She is clearly interested in me, but why does she still ignore me for days?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I (28) know that she (25) clearly likes me and that she is interested in me because she has said this herself, multiple times. We are also planning our first date, but it keeps getting postponed due to the distance, and also because we both work full-time.

She remembers everything about me from our talks because she sent a very personal gift on my birthday a couple of weeks ago. My only problem is she is being hot and cold. When she replies on WhatsApp or Snapchat, one week it is consistent while other times, she completely ignores it for days.

Now, her replies are far from short or dry. They are always paragraphs with multiple questions. But her inconsistency makes me feel like she is either testing me or my patience. She is a very closed-off person, so she doesn't often open up about her feelings, quite possibly due to her past relationship.

We've been good friends for over a year now, and she has been always like this. I was just expecting her to be more consistent with her replies now that we're thinking of dating, and not just being friends only. I have no problem with postponing our date for a dozen more times, if she isn't feeling ready, it's just that, sometimes this hot and cold behavior makes me overthink everything.

[SueShe]

She is simply not ready to go out on a date because she is aware what it may signify for her.

A great number of men want to be intimate on/after the first date and given the fact that she has had previous negative experiences with past relationships, she thinks that this will not be much different and that is perhaps what is causing her to hesitate.

Also, the hot-cold treatment may be indicative that she is uncertain on what position to adopt in this relationship with you.

I would suggest that you start to distance yourself from her and to let her make the first move. If she is really interested, then she will take the initiative and if not, well then, you know that she is not ready to commit and you will have to seek what you want elsewhere. Good luck.

[Asker]

I definitely don't want anything sexual on the first date. Hell, I am willing to wait until 5-10 dates if that's what she wants. I just don't know how to bring this up during a normal conversation.

[Asker]

Also, she is actually putting effort into planning our date since I will visit her in her hometown which is far away. Also, when she had to postpone, she clearly suggested other possible dates.

[SueShe]

She suggested alternate dates but cancelled or postponed them on short notice, right? If that is the case, then the will is not really there to have a date.

[Asker]

Not on short notice, but in advance. She already informed me weeks ago that her family has planned a trip that weekend but she isn't sure if she will join them due to work. So, we mutually agreed to postpone in case she joins them!

[pepper1993]

Probably trying to find someone else, but keep her options open with you in case it doesn't work out?

[hahahmm]

I'm going to try and word this as simply and painlessly as possible.

She's not that into you & you come across like you're not sure what you want.

You can talk to someone for 100 years but it doesn't mean jack compared to going out on 1 date or being together for 2-3 days. Means absolutely nothing. You've wasted your time so far.

Yes, LD works out for some people, sometime. But you should never get into LD unless the other person is EAGER to hop on a plane and come to your local area to meet you. That's my advice. Otherwise, forget about it.

[RolandCuthbert]

I bet if you were going out with other women, she wouldn't postpone anymore dates.

In fact, she would knock any woman who came near you. . . right the "f" out.

[Asker]

I've noticed a change in her behavior when I talk about other girls. Sometimes she completely changes the topic!

[RolandCuthbert]

I would just keep going there. But talk your dates. And call her a "friend" a lot.

:D

She will step towards you.

But at this point, I don't know if you want someone with her maturity. You have to understand if you pursue something more serious, it may not work out. But if that isn't important to you, then good luck.

[Guy13]

Maybe she does not think you mean it and she's tired of being disappointed? Or, that it is just not meant to be and she has given up? These are possible women reactions !!

[Asker]

I clearly told her that I have feelings and I am interested in her.

[Guy13]

Actions and not words I mean

[Asker]

Ah, I haven't done anything action-wise. She likes to take things slow, so I am worried about moving fast!

[Guy13]

You are going too slow. She probably gave up and thinks you are full of 💩. Schedule for this weekend AND have detailed Plan. She’s probably threw with you until you “man-up”