I am an asshole but girls still don't like me?

[ValeriusDover]

Never had a girl like me my whole life, even though I've acted like an asshole towards everyone. I typically do so by acting like I don't care about people and saying the cruelest things I can imagine to look cool.

It's well known that most girls go for assholes, so why won't they go for me?

[ZXCwWRQWz]

You need at least a gentleman angle up your sleeve. Just being a pure asshole doesn't work. Being an asshole sometimes and then surprising girls with a very kind side can sometimes work.

That's actually kind of the modern gentleman as I see it now. If you are a hardcore gentleman presenting a hankie every time a girl cries, being so eager to walk on the side of the street with oncoming traffic, opening doors and scooting up chairs, very few girls are probably going to like that.

But the hidden gentleman is probably the modern way. You say and do whatever you want but when someone is hurt or in need of aid, especially a woman, you offer aid but in a cool way, not too eager like some servant.

[ValeriusDover]

When people cry, i usually rub salt in their wounds or just belittle them. I don't see how there's a cool way to help someone or be a good person.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

That's horrible! If people are hurt, you don't need to be an asshole to be cool and it's not cool usually if people are hurting. That's one of the few times these days where being a gentleman is unanimously cool AF, like you see a woman fall down and help her back up. But always attitude is important, like don't help her back up like you're her servant. Help her back up like you're her king.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

After that you can resume being an asshole to her and that might even work. Like it sends her weird mixed signals and she thinks you have this hidden gentleman side she is so curious about. But don't be asshole when woman is down. Be at least the reluctant gentleman. That's how you win the girls.

[ValeriusDover]

Yeah, I know it's horrible, that's why I do it.
So, what you're saying is that I should keep being the asshole, but turn it off at specific moments so I can successfully gaslight them?

[ZXCwWRQWz]

It would be better if your genuine side cared about them deeply and the front you were putting was the asshole one. But I figure both ways work at least for hook-ups!

[ValeriusDover]

I have no interest in hookups. A hookup wouldn't allow me to have a hold over someone's mind and heart long term.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Do you have any capability to feel for her as more than someone you aren't just supposed to control?

[ValeriusDover]

I don't have anyone specific in mind, but I hate most people in general because I know what they're really like. When I was young and naive I used to have legitimate crushes like anyone else. I eventually grew disillusioned, so now the only thing I really want is to be able to break someone's heart. I hate that other people have the power to do that and I don't.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

If you know how people are really like then you know they might hurt the same way you did, no, with hopes and crushes and things like that? Why delight in breaking a heart as yours when you became disillusioned?

[ValeriusDover]

That's exactly why I hurt others before they can hurt me. If things were different, I would prefer to be nicer. But society expects us guys to be cold blooded and ruthless. I learned this when I was 11. Ever since, I've been a nasty piece of work and proud of it.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

How about trying to take it slow and easy, where your risk of being kind and hurt is low, and gradually rekindle that preference? You can still balance it between being a fun asshole.

[ValeriusDover]

How do I do that without being top obvious or letting someone know I'm interested.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

It's not a problem if you show someone you're interested, like if you show interest in a guy as a friend. Doesn't mean you are putting your heart on the line for a girl. You can invite her to hang out, not even call it a "date" if that makes you feel too vulnerable.

[ValeriusDover]

I don't know. I can't think of any innocent reason for wanting to talk to anyone, let alone a girl. Girls get asked out on an average of once a day, with most of that attebtion being unwanted. By the time they're in their 20s, they've seen every trick in the book. They'd question why I'm even talking to them in the first place.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

It's easier usually if you have a strong interest or skill in some subjects. Then you separate yourself from men who aren't so interested in those subjects or aren't so skilled. For example, I'm into visual arts and that was usually a clicking point that resonated with some women. I'm not the type that can impress women being so big and strong but I could talk to them about what is beautiful and compliment them in ways few guys ever did with very careful visual observation, so tailored to their unique features. That's just an example but you can find a way to be different from all the other guys and that will make you interesting to at least some girls.

