Why did she give me a hug after being very distant and barely talking for a while?

[restop99]

We hadn't talked in weeks since our last plans fell off, she hadn't been talking much so I tried to stop and forget her. She was answering texts but just not talking much. We went out once, I asked her out another time and things got weird. They were weird again after our last plans fell off, not talking for a while but now yesterday she gave me this hug after a random encounter, and I wish I could have stayed longer but I had to go, so I just placed my hand on her upper arm all the way down to her lower arm and said goodbye, she did the same. I was on the road to forgetting her but now I can't. Is this what love, friendship, lust? Not sure what to do here, should I try to text her again?

[SoIcyGang]

It doesn't matter why. All that matters is that you like her and want to be with her.

So now what? You want advice on how to act such that you seduce her?

Or would you rather wish to be your real self, and for her to see the real you, and like you for you?

But what if she doesn't like you for you? You can't handle that. That's why you're here asking for advice on how to act such as to seduce her.

Just like literally 99% of men out there. We are afraid to be ourselves because we are afraid to be rejected or to fail getting a woman.

So we need to find a way to truck her or seduce her and we know our real self is not the most effective strategy.

The most effective strategy is to play a game. Learn to read her. Respond in a way that you think leads to a relationship or sex.

Always playing the game always analyzing always thinking always planning and so on and so on.

Or is it easier to just learn to be your real self with her, and to just go up to her and tell her you like her and what you want from her.

Nope can't do that. You might fail. She might say no. She might laugh. What if she only ever thought of you as a friend? The shame. The embarrassment!

But then again, if you're your real self with all women, and you often shoot your shot with girls, is it really so bad? Then there's no embarrassment because you just do that. It's not a bad thing for someone not to like you.

You can just be your real self and have fun with it. You could just flirt and play and joke with any girl because you're not riddled with the anxiety of performing as a man who gets laid by 100% of women.

It's always better to be your real self. That way you know way faster whether she likes you or not because not only did you show your real self to her. But you shoot your shot and it's not life or death. You shoot your shot and if she DOES say yes, you know that she actually likes you and you can relax and be yourself even more!

If not it's all good because someone else will like you.

Maybe you just believe that your real self is not likeable? Do you even know and explore your real self if you spent your life trying to act like who you thought society thinks you should be?

=D

[restop99]

I will say though I'm not afraid to be myself with her, that's what I love about being with her we are ourselves all the time. What I'm afraid of is asking/talking about feelings, which is not "myself". But I get your point..

>You can just be your real self and have fun with it. You could just flirt and play and joke with any girl because you're not riddled with the anxiety

you're very right though, I need to focus on this attitude whatever hapens. She doesn't want anything, I can still joke around with her, she does, I will still joke around with her

about shooting my shot, it's funny because I once asked her out, she said yes, and just the day before that she was talking to me about creepy men asking her out and how she understands they need to "shoot their shot" they continue being creepy about it after she says no, and told me I'm not like them. Day later I ask her out and she says yes. But things have been complicated since..

[SoIcyGang]

I had this problem a lot in the past. So I really can only say what my problem was. And I only see the solution the way I solved the problem.

I will now describe the story of the "final boss" woman, which in my opinion gives perspective on a regular girl you like.

I remember many times girls asking me if I could be their "daddy."

These girls wanted to fuck me, but I was shy. But now I know what to do when a girl is being sexual like that. It's easy. I just grab her by the hand and she will come with me and fuck me.

But that's like the final boss of women. She will fuck you, but you have to be able to cross that line, grab her by the pussy as Trump said, and she will fuck you.

Her requirement to fuck, is that you grab her by the pussy. That's what Trump really meant when he said it too.

And women will do things like that. They throw out this pitch to the guy and he has to catch it. And most guys don't even know it's a pitch. And when they recognize the pitch, they have zero clue how to catch it.

Her pitch is basically "take me, I'm yours." But most men are afraid to "take" her as she wishes. We have been taught to be respectful.

So that's the final boss woman in my mind. The girl at the club you wish you could take home. She would have fucked if only you knew you were supposed to grab her by the pussy.

This applies to your girl interest because now that she says yes, you have to take control.

Its on the same spectrum as the slut at the club looking for a "daddy."

All you have to do is take the lead. Maybe push the boundaries.

I like to pull them "lightly" in for a kiss. I pull, but not that hard. She follows if she chooses. She kisses me if she chooses. But I performed the dominant action, by "grabbing her by the pussy" or, dominantly indicating to her what I want from her.

It doesn't always have to be Mr. Dom with whips and chains. As long as you're leading even a tiny bit.

Women crave for men to lead. It makes them wet, it makes them cum.

It is what it is.

[SoIcyGang]

Honestly I'd prefer a more rational logical girl. In some ways I hate that women need domination and leadership. It's annoying in a lot of ways.

I've often thought of avoiding those women. Sure I can do that stuff. But I feel like it's all just animal shit.

Rational people don't have to have that Dom sub sexuality.

It's just rare that I've ever been with a girl who didn't want me to basically rape her in the bedroom.

Like I don't wanna do it anymore.

So maybe my views on this are skewed. Maybe I'm wrong.

This is just rhe way I see it. My first comment I 100% support. My second comment maybe I'm crazy.

