If woman say looks don't matter that much, why do they put so many guys in the friendzone?

[Anonymous]

As a girl you have one or multiple male friends who you have fun with and like being around, but you don't want anything more that just friendship. No relationship or anything sexual. Can there be any other reason beside looks as a reason?

Updates

+1 y

This question isn't about me or my situation.

[btbc92]

This is where a lot of young men get all this wrong. If you don't know that much about a person, why are you trying to date them? I mean isn't that just common sense of where your brains at between your legs? must be.

You should know the key word here is compatibility. That means, she needs to see the whole package of who you are, not just looks or personality alone. There's no such thing as a friend zone either your friends are not. You consider the friend zone because you're being rejected sexually. We are smart enough to know that is not a friend zone. Either you're somebody that we see a future with and want to get married one day or not. If you say that you slept around with 10 the girls, do you think we want to date you? No. Especially when it's proven to be true. If you believe in premarital sex and I don't do you think I'm going to date you? No. If you say you don't want to get married and have kids, what makes you think I'm going to date you? You already disqualifying yourself immediately.

The look really doesn't really matter. The problem is is that you care so much about it that's why a lot of women care a lot about it too. Girls are going to want the most sexually vaiable men to pass on their genetics. You've been reading Shakespeare I'm pretty sure, if not you better read Shakespeare's time. You better read the sun is at least. You'll come to find out that all of his sinuses basically about procreation and sex. Women especially now I'm going to want children that looks sexually attractive so Jean can pass on. If she don't see herself having sex with you or having children with you, she's not going to want you. But then again a lot of these women are fickle anyway especially when they're very young. One minute you look ugly to her then when you grow up I will send you the best man that she can ever find and she regrets that she rejected you. You got to understand something. If you don't got a logical rational reasons to be dating, you should not be dating at all. A lot of these women are not serious but at the same time a lot of you men are serious either. Think about who you are and what they know about you and should tell you enough.

If I'm a Christian, if I don't believe in premarital sex, if I don't believe in masturbation pornography and everything else a lot of people are doing, what makes you think I'm going to be considered especially when a lot of people are willing, one too, and already done those things anyway? Do you think I don't get rejection? What do you think my sense of self-worth is according to men? If you're not sexually attractive, if you're not favoured, you don't get anyting. You're complaining of that as a man but we women go through a harder.

[btbc92]

Especially, and a good amount of women too, and young teenagers need to understand something. Everybody is not the same. And therefore you cannot judge everybody the same. If your goal is to just get anybody, this is the problem. Why do you wanted to get anybody question why are you trying to go out to that person. There is always motive. And if you don't see people as people, then you're going to get treated the same way. If you would just see a sexy girl, that's all you see her and you don't see her as a person. You don't know her past, you don't know her origin, you don't know who she was conceived to, what she was like when she was a child, who was she really is inside, these are the inner parts of her. When women try to invest on those levels with you, you don't want that because you want something else. But then when she sees somebody, you got to remember, she has been taught to go after the most sexually compatible men she can be with simply because she's a woman. She has to be more picky up because she gets pregnant that's it. She cuz disease from somebody that's it, a guy leaves her because she lost her virginity to him that's being a marriage or not. A woman has a lot to lose. With whole life. You only have things to lose materialistically for the most part besides financially. Why you going after a woman. This is what I always ask men. This is what I always ask a woman why she's going after man. If she's saying sex, and you say sex, then that's what it's about for them. If she says she wants to get married, and the guy says he wants sex, do you think that's going to necessarily be a compatible relationship? Not really.

[btbc92]

Because even though sex is a marriage and marriage is all about having sex, she's going to want that emotional and spiritual aspect of it not just physical. For him it may just only be the physical and that can lead to a lot of heartache and problems and potential infidelity in the future if she don't meet his so-called sexual needs. What does love have to do with that? You got to figure that out. Because the woman always has to figure it out. And trust me we tend to have already most of this planned out since we were little girls.

The things you men don't want to think about all the things we have to think about. And we think about this extremely young. Most of these girls and not some of them pretty much already have their ideal sense of a man that they desire no different than a lot of you men when you have all those pin-up models and everything else cuz you being conditioned to go out the particular women. The same it is for most women now. If you don't meet the ideal in her head, then she's not going to consider you. Not the reality of you. Sadly the same applies to women.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Same reason why men fuckzone women
And who say this? I always tell men my physical preferences. Women care more about looks.

[ronaldo75]

Difference is men aren't hypocrites about it

[hi_it_is_me123]

I dont understand it. What do you mean?

