I almost had an affair and I’m deeply scared to tell my female best friend because I’m scared she’ll think I’m a horrible person. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I’m 20M. Last summer I almost had an affair with an older woman. We talked online, sexted for a while and agreed to meet up. She stopped messaging me before we could meet up and I never heard from her again. It only hit me afterwards how disgusting and selfish I was being. I was terrified because if she hadn’t stopped messaging me I would’ve genuinely gone through with it.

It’s been 8 months now and the guilt is still driving me insane. I haven’t talked to anyone about it. My best friend is a girl (19F) and I’ve been struggling being around her because I feel like I don’t deserve to have her as a friend anymore. She’s talked about how she hates creepy men and and hookup culture and thinks I’m a good friend because I’d “never be like that.” I can usually talk to her about everything that’s bothering me, but I’m this case I’m absolutely terrified to tell her what I did because I’m scared she’ll disown me as a friend.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. Do you have a girlfriend or are you single? Definitely sounds like your female “best friend” is not your girlfriend. But I think you see her as that way. If you are single then the “guilt” you are having is not natural at all.

Psychologists call what you are having “toxic shame” and “toxic guilt”. It sounds to me you overthink female judgment. Chances are you had an overly controlling mother. This crap is getting worse in our society given how insidious influence radical feminism has on boys in public education. Women often equate the negative feelings they have about “creepy” men to actual real actions. Especially the younger ones. This is another topic but they don’t think the same way we do.

The nasty thing about guilt/shame is isn’t productive nor “penance” it itself. It’s just an emotion that’s meant to motivate you to take accountability to make better decisions. But if you indulge in it then it ironically makes you more prone to making worse decisions in the future.

Anyway what you did wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t good but it could of been a lot worse. But you did not go through with it.

Take it what you did an experience that you don’t want repeat. Learn from it and forgive yourself. Talk a psychologist and please for the love of God do not take your female “best friend’s” judgment to heart. Why is it so important for her to know anyway?

It sounds like you have strong feelings for her. But I am going to be brutally honest that it sounds like you are in and always will be in the friendzone on that. She’s subconsciously sees you as “safe” as in “safe like you are another woman”. But do not confuse that for romantic attraction. It isn’t.

I know you would like to believe otherwise but I’ve seen this time and time again. I was a sensitive young man myself when I was your age and I know exactly how women think around guys like you. What’s really going on is you have likely some childhood trauma and unhealthy relationships with women growing up.

[Caroline91]

You make a lot of good points but please don't put all women in a category like that... You certainly don't know all about how this woman thinks around guys like the OP. If he were my friend and told me about what happened, we would talk about it and why he felt the way he did about himself and I would feel real compassion for him bc that's how I am with friends who are struggling with an issue that is causing them pain. Peace.

[Opinion Owner]

@Caroline91 well I would like to give this guy’s situation all the benefit of the doubt.

But let’s consider the facts:

- He’s worried about his female friend’s judgment over something extremely trivial that happened 8 months ago? If he truly just saw her as a “friend” why would he care about her judgment? Even if he really did go through what he almost did (which wasn’t even a big deal all considered) why would he care what she thinks? He obviously interested in her.

- He keeps saying “affair”. How is it an affair? Maybe the older woman who he almost hooked up with is married. But the way he worded it was like he was the one who is cheating.

He thinks he is “dating” his female friend. But I’ve seen this play out several times both in my own life and other young guys. It never ends well for the young man. Never. If he doesn’t readjust his expectations he’s in for complete agony down the road.

He’s too naive. You might find him to be noble and “cute” story book style. But that’s not reality. And I hope someone pulls him aside and gives him a reality check to prevent a calamity down the road (like what I went thorough when I was young, idealistic and naive).

