My girlfriend has body dysmorphia. She is so scared of her body that she can't even take her shirt off in front of me. Help?

[Anonymous]

Ladies how do I help my girlfreind with body dysmorphia? I'm constantly constantly complementing her so she can gain confidence and love her body. She is not fat or ugly. She is the prettiest girl on earth but she does not acknowledge that. I tried talking to her about the dysmorphia and she ended up breaking down in front of me. What do u ladies do to build ur confidence?

Updates

+1 y

We both have been having sex from last 3 years with lights off and it's not about sex. I just want her to be confident. She is so pretty and she's not chubby either, Weighs 163 pounds.

[Warmapplecrumble]

People have always commented how I am ugly since a early age and say very mean things to me. It's always women. And online it's men also.

But I like the image I see in the mirror. I had to look at myself in the mirror and accept myself. I don't care anymore about other people. That made me confident. I know I am not ugly at least to myself. And I don't really care too much about other people. It also helped to acknowledge that all humans have flaws.

I guess you need her to go therapy cause if she doesn't fix this it will get worse and worse. Also the problem is what others have said to her and how many people tell her nonsense.

[Warmapplecrumble]

Thanks for MHO 😊

[octoberbabe]

You could try getting naked in the dark if that helps her feel more comfortable. I do feel like you have to take baby steps in order to get fully comfortable being naked with your partner in any situation. Give her time and space and don’t pressure her. If you need somebody to be able to take their shirt off for you right now, then it’s better to look for somebody else. Don’t try to make her change if she’s not ready. Therapy could help. You could ask her about why she feels uncomfortable doing so, it might be related to past trauma that she needs to work through in order to get to a better place.

[Asker]

I love her and we do have sex with lights off. It's not about sex. I love her more than anything I just want her to be confident. She is not fat or anything, she is so beautiful.

[octoberbabe]

Aw you are so sweet. Do you know where her body dismorphia comes from? Has she always been afraid in that way? I’m sure she is beautiful. She just cannot see it herself right now. In the end she has to help herself work through whatever is holding her back, but in the meantime all you can do is continuously support her, be curious, and help build her up where you can.

[Asker]

Dysmorphia is because of few stretch Marks she has on her belly and butt.

[octoberbabe]

Gotcha - no big deal at all. I hope her confidence builds.

[melisa53]

Tell her she's beautiful always. Also, take it step by step such as if she's wearing a big shirt, tell her to wear a shirt her size, after she gets comfy with that, tell her to wear a tight fitted tshirt, after that, maybe a tight fitted tank top, get smaller and tighter everytime, obviously don't boss her around with what she should wear but tell her shed look great in them, or let her in on the plan and let her know you are trying to help her and tell her to take it step by step 1 week she can start off with the big shirt, then regular shiz shirt, fitted shirt tank top, crop top, nakey.

[btbc92]

She shouldn't be taking her short off in front of you. She didn't need compliments. She needs for you to respect her and allow her to deal with her issues with her body. So what if she was fat or ugly. You should be able to love her wither she was fat or ugly the same for women to guys. What you had understand she is not having sex and doing all of that because you wants to. She's doing well that because she feels obligated to or else you feel you will never be wanting to stay with her. She's doing that for the past three years because she's afraid.

[AudreyB88]

I doubt that complimenting her body would have a positive effect. It feels as if you're focusing on certain aspects of her, or only care about her physical appearance which would make her feel much worse.
There's not much you can do except be supportive, and encourage her to see a therapist.

[QueenTanya]

if you haven't done so already, why don't you get naked in front of her? show her that you aren't uncomfortable because you love her and encourage her to follow suit. give her time though and lay off the pressure, you can't force this kind of stuff.

[Asker]

I've been naked in front of her several times and she doesn't mind it.

[AliyahMia]

She has a mental disorder and therefore needs professional help. However usually in situations like this people will refuse to get help because it makes them feel even worse knowing they have a problem. I think you should suggest a counselor and say you'll go with her if she wants that.

[AppleBlossomGirl]

Even though you find her beautiful, she doesn't see that herself. I was told by guys/girls that I was beautiful never believed them of course. I only got over it when I finally got help for my family doctor. I was told about a lot of ways to help myself get over it. I now have fully recovered.

