I'm a girl who is never treated right. Am I a red flag?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Many of the answers here are people who are trying to be nice to you, but they aren't telling you the full truth because they don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want to hurt them either, but I am a strong believer that it's better to hurt someone's feelings if that's what it takes to tell them the truth, even if it's a truth they don't like or causes them pain, because you can't FIX something that's broken if you don't know what is broken or why.

You've given us very little information to go on, so I'm going to make some assumptions that may or may not apply to you. It's going to be up to you to figure out what parts of what I say apply to you and your situation and which ones don't - and the more honest you are with yourself, the better the chances are that you'll be able to make the right changes to reduce this from happening in the future.

MOST women who aren't treated well (by men, I'm assuming) are women who grew up with a father figure in their lives who didn't treat their mother well - yet that kind of man still becomes her role model of what a man should be, and because of that, it's the kind of man she is attracted to and the kind she is comfortable being around. To put it another way, such women CHOOSE this type of man, again and again, no matter how bad their experiences are with the men they choose, because it's the only kind of man they are comfortable with. Men who are good, and who would treat them well, feel uncomfortable, maybe even "icky", to her, because it's not what she's used to.

And just as such girls are attracted to rude, mean, or even abusive men, those same men are attracted to and quickly learn to identify the kind of women who are attracted to them - women who are comfortable and used to being around abusive men. If I put such a woman in a room with 50 men each seated at their own table, one of whom was an abuser, and she could choose any man to talk to, 9 times out of 10, she would pick out the abuser and be seated with him in under 5 minutes.

It's not your fault that you were around someone abusive growing up, and that you learned this behavior, but as you become an adult, the responsibility for addressing this problem and getting the help you need to get past it becomes yours. No one else can do it for you - it's up to you to get some therapy and to do the work necessary. And at times it's going to be hard and uncomfortable and you'll feel angry or sad, but you CAN heal and recover.

Until you do, though, you WILL be seen as a red flag by most emotionally healthy men who are looking for a relationship partner, yes. That's a harsh reality, but it's the truth, and facing that truth allows you to fix the problem, and change your future outcomes. The folks trying to be nice and telling you that it's all everyone else's fault aren't really helping you - they're just trying to make themselves feel better by telling you lies that make you feel better for 2 minutes - ignoring the months and years of additional pain that might bring you later.

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

First of all, if your age label is accurate and you’re under 18 you don’t even know any men (nor should you!) and are dealing with boys. There is no maturity to be found in males under 18 and that’s probably a large part of what you are dealing with. Second, you will probably discover in time that most people (the younger, the more this is the case) are in it for themselves. They operate and view relationships as something that makes them feel a certain way. The are rarely invested heavily in the happiness of the other person. That tends to come with age and an ability to truly make decisions for them to fulfill or satisfy a needs in those they love. DM me if you need a deeper explanation.

butterly248 · Accepted Answer

No, you are just attracted to unhealthy people. Maybe an absent parent, abuse etc. Cab cause it

Agape93 · Accepted Answer

Being mistreated doesn't make you a red flag, it makes the abuser a red flag

coolbreeze · Answer

No it's not you it can be people around you. Sometimes others are the red flag and those types should be avoided.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

You're too young to think of that now... ask again in 10 years time.

BadApple69 · Answer

Don't put up with someone treating you wrong. Stand up for yourself... If you are attacked and you just lay down then you are a doormat.
You are NOT a red flag... Respect yourself and let everyone know you will not tolerate anyone else disrespecting you. Kick ass and take name! Good Luck.

Anonymous · Answer

That makes no sense, by the way. A red flag would be like ‘that guy is always wearing “Go Republicans” and making comments like “the election was rigged!”, such that the guy in the example is most likely a Republican who hates most people and things that are different than him.

How people are treating you is not a red flag. Whatever behaviors or attitudes those people who hurt you have in common are their red flags. Those would be things that the next time you notice them, you know to heighten your awareness of them, knowing they may be just like those who have hurt you in the past.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If other people consistently treat you in a particular way, it almost always means that you are either selecting the wrong people to be in your life, or you are doing something to elicit their response.

XingQi · Answer

Without enough context, it is difficult to say yes or no.

Were you constantly abused? Are you desperate for attention? Given you are quite young, you have to beware of your own actions, not let yourself be exploited by others, and keep good communication habits to solve any issue in a relationship.

At your age, a relationship is not likely stable because you are constantly changing. Your brain will not be done developing until 25. You are still an adolescent.

glennos89 · Answer

You are not a red flag unless you take a true bullshit from your previous relationships into the new one. If you can let that behind you there is no red flags at all if you would ask me🤷‍♂️

slatyb · Answer

Treated right by boys? Maybe you have poor boundaries. Maybe you are dating the boys no one else will.

sawno · Answer

You are under 18, so the boys you are encountering are inexperienced and very sex focused. It took me until my late teens before I truly grasped what love was and began valuing it over than seeking it as just sexual attraction.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's tough to say without seeing your behavior in person, but it's distinctly possible that you're behaving in a way that brings you in contact with people who don't treat you right.

Fireguy17 · Answer

No, but you need to recognize the signs that a person has that disposition and not be with them. You are so young that you don't have to settle for the wrong person.

Gent207-2 · Answer

You haven't responded to any of the comments below as of writing this, I hope you've found happiness

tzdc21 · Answer

I'd say that's one way of putting it. You're a red flag in terms of the guys that you are attracted to and keep picking. Get that fixed and the red flag is non existent.

RavVid · Answer

I think you need to give more detail on what way haven't you been treated right for anyone to comment.

mohannad5 · Answer

This is one of the life stages that teenagers go through. Do not judge yourself at this age. You have a long way to go in strengthening your personality and taking care of yourself.

Mangospacho · Answer

Depends on what you mean by “treated right”. It could just mean you’re with a bad group of people. Sorry, we need more details.

kellytheman · Answer

Well I wouldn’t say a red flag but you might need to work on finding the right person.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No; of course not. But who is treating you badly? 😕

milesy67 · Answer

Not necessarily. Perhaps you choose bad guys or emotionally unavailable guys.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

May be you do not know, how to treat and deal men or you approach to wrong person, be confident and change your attitude and lifestyle

riverrat3 · Answer

Do not give up, stand your ground, be true to yourself

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

You are probably just finding the wrong dudes

ThrillSeeker01 · Answer

No way. It's not your fault.

Anonymous · Answer

Enough with the "red flag" b. s.

driven159 · Answer

you need to find better people

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Stop chasing F boys.

FenixG45 · Answer

Be more specific if you want advice

jimmy2 · Answer

No just find some one that will love you

Worst · Answer

no..

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah.

I'm a girl who is never treated right. Am I a red flag?

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