Why do women respond with "who hurt you" whenever a man is talking about his bad experiences with women?

[Anonymous]

A lot of women respond this way which is why a lot of men don't care whenever a woman is talking about her bad experiences with men. For some reason women talking bad about men is justified but men talking bad about women just makes him an incel. Do women realise that there are men out there who have been abused by women their whole lives? Why is their experience any different to a woman who has been abused by men their whole lives?

[AmandaYVR]

Have you heard the expression 'depression is anger turned inwards'? This comes to mind, reading your question.

Also, you know how men are generally more reluctant to express weakness or vulnerability (which is probably both nature and nuture-based, right; some people don't feel it's as socially acceptable to do so), but anger is just another emotion, and anger is expressed more openly from men.

But I think with the scenario you are describing, the root causes are exactly the same; it's just the outward expression that varies/is different.

Things have changed in society. Women are no longer dependent on men, and that means they can be much more particular about who they get with. Yet, most girls are still choosing not to approach the guys they do want. Then, they fall back, citing 'tradition' and 'the way it's meant to be' - convenient, right? So men are feeling the double whammy of still having to reach out, AND being rejected (maybe even twice as much) because they don't pass the women's high standards of what they deem an acceptable partner 'Worth putting up with all their bullshit.' The girls find it not worth the trouble, but it's not clear to guys exactly which girls feel this way, and when.

So do guys have some reason to be hurt and pissed off? Yes. They have a right to be hurt and angry. I could easily play devil's advocate here, and give many examples of just what girls/women are dealing with, from their end (guys being immature for their age and the stage of development they should be at; lack of independence from their parents; indecision and lack of willing to commit; not enough effort put into their career and too much passivity and avoidance; cheating; all they want to do is stay in play video games, etc.) But guys' concerns, and situation, should not be diminished at every turn. On that, you are right. They get deemed 'angry incel', etc etc.

But... men do tend towards outward expressions of anger, much more so than women. And online is the ideal space for that. There is no doubt that there are more angry males here, and online, than angry females. The angry males are one of the reasons that so many pinks are reluctant to speak (or to play video games, mic'd); and it's a reason they anon so much. They are avoiding conflict, argument, debates, and really anything that will challenge them. (Which I don't agree with. They won't grow as people if they are never challenged. Interacting about your beliefs is good for you.)

And no one, no matter who they are or what gender or age they are, prefers to deal with angry, when they could deal with calm; Or, they want to avoid all the drama and 'just have fun', do something light. The guys are organizing into INCEL and MGTOW groups, who spend seemingly endless amounts of energy outlining just exactly why girls are now the scourge of the earth, evil, and can never, ever be trusted. And they are preventing sympathy. If you want sympathy, you need to couch your concerns in the right tone of voice. And yes, I know that what you are saying is that 'Even when we do, we get dismissed.' I get it, and I believe you. But that doesn't mean that you are wrong, your concerns or problems are invalid, or that you should not continue doing it, presenting them, in the right way. You control you, your behaviour, how you see the world; you cannot control others. If they are unkind (and even sometimes cruel) you don't double down and get more angry. You dismiss them. And be the bigger, better person. Believe it or not, some people do hear you. That's obviously why I took the time to answer you.

[Asker]

Once the best answer option becomes available I will give it to you. Thank you for taking the time to write your reply 😊

[AmandaYVR]

You're welcome. Hang in there. 💐

[magiusX26]

thank you abd very well said. i agree with your point on going anon all the time as well, though on some occassions i have and will reply anon on something or disown an opinion if something occurs to warrant that, such as being at major odds with the question asker, but i dont just go anon all the time or even often. i own up to and stand by my opinions and convictions.

[Anonymous]

No you dont get it. If a woman trashtalk guys due to her bad experiences you would call her feminazi aka tell her that she would end up being a cat lady. So why are you justifying an incel? If a man talk about his experiences without trashtalking women then we would not say "who hurt you". Respect is earned. If you show disrespect to my whole gender, dont expect me to be respectful

[Asker]

So you don't care if women disrespect the male gender?

[Opinion Owner]

I did not say that. She would be called feminazi and get many dislikes anyway

[Opinion Owner]

Nobody should be sexist

[Asker]

Not on twitter she wouldn't. Twitter is biased towards leftists

[Asker]

I agree. Nobody should be sexist.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, twitter is very biased towards leftists and hypocritical. So i agree with you even as a liberal

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[FilmGuy93]

I think most women just don't realize how toxic, nasty, and abusive so many women are. At least not until they see it for themselves. Modern women, especially the westernized ones kind of seem out of touch with reality sometimes.

I remember I was having a conversation with my mom about this, one day a few years ago. My mom is in her mid-60s, and she had been dating a guy that is now her fiancé. Her fiancé has a son with a longtime girlfriend (for some reason they never got married despite having a kid together), and my mom basically just watches as her fiancé's ex girlfriend uses the kid as a weapon to make his life as difficult and unpleasant as possible at EVERY opportunity. Anything the ex can do to cause problems with the custody sharing; she does.

My mom just remarked that she had absolutely no idea how much shit men put up with. She always thought that men were exaggerating… and now she knows that we aren't. She even goes beyond that and thinks that men probably even downplaying it.

[rjroy3]

I've only ever had one girl say it jokingly at a time when it made sense to say it so I can't really say it's unfounded or not in most cases.

You have to understand (for your sake) most women do not care about your plight with women, nor guys for that matter.. End of story. Whining, complaining, or even just genuinely expressing negative experiences you've had with women will not go over well.