[ValeriusDover]

How do I know if some random person would be interested in the same things as me? I'm good, but not that good.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Just starting from small talk, you can explore mutual interests and aptitudes. It helps if you can shift the convos smoothly of your own accord.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

I've been accused a lot of odd segues here and there but that's probably a general thing you get sometimes if you are controlling the convo! And it's not necessarily always bad if people are having a good time and playing along. If you control it, you can quickly steer it in a direction that explores what you might have in common.

[ValeriusDover]

I have no problem once I'm having a conversation, the problem is I can't get one started in the first place. I have no reason to even say hello to someone I don't know.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

That's something you can practice a lot. I am worried about being a bad influence but bars can be good for that. Could even be restaurant bars, hotel bars, things of this nature. Don't even have to drink. But you get a fresh supply of new faces to talk to all the time, and if things aren't going right, you can hop to a new joint and never see the same faces again. It's a good way to practice socializing without having to see the same people every day.

[ValeriusDover]

Ok, sounds good. But if I'm in the bar, I'm still left without a reason for talking to anyone besides the bartender when ordering a drink.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Just talk to the person next to you here and there if they don't already like, "Hey, how's it going?" Then do from there.

[ValeriusDover]

What reason should I give for asking a total stranger how it's going, though?

[ZXCwWRQWz]

Even the strongest fighter in the world is almost as vulnerable as a baby when he sleeps, and no amount of muscle and fighting skill can protect him from poison in his food or drink. If all you can think about is your own well-being, forming allies is still the best way to go to ensure it. Strength in numbers; we are a social species.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

And if you are so content with your way, then I hope you will forgive me but I will point out that you will probably have never asked this question in the first place. I figure you have something empty in your life, as most of us do in some form or another, and so I offer suggestion on how to fill this void.

[alice55]

Girls don't like assholes, they like confident guys that can tease them (gently, not being being mean things or by teasing them on stuff they're insecure about); surprise them (by planing surprise trip, restaurant, etc...), have humor , confident, a bit jealous / protective / possessive (but still in a light way not full on if not they would think you're a psychopath).

Girls neither like assholes neither nice guys but confident guys that are confident, tease them care about them (without the sappy cringe things) and that can always surprise them.

It's a matter of balance need to show her enough attention but not too much if not if think you're down bad and not too little if not she would think you're a fuckboy / cheater / not interested.

That's basically it for the majority of girls. Personally I prefer guys being down bad for me surrounding me in affection but most girls prefer a balance.

[ValeriusDover]

Someone else said something similar. How do you tease people gently? I tend to act like a kind of like a school bully.

[alice55]

The most important is to take them on a subject they're not insecure about and are gonna laugh about, like don't tease a girl on her weight if she's struggling with her diet (she gonna be hurt and you're not gonna get any good point by doing this).
For example when I was in high school my friends used to teach me how I had a sleepy face all the time (cause I spend all night playing video game) and I just laugh and said "yes that's true I never sleep" so they teased me and I found it funny cause it was on something I wasn't insecure about.

My family also tease me on the fact I eat a lot, like for example if I reach to get a part of cake they would tell me "Hey leave some for us" jokingly, it's fun cause I'm Not insecure about my eating habits and I'm thin but If you do it to a girls that is insecure about her body she's just not gonna take any food and be hurt (not going to like you / me just find it funny).

So it depend on the person and it need to be said in a joking manners the person should be able to feel it's a joke and not someone said with mean intention.

[8UniquelyBoring8]

It's important to acknowledge that treating others disrespectfully and saying cruel things to look cool is never acceptable behavior. It may be true that some people are attracted to individuals who appear confident and aloof, but it's important to remember that being rude to others is not an attractive trait in the long run.


