Friendzoned, ghosted or hard to get?

[Anonymous]

How do you know the difference between a girl ghosting you or playing hard to get without waiting overthinking it.

Also the friendzone can sometimes be confusing and seem like she is playing hard to get.

What I call friendzone is the one sided emotional connection so when she turns to you when sad but is quickly annoyed when you ask the same emotionally effort on a bad Day. In my experience some Girls also do this to see if you can handle her on her worst.

So no a real friendship ain't the friendzone

But how do you see the difference between all of these and what are the actual hints a girl likes u can't say I ever noticed before I asked a girl out if she was interested in that at all.

Last 2 Girls I talked to left me on read never spoke to them again don't like being ghosted or tested

So in the end the question is how do you see the difference between those 3 things before it's to late to walk away without hurting yourself when you could've prevented it

Updates

+1 y

Talking about turning my life over too God is not helping the other comments are helpfull tho

[Siren777]

Tbh the only time I ghost is if I explicitly told you that what you did was not cool or it hurt me. Say you're going to talk to me later and never do or If you don't apologize, or ignore what I said not even the first time then what's the point? Some guys get in their ego about things. So I've left you in the friendzone and now your fragile ego is hurt, I would talk to the person again even if that's a few weeks later. It should've blown over by then. Some people are so stubborn.
To answer your question, a girl playing hard to get will stil answer but won't go completely ghost unless you said something to her to piss her off. Girls test you especially if they have had this done to them before. You have to choose who is worth it. The ball is in your court.

[Asker]

Yeah in that case I am all for ghosting by me they Just suddenly stop replying and I am at the point if I texted you and you don't reply in 24 hours I am done

[Siren777]

That's totally up to you. Do what you think is best for you.

[Asker]

Wasted a lot of time being confused by Girls thats why I am limiting it so much

[Siren777]

I understand you and feel exactly the way you do. The guy I like is going through a pretty bad breakup, I mean I wouldn't take 1 and half years to get over someone but I guess it's different for everyone. So I gave him space and he possibly took it the wrong way but doesn't see his wrongs, like ghosting but then again he is in the phase of having fun and he flirts with everyone. So I can't be sure. I have 4 other options and if he doesn't respond or take too long I will just move on to one of my other options. It's only fair? I can't keep waiting.

[Asker]

Can be true but maybe ask him out yourself we can't read minds. And we men don't see our flaws until you point them out.

Took me 3 years to get over my first girlfriend. But that is maybe cause I am a settler I never wanted to sleep around I Just wanted one woman for life.

Most woman have a lot options as you pointed out you have 4 other options a lot of men like me have Just don't have options I thin if you really like someone u don't consider other People as options that we men like competition is true but in dating we are not looking to compete cause must of us don't even have more than 1 option at a time

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Honestly, if it is a test like that then expect more of them and ask yourself if you are ok with proving yourself over and over.

Generally if I am talking to someone and I am into them, I'm not wasting time seeing if they message first or making them wait a few days even if it is just a friend.

Ghosting on the other hand is more along the lines of us just not gelling well because you've just been boring, creepy or rude.

[Asker]

So I haven't been rude, respected boundaries so that leaves me with being boring. Why not tell me if you think i'm boring or rude. I Am showing about 20% of Who I am when meeting a New person too see if they will like me for being me not for like having a guitar and actually using it

[Ez-Bri-Z]

It's not really a conscious thing honestly. I just see a message from that person and instead of being excited by it and responding back asap, I kinda shrug and get to it later. Sometimes I just forget. It doesn't happen often, but I'd be lying if I said it never happens.

I also just don't like confrontation and generally if a guy is being rude or really pushy, especially on sexual subjects, I tend to deflect with humor as a defense instead.

[Asker]

So I am right that u Just can't do right as a guy if you actually want a healthy relationship.

I always end up as the guy that is used for emotional support and not wanting to provide that anymore cause it hurts me more than it helps them.

So maybe Just treat woman like trash from now on at least that's what the guys do they pick instead of me when I get to be the free therapist.

This one girl I asked out once did use me as her therapist too complaining she gets hit by the guy that was her boyfriend , then her ex , then her boyfriend then her ex, then her boyfriend again and than finally after I told her what I really tought of it I was the problem 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Oof... ok lot to digest here.

This reads a lot like you are "playing therapist" with the expectation that it will lead to something more. Nobody owes you a relationship or sexual favors for just being someone they thought they could talk to.

Treating anyone like trash makes you trash yourself, but boy does this read as "but I am the nice guy!"

As for the girl who confided her issues to you, its very possible she wasn't looking for a white knight. She may have just needed someone she could vent to and get validation of her feelings, but keeps falling into the same patterns.