[Caroline91]

I think maybe he called it an affair bc they were sexting. All of what you say is why I encouraged him to get into therapy to deal with a bunch of underlying issues. You are certainly spot on about his naïveté and I, for one, don't find him noble or cute, just a worried, scared young guy who's trying to figure things out. I don't think we, as a society, pay enough attention to how hurt young guys get and how it impacts them in the long run. Thanks for giving your perspective so nicely. I wish he had someone like you around to talk to.

[Opinion Owner]

@Caroline91 no worries. I WISH I had an older me to give me a hard reality check on what was happening back when I was his age. This one goes deep with me. Because I was very similar to him but no one gave me good advice back then. Especially my mother.

I can also tell you right now he’s on a collision course for disaster with his female “best friend”’ if he keeps this unrealistic expectation. But he doesn’t know the proper way to interact with women romantically. Reason being he feels toxic guilt for showing he’s interested out to fear out of being labeled “a creep”.

He needs intensive psychotherapy. 99% chance this had to do with his mother. And this isn’t just about being heartbroken over being friendzoned either. It will f*ck up his mental health and ironically will lead to dangerous misogyny.

What he’s got going on with his female “best friend” has an expiration date and its coming soon. And when she ends up putting a nail on coffin on any hope of a romantic relationship he’s going to hate her. Hate her because she will ironically make him hate himself. Hate himself because he will come to full realization he went about this all wrong and wasted huge amounts of time, hope and emotional energy on a vain fantasy.

But again this has something to do with his upbringing. I feel sorry for him. Hope he takes our advice.

[Caroline91]

Now I'm super curious what YOU do professionally. You would make an incredible clinical psychologist! I hope you are working with/mentoring young men in some capacity.

[Caroline91]

Oh, but you never did address my issue with not putting all women in a certain category...

[Plugs]

You are correct. He’s tryna bang all the girls around him. This dude seems like he needs help

[Opinion Owner]

@Plugs i am not “tryna bang all girls around me”. But it’s plain as day this young man has feelings for his female “best friend”. If he didn’t then he would be so paranoid about her judgment.

@caroline91 about “putting all women in a category”. Please ask me how often in scenario’s like above that this man gets to enter into a romantic relationship with young women he is “best friends” with?

In an ideal world there would be a storybook ending that this is how it ends. But what are the chances of that? I’ve been in this scenario to varying to degrees 4-5 times in my life. It never ends well. In fact it was pure agony.

This guys problem is he has a “covered contract” with this girl. He thinks that being this girls “best friend” therapist, confidant, etc. is romantic development. He’s too afraid to speak up about his feelings because he has toxic guilt/shame, etc. about his male sex drive and needs for intimacy. He’s very worried about being a “creep” like what he hears women complain about.

There is nothing “creepy” about a young man who finds a young woman attractive and wants to date her (as long as it’s done respectfully). He’s got needs and that is what makes him a man. And it’s NOT just about sex @plugs. No its about being respected as a real man from this other woman. Doesn’t mean she has to sleep with him or date him. But she can’t “bond with him” like another woman. Doesn’t work that way.

[Opinion Owner]

He’s likely hoping that one day she will make a move on him. But how does that happen in real life in scenarios like this? Seriously? She sees him just as “a friend” because he set it up like that.

Also he’s being disingenuous to both her and himself by burying his feelings and coming off as a “friend” (although there is a 99%+ chance she knows he likes her. Women pick up on body language/mannerisms.).

The problem with women is they think they can platonically “bond” with straight men the same way they can with another woman. Ah that only works if there is no physical attraction.

I have one long time gal pal who I never had strong feelings for or vice cerda. I know a lot of her dirty laundry and vice versa. For example she confessed that she was dating a married man the last time I talked to her. I don’t “judge her” for that and I will always be her friend. She knows about my some of my crap too. She doesn’t judge me either.

But this young man is in for a rude awakening. Mark my words. It’s all because he was likely constrained from a early age from speaking his feelings as a young man.

[Opinion Owner]

@caroline91 to answer your other question I do not work in counseling. But I had very rough child hood and yes I was raised by a very controlling mother. My mother was very beautiful too so she never in her life had to take a romantic risk nor deal with romantic rejection.