But I learned a lot about women FROM women. So I dunno lol.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe she was dating someone, felt guilty about talking with you, and then that relationship dried up and went away. So now she's trying to re-start what previously started.

This isn't love. You barely know her. Trying to have a serious conversation with her at this stage will be a mood killer. Just make plans and go out on a date. Hold her hand. Stand closer than you would stand to a friend. Lean in and whisper in her ear. Give her a goodnight kiss that arouses her passion and maybe even makes her start wanting more.

Don't look into the future and plan anything other than your next date. Just "go with the flow" and see what happens. If you two are meant to be, it will happen. If you aren't meant to be, don't try to force it.

[restop99]

Thanks for your answer! I do know her actually, she calls us best friends and have known each other for over a year, and while it's certainly possible she was dating someone, she told me she's been taking care of her mom again for the past few weeks, and when she's with her she does nothing else, which is why I don't even want to ask her to do something right now unless she proposes it

"Stand closer than you would stand to a friend"

She's always doing this, though mostly when sitting, and one time we went out she was breaking the touch barrier a lot, bumping our hips while waiting for food, touching my beard and hair, touching my knees and thighs, "booping" my nose. I certainly need to do more if we go out again, all I've done is touch her lips

" Just "go with the flow" and see what happens. If you two are meant to be, it will happen. If you aren't meant to be, don't try to force it."

You're totally right and I lose sight of this too much. Thanks!

[OlderAndWiser]

If you have had a series of unsatisfying relationships, it is easy to become eager and to try to make something happen. And that almost NEVER works! That is the voice of experience talking.

[restop99]

I wouldn't say I have had unsatisfying relationships, they simply ran their course. With her I could say unsatisfying in a way, more like uncertain though. I thought after the hug she would want to talk again but I texted her telling her I was glad to see her and didn't get a response. Maybe she will later on but at this point I feel done. Just wondering about all our moments together and plans we made, that's hard to move on from, not knowing what the hell happened

[OlderAndWiser]

Give her a chance to declare her interest by asking her for something that is obviously a date and not just two friends getting together. Do the classic Saturday night dinner date with a drink or two afterwards, sit close, hold hands, let her know you want to be closer.

[restop99]

I'd love to do that but how if she didn't even answer my last text?

[Anonymous]

when i do this, it was usually because of something the guy did (not saying that's what happened to you). she got upset over something. or something could have been going on in her life where she needed to step away because it was important and personal. maybe she was unsure of your feelings or her feelings. it could be a million things! maybe she lost interest? hard to read.

[restop99]

>or something could have been going on in her life where she needed to step away because it was important and personal.

From what I know and she's told me this is the main reason, but I guess she could also be unsure about her and my feelings, I haven't been very clear about them either besides asking her out

Would it be too much to text her asking her if everything is ok between us?

[Opinion Owner]

you do need to know, it's better than sitting and wondering and driving your mind mad. i'd ask. it's a reasonable thing to want to know from her.

[restop99]

It is driving me mad! I'll ask her by the end of the week if she hasn't contacted me. What's the worst that can happen..

[Opinion Owner]

exactly. good luck

[restop99]

I told her yesterday and still hasn't answered. I'm expecting her to, as usual, come back at some point, or maybe that's the last time who knows, but at least I told her and made sure she knows I'm there for her

[Bricealan]

I would be distant, until you find out why she was giving you the social 'stiff arm"

Maybe nothing... but I'm a pessimist when it comes to this kind of stuff.

[restop99]

How can I find out if I'm distant though? Asking her?

I texted her about seeing her the other day and telling her we should meet up sometime but she hasn't even answered. I just don't get her. If she never answers maybe at some point I should ask her why she's so distant?

[CallmeTheKnight]

Leave it alone if you’re not gonna tell her how you feel and what you would like to experience.

[restop99]

What do you mean what I would like to experience? As in telling her I want to be with her?

I feel my attempts to date her have been that but probably not?

I texted her about seeing her the other day and telling her we should meet up sometime but she hasn't even answered. I just don't get her. If she never answers maybe at some point I should ask her why she's so distant?

[Anonymous]

Well it's not love, that's for sure. There are no "if, ands, or buts" when it comes to love. It's pretty straight forward

[In_Trance]

You're 30...
have a conversation with her ffs

[restop99]

What can I tell her though? Things have been awkward, at least from my purview, between us, not talking much lately when we used to spend a lot of time together. She seemed to break that cycle but I should continue, just not sure how to, just text her? Ask her how she's doing? Tell her I was so happy to see her the other day?

[Aminigiraffe]

Yes! Tell her you enjoyed seeing her. Ask how she's doing. She may be going through something, either physically or emotionally that's taken a lot of her attention. You won't know unless you ask her.

[restop99]

She is going through a lot, healthwise, job wise, family wise, which is why I don't want to push either, but she seemed happy to see me so she might want me to try?

>You won't know unless you ask her.

true, and at this point I guess I'm ok with losing her if we're not talking daily anymore if she doesn't like me..

Would it be ok to tell her I'm glad I saw her the other day and that I hope it continues?

Or that I feel we've been a bit distant lately?

[Anonymous]

Because some girls are just natural huggers.