[hi_it_is_me123]

Oh. I mean yeah some women act like they dont care about looks

[friendzoned4life]

Fuckzone? That don't exist

[hi_it_is_me123]

This means when you fuck a woman but dont have serious committed relationship with her due to her looks/age. This confuses many naive women. Women usually have sex with men who are dateable.. this is why women are even picky when it comes to even sex since some naive girls think that the man will date her. This is why women have it easy to get sex. I dont believe that women have it sex just for pleasure. Many have sex due to emotional reasons and just for lust. Then there are men that date women to fuck them but not to marry her and so leave her then-which is also fuckzoning

[he-takes-a-part]

@hi_it_is_me123 Its about timing.

[Qdbrown]

All girls are different. When they friendzone you, it's because you are not attractive to them. This could change over time, but very unlikely. Most women know what they like the moment they see it.

For many desperate dudes, they are Simps. They are the nice beta orbiters who smile and treat her like gold thinking it will pay dividends. It never does and he eventually moves on to other friendzones. After awhile, he will get bitter and just not understand that being a nice guy is a bad quality. He needs to be wide-open see what you get, doesn't give a damn, a little rough and kind of dangerous feeling. Those kinds of guys make poor boyfriends, but women will spend every dime to support them and then some.

As for all you Simps, the women will pick up the successful ones later on when they need a provider. When they need a daddy for their existing kids, or when they get baby rabies around 35. Or worse, just got pregnant by the exciting bad boy, and needs a guy to pay for it all. Happens more than you think.

It's not the woman's responsibility to be open for a relationship or sexual fling. She has unlimited options and she will be picky early on. As age and looks begin to fail her, she will be more receptive to relationships she would never entertained in the past.

[he-takes-a-part]

hypocratic creature are women dont understand them you will go mad just fuck them

[coachTanthony]

------They put guys in the friendzone because they aren't interested in them romantically. Now this could be because the guy didn't show his romantic intentions. Could also be the guy just isn't her type. Either way... the man doesn't have to stay in the friendzone. He can leave at anytime. It's his fault for staying and praying she will change her mind.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[BrutalLee_Honest]

👆🏾This is the realest answer👆🏾

[JustAnj]

Because they don't, at least for me they don't. I had a lot of guys approach me and ask me out and where fearful of rejection but put the balls out to ask. I said I was sorry but I didn't feel that way towards them.

There was a guy in highschool who was always shy and nervous around me, I knew he liked me I dreaded it because I did not like telling guys that I not interested, I also had a lot of bad run in with friends because they were guys they liked.

Anyways, this guy told me he liked me and I thought he was adorable but I did not feel he was ready for someone like me and I also did not want to enter a relationship I knew would end prematurely since I ended a bad relationship.

Over time this same guy kept on trying even after sexting my bestie, on his defense he didn't know we were friends.
He approached again but more confidently with more growth and no fear of rejection, just straight up told me how he felt and did not ask me out simply wanted to state his feelings to leave in the air. This was the sexiest thing I have ever seen in a man.

We got together, and now we are married with kids.

Let me warn you here though, my husband was not ready for us then this led to a lot of hardship between us that we are still working through today. 12 years of being together. Please make sure you are 100% ready for yourself before being ready for someone else, find you and live your life until you know you are done with those demons that held you back. ❤️

[JustAnj]

To answer you question more clearly, in my opinion from experience with myself and my girlfriends. We just did not feel that connection and did not want to pursue someone we felt nothing for further then a friendship. It might be different for other girls but for my girls and me this is why.

[Gomezaddam51]

Women say a lot of things but if you look at Hypergamy, you will find that women ALWAYS go for a better looking, richer, guy even though the better looking richer guy wouldn't normally give them the time of day let alone have anything more than a one night stand with them.

Hypergamy says men and women are ranked from 1 to 10. 10 being the top guys and girls. These are the movie stars, the doctors, lawyers, and playboys who always have a super good looking girl hanging on their arms.

An average guy, a 5, even though he has a good job, a modest house and an older car can only get level 4 and below women. The 5 and up women all want the 9's and 10's. It doesn't matter that to the 9 and 10 guys the 5 and up to 8 women are just one night stands when they are bored. Unfortunately when the 5 to 8 women has a one night fling with a 9 and up guy, they think they are worth only a 9 or 10 guy and ignore real guys who would treat them well.

They live in a fantasy land and refuse to look at the guys who they really should be looking at as potential mates. They stick them in the friend zone and then ignore them. These are the women who when they hit 40 and are alone suddenly realize that no guy, no matter what number wants them and they are doomed to spend their lives alone.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

Looks are not everything. There can be many reasons why two people don't share a romantic chemistry. Despite physical attraction, they could not share much in common, could have conflicting wants and needs, or any other number of incompatibilities. Sometimes, there's just nothing there and no romantic feelings as well.