She too constrained me to not be open with women. The worst part was that she zero mental effort into understanding how dating is for most men. She would criticize me from a female POV and assume that dating is the same way for guys as it is for women. She would also naively tell me “oh don’t worry one day the perfect woman will come along and everything will work out”. As well meaning as that was it was extremely ignorant and false. That’s not how it works for men. Men are EXPECTED to take initiative and risks. Viable women just don’t come to us.

So long story short I’ve done extensive reading (and counseling) about all this. I also had undiagnosed severe ADHD as a kid which made everything even more difficult. It wasn’t until 37 when I was finally diagnosed with it.

[Caroline91]

I pretty much agree with everything you’re putting out there and I repeat: I wish he had an older guy like you around to talk to, as well as getting into therapy for all the underlying issues. He is heading for a cliff and the almost “affair” is not the real issue at all. You 100% put your finger on a whole lot of important stuff. I’m just suggesting that maybe you, especially as a guy, don’t necessarily know what all girls are thinking in the situation you mentioned. I’m just sensitive about being put into boxes. In this case, I happen to be married to a man who was my best friend but neither of us thought it could ever be anything more. We never even dated, just got married one day. That’s my only point :)

[Opinion Owner]

@Caroline91 thanks. Also congrats on being married to your best friend.

I know I made a few assumptions of what he provided. But it just really pains me to see another naive young man go through what I went through.

The thing is if he doesn’t address it and what I predict he will go through phase when his female “best friend” ultimately reject him: hurt/devastation > rage at the realization he was lied to (via his upbringing) > bitterness > hardness > defiance > aggression > 180 approach to women.

He will become a future incel and/or Andrew Tate disciple. But the thing is his naive/paranoid behavior isn’t his fault. It has to do with his upbringing. He also might have an undiagnosed mental condition.

And it’s also not about sex (although that’s a big part of it). It’s about him being genuine and confident about his expectations being a man. Doesn’t mean his “female best friend” is obligated to sleep with him or date him. No. But she needs to respect him like a man and not one of her girlfriends.

She has a role in this too. She’s most likely playing dumb. He’s unfortunately enabling that but young women do take advantage of naive young men. She’s not blameless in all this either. At 19 she probably has no idea how much damage this will do to him. But still she needs to quite naively accepting his attention as well. A part of her knows damn well he’s interested.

[Opinion Owner]

One last thing @plugs @caroline91. How this young man is acting is EXACTLY why “creep shaming” can be very harmful to men.

That’s not to say some men don’t deserve it. Some absolutely do and i don’t like those men any more then you do.

But there is a difference between judging a man’s inappropriate behavior/actions vs. just outright labeling him a creep just because you don’t like him (despite him never doing anything to legitimately harm you). Your “negative feeling” around a guy you don’t like doesn’t justify you labeling him that. That doesn’t you shouldn’t be careful around him. But your words do have deeper negative impacts then you realize.

Also some men are more sensitive and emphatic then others. They take women say at face value. But see how creep shaming has twisted young guys like the OP into self destructive toxic guilt and shame?

And if things do not work out for him (and he gets hurt) he’s ironically at much higher risk of ironically ultimately becoming what he was told never to be. Resentment can drive people to be this way. Be careful with your judgment ladies. Your words aren’t harmless.

