How long should I wait to contact a girl who got wishy washy about meeting up (but was initially very interested)?

[Anonymous]

She seemed legitimately interested earlier and had to reschedule for understandable reasons.

I’m leaving the ball in her court right now. I told her just to contact me when she had a good time time to come over. I’m not going to ask her again.

The last time I messaged her was on Saturday. She told me she could “hopefully” come over Sunday or Monday night. She asked about I planned on doing. I joked about teasing her, showing her my place I proudly fixed up and giving her a belated Christmas gift (it’s cheap/small but thoughtful). She responded with “ok I okay. I see!” I didn’t respond to that. Haven’t heard from her since.

I know better than to push it. Need to withdrawal and get her thinking about me. Asking her again to come over will just look needy. I have to avoid that at all costs.

But yet I’m feeling a strong urge to contact her again. I think it’s because she got my hopes earlier, I’m bored and she’s hot. Any advice to act like don’t give a f*ck? Hate being in this position.

Updates

+1 y

thanks for the responses guys.

Yeah I knew the right answer before I even asked this. I’m just getting shit tested and need some encouragement not to screw it up anymore.

I hate when women do this crap. But a cat is a cat and you need to LET it be a cat.

[extremelybored]

You do nothing and wait for her to come to you while you spend your time doing your hobbies or taking other women out. Also, why the fuck did you get her a Christmas gift dude? That was unnecessary and makes you look desperate especially if she flaked on you.

[Asker]

Nah the gift was bought before she came cancelled. It’s cheap and simple (it’s scented soap shaped as flowers). There is also a big age gap. She’s in her early 20s and I’m in my late 30s.

She said she wanted to meet up but keep it on the DL. Which tells me she’s interested in messing around but doesn’t want anybody to know about it. I’m completely fine with that. Her and I will never get into something long term all factors considered.

But you might have a point about the gift. I actually bought several boxes of them to hand out to other women in my family for Christmas gifts. I just had one box leftover. But still I of should of just kept that as a surprise.

Anyway yeah what you are saying is right. I just needed someone to tell me that. Not going to message her again for quite a while.

[HollyK21]

Honestly dude, you’re your own worst enemy right now lol, way too caught up in your ego and not being vulnerable rather than just acting on how you feel. You said it yourself, she had legitimate reasons to cancel, but now it looks like you’re offended and she probably feels really bad. Especially if you guys maintained regular conversation throughout the day and now you’re just like mute, if I were her, I’d think you lied about understanding my situation and now you’re ghosting me.

[Asker]

Nah I kept it friendly and conversational after she said she had to reschedule. She texted me Merry Christmas and responded back. I asked her what she was up to for the weekend and told her about what I was up to.

I have been flirty with her but I’ve been very careful not to say anything creepy. When she asked me “what are we going to do?” when she came over my place I felt like it was a loaded question. I had to answer it carefully but with a hint of being interested.

I’m fine with the conversation. But I need to know she’s interested for real. I’ve known this girl for 3 years by the way.

[Asker]

But overall I texted her much more than she texted me. My messages were also longer and more detailed. That’s making me worried.

[HollyK21]

Oh okay, you didn’t mention that in your initial statement lol. It sounds like you’re overthinking dude. I’m not sure what of her actions are wishy washy, it all seems straightforward but you are being guarded and leery, as not to do the wrong thing.

[Asker]

She won’t commit to a specific time to come over. I get things are going on but I can tell she’s not completely sure.

I’m know women generally do this. It’s a huge pain in the ass in the early stages of dating but us guys just have to deal with it. But past experience has taught me to never over pursue.

Anyway yes I’m overthinking this. I already know the right answer. Just focus on other things and if I hear from her great but if not no big deal.

I just think it’s the fact I had a crush on her for a long time. She also wanted to keep meeting up at my place on the DL (her words). So that tells me she’s interested in doing something fun but doesn’t want anybody to know about it. I’m completely fine with that. I don’t kiss and tell.

[HollyK21]

If she’s not committing to a specific time then I can see the problem with that, and it could definitely come off as wishy washy or conflict. Like if she’s saying that she wants things to be a secret, she could be doubling back on it altogether, which isn’t fair to you and could be an ongoing headache.

[Asker]

Yeah I’m withdrawing as I knew I should. Just needed a reminder to do that. I can’t do anything to make things better but only worse. I guess she got my hopes up when she acted very interested initially. I know women (especially younger women) can change their minds like the wind.

thanks for the feedback.

[HollyK21]

Sorry about that😕 I know that sometimes negative relationships with women and/or getting your hopes up can mess with the way some men perceive women and vice versa, but hopefully you keep in mind bag not all women are that wishy washy. And honestly she’s probably not doing it intentionally, I know when I was in my early 20s I’d been indecisive, but not as much as how she seems..

[Asker]

I know she’s not doing it intentionally. It’s best just to back off and if (and only if) she gets bored/lonely or curious and messaged me first then I’ll invite her again.

It’s just a game. But it’s tough because I don’t come by these opportunities as often as I used to. Hard not to get too excited (even though I know better.). Anyway thanks.

[HollyK21]

No worries dude, good luck with that situation!

[Napoli]

You have put in more than enough effort.
Just leave it now.
Like you said, the ball is in her court. If she isn't reaching out, or giving short answers to your texts, you have your answer already

[Asker]

Yep. I already knew the right answer before I asked this. Just needed someone to remind me. thanks.

[In_Trance]

Leave it on her. You need to move on

[Asker]

Yeah your right. Just need someone to tell me that if you get me.