I told a girl that I liked her, but she hasn't replied?

[Anonymous]

So I've been hanging out several times with this girl who is also one of my ex's best friends. We've gone out several times just me and her to dinner/movies/shopping/drinking. The past few times I've gone to pick her up and we've gotten pretty drunk together. Recently, I told her that I liked her, but she hasn't responded to my msg. She ignored me a few days and later that week I asked if she wanted to meet up for dinner. She said yes, but that a guy friend was visiting her. So we and a couple of mutual friends all go out to eat and have a few drinks. It was a bit awkward at first because it was the first time we saw each other after I told her. But things turned back to normal and we were all having fun together. So my question is why doesn't she say yes or no? and what about that other guy she brought with her. she said he was just a friend. she seemed to treat me with special attention when we were at dinner and he appeared to be a bit pissed.

Updates

+1 y

btw when we do go out we take turns with the check. so I don't think she's using me for $. but the night we went out with our mutual friends and her "visiting friend" she asked for a separate check.

Updates

+1 y

is she leading me on? or does she like me but is having conflict with me being her friend's ex? does she like that other guy? she seemed to have special treatment towards me asking me to eat off her plate and he didn't seem to like that. mybe he likesher?

Updates

+1 y

ex is in another state for school now and I even brought up that subject of dating a friend's ex and she pretty much said it should be fair game.

[swagger]

Why don't YOU ask your ex Girlfriend if it would be OK if you asked one of her friends out on a date. Don't tell her which one and see what her answer is. If she says she is cool about it mention it to your love interest.

Chances are she (the bestie) will already know about it before you speak to her anyway and you will get your ex's real opinion from her. If she was cool with it when she was telling her best mate then go for it again. I will warn you that it is likely that the sitaution will change once your ex gets wind that it's her best mate that you like! But then that's her problem.

She need never know that the best mate knew all along. But the truth always has a funny way of coming out :)

[PhatPat]

Sweetie, I'm sorry to be harsh, but her ignoring you and the awkwardness you guys had WAS her answer "no". If she was feeling the same way for you she would have told you when you told her your feelings. I'm sure part of it too is that you're her best friend's ex...that's just a big no-no in the Girl World.

Bottom line - if you want to continue being her friend, accept that you've received your answer, realize that she's letting it go and you should let it go too. Good luck hun, I know it's not easy to have feelings for someone but be "just friends"...but I'd rather be friends than nothing at all :)

[Asker]

i sent a message and even included that if she didn't feel the same that it was OK. but she's that much of a coward that she can't say no? that's a huge turn off.

[EliBaby]

It's basically part of the best friend rule book to not date other frieds' exes. And her ignoring you was her answer of no. And maybe she was scared to tell you that. So she thought ignoring you was the next best thing? I don't exactly know for sure.

But, you should just take in that she doesn't have the same, mutual feelings for you and just keep truckin' forward. Plenty of other women out there. So open yourself up to them.

Go back to being friends.

It's better than losing her friendship.

[Asker]

the thing is, one of the nights when we were drinking I brought up the subject of dating a friend's ex and she said that it should be fair game. plus my ex is in another state for school.

[Asker]

is it possible she does have feelings but is refusing to act on them? recently a mutual girl friend has been trying to get me to go out with them knowing that I know she will be there. normally I would just quit pursuing but I'm getting so many mixed signals.

[EliBaby]

So you asked her spontaneously? If you did, then maybe she thinks that it's fair game for other people, but maybe not for her. That's what I'm getting from it. I can't really give you an exact answer, cause from what I'm getting from you is that she doesn't have as strong of feelings for you as you do for her. So...just play it safe for now and wait for more actions to come from her.

[Asker]

thanks. her friend is already trying to drag me out this weekend. but I don't know if I should go. I think I'm more put off by the fact that I wasn't even worth the time to reject.

[EliBaby]

Nahh, don't start dwelling already. Just go out and have fun. No harm in that!