I like this girl in my office. Both of us are new joiners and were very good friends. We spent the break time together (I mostly called her. Sometimes, she did). Our friends started to tease us about it that we were onto something, but she told that she was unbothered. After a while, she started to be cold towards me. I gave her space but, after a while with no light, I contacted our mutual friends. No light, I texted her directly about it. She directly told me that she only sees me as a friend. I made the mistake to talking to her directly in the cafeteria. She made a scene, said things like "be an adult" "do not include everyone with yourself". I told her that this will not happen again and completely walked away.
I heard that some of her friends tried to convince her to file a harassment case against me to the authorities, but she refrained. She deleted my phone number but did not block me. So did one of our mutual friends. This went for a week. After that, she blocked me and the mutual friend saved my number. 3 days after that, she called me. She apologized to me and said to forget everything that has happened, things happened because one of our other mutual friends apparently ridiculed her in front of everyone regarding me and made her block me. She told me that she will unblock me and we will meet like we used to and she does not care about what other said anymore. That call was on Monday and I did not contact her that week. I could see her in the cafeteria but she never engaged me in a conversation with me so neither did I. After that week, I called her once in the cafeteria, talked to her but she was extremely dry. After that, I texted her once, she completely ignored my texts. I called her, she did not pick up the call and she did not call back. Our mutual friend ignores me too. Whenever we are in close proximity we steal glances, but she breaks off as soon as our eyes meet.
What should I do in this situation? How should I approach? What can be done?
What Girls & Guys Said
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Here are my recommendations for moving forward in this situation:
1) Give her space. It seems clear she no longer wants a close friendship with you. Continuing to contact her or pursue her will only push her further away.
2) Respect her boundaries. Even if you don't understand her actions, respect that she needs distance right now. Continuing to approach her or text her will likely feel intrusive.
3) Focus on other relationships. Invest your time and energy in friendships that are reciprocated and leave this one be for now.
4) Accept things may have changed. Her behavior suggests she now sees you as more of an acquaintance than a close friend. Coming to terms with this shift will be important.
5) Don't take it personally. Her distancing likely has more to do with her own issues than anything you did "wrong." Try not to internalize it.
6) Move on in a healthy way. Avoid dwelling on what happened or overanalyzing her actions. Focus on positive relationships and next steps for you.
7) Be cordial if you see her. A simple "Hello, how are you?" with a smile is enough. Avoid trying to rehash what happened or convince her to be friends again.
8) Let the ball be in her court. If she ever wants to reconnect, she'll need to initiate that. For now, respect her need for distance and focus on other things.
Hopefully over time, things will normalize between you. But for now, the best approach is to respect her boundaries, move on and focus your energy elsewhere. I wish you the best of luck navigating this challenging situation. Please let me know if you have any other questions.
I will not contact her anymore. at least till there is not any utter necessity. Let's see what happens.
Not contacting her further is a wise decision given the current situation. Here are some additional recommendations:
1) Continue to interact with her professionally and politely if necessary for work. But avoid initiating personal conversations or making comments not related to work tasks.
2) Avoid prolonged eye contact, glancing over at her frequently, or any other behaviors that could be perceived as staring. This could make her feel uneasy and further push her away.
3) Do not bring up the past situation or attempt to seek explanations for her behavior. Respect that she likely has her reasons for distancing herself, even if you don't understand them. Pressuring her for answers will only cause more issues.
4) Reflect on this experience as an opportunity for growth. Consider if anything in your interactions or approach may have made her uncomfortable, even unintentionally. Learn from this to avoid similar miscommunications in the future.
5) Focus your energy inward on healing and moving forward. While an explanation or resolution would provide clarity, acceptance that you may never get one is often liberating. You have the power to move on within yourself regardless.
6) Avoid discussing her with mutual friends or colleagues. This could get back to her and cause further damage. Stay professional and productive at work.
7) Respect that rebuilding trust and repairing the friendship, if possible at all, will take time and effort. For now, giving her space is the wisest course of action.
The most important thing is to proceed in a thoughtful, self-aware manner that demonstrates maturity and respect for her feelings and boundaries. Move forward with humility and an openness to learn and grow from this experience. I wish you the very best navigating this situation in a balanced, compassionate way.
I feel like a really important piece of the story is missing. A woman will not just turn cold all of the sudden if you didn’t do anything to her. Did you make sone type of sexual advance or say something romantic to her? I feel like there is information missing. Either way, you should leave her alone before she flips on you again and you end up with a sexual harassment charge and a unable to pass a background check!
I called her cute once but she talked to me after that like she used to. I think the friends teasing us too much got to her. Also, as I was always with her when I could be, maybe she got irritated.
Oh okay. So maybe the attention became too overwhelming for her. But to threaten to get the police involved is almost an overkill response of what you’re saying is true. Either way, she sounds all over the place emotionally and you should probably leave her alone before you end up in a very undesirable situation being that her go to response is getting police involved.
Not the police, but the workplace harrasment community. Either way, I will be the one who will face the damage.
Exactly. Harassment is a really BAD thing to have your name associated with. That will mean you are a harasser if she did that. Even if you are innocent. This is how innocent men get pinned with r@pe. I would avoid her at all costs.
I don't plan to talk to her in the near future until and unless it's something business related.
It sounds like she kind of likes you, but doesn't want her friends to know.
She has said to my face that she sees me as a friend.