To what extent do you think being on a period can excuse bad behaviour (excessive irritability, impatience, etc.)?

Question

I understand that periods cause real hormonal changes that affect behaviour and make it harder to control/manage emotions. They also come with significant physical discomfort lasting days, both leading up to (PMS) and during the period.

Of course, being male I've no personal experience of how it feels, so I can't directly relate.

I do dislike how some people, when a girl is acting cranky/impatient/irritable/moody automatically default to assume she must be on her period. This invalidates her feelings and if she's upset, it's usually something she would be upset with even without being that time of the month.

What I'm interested in is:
If you're a guy: although there is no clear boundary, how much "bad behaviour/attitude" would you be willing to put up with from your partner and try to be understanding until you felt it was a problem and discussed it with them?

For girls (to help us understand): how difficult is it being on your period? What would be helpful for us guys to do when you're feeling more irritable than usual?

amadimal · Accepted Answer

Being on a period does not excuse abuse (verbal, physical) towards your loved ones, but it can be an explanation for what is considered a bad behavior.
Being in an extreme amount of pain changes your outlook. You stop seeing things normally because the pain consumes you. And there's the frustration - doctors are dismissive and not helpful, the drugs you tried aren't working anymore, other drugs (like birth control) are dangerous and have an impact upon your mood, heat pads and tens machines can only help for a while - of course some of us are upset when we experience not only the pain, but we are also aware of the lack of options.
AT LEAST one in ten women have endometriosis; around 70% of women develop uterine fibroids; one in ten women have PCOS; then you have adenomyosis, dermoid cysts, ovarian cancer and the list goes on. More women than not have period-related issues and diseases that alter their life. Some of these conditions are chronic and affect other organs as well.
As I was saying, period should not be used as an excuse to bully or manipulate others, but it can be an explanation for the way we act.
Not all women experience the same issues and not everyone needs the same things, so if you'd like to know what you can do to be more helpful just ask & listen. Communicate. For example, I like to be left alone until the pain passes. I also like to know I can count on someone to take me to the ER in case something happens. For me, it's vital - but it doesn't have to be for others. Just ask.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Do you REALLY want to know what it is like to be on a period? Request to experiment with some of the others inventions of labor and period pains. It's bad. It depends on the woman and girl. Not everybody experiences the same thing. But when it's bad, it's bad for some women. PMS is not a joke. The problem is some women will use it to hurt and abuse other people and it's wrong. What I do is if I feel like I am going to go off, I warn people ahead of time. It is not pretty to be the one to be inflicted by, nor be the inflictor. Sometimes one time is what is best. PMS up to day 3 is the worse times. I say it depends on her hormones, health, etc.

However, by the time it ends, it's easing up a bit and become more manageable. What helps me is green tea and plenty of rest. They say to exercise often as it helps before your period, and lite exercises during, and built it up slower after. The less stress she is in, the better she can manage. However, if she freaks out every--TIME, it may be more than just her period. She may not be that stable mentally. So be careful and do not tolerate abuse. EVER.

LohrvsData · Accepted Answer

I've put up with my wife's moodiness for 22 years. With me, there was no real boundary. I learned to accept it as part of marriage long ago, but then again I may be a bit biased, as I've always tended to look at these things from the woman's perspective. I guess it has slightly colored my views in this regard. You may even find it enjoyable at times; to put it mildly, some women might get a bit more... predatory if you get my meaning. It was that way with my wife. Sometimes we'd come to blows if I so much as said two words to her, other times she'd practically beg for sex. In either case, it was VERY unlike her "normal" self.

RJJ33666 · Accepted Answer

Well, if my girlfriend is on a period, I would try to have less physical contact as possible. Well, my boundary would be if she starts to act like I am only there for her. I mean, I get it, she is going through a lot of pain and many other issues as well, but as a person I have a life as well and I have other work too. I would be happy to avoid my friends for a little while but if it would be become very very irritating if she starts controlling my work. I have to do some things in my own way, if she ends up controlling something I have been doing for years then it would really push me. Other than that, I have no issues.

Anonymous · Answer

I am so glad you asked....just to be clear, I don't speak for all women, just myself, but periods ARE HELL! I can expect for at least 3 days of my period each month to experience cramps and pain and bloating and annoyance. Just imagine, your worst day and all the crap that came with it, and then on top of that you're experiencing excruciating cramps all day...would you be in a great mood? Would you be happy and joyful---the answer is no because it sucks. And this is our life. We don't get to tell it to take a hike because we have an important meeting, or the kids are going nuts, or we want to hit up the beach---we do all those things while the stupid period is happening.

