I have a friend who is really caring and supportive, but every time we talk, for nearly an hour or so, she goes on and on about a guy who keeps coming into her store. She’s married but looking elsewhere, so I can’t tell if they dated. She never referenced them having dated. Anyway every conversation she talks about him the WHOLE time and all the awful things he says to her. I’m tired of hearing about the drama. She told me she blocked him several months ago but he won’t stop talking to her/she keeps unblocking him. The things he says also make me feel bad too. Literally every text, in person convo, and call is always about him. I’ve already told her to stop talking to him numerous times. Should I distance myself?
What’s this friend’s deal? Should I distance myself from her?
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I used to have a lot of friends like this who just seem to dump their drama constantly and don't hear your cues to stop. ultimately, if you've given the advice you feel you need to give her, bluntly and directly, its time to slowly cut her off. if she asks why, tell her. if she keeps begging you to come back with no change, just do what's best for you. and if she's really not listening and making you uncomfortable, she doesn't seem very caring and supportive. hope that helps!
She talked about it the whole time at my celebratory dinner for when I won a lawsuit against my former employer…LOL girl I don’t want any more drama after that experience! Then she talked about it again in a phone call before my birthday.
She tells me he talks to her about women and age, virginity, etc. and that’s a sensitive topic for most women.
oh my God yeah totally not worth it. she sounds like she's got tunnel vision for this guy. your season as friends may have just passed.
It’s gross because she’s married. Yet this random dude is ALL she talks about. And personally I don’t want to be associated with other women who cheat or have loose morals.
so right! there's a point where it gets a little immature.
I’m going to offer an opinion that won’t be popular. As someone who had a friend constantly dump on me then once I had a problem with a stalker and was terrified and tried to seek her support, told me to stop drinking and to never talk to her again. If she’s been a good friend to you, then it’s not your business to pass judgment on her for her life choices. Even though it doesn’t sound good. Secondly, maybe he’s stalking her and she’s frightened, like I was. Maybe she needs your support just a few times. Friendship isn’t one sided. If it’s bothering you, support her, but then ask her why she keeps mentioning this guy. She might be traumatised, like I was. My stalker is still stalking me by the way. I listened every time we caught up to her problems and how the world’s a bad place. The woman used me like her free therapist every time we caught up.
I have supported and listened to her a lot though. I even gave her an attorney contact in case anything happened. I urged her to report it and I walked through what she should do. It’s been going on for quite a few months. I’ve done all I can and she’s not helping herself with the situation. I asked if I should intervene and talk to him for her but she said she doesn’t want him to know that we know eachother. He’s such bad news. I get what you’re saying though completely. We’ve all been there. I genuinely listen and have a sympathetic ear. I’m not sure how to help further since it also involves her work.
I’m also overwhelmed because she is married but is going on dates with other guys. And I’m not sure what to say to that since I’ve never been married and would never cheat.
Fair enough. I find it hard to understand too. Why one life partner isn’t enough. Perhaps you could give her a trauma counsellor’s number? Just google some local ones..
Tell her you are no longer interested in hearing about him, and if she doesn't stop then its time to distanced yourself from her.