As for me, I've had multiple male friends over the years and my best friend is even a male, but I am asexual and don't really feel attracted to anyone in that way, therefore am not interested in a romantic relationship with anyone.

[Ducky456]

Simple.

They personally only see you as a friend.
You can be as close and loyal to her, but if she doesn't see how the relationship would work if you're together be it as just sex buddies, a casual date, or lifelong lover than she's not gonna hurt herself for it.

That doesn't mean mistake will be made since you're preference and thoughts about relationships change as you go through life.

It just simply means relationships are gonna come and go while you learn more about yourself. It's more of a journey to see rather you want a companion ( platonic, sexual, romantic. Whatever you find yourself wanting) and not a rush to find you're soulmate.

[MrCommodore]

I don't think the average girl puts lots of guys in the friend-zone,

A girl may have a good few guys she is friendly with, and she may feel varying levels of attraction to most of these guys, but probably only a small number of guys tick boxes for all of her requirements.

And likewise she probably only ticks all of those boxes for a small number of guys, so a relationship is only possible or likely between her and a small percentage of these guys.

I am friends with a good few girls, and I find most of them attractive in some way or level, most I find attractive enough to hypothetically sleep with or date. But very few (if any) of these girls tick enough of my specific boxes for a LTR or marriage.

[Rose00]

Yea I have rejected guys until I found my boyfriend now, but I could like a lot of things in a person but still could not be compatible. Many guys I enjoyed talking to at bars and work were really nice and good guys. I was not attractive to them I could not see myself taking it any further. Some could be about race I know some people just date in their race I guess preference not everyone is open to everyone. It could be about religion not have the same beliefs as you. It can be that she is looking for a more reserved guy or wild guy that likes to party. Personality should be everything to everyone you should want someone that fits you. It could be a lot of factors. I hope I helped.

[rjroy3]

Because the character traits girls are most attracted to aren't necessarily traits you find in a guy that's relationship or husband material.

That's why there's that famous line from James Bond.

Girl: "I've had so many chances at being happy. So many nice guys. But why can't nice guys be more like you?"

Bond: "because then they'd be bad"

Girl: "*smiles* yeees"

For sure Daniel Craig is a good looking dude. But he's not better looking than say Ryan Reynolds. Daniel Craig has turned on more women than Ryan Reynolds has, mostly because of the masculine traits he conveys on screen.

In real life girls go looking for those traits and a lot of good-looking guys have some of them naturally, because from a young age they developed them.

[Seinna]

Not because of looks. Looks is a lot more important to guys so they're projecting that onto women. Unless you're a really ugly guy it's probably something else. Maybe you're not manly enough, timid or have a flat personality. That's what will usually put you in friendzone. But if you're so ugly that it's distracting from your other qualities then yes, it could be the looks.

[Asker]

The question is not about me, I don't have female friends. Girls wouldn't enjoy a timid guy with a flat personality, but not being manly enought can also be a reason. Just because you don't care about looks that much it doesn't mean that every other girl is like that.

[Asker]

If looks isn't a big deal for girls why do millions of woman drool over Nick Vateman on his Facebook? Check it out if you don't believe me.

[Asker]

Correction *Nick Bateman.

[Seinna]

No idea who he is but probably because he's successful. I googled him and he's a good looking guy but nothing that'd stop me in my tracks if there wasn't anything else behind the face and the body.

Also I didn't say I don't care about looks, just that it's not that important unless the guy is distractedly ugly. I still need to be attracted, but other things than a handsome face and good body will play into that to a higher degree.

[spearheadbt]

@solidsnake007 So if all these girls got to be on a date with this guy, all of them would necessarily fall for him regardless of his personality? I don't think so. And girls, like guys, might like adventures and stuff like that. You know about groupies? It's not necessarily about dating the guy.

[blank_expression]

Women seek emotional servants in male friends because the high testosterone stud that they instinctively desire to mate and may even hate, doesn’t dabble in female emotions. The male friend provides all of the female things that the stud doesn’t. The male friends are the female version of an emotional harem in effect. They lie like hell.

[SillyDaffodilly]

Usually because they are afraid of losing you as a friend if they decide to go beyond friendship. In the mind of a women, it's better to have a relationship with you as a friend than not having you in their life at all knowing if it doesn't work out as a couple they won't be able to view you the same again. There's honestly just some lines we are afraid go across and losing that person entirely isn't worth the risk.

[reallyhonestguy]

I think this is true. However, most of the shy guys don't have enough guts to take the first step and they're hoping that something will start someday, but it won't.

