inferior and pathetic. This is true for girls too, at least in my experience since I'm introverted naturally. The world is built for extroverted people, so us shier people have to work on our social skills if we want to be found attractive and go anywhere in life. Practice making the first move, but don't be needy about it. Keep a flirty, confident tone but never say things like "you're the most beautiful girl I know, I need you, please don't ignore me, etc" because that makes you seem dependent and obnoxious. It's a huge turnoff, and something shy guys seem to do whenever they come out of their shells. If you're calm, positive and confident, you'll be way more attractive. If a girl is interested, she will respond to you when you talk to her and start conversations every so often. She'll probably have a flirty tone and try to present herself her best around you (wearing makeup, nice clothes, never acting gross).
There has to be some sort of chase where she's not 100% sure you like her, or she'll see you as a desperate guy and know she can do better. That being said, she has to have at least an idea that you might be interested, or she'll see you as distant and will move on.
Good luck :)

[Asker]

Thanks, really helpful! Do you think this note will show her i am interested www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[Asker]

Better link? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[ValueSize]

Up until recently, it was because I had a boyfriend and as a loyal, committed girlfriend, I wasn't reciprocating ANYONE'S interest.

But now, it's simply because I need an extrovert. With my personality type, I need an extroverted, confident guy who is openly willing to put himself out there and come to events with me *I'm a personal assistant*, someone who is excited about going to festivals and supporting me at large social outings. I find that my life is a lot more fun as an extrovert and I'd like an extrovert to compliment my lifestyle. I also honestly don't have the patience to deal with shy guys in a dating or relationship situation. That requires a lot of extensive effort and at this phase in my life, I sincerely don't have time for that. I'd be worried that I would ALWAYS end up taking the lead and being assertive when needed and that would just get frustrating.

[vmw2008]

I don't ignore or avoid, I just don't have the energy to do all the work. The last shy guy I dated made me do everything and never made a great impression on my friends and family. He just didn't try really. I'm not really attracted to the ones who don't make initiative or put in effort, but that's just me.

[Asker]

I don't get it though she tried to talk a few times and I clammed up and now ignores me. When i called her about a job she was really confident on the phone and sounded pleased to her from me. I called her at home since i know her dad and don't have her number. I sent her a note after the call to thank her and explaining i am shy would this make her more willing to talk? Here is a link to the note i sent her. Will it make me easier to approach/talk to in future from a girls perspective? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[vmw2008]

The link is not working for me, but I think she just may not be interested in the extra work if you know what i mean. It's not as if you'd established an intense interest and then needed to work on a few things. It was very beginning stages, and it's just a lot of effort. I don't know that a note explaining why she has to do most of the work is going to change anything.

[Asker]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react I wasn't explaining why she had to do all the work as you will see

[vmw2008]

I think the note was well written

[Asker]

? What would you think when receiving it

[vmw2008]

I'd just think you were being polite and not think much about it after that really. What is it that you're expecting her to do?

[Asker]

I don't know next time I see her she might at least give me the time of day perhaps?

[Anonymous]

That works the other way around, as well. Shy guys often avoid speaking to their crushes.

[Potatoe]

If I know a shy guy has a crush on me and I don't talk to him, I'm not interested and I'm trying to make him forget me. (Sorry). If I was interested I would go talk to him, because as he is shy waiting for him to talk to me would take a very long time. :)

[Asker]

I don't get it though she tried to talk a few times and I clammed up and now ignores me. When i called her about a job she was really confident on the phone and sounded pleased to her from me. I called her at home since i know her dad and don't have her number. I sent her a note after the call to thank her and explaining i am shy would this make her more willing to talk? Here is a link to the note i sent her. Will it make me easier to approach/talk to in future from a girls perspective? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[Potatoe]

Hey, you're that shy guy who asked if you should call a girl to talk about a job, and you said you were really shy? I remember your question :)
Unfortunately I can't open your note, sorry :c
But I think you should relax and just talk to her, I mean you have nothing to lose. Think that tomorow is the end of the world (as far as we know, it can be!), will you waste your only opportuity to get the girl of your dreams because of your shiness?
I know I'm being a bit unrealistic, but the thing is: I used to be really shy, but now I can control my shiness good enough. I mean, I learned to act as I'm not shy and to have courage enough to be able to talk to people I want to. So I understand how you're feeling. And I also can tell that you really like her, and you're not after her just because she's hot. So I really want you to talk to her because ahhhh any girl would be lucky to have a boy that is so in love with her, and she will never know how lucky she is if you don't speak up!

[Asker]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react here is a link that works :-)

[Potatoe]

I think it was okay, you were nice thanked her and explained you're shy. It was sweet, but there was something missing: you should had asked her out in that note!

