My friends say I friendzone myself all the time when talking to girls how do I avoid this?

[JohnAdams0000]

[Flatmanlewis]

I think the two biggest components of the friendzone curse is: Groveling for their attention. This is hanging on their every word; being available anytime they want; answering their calls & texts instantly; or most importantly not having any rules or boundaries. She’s late 30 minutes? No big deal. Ignores you at the table for her phone? I understand. She acts rude or says something not even close to funny, laugh anyway. Be BUSY. Your time is valuable and you don’t sit around hoping for things to do. If she calls you last minute on a Saturday you may very well be better off telling her that you’ll get right back to her and see if you can change some plans - even if those plans were sitting at home watching Netflix!


Second, it’s being too “nice”. Too gentle. Too soft. I know that’s ambiguous but it’s easy to understand if you start asking women in your life what that means. As a good female friend once said. “I’d rather have a date try and kiss me before I was ready than not try at all.” She opined that if a guy didn’t (try to) kiss her she would probably spin herself into a headspace of “Well, why DIDN’T he try and kiss me?” At lest if you were to try and, even if she wasn’t ready, she understands where your intentions are and (as she explained it) it puts a little bit of power in her hands since she gets to let out as much rope as she’s willing to let you climb.


Lastly, be direct. Be honest. It’s confident and honest and what men do. “We can be friends.” I have no interest in being your friend. I have plenty of friends. I saw you and knew immediately I wanted to be more than your friend. I want to get to know you far deeper than friendship allows.


Anyhow, this is my advice and there are plenty of other opinions out there. This used to work well for me however.

[ShadezMcgee]

Quit playing it safe if you are attracted to them and be upfront by using language that shows your sexuality and interest in dating.

Example: "Hey, I know this great Taco joint that make some mean burritos. Want to make a date and check it out?"

Be flirty and tease them. Nothing mean spirited or anything like that, but at least show you can be playful and not overly serious. You want to come off as the lover not the friend. One on one dates. Do it in the evening, take them to a couple of spots during the date because in a way it comes across as multiple dates in one. Relax, have fun, flirt, tease, and if the vibe is right, go for the kiss. That shows the intent and takes you out of the friendzone.

If women hit you with the "let's just be friends" you respond with "I am looking for romance and relationships". Or if they give you "I am not ready for relationships yet," just play it easy, smile and say "A little early for that, don't you think? Let's just have fun and see where it goes."

Gotta come off as confident and as though you won't be bothered by rejection all the while showing your boundaries and intent. It is a balance that comes through repetition.

[AmandaYVR]

Asker, this is excellent advice. There is wisdom and nuance here.

[ShadezMcgee]

@AmandaYVR thanks for the compliment, Amanda. Hope all is well

[A_Bell]

Stop acting like a friend.

Don't "always be there for her, no matter what."

You have no value if you have no scarcity. Be nice, charming, flirt, etc, but don't saturate yourself. She needs to miss you to think about you when you aren't there. She won't develop romantic interest without that.

Call it "hard to get" if you want, but it's really "raise your value." Don't be the free sample, be the premium boyfriend material.

This doesn't mean cutting her out of your life, just reduce the platonic activities like "hanging out" and instead save time together for more relationship-like activities.

Work touching into your repetiore. A touch to the arm during a point during a convo, sit with your body turned (like we do when we talk) so you can make better eye contact. Confident but not creepy eye contact is key.

Always leave with something more to offer. Don't "catch up" and share everything. Always have some news of story you didn't have time to share that you'll get to next time (even if you don't, just pretend you forgot.)

Don't go on over text or IM. People fall in love in person, not over text.

That's my advice.

[WhitneySnow]

Don’t give off friend vibes. Make it clear that you like her as more than a friend and give her a chance to respond. (At the same time, don’t just ask her out as the first thing you say. Establish some kind of minimum rapport between you and her before you ask her out.) Don’t dump her if she says she just wants to be friends. Maybe she’ll set you up with one of her friends. And don’t hit on every girl you think is pretty. Makes you look desperate. Save it for a few special girls. Hopefully the one you like will like you back.

Just out of curiosity, how do your friends say you friendzone yourself and what gender are they?

[JohnAdams0000]

Thanks they are male and they say that I don’t flirt with them and I automatically start speaking to them with a confidence that only friends have

[WhitneySnow]

I’m not sure I agree with that. But try my advice and see what happens.

[AmandaYVR]

Mention things that are about dating, attraction, sexuality, or just out right say that you are open to finding a relationship, or give them a compliment. Any of those things, and they'll probably get the hint.

[HippoDino]

Have you actually asked any of these girls that "friendzoned" you yet? If not then don't just take the word of your friends.

[more_than_a_guy]

You need to show interest, tease, flirt or touch. But do it smartly and not too often. You need to read the situation for it. Don't be a perv, if they back up and not continue with you, leace it.

[LīgaLakstīgala]

We DON'T want to friendzone, trust me. Be confident so that we feel attracted. You don't have to feel confident, but we need to see that you are confident to see you as a MAN and not a little boy.

[DextroShade]

Man up and make your intentions clear from the start: ask her out on a date, if she refuses or says "Let's just be friends" you ghost her.

[Unit1]

You only "friendzone" yourself if you keep trying to win over a girl AFTER being rejected by her.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats a dumb way to view it.

You have to be friends first or nothing deeper can come of it.

[LiamJHayden]

The Friend Zone is a voluntary prison. If you are only interested in a romantic relationship and she isn't, move on.

[Chayce]

Talk sweet to them. Don’t talk like you’re trying to be an acquaintance.

[Staximus]

Be up front and tell them you're looking for a girlfriend and not just a friend

[Anonymous]

Be Direct and Honest.

Don't Keep Trying After Rejection

[dolemite58]

did they mention any specifics you’re doing wrong? like giving compliments or acting too excited?

[DreamLife7]

I think women friend zone you. If a woman was truly interested she'd let u know

[Heolurt]

Sto being nice, girls hate that shit, they like disrespectful guys

[Solo3k]

Ask them their favorite sex positions

Be sexual

[Zachgoat308]

Ask her if you can lift her up and thrust her at the same time too

[Solo3k]

@Zachgoat308 most definitely

[Kingofkings1992]

No such thing as the “friend zone”, it’s just “friend”

[genericname85]

what exactly do they mean?

[BarryLiverstone]

Stop faking being a nice guy.

[Engin12]

Dont be their friend

[coonhater420]

Get better looking