Do I deserve to be treated poorly?

[Anonymous]

I've not had many relationships in my lifetime but the main ones which are 2 were horrible. Both guys lied and treated me like crap.

My most recent experience was with someone who expressed how interested he was in me and pursed me. He said he wanted a long-term serious relationship. I declined his advances at first but gave in because he grew on me. Well, what a mistake. He only wanted sex and would gaslight me. Yet, he went on to be with another woman who from what I know from social media and heard treats like a queen.

I don't have many close friends nor family. I tend to be a loner and I have no kids. Plus I am a middle aged woman. I don't consider myself clingy or anything and I am relatively independent. I'm not perfect by any means.

I just feel like crap today. Maybe my status or lack there of makes me undesirable to any man of substance. I really liked my last guy though he just fed me lies. Not to mention gave me an std which he would not own up to. Perhaps I am not worth anything which is why he treated me like crap but not the new woman.

In this moment I feel incredibly sad and hopeless.

[MrOracle]

You don't "deserve" anything, good or bad. Deserve has nothing to do with it, so put "deserve" out of your mind.

You will GET what you attract and what you accept.

You clearly have some self-esteem and self-worth issues, and abusers have fine-tuned senses, and will be able to pick you out of a crowd because of your body language, which they know exactly how to interpret. This isn't your fault, I'm pretty sure, but as an adult, it IS your responsibility to get the professional help you need to heal. Until you do, you will largely attract abusers.

And you are also used to ACCEPTING abusers, probably because you grew up around abusive relationships (an educated guess), and so you have (likely) actually become comfortable with abusers, and less comfortable with non-abusers.

Obviously I don't know these things for sure, but 99 out of 100 women with your experiences would agree that this describes them well.

You should NOT accept abusers, and you should get the help you need so that you can find and keep a moral man and have a healthy relationship. Understand that you are unlikely to be able to do this on your own - you need to be healed first, and that will take effort and will sometimes be uncomfortable at least. Do it anyway, because that will be your best chance at a good outcome.

[boggboss]

No u just picked shitty partners