[Potatoe]

Or say something like "I'd like to talk to you more often"

[Asker]

Will she know from the note that I like her

[Potatoe]

hm... Depends. I would understand, because it's not everyone that leaves a note after calling. But you weren't very specific about it, so maybe she'll just think you're being nice..

[CommieDearest]

Being shy can come across as stand offish and/or rude to be honest, because it looks the same from a third party perspective. I know shy people can't help, but it can be hard to distinguish between the two. If you're so shy, how would she know you like her? I'd recommend initiating small talk.

[Asker]

she tried to talk a few times and I clammed up and now ignores me. When i called her about a job she was really confident on the phone and sounded pleased to her from me. I called her at home since i know her dad and don't have her number. I sent her a note after the call to thank her and explaining i am shy would this make her more willing to talk? Here is a link to the note i sent her. Will it make me easier to approach/talk to in future from a girls perspective? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[CommieDearest]

I can't follow the link, but she might not be interested or she was put off by the note since it's a little unorthodox. It wouldn't bother me, personally, but she may just not be into it.

[Asker]

Better link? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react i haven't seen her since i sent the note so don't know how she will have taken that

[XRabbitHeartX]

That is definitely me trying to show him I'm not interested. I don't know how girls can say they are willing to ignore a guy full on IF they have a crush on him and knows he feels the same. That makes zero sense. I don't understand that logic. If I'm into a guy, I won't ignore him ever. I'll make eye contact, smile and do everything I can to show him the feeling is mutual.

[Maosource]

Wow, girls are weird. I'm the only one pressing "not interested"
Anyway, if I was interested I would do anything to talk to that eprson. If I felt he was interested, while I'm not I would avoid him and ignore him to avoid giving him mixed signals.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Amen. I thought the same thing.

[Asker]

I don't get it though she tried to talk a few times and I clammed up and now ignores me. When i called her about a job she was really confident on the phone and sounded pleased to her from me. I called her at home since i know her dad and don't have her number. I sent her a note after the call to thank her and explaining i am shy would this make her more willing to talk? Here is a link to the note i sent her. Will it make me easier to approach/talk to in future from a girls perspective? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[Maosource]

That note was really awkward... You really shouldn't have left that, if she had feelings for you, you would know... I'm sorry but going into depth like you did seem somewhat needy, and O think you scared her off... In all honesty it wouldn't scare me off completely if I was her, but really do NOT approach her before she does, led hear lead now. You put the ball in her court

[Asker]

So how would that note have made you feel towards me if you were her?

[Maosource]

It's hard to say, as I am not her and I don't know what she previously may have felt, but I would probably feel a little suffocated, I wouldn't cut contact with you completely though. Just give her some space to think, I think she'll return to you at some point

[dominiquois]

I'm reserved myself so it naturally wouldn't work out unless we worked at the same place or something like that.

[Asker]

I don't get it though she tried to talk a few times and I clammed up and now ignores me. When i called her about a job she was really confident on the phone and sounded pleased to her from me. I called her at home since i know her dad and don't have her number. I sent her a note after the call to thank her and explaining i am shy would this make her more willing to talk? Here is a link to the note i sent her. Will it make me easier to approach/talk to in future from a girls perspective? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react

[dominiquois]

Well, I'm sorry to hear about that :/
She gave up I guess because she lost interest I see.
I think a guy mailing me a card is cute and adorable. It's very thoughtful.

[ktmac]

Personally i just got out of a relationship and i didn't want to get right back to flirting. other times its because i friend zoned the guy and didn't want him to get hurt. sorry!

[Asker]

No need to apologise how can I tell the difference between not interested and interested. The girl I like used to try and talk but I clammed up/was too shy to talk. She talked to me really confidently on the phone and made small talk but will ignore me in person even if there is no one else around

[ktmac]

I've been in that situation and it can be really frustrating, i think the best way to break that is to try to find things to talk about, maybe even think in advance what can start a conversation. if that doesn't work there's not much else you can do if she doesn't make an effort and vice versa. (i dont think the guy should have to do all of the work ya know)

[Anonymous]

Shy guys make me uncomfortable

[Asker]

why?

[Opinion Owner]

Too quiet. Growing up my daddy always said the quiet ones are sneaky.

[Asker]

how can I tell the difference between not interested and interested. The girl I like used to try and talk but I clammed up/was too shy to talk. She talked to me really confidently on the phone and made small talk but will ignore me in person even if there is no one else around

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not sure. I've never been one to do that. I'm more out going with shy guys but their shyness translates as coldness and I start to think they hate me.

[Asker]

Would you think a shy guy hated you if he sent you this?

[Asker]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1048449-if-a-shy-guy-mailed-you-a-card-like-this-how-would-you-react sorry forgot to paste link

[Opinion Owner]

No. Not at all.

[Asker]

Would it make you more willing to talk to him again

[Opinion Owner]

It depends on if it's business related or not because it seems y'all have a business relationship