Okay, so.. This is the context and then situation: I'm going to school, I currently hang with a bunch of girls in class (hot, smart ones). Outside of class I know most people by name (~80p) and have talked on shallow levels. I am applying myself as a support-role to most and give/reccieve respect from many, I have high social status and reccieve lots of attention from girls and guys. The common way where girls can be picky don't really apply as I am the sought after and they are chasing.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not very experienced with girls at all, though I am well versed in bodylanguage and used to networking friends and analysing social group-dynamics. I am used to navigating crowds and leading with respect, care, well-meaning, long-term intention. When you give respect without judging you also reccive it, which adds up and twists in positive rumors. I am not a "white knight", but I am also not a bystander, I speak up for my views and call out people without making a scene.
The situation: So in my friendgroup, well there's no girls that ain't orbiters (friendzoned) right now but I really like this one girl in group, she likes me too, she's really a great balance between ratiinality and intuity, she's really smart and mature, we're both extroverts and naturally flirty so it went on well at first then I found out she has a boyfriend.
I appologized (outed myself as an admirer) and reverted to friendzone because I am trying to be principled (maybe not to a fault). Which she obviously said she appreciated and denied even noticing (obvi) and then we just went on being great, playful friends, knowing we're just being natural. But since then she's been brushing up beside me (forcing skin-contact) at the gym and while studying.
Give in.
Turn away (Friendzone)
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7 mo
And in my mind, if you care genuinely you respect their position AND their goals (it's an intricate balance that's hard to calculate without proper, honest and clear conversation - which is a luxury I don't have). This is also a great learning opporotunity for me to normalize friendly or semi-romantic playfulness with women, which is how I am treating this situation on a meta-level.
Updates
7 mo
Then there's also the lowkey bro-code:"Don't bother trying with a girl who is already taken". - This is a good principle since none want their girl taken but also because if followed we minimize women monkey-branching (moving from relationship to relationship instead of first deciding to be single and wasting guys time (because they just haven't found anyone better yet) and/or treating men like tradegoods, being shortsightedly hypergamus), consciously or not).
Man, you do think too much. Stop being so/too respectful, just be you… you know women like it rough for a reason. Be available if she wants to take it somewhere but just go on with your life. But of you are really into it, do some fun cool things on the weekends and have it come out naturally. She may want to join you. Fun hiking trips, weekend trips to another area, white water rafting, a quick trip to the islands for some sun and sand, a trip to a casino, do something interesting and fun then make it a habit.
We do plenty of things all the time, as friends. Inside or outside of our group. I've always wondered if there ever was a time where I wouldn't step on someones toes for going for what I wanted, probably not.
But every time I did sacrifice my respect for someone out of selfish wants it soured the situation and the social environment became toxic.
But I do overthink.. I have so much more info I wanted to add, but word-limit on questions are very short and updates are only 2/week. Tried making a MyTake instead but then I have to go via browser.. uggnh..
At some point you may just want to say, let me know if it doesn’t work out with your boyfriend. Then smile a bit. Don’t say this out of the blue but if the situation presents itself.
Maybe, but I think from my previous experience from speaking truth in the open, it's a risky move. But this case might be the exception and I think she knows my interrest is still present. Though may be necessary in the future.
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