Rather than focusing on trying to impress or attract others, consider working on becoming a kinder and more empathetic person. Focus on treating others with respect and kindness, and pursuing hobbies and interests that make you happy and fulfilled. By becoming a more authentic and positive individual, you may ultimately find that more people are drawn to you.

[ValeriusDover]

Yeah, because those nice guy dweebs totally have girls fighting for their attention. Nah, I'm pretty sure being an asshole is not my problem. I'm either not enough or too much of one.

[Malwi93]

u might be on to smth

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You may think you're an asshole, but clearly you're not if you're not pulling chicks.
Try chewing tobacco and spitting it all over the place. Next to people's feet, out your car window right next to other cars, etc...
Also don't wait for old ladies to cross the street. Tell that old hag to move her ass or she's gonna lose it.
Last but not least, wear a t-shirt that says "No fat chicks" and "cows belong in the barn"

[ValeriusDover]

I usually snap at people when they get in my way, mock people's dead relatives, bully special needs people, encourage people I don't like to commit suicide if i know they're weak enough, and threaten to blow people's faces off with a shotgun if they tick me off.
Are you saying that's not enough?

[WanderingLoveWizard]

What the actual fuck... how are you not rolling in pussy dude?
This makes no sense.
Maybe try tripping the special needs people?

[WanderingLoveWizard]

And actually you should probably call them "retards" too

[ValeriusDover]

Regarding the above. I'd probably get charged with assault if I did that. They're very strict about that here. I do use the r word a fair amount, both literally and figuratively.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Oh true, damn.
And that's good man. Sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. I don't know what's going on

[Billlewis]

Keep the faith, sir; I think you'll ultimately be successful. Have you considered advertising for a submissive wimp who will do whatever you tell him to, and even pay for your dates? A lot of women get really turned on by that type of arrangement. Seriously.

[BrookeAZ90]

Thank you for showing evidence of how stupid your guys' theory about this is.

[ValeriusDover]

For every unsuccessful asshole, there's gotta be at least a hundred unsuccessful nice guys. My odds are still better.

[boggboss]

Clearly it would seem they don't gor for the asshole because he is a asshole

[ValeriusDover]

Well, don't leave me hanging. What am I missing?

[boggboss]

Guys that tend to be assholes are able to convince people they are nit and pretend to have decent personalities which is because they have good social skills or know how to talk to women

[ValeriusDover]

Ok, supposing that's true, how come it only works for the people who are assholes? If that were true, those freakin' nice guy losers would be getting dates just as much, and they might even stay in them longer.

[boggboss]

No because most nice guy losers are doormats with shit personality and have no clue how to talk flirt or banter with a women

[ValeriusDover]

Flirting is tryhard behavior, though. I prefer the aloof approach. Be that as it may, I have noticed that a lot of those guys are completely incapable of having a conversation without sounding like Special Ed dropouts.
What should I be doing instead of what I'm doing?

[boggboss]

U saying what u prefer doing when u are getting nowhere doing it

[ValeriusDover]

Flirting shows desperation, and I've never heard of it working. It's also too obvious. Girls are not idiots. If I flirt, a girl will figure out that I'm interested. The only way to keep that mystery and intrigue is to act uninterested. Girls get asked out hundreds of times a year. I'd stand out more being the one guy who doesn't. Even I know that much.

[boggboss]

Lol u know so much yet you get no women do u not see the issue here you acting like what u do is working when it's clearly not yes flirting with every girl won't work but u will clearly have to flirt at some point to show intrest otherwise they won't know what u are looking for

[ValeriusDover]

That's the idea, though. The point is not to be too obvious. The guys who are just reek of desperation. That is agreed on by most to be an unattractive trait. Girls can practically read minds. They're smart enough to figure it out without having it spelled out in capital letters for them.
I know I'm doing something wrong, I'm just trying to figure out what. I've been told my looks are not the problem, for what it's worth.