I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who are genuinely kind and provide emotional support and do just fine in dating.

[Asker]

Nah She did reject with telling me I was too nice but no I am not gonna call myself a nice guy

But think about she Just rejected me when all that happened So no time to process that

In the beginning I actually wanted to help but yeah seeing her go back repeatedly to the guy she complains about that even hit her

Made me furious the last time she went back to him. She wasn't the first to reject me and not the first I tried to stay friends with.

But she was the first that went to far by keeping to go back to a women beater.

Think about it you like someone and you know the persons gets hurt again and again. The only thing u can do is give some emotional support but than the person goes back to the person hurting them again and again.

If you're not allowed to snap once at that point I don't know when you are allowed to get mad anymore.

She didn't speak to me for a year than she found guy she said was a copy of me we talked a bit for 2 weeks then she dissappeared for ever.

Was I happy for her at that point yes I was. Was I a bit mad she said that knowing that if I didn't snap it may have could happened for me yes did I let her know no. Why not well it didn't matter anymore. Cause she actually found a guy like me that wasn't me.

But If I agree on staying friends after a rejection she has too consider my feelings too. Just wanted the best for her at that point. from all the Girls that rejected me only 1 actually treats me as a friend instead of a therapist that is also the only one I still talk too and we never have fights.

Also the only one that doesn't give trash man a 2nd chance if they fuck up

[Ez-Bri-Z]

She just wasn't into you. That's ok. She was into a certain type that seems to be harmful for her, but it sounds like maybe she has moved past it. There could be a lot of different reasons she wasn't into you from the physical attributes to her just seeing you as a non romantic interest in the beginning because she was seeing someone else and those feelings never flipped.

Also snapping at a victim of abuse who is trying to get out of that cycle isn't healthy for either of you. Some need help getting out and some never find that way, but perpetuating that situation further isn't the answer.

[Asker]

The problem to me was she was the one engaging that all the time instead of trying to get away the guy didn't nothing of she left him so she didn't need to come back

And yeah I was not really attractive she later explained that calling me too nice Just meant I was ugly in her eyes.

If she couldn't get away from him it would have been a different case for me too. But she was the one going back all the time.

So yeah that hurted like hell being called to nice. Weeks over thinking how that can be a bad thing while supporting her when she got hit again and again.

Iknow I shouldn't have snapped but if your always the one our romantic interest Just sees as a friend and always seeing someone that is actually bad for them take the place u wanted Just because your not attractive enough or in rejection words too nice. You will end up hating ur self and yes. There is one girl I asked out a lot more times cause I was done with accepting no's without a date. Yes Iknow that was wrong but at that point I didn't care anymore a year later I was in therapy for hating myself too much and not being able to control my anger.

Just wanted one to give me a shot to prove I'm worth it by Just a date if I couldn't prove it in one date I would have left it alone.

Now after the therapy I don't do that shit anymore but if A girl asked out in the passed asks me for emotional support cause her boyfriend is being an asshole at that moment I am not even responding anymore. I'm done being the shoulder to cry on. Or if I respond I will Just respond with break up

[Ez-Bri-Z]

See that response is way healthier. Sometimes it's not as easy as just break up but that's a way better response than saying you should treat women like trash just to get one to like you.

Generally we experience a lot of verbal and non verbal communication about guys interest whether it was invited or not. Over time you just either become numb to it but more than likely just keep your guard up to it. From your perspective this is the only girl you might have interest in but for her you might be the 4th guy who has tried taking his shot that day or just visually communicated interest.

Not saying be a "nice guy" I'm just saying have a bit of empathy in that department. Nobody is owed anything and if there is mutual interest generally you'll know.

[Asker]

I always aim for one girl at a time cause when I like a girl I like her a lot. Also I Don't want sex without love.

But the fact I said I maybe should treat them as trash is Just a conclusion based on what I observe happening to the Girls that said to wanted me to Just be their friend and nothing more.
And I tried to ask out different types of Girls from chique to farmer to even Christian.
Not a lot of Girls i asked out tho.

It Just sucks to be a man that actually wants a healthy relationship these days.

I never tried not being myself tho

[Ez-Bri-Z]

A healthy relationship doesn't build on a lie of who you are.

I would also say maybe dont let yourself get so heavily invested into a girl and throw all your heart into it before you know how she feels in return. You are just setting yourself up for heartbreak and bitterness.

[Asker]

It's hard too not go so heavily when there are no other Girls to talk too

[Asker]

And yep I've been broken too many times

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I would caution that what you think of as love doesn't come off as desperation to others. There is a thing as trying too hard to be liked.