At best, a girl who already likes you will want to hear exclusively so they can either 1. Be there for you and make you feel better, thereby growing closer to you or 2. They're a girlfriend type who is trying to learn so they don't make the same mistake.

Most girls aren't going to try and understand you until they care about you. Until that time comes just don't expect more than what's obvious.

If you try to complain to a girl about girls she will inherently come to the defense of women. Just how it works. Understand that and move forward in the world knowing that's how it works.

[coachTanthony]

Men don't just express the bad experiences... they bring anger, frustration and a doom and gloom attitude to any future encounter they might have. In turn women can only assume somebody did a real number on them.

[rjroy3]

Not necessarily. I've seen guys not bring any of that and gotten that level of response in return. As a general rule if a man merely expresses it coming from a place of saying men need to protect themselves because of what "can" happen.

In response a lot of women bring the attitude that more or less the women are justified in the overwhelmed number of cases and thereby defend women I'm general I'm the face of a man expressing that men in general should even be somewhat protective of themselves before just trusting any woman fully.

There's a lot of good people out there, but there's a lot of shit as well. Men and women. But it's really only men that get a lot of flack for suggesting that there are shitty women out there as well and that you should protect yourself.

"Who hurt you" is a shaming tactic against men in most cases when it's not delivered as a joke

[AdithyaR]

The only time I've seen that is when the dude is being unnecessarily negative. Especially on instagram when there's a post about a cute couple, specifically a dude something for his girl, there'll be guys in the comments saying she'll still cheat on him. They're either generalizing women due to misogyny or a bad experience they had, both of which afe jerk moves. It's only in this case I've seen women and dudes too, ask them who hurt them, cause they're clearly projecting issues.
That is not a healthy way to vent out ones feelings. There are proper ways to do that.

[AmandaYVR]

Jesus you have more sense than many men twice your age.

[AdithyaR]

Thank you 😁

[MCheetah]

This isn't all women or even most. These are just feminists/cunts who make such flippant snide remarks. Feminists are literally no different than incels; other than maybe some poor pathetic men still find feminists remotely attractive. Just ignore these rude, disrespectful women or block them.

[Gray-Wisp]

I don't know if they respond that way, but the real difference is that most women are degenerate and most men aren't degenerate. Now, if you combine both I believe over half of the population is degenerate. However, it's heavily one sided. In other words if you were to complain to a woman about this she would likely be the type of person who would do the exact things to a guy that you're complaining about. Don't seek sympathy from degenerates.

[TheFlak38]

1. Women are too stupid to come up with their own shaming language. They have to parrot everything that the dominant narrative says.
2. They want you to lower your guard and open up to them so they can tell you afterwards that you chose the wrong woman as if there is a "right" woman and ultimately blame everything on you once again. Women are never wrong. It's always the man's fault.

[JackofSpades]

Because it seems to be a pretty common thing to blame all women because one bitch is behaving like a bitch.

And it definitely swings both ways my dude.

Just look at the whole "toxic masculinity" or "all men are rapists" thing.

It's incredibly common to blame an entire group people for the actions of a few individuals, but that doesn't make it ok.

[Anonymous]

Because they don't know who did in fact hurt you

Any 'man' who shows emotions is a pathetic weakling

Guys know it so generally don't and women know it so test you into showing them to remove you from any prospective list of future partners if you haven't fallen at other hurdles present before that big one

[Qdbrown]

It's a shaming tactic. It's meant to make a man feel weak, to force him to stand up for himself or stand their humiliatiated. It telling how the guy responds.

[TwistedTube]

in my opinion, the response is fine for both ways if they generalize across the entire gender.

As for your question, the answer to that would be feminism

[Anonymous]

Women: “men should feel more comfortable speaking about their feelings”

Same women when men do: “stop whining
loser”

They don’t have any empathy for men really. They don’t don’t genuinely give a shit about your problems.

[Omario2049]

It means you should shut up. They often talk about the male ego but the female ego is astronomically more vast. She can't tolerate even the idea of being criticized. She must seem perfect and beyond reproach at all times.

[Curmudgeon]

The appropriate response there is "Women just like YOU did, bitch."

[Anonymous]

Men say that too ok
It's not a gender thing. It's a person thing we all have

[Asker]

Sure some men do say that but the only difference is that men get it all the time with 0 support whereas women don't get it the majority of the time and get support from loads of men and women.

[Opinion Owner]

Only the sluts get such support bruh.

[Asker]

Maybe so

[Hanrej]

Because women can't compute with there being somthing inherently wrong or "toxic" about how they behave.

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

Well because someone did hurt you, and it is always on purpose/with a great deal of coordination and planning.

[TodsShadow]

They want to shame you for having feelings too. It’s manipulative behavior.

[Kas19]

Is this the part where I tell you to man up?

[Anonymous]

The question should be who hasn't

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

you answered your own question dude

[Anonymous]

Protection of their ego.

[Opinion Owner]

By turning it into an individualized problem, they negate societal factors or anything to do with them. Thus it’s *someone’s* fault, but not *hers*.

[JesseJayNeak]

Those are feminist women

[Anonymous]

Women are systematically opressed, and men aren't

[Asker]

Has literally nothing to do with anything that I said.

[grega239]

No they're not.

[MCheetah]

An 18-24 year old pink anon. Typical. Name me one right men have that you don't? I can name you several rights all Western women have that men don't, including 100% of all reproductive rights, and suffrage (voting) without conscription (military duty; selective service).

[grega239]

@MCheetah yes but they didn't have those rights 200 years ago. Us men need to prostrate ourselves to every woman that passes by to show how very sorry we are for the things we weren't alive to influence.

Why do you hate women?