[sejla]

I'm assuming she in therapy for this. I'm not sure how you can really help other than taking baby steps with her. Like someone else said for now allowing her to get undressed in the dark. Maybe going to get massages from a woman massage therapist would get her more relaxed with being semi nude in a controlled setting. . Even women who don't have body dysmorphia to this extent will get weird about being naked like they are too thin or over weight. That is why so many women have sex in the dark.

[sejla]

Maybe like someone else said make it a non issue. If she can't get naked with you with the lights on just work with it the best you can.

[BossBaybieShan1988]

I feel the same about myself as she does. I've been picked on for being overweight and I almost died from starving myself to lose the weight, it hurts to feel that way. I was the same with my ex boyfriend. Just keep letting her know that you love her inside and out and that she, her face, her body is beautiful to you. And if she ever needs to talk please tell her I'd help... It's easier to talk with another female who has been through how she is feeling. She will eventually see just how much you love her and her body

[whipitout]

I recently did a course on ways to address things like this with friends or loved ones. I don’t have time right now but reply to this and I’ll happily add some info tomorrow 😊

[Asker]

Thanks

[whipitout]

I assume you’ve discussed it previously because you are aware of her diagnosis (I’m also assuming here that this is an official diagnosis). But the first thing you can do is be understanding and non-judgemental. Make it clear that you want to support her in whatever way helps her and try not to assume that you know what those things may be (to some extent you can guess, but just be careful).

You can reassure her that you think she’s beautiful and worthy of love, but ultimately she feels the way she feels and that is her reality, so trying to convince her otherwise isn’t going to work if this is a genuine problem, which body dysmorphia is. In her reality, her body is ugly or unsightly or whatever way she feels it is. Be aware that for some people, compliments can actually be unhelpful because they draw attention to their physical features and may trigger negative self talk (thoughts such as ‘No I’m not beautiful!’ May pop into their heads) - honestly, it’d be good to ask whether it helps when you compliment her.

It also doesn’t hurt to validate her about other aspects of her. Body dysmorphia isn’t actually about appearance. It may seem to be, but it’s much more than that and is an outward expression of a mental problem. She is going to need to see a professional to get help if she isn’t already. If she is then the best thing you can do is book an appointment with them where you go with her and tell the professional that you’d like to learn what to do to help her. If she isn’t seeing someone, encourage her to go. Don’t force her, but offer to go with if that’ll help. Offer to help her find someone suitable and experienced, or to take her to the GP for a referral.

That’s all pretty general advice but I’m happy to chat if you want to pm me. But remember I’m not a professional! I’ve done a mental health first aid course but I can’t diagnose things and I can’t tell you what would be best for your girlfriend, I can just make suggestions :)

[leahzrc]

Just dont talk about her body or even attempt to touch it, once she feels comfortable with you on another level, she will be able to make a decision on opening up that part of herself to you

[Shygirl2159]

All I can recommend is patience and for u to be kind to her and compliment her a lot. If it's super extreme maybe try to get her into therapy u want her to be happy with herself

[SydneySentinel]

If she has body dysmorphia, she's definitely going to need therapy. You can be loving and supportive but she needs professional help as well. Do you think she would talk to someone?

[taleets]

I have had the same situation with an ex. Honestly, there isn’t much you can do until she gets help. Usually body dysmorphia goes hand in hand with an eating disorder

[JustJen]

I don't think you can help her, at least not by yourself. She needs professional help. You could encourage her to seek therapy.

[JustJen]

Excuse me, not chubby but weighs 163 pounds? Ahahahahaha

[Asker]

How can I add a pic in the comments? I will show u what she looks like and u tell me if she is chubby.

[JustJen]

Either way, encourage her to seek therapy

[morimeme1]

You need to encourage her to see a therapist, this kind of thing doesn't just go away.

[chubbychintu]

Marry her then take her for counselling. Before that, she doesn't need to take her shirt off

[Anonymous]

How does she look? Is she fat?

[Asker]

No. Pretty. She has few stretch marks

[AngelLily]

I think you should get her some therapy.

[Anoniemus]

She needs a therapist.

[Shezadi]

I don't care about my looks or figure.

[proteus912]

She needs to see a counsellor and get help

[Anonymous]

Find clothes that look good on me

[Cassie094]

Maybe try starting with lights off at night.

[Cassie094]

I use to be self conscious about my height growing up therapy helped.