[boggboss]

Yet one of the most asked questions on gag by women is does this guy like me

[ValeriusDover]

Really? I don't browse much, so I wouldn't know. You ever heard of that happening in real life?

[boggboss]

Yeah there are plenty of women that don't know if a guy is intrested or only wants sex or sees them as a friend

[ValeriusDover]

What age range are we talking here? It wouldn't be surprising if teenagers couldn't figure that out, and I have no interest in those brats anyway.

[boggboss]

20 to late 30

[ValeriusDover]

Either I have them too much credit or the ones who hang out online are not a good sampling.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you’re just all-around unpleasant to be with. The sad part is you think it’s supposed to be effective.

[ValeriusDover]

At least it's manlier than being a nice guy.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s not working for you, or you wouldn’t be here.

[Spade_01]

... and you wonder why girls don't like you?

[ValeriusDover]

Considering that the consensus seems to be that acting like a jerk works and nice guys finish last, yeah kinda.

[Spade_01]

There's a difference between being confident, unapologetic, kind and being a total dbag. The doormats however, they are something else.

[ValeriusDover]

I'd like to know in greater detail what that difference is.

[Spade_01]

One should have his sense of self respect intact, know when and where to set the boundaries and also be aware of when to proceed and when to ditch people.

For example, consider a scenario where you and a girl are dating, she happens to be 'friends' with a guy. And you know it that things are not really as simple as 'just friends' between the two. Other aspects of your relation with her kept healthily balanced, if you tell her that she should do away with her and she doesn't, then you're to walk away. No ifs and buts about it.

Another scenario that she's not giving you *enough* time and attention *considering her lifestyle*, while you try to keep her happy, assert your demands once nicely, if she doesn't follow, walk away.

Another example, would be if she is insisting on hanging out with her girl friends late at night but you're not comfortable with the idea of letting her go, then she should listen to you or if she leaves the door, she makes sure she never returns.

Summarising, don't give everything away to her on platter. Be nice, be kind, be hentle, let her know how much potential you have. Loosen yourself with time to her if she keeps getting better with you. Set boundaries and be sure of what you absolutely won't compromise on. You should be your best to her and she should be her best to you. At least one of you has gotta start loosen up for other one to loosen up as well. Know your worth, be as nice as they allow you to be. If not, show them their place.

[ValeriusDover]

I have a zero tolerance policy for BS. If she makes screw-up, she's out of the picture.
I already apply this to people in general. Anyone who crosses me pays for it.

[Anonymous]

Don't take a saw to the branch you are sitting on now. 🤦‍♀️

The dumb factor on this site just reached a new high.

[ValeriusDover]

No, self-sabotage would be if I was acting like a pathetic bootlicking nice guy geekazoid. Studies show that acting like a jerk is the better option.

[DextroShade]

You are overdoing it. Also, you have to able to back it up by being handsome or successful.

[ValeriusDover]

So, what you're saying is that I should give up if I don't have those? I used to think I was repulsive, but I've been more or less convinced my looks aren't that much of a problem.

[DextroShade]

Not saying give up, but if you are too much of an asshole up front you will chase them off. Not saying to simp, but find a balance.

[Lauliss]

Maybe because most women don't go for horrible men?

[Mmamamamam]

oh no... you're so messed up for doing this thinking girls will chase you. i believe you have a better personality to show. just be yourself, it's that simple trust me

[Jadebamboo]

Why do you think most girls like assholes? Boy you have been decieved.

[Anonymous]

if you were to ever be that way to me you'd be knocked out on your ass on the ground

[gothbxtch]

women don’t like assholes.

[Malwi93]

would be funny if not trolling

[ValeriusDover]

I'd be lying if I said one or two of my responses here weren't a little tongue in cheek, but other than that I'm completely serious.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You believed YouTube and TV bs lol

[ValeriusDover]

I adopted thus attitude in 5th grade by watching what the popular students did. I slowly learned how to copy their behavior until I perfected it. I've stuck with that ever since.