[Caroline91]

I read the situation almost exactly the same way as you did. I just think both men and women need to learn how to be authentic and as kindly honest with each other as possible. I also had a difficult childhood in many ways. I can tell how strongly you feel about seeing a younger guy in this position. I just hate seeing women making such "villains" out of men and then how men are so angry in response. None of it makes any sense to me. I mean, we really are made to love and support each other, like two different wings on the same bird. Things have just gone so far off course. It's shocking to me. I happen to be a person who definitely marches to the beat of a different drum and I have always thought for myself. It just kind of hurts my heart to get lumped in with "all" of something when I try so hard to be kind, thoughtful and reach out whenever I can to help. The reason my husband and I became who we are is because we both looked at each other with honest eyes and open hearts. It can be done. I advocate for men to women almost daily. It's much harder, I'm finding, to do it the other way around because so many men are so angry. Anyway, I think some of your views are perhaps a bit skewed on women, but we all see the world through filters that formed in our childhood and are usually reinforced by other experiences as we mature. It's just that it's so hard to see the whole 360 degree view. Anyway, here's one woman who appreciates your valiant efforts to help a young guy who needs it. Please just keep being you. And make sure you take care of you, too.

[Opinion Owner]

@Caroline91 thanks. I am looking out for this guy. Also I know it might seem I’m projecting my own negative experiences. But after reading his take he checked off a bunch of boxes about his current head space.

I hope he reads our conversation. Also (although it’s a long shot in my opinion) I really hope his female “best friend” has the respect to take advantage of him.

Unfortunately he has positioned himself in a way that can very easily happen. But I pray that whoever she is that she puts in the mental EFFORT of seeing things from his POV vs. playing dumb for her own ends. You might not be like that but from my experiences lots of women out there really are like that.

I also agree with you that this “zero sum” gain approach is screwing up everything for everyone. Hurt people hurt people. It needs to stop. And it starts with forgiveness and judging someone else as a unique person vs categorizing everyone.

But again it’s all to easy for him it idealistically believe this other girl is “special” to him. He’s looking at her with rosy colored glasses right now. Let’s hope he gets a reality check and/or this other girl doesn’t exploit that. But she’s definitely in a position to do that if she wanted to.

[Opinion Owner]

*has respect to not take advantage of him. Chances are she deep down knows he’s interested and I hope she’ doesn’t try to pretend otherwise.

[Plugs]

Bruhhh u are right. This women over here is arguing for the sake of it

[Plugs]

Wdym she knows he’s interested? U can never make such assumptions. What’s wrong with u. He’s a desperate pig trying on every girl

[Opinion Owner]

@Plugs thanks for your feedback but I’m tuning you out.

@caroline91 see how plugs is acting? That’s the kind of feedback the OP often regularly hears from young women. That’s more common then it’s not.

[Caroline91]

I agree lots of women are not willing or able to see things from a guy's POV, but there are a lot, even young women who are. Even at 17 or 18, I would work with a guy to let him down easy if I wasn't interested and most did become my friends. I was lucky enough to have an incredible big brother who is still one of my best friends and we have always had the advantage of hearing the other's POV as a guy or a girl. There were a couple of times I really blasted him for being stupid with a girl and more than once that he set me straight with some very blunt talk. Whenever I needed to set things right with a guy, I was kind... unless he was a player. Then all bets were off. I have never been one to allow myself to be taken advantage of and it only happened once. Also, ALL of my women friends are pretty much the same way. So much so that whenever we are having a hen session and don't know the male POV, we do a "Let's go ask the guys!" move. I ask men all the time what they think and have gotten pretty good at sorting out the sincere ones from the BSers, And, like you with this guy, I work with younger women all the time on how to have a good relationship. I didn't used to be so outspoken about this, but I am sick of where we are as a society in so many ways right now. A lot of people don't like me for it but I, for one, am not going to let misogyny and misandry go without calling it out. The same with all kinds of "isms". God almighty, I can't figure out how we got here! I'm sorry... I ranted!!

[Opinion Owner]

@Caroline91 yep. I would be shocked if the OP has any older siblings especially a sister. I was the oldest in the family by the way. What I knew about how to deal with women was “taught” by mother (who also controlled my dad and got away with it). So I got some brutally hard lessons later on my own later. I had no role model.

Anyway it’s just not about this guy’s current situation that’s precarious. It’s also about what I warned about earlier. If he gets burned (and he’s at high risk for that) then this can really screw him up in the long run.

Do you think he’s going to want to risk his time, heart, hope, effort, etc if what I predict happens, happens?