For me, when I'm getting to that point where my boyfriend sucks only by default and I'm losing it and I know it's period related, I let him know, it really is NOT him, it's me, and to just recognize that I'm not in the best mood and I ask for him to be just a little bit kinder or literally flee and just let me be until I feel better. He appreciates that, we don't fight about it, he NEVER says "you must be on your period," he does what he can to try and make me feel better, and life goes on. I know for some women, they have it so much worse than I do. I had a co-worker where I would literally relieve her so she could physically take a break because her pain levels were so sky high---I can't imagine that every single month and her not losing it, but I think the line gets crossed when you can't apologize or recognize where that's coming from.

Sarajules3 · Answer

For me, once i notice that I'm getting annoyed a lot easier than normal, i recognize that my cycle is about to happen. It's good to warn roommates or your partner. I have mild cramps the 1st day or 2nd and then have it worse the 3rd day. After that I dont have anymore cramps, and my personality goes back to normal. I do crave carbs and sugar during that time as well. But, if I'm irritable, depending on what's happening, sometimes making me laugh works, other times it's just giving me space. Let me lay in bed while I wait for my ibuprofen to kick in.

Anonymous · Answer

A little irritation is normal for anybody. Everybody has bad days. But for one, it’s okay to call someone out on any behavior that makes you uncomfortable-period or no. Also, it’s not okay to treat people poorly under any circumstance. You may do it based on irritability or cramps or whatever but that doesn’t make it okay. Therefore, I say none. But Just like I encourage women to keep their emotions in check, I encourage others to do the same when it comes to other people so if you suspect that she may be frustrated due to her period just give her some alone time if you can and don’t take it personally

Smashingdoozy · Answer

I usually get really snappy all of a sudden I tell my friends and boyfriend to call me out on this so I can apologize because I don't even realize sometimes. Though I don't apologize if I tell someone to fuck off when I'm visibly going through a cramp and someone asks me to do something. 😂

It can be hard to control but I don't think we should just pass it off like oh I'm on my period so it's okay to be a bitch to everyone.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I only ever hear older women say “its because im on my period” or guys say “you must be on your period.” I’ve never used the period excuse for snapping at someone. If i go off, it was for a good reason. But i dont like being around anyone when thats on. Just give me my meds and heating pad and go

Anonymous · Answer

If it was caused by their period, I'd actually tolerate quite a bit. I understand that when flooded with hormones and in pain, you may say or do things you don't mean or ordinarily wouldn't do. It's hard to give an example of exactly where a line would be drawn, but you know it when you get there. Even then, it would be something I'd talk about, but quickly forgive, given the situation.

Anonymous · Answer

I never really notice emotional changes in myself but I do feel the pain. Sometimes my cramps are so bad I can't walk, which is a good reason to be ornary. I don't use it as an excuse though because then my emotions will be invalidated with "she's just on her period" kind of bs.

Anonymous · Answer

I do not put up with any bad behavior. If she can keep her emotions in check at work, she can do the same at home. If you let a woman treat you like crap on her period, she'll try to do whatever she wants outside that timeframe. There are plenty of women who still treat their partners with respect during their periods.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Guys have periods too. So whatever behaviour i do on mine, which is normally been more annoyed easier and getting upset more. I guess girls get a tiny bit more since there periods hurt. But should be the samish.

whatdoyouwantt · Answer

Why does it matter how much someone else is going to tolerate cause they are not you!

You decide for yourself. Someone might not even see same things as you see a problem.. so focus on your needs and what makes you happy

Anonymous · Answer

I don't act disrespectful or shitty when I'm in pain, tired, moody, etc... so I don't tolerate it from her either. She doesn't get shitty with people at work, so the 'I can't help it, I'm on my period' excuse is pure BS. She'd get fired at work, and she'd get fired from me.

sheikalana · Answer

It should never be used as an excuse. whenever I’m on my period I avoid people at all costs because I know the outcome is not going to be good. I take that day to rest and handle the pain on my own without annoying others.

pleasestopthis · Answer

I just want to be left alone when I'm in pain, just let me stay warm in my bed, and please bring me a hot water bottle. I'm not super cranky unless I'm in too much pain

Browneye57 · Answer

The easy question is... would she act that way to her boss.  Yes, hormone-hell completely sucks. I get cranky on my period as well. ;)

ThisIsMyOpinion · Answer

It gives some right to get more emotional, whatever that emotion may be, but is not an excuse to act violently.

AwanAlphaMale · Answer

To no extent whatsoever. I want a beautiful blonde tradwife that smiles for me, as soon as she gets pissy because her pussy is bleeding then she best get out of my house.

Iron_Man · Answer

The only thing that that can get by with is just being Moody that’s about it anything else is unacceptable

larry69 · Answer

Its a very valid excuse to act outand be extremely emotional.

Anonymous · Answer

I've seen it made an excuse for a lousy personality, so there are limits to it

Anonymous · Answer

Any woman who uses her period as an excuse to behave poorly toward her partner does not deserve a good man.

To what extent do you think being on a period can excuse bad behaviour (excessive irritability, impatience, etc.)?

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To what extent do you think being on a period can excuse bad behaviour (excessive irritability, impatience, etc.)?

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