[SillyDaffodilly]

@reallyhonestguy you'll never know until you try☺️ the worst thing that could happen is she'll say yes and you'll have a moment to think about what to do now instead of being stricken with fear because you thought the answer would be no😁

[reallyhonestguy]

Yes that's true! But I can tell you that a shy guy might be really mortified and have fear of rejection, so they don't think that way, and if they approach them being shy it will really suck most of times.
In my case I had to work to overcome my shyness and it got me a girlfriend x) but I understand why many guys suffer with this. And I also know that many of the over confident guys might not be the best and that confidence is overrated. A partner can help make a person more confident overtime.

[MCheetah]

Because they lie?

Because they "don't have that spark" with him, even though they'll break out some flint and steel the moment they see a hot guy.

Because he's short. (Which may not have anything to do with affect his physical fitness or face.)

Because he "lacks confidence" (which has some validity to it, but again, hot guys don't need true "confidence", so...)

[reallyhonestguy]

Former super shy guy here. Now just barely shy xD
I understand your pain. For a big while I was like this, the problem is not the appearance, its all about not being shy with the girl in question which translates to confidence.
I got sick of having friends that won't lead anywhere and consume a lot of time. I wanted a girlfriend or just a friend with benefits so I went online dating and everything changed. First you start talking to the girl without wanting to be friends but to have a date. And you can practice. With time you will be more confident and handle girls in a different way.
If you're interested instead of being shy you will be more playful with her for example.

[Anonymous]

Looks matter to an extent like ya don’t need the hottest guy out there but at the same time most women maybe all women even want a guy that they are physically attracted to and who will also treat them right. So if they don’t think a guy is physically attractive even if he’s the nicest guy ever they will put him in friend zone because of that. I feel like this goes for men as well. Also most of my girlfriends said that they wouldn’t care how hot a guy is if he’s an asshole then they won’t date him either. Basically they need to be beautiful on the outside and the inside. If there’s only one then it’s not gonna last.

[Anonymous]

Being attracted to someone is not just looks! Like a girl can be very good looking but I might have no interest in dating her if I think she has an odd vibe about her. Or just not the kind of vibe I want. Or if we don't have chemistry. This is not something that can be easily explained, it's just feelings.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

You know, I have always particularly disliked that word. It basically boils women down to "is she going to let me f*ck her or not?"

If that is how you are approaching women anyway then consider yourself lucky to have made it to the friendzone at all because I would have completely dismissed that person fully from my life.

[spearheadbt]

Yeah, the question does sound like he feels entitled to a girl's interest. Newsflash: the world does not revolve around you. Some people might not give a shit about you, and that's fine. There are 7 billion of us on this planet, you are not special or deserve special attention.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

^ yeeeep

[Jemini_Crocket]

Because most of the "less attractive" guys who are usually the ones in the friendzone also have personality issues or mental issues.

Some of those could be:
- they lack confidence
- they aren't the straightforward type
- they constantly complain about women (past crush, women in general, feminism etc)
- have no charm/don't really know how to talk with women

And so on.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I was just being honest by the way, I'm not trying to attact guys. I'm not even a bit close to perfect "wanted by every guy" gal either.

[Goatmeal]

I always hear this. It annoys me, because no wonder some guys are confident when they constantly get validated by women for winning the genetic lottery. No wonder some guys are straightforward, when the response they get is sex and not a pitying laugh. No wonder some guys don't complain about women when women are constantly sucking up to them and on their dick. No wonder some guys don't know how to talk to women, when women refuse to talk to them.

[Jemini_Crocket]

@Goatmeal I understand completely. It's like a carousel (I think that's the word). I'm not really sure if there's a way out of it. I'm having similar problems myself.

[Goatmeal]

Thank you for the kind reply.

[A_Bell]

in my opinion, we get programmed into what we find sexually attractive based on our environment at the time we become sexually awakened.

For me, it has been a certain kind of guy and look that seems to excite me. If a guy isn't from that set, they can only exist in the friend zone unless she makes a choice to force it.

Your mileage may vary.

[bobalife]

Platonic friends are platonic friends lol. There could play factors such as the vibes, attraction (qualities in physical features or personality), intentions (casual sex vs dating vs relationships), nor compatibility isn't there.


Looks matters to an extent to everyone though.

[bobalife]

Or in other cases, (1) the guy kept himself in the friendzone too long and not show his interest… so rather the girl may or may not be interested, she could potentially moved on or not noticed him romantically due to it. (2) she rather not lose him as a friend because it can be risky as it may be really good if it all works out or really bad if things fell apart

[Account]

I have been with men who were not conventionally attractive.
It doesn't matter that much. You can feel sparks with someone who doesn't look that attractive to others.
You can also have friends who can be considered very good looking, yet you don't feel those sparks with them. I have a male friend like that, but I can never think of him in that way.