He will later conclude that it’s better to “make a move early to show where I stand”. Tragic irony. If his mother is what I think she is like then someone needs to scream some sense into her. Chances are she just see’s her son as an extension of herself and she selfishly cares only about her “image” via how acts. Not what’s best for his own happiness. Very damaging/toxic.

That’s projecting but I got a feeling that’s like a key problem.

[Opinion Owner]

@caroline91 also for the record I am not okay with misogyny. However I do believe radical feminism has had a very dire impact on society in the last few years. The anger you are seeing from men is a response to it. Doesn’t mean that it’s “okay” for men to act that way. But when modern feminism pushed collective judgment on men there is collateral damage.

Either way I do not believe that most women want a man who thinks the way the OP thinks.

[Caroline91]

I can tell you would not be ok with mysogeny. I was putting the 2 together bc I think one is as bad as the other. The current wave of feminism is very radical and causing a lot of mental and emotional harm to both men and women, especially bc, in general, men care about being respected even more than they care about being loved. When a man feels disrespected, he often responds with anger. I’m not offering this as an excuse, but rather as an explanation: feminism is a response to centuries of women being not only not allowed full rights as human beings but also beaten, raped, maimed and murdered with no protection from the law or society at-large. The only protection historically has been to be the property of a good man. And remnants of that still exist today. But, in the reaction to this history, many women have mistakenly (to my mind) thought to achieve equality by becoming as much like men as possible. So many have thrown away our feminine piower while, at the same time, many men have ceded their masculine power to fit the recent ideal of the modern man. So everything is off balance. To establish a healthy balance, I believe we need to reach an understanding that men and women are equal but different. When both men and women understand and respect the differences and how they are meant to exist in harmony, instead of discord, happy, healthy relationships can become standard and children will thrive in strong, loving families. So, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it! lol

[Opinion Owner]

@Caroline91 totally agree with above. I swear it always takes a woman who is in a healthy relationship with a man to have a valid viewpoint on all this. That and you got to see what your older brother went through. I also imagine you likely has a decent father figure in your life.

In my personal life I’ve gone from a naive lamb to the slaughter in my teens and early 20s (similar to OP), big time man whore in my late 20s until I met a decent woman at 32. This once decent woman made friends with the wrong crowd (radical feminist types). I underestimated how much they would run off on her. She later gave me one of the deepest insults I’ve ever taken from a woman in my life when we broke up. Man whore again after but wanting to repent. Two more failed relationships. Bitter again in my late 30s.

Now at 40 I’m really unwinding all the damage that wasn’t my fault and trying to be at peace with it (easier said then done) and taking full accountability for what I can control.

For instance I’ve been chatting up a nice young lady in a different state (and I have relatives in her state). She’s real and we have been chatting for 2 weeks. She said she was open to meeting me but wanted time to get to know me. I proposed meeting in 3 weeks for dinner somewhere relaxing and public. I planned to visit a relative that coincidentally lives in her same city.

She responded back that “she wouldn’t be ready by then” and “I need more time to get to know you”. I know her “oh I need time” is all bs at this point. She just likes the virtual attention of me texting her.

The 18-24 year old naive me would of gone along with it. The 25-32 year old man manwhore me would flat out say “well thanks for wasting my time hoe” and then find someone else quickly.

[Opinion Owner]

But at my age I can choose to take the rejection in stride and move on quickly. Yeah I was angry/disappointed for a moment but it’s not worth getting all upset about.

Next time she messages I’ll just say “hey it was nice talking to you. But tbh I rather talk to someone who is willing to trust me more. I am not interested in a “virtual relationship”. Best of luck though!”

Long story short I don’t want OP to have to learn the hard way on all this like I did. But given he hasn’t responded to any of us he most likely will.

Also back to your take on feminism. I truly believe evolution is colliding head on with the “modern” culture we are in.

It’s true that most women historically had fewer rights, privileges