Do some self care and take a step back. I know it's no fun to be alone but if it is the only thing you can focus on its going to drive you crazy.

[Asker]

Been focussing on my self for a period yes but next to having no girlfriend I have Just 1 friend

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Well, ok now you have two : )

Things are looking better already!

[Asker]

Nah I don't count online People cause it's different I like how u actually try to help tho.

But I have been working on myself by educating myself I read 12 rules for life by Jordan B. Peterson. An antidote to chaos.

I Now am educating myself with his New book Beyond order: 12 More rules for life

Currently on chapter 2

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Sounds interesting and I def hope it works out for what you need.

I love being helpful though and if you ever do need any other advice, I am one message away : )

[Asker]

First book helped me a lot then the idiots put country's in lockdown over a flu. Book 2 is more about handling the loneliness so hope that helps me too but the thing that actually would help me and a lot of the guys that actually want to settle would be a massive change in the dating behavior of women especially the ones asking where the good guys are.

Iknow it's not all of you that play games but the ones that don't could be about 5% of all the women in the world

[Avicenna]

Ghosting is a total cutoff of any communication. Hard to get still has some. Those two girls ghosted you.

[Asker]

For those 2 I am sure that the case but in the passed there were questionable ones

[devilish-cutie]

People are complicated. Sometimes they can see a dealbreaker and ghost you. Ghosting is horrible but people do it cause its uncomfortable for them to directly hurt someone. Any dealbreaker may have something to do w them than ypu. Friendzone is also sometimes caused cause u may be to forwards or she may be unsire of what she wants. May like you but not be crazy about you or just unsure about seeing herself w u... plenty of reasons. Point is its complicated. Your black n white attitude isn't always best. We r all different, try to understand another better.

[Asker]

Ghosting hurts more than rejection , but being called too nice is even worse cause you know that ain't the actual reason to be rejected.

Being to forward never was my problem I always take time to get to know the girl for real

But if i understand right what you are saying is that I will never know what is what before its too late

[devilish-cutie]

Well you try to get the better feel of a person n trust your gut. But really there r no guarantees. I talked fpr wewks to guys that were very honest, interested n kind and they would still ghost so you really can't ever know

[Anonymous]

You don’t want a girl who will play games with you right? would you consider making a list of what you want in a woman? And how you want them to treat you? Then start eliminating people as soon as they do not fit this standard you deserve for yourself?

[Asker]

I Just have one demand actually be interested in me and if you display lack of interest your out.

If I text you the clock of 24 hrs start ticking if you don't reply with in the first 4 better make your reply interesting if you don't reply with in the first 12 better have been at work and make the reply interesting. If you pass the 24 hrs I never text you again.

I Just asked this question find out why women do play these games and how to recognize them cause I stumble upon these games to much

[Opinion Owner]

Well I think young age has a lot to do with it. Emotional immaturity, women are taught to play games to keep men interested, ghosting is just a coward with weak integrity, friendzoning is not necessarily a bad thing it just means someone is not interested in you romantically and we can’t all be desired by everyone. For both sexes these actions are a sign that somebody needs to work on themselves. What do you think?

[Asker]

I Think if you are not interested the real me you should say so and Just fuck off.

Friendzoning is a bad thing cause it ain't the same as being friends

Friendzoning is using the others romantic interest in your advantage.

Friendship is treating each other as equals.

And if you are 20+ you should not play games if you still play games you should stay out of the dating scene

[Asker]

And if you teach your daugther to play games to make a men interested also teach her most suicides are by men that can't find love because Girls are playing games I Even seen women in their 30's play hard to get

Why are women teached to be like that while every guy is teached how to treat women and treat them like princesses

[Opinion Owner]

sure well if your motivations are only for a romantic connection and you do not value a friendship with that person than it’s your choice to remove yourself from that situation. Just straight up tell the girl your interested in dating and if she says she’s not or gives a vague answer, or says one thing and does another then cut her off. As far as signs go trust your intuition and pay attention to peoples actions and I don’t think it is hard to suss out the games. You can’t control other people you can only control how you deal with situations.

[Asker]

Try being a man one day we actually can't tell the difference between playing games and actually not being interested

[Opinion Owner]

Well in both cases, whether A) they are playing hard to get or B) they aren’t interested your handling of the situation should be the same right? “Not for me”

[Asker]

I Would like to end up with someone someday so I am trying that now but doesn't seem to make a difference at all seems like all women treat it like a game

[Opinion Owner]

Im sorry your dealing with so many shitty people, keep going and holding true to your standards, and i believe the only way you won’t find it is if you give up. It does take a ton of sifting to find someone with great compatibility

[Asker]

Yeah I am sifting trough 1 option in about 3 years or something like that I allready gave up on putting in effort

[Opinion Owner]

Well maybe it will come naturally by meeting people at work, events, hobbies or whatever this is how I prefer personally. And you are right that people play games at every age, but also I would make the argument that the older you get, the more there are people that are looking for serious relationships. People who have had more life experiences to give them the lessons they need to be better partners and people in general. In any case I hope you get everything you want, sounds like you’ve been through a lot!

