How do I deal (much older guy/younger girl situation)?

[Anonymous]

There’s this guy that I’ve liked for a while. He’s been great. We’re really good friends. He always refers to me as his “best friend.” He’s very genuine, and he always stays way later than his workday (3:30 is his end time, 6-7 is usually how long he stays with me). He’ll usually spend 4 hours with me each day. He talks to me about his life, what he has to deal with at work, and anything and everything in between. That is, until I found out about his wife and kids about a week ago. He doesn’t talk about them much unless I prompt him. I previously thought maybe I should ask him out despite the age difference, but now that I know about his family, I would absolutely never. It just seems really odd to me. Any takes? I feel like I should start distancing myself, even if we work together.

Updates

+1 y

I told him that I would be coming to this office less, and he was pretty sad about it. He asked what he could do to make me stay, but I said that there wasn’t anything he could do. For some background, my job requires a lot of travel and going between offices, and his doesn’t. I made the decision to distance myself a bit. He’s still been doing the same stuff and more, including visiting me for hours. It feels weird. He told me recently he doesn’t tell his wife about me at all.

[zeitgeist057]

It sounds like he enjoys your company, and you enjoy his. It also sounds like he has a wife and kids, but doesn't want to talk about them much. I think there is more to this story that he's scared to talk about with you for precisely the reason that he enjoys your company and doesn't want you to distance yourself from him because of his wife and kids.

So that's my take. He avoided bringing his family up and avoids talking about them more than he has to because of fear of losing his connection with you.

This brings up the question of his ability to communicate honestly and openly with you. Even though he has been "very genuine", "great", and you're "really good friends", there is a demonstrated topic he hasn't shared much with you about. And to be fair, you haven't shared your thoughts with him about asking him out. Everyone deals with fears. The key to a truly genuine connection is to the extent we can face those fears and how much the other person can handle our truths if we can be brave enough to speak them.

[firenine909]

Check to see if he’s married or divorced. You can ask him out if he’s divorced and propose somewhere you can go out to. Obviously check to make sure he’s genuinely interested in you too and not just looking to get off

[firenine909]

With older guys be careful if they have ulterior motives and try to make sure you have a good angle on him before you try to escalate things with him

[Anonymous]

Age difference doesn't mean much if he is an older man.

[war_daddy]

he probably just wants to fuck you. i would just avoid him.

[Anonymous]

Lol he ain’t worth it at all.