[Asker]

Yeah I am having to deal with this after almost 2 decades of being bullied in school 5 years If count my active searching of not getting a job

And being put as a example when some girl in school wanted to point out how bad she didn't wanna date someone

[Opinion Owner]

Wow that’s awful, her actions were disgusting and probably just showed the world how horrible she is. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t let the bullies continue to have control over your life and self worth. You deserve a nice girl, a good job and a happy life. I hope you don’t feel offended by this suggestion, but I think if it’s possible to get therapy and help heal yourself from the abuse of other people that could really be a good step to getting the life you deserve.

[Asker]

Allready had that, a book by a Canadian psychologist helped me more so I know have 3 books of him 12 rules for life I finished am now reading beyond order ; 12 more rules for life

But I will never heal completely still have fall backs to my depression some times and I can control my anger a lot longer but never completely.

One time I actually found a nice girl that didn't play games but offcourse she also didn't want me
She went for a guy that only cares about her looks

I Just want to feel loved by someone

I Have one friend I hang out with once in a while

I Think best description of how I feel is the song by Linkin park called: leave out all the rest

I Just feel like no one would care if I went missing

[Opinion Owner]

I think it is very impressive that you have already been reading books to help yourself and your situation. I know these issues take continual work, but you have noticed improvements and you can keep improving life is not stagnant there is a way to a different situation. I bet people care more than you realize but I would encourage you to take control of this depression as you have been and keep learning tools to fight it. Put the suicide prevention hotline in your phone if your feeling suicidal it can never hurt to try one last call. Would you be willing to seek out a support group within your community? You could meet people who can resonate with you and can help support you?

[Asker]

No communitys of depressed People for me we have a saying over here "waar je mee omgaat word je mee besmet" wich translates too what you hang out with will infect you. So if you surround yourself with People that have depression u will only make it worse. Cause People copy eachothers behavior and sometimes even emotions. Actually seen it happening.

We can call and text suïcide hotline over here texted them few times am not much of a caller

There is 2 possible ways I will ever come over it.

1. I learn how to ignore my emotions to the point I don't have the ability to recognize emotions

Or

2. Have someone that actually shows she cares about me

[Opinion Owner]

I think you are right about surrounding yourself with the right people, but what about if those people were those who are already in a place that you want to be? Have their depression under control and are living a full life? And giving it back? You should not ignore your emotions you need to confront them with the help of a psychologist or other learning tools like books as you have been.
Making your happiness and worth dependant on external and uncontrollable factors is a mistake ie. a woman to love you. You deserve everything you want and your life has value i know that to be a fact. If you start healing yourself there is no way that the other parts of your life won’t start to improve as well including how you attract women! I know I’m just a stranger to you but I hope I can convince you in some small way that you hold great value and purpose in this life. by the way what is that saying? What is the language?

[Asker]

The saying is dutch ( Netherlands )
It means you will act like the persons you hang around with the most

I got my teeth repaired cause I found that too be the reason I hated myself

Still recovering from the last procedure wich also was the biggest operation till now

I fixed my looks tomorrow a haircut and than my outside is fixed as well as my inner person
As far as I can fix my innerself

But I am on here cause I Just have a big whole in my life that needs to be filled with one person that actually cares enough to text me first or ask me to meet up

[Opinion Owner]

Okay well it sounds like you’re doing all the right things! I bet your looking hot ;) If you keep taking actions and meeting people you will keep getting closer right? Stick to your standards, know your worth, and that will force women to respect you

[Asker]

As I said I am not texting anyone that left me on read once anymore so yeah no more playing games

For your image I have natural Black hair. Greyblue eyes. 1,74m (don't know imperial) little bit musculair not to much.

I Am a bit balding tho on the top but you don't see it if a comb my hair in a young style.

And I am now watching politics they decided to open up shops and outside horeca.

But some idiot about 50+ years off age turned in a request to turn it back. Waiting for the voting.

If that goes trough meeting New People not happening work in a small company so dating co-worker not an option.

Yes I am watching live politics at 22:33 in the evening.

Seems to be my turn too when I am not depressed but not happy neither

[Opinion Owner]

Well you sound attractive, and your doing what you can do, so I have hope for you to find a lady :)

[Asker]

Maybe now but been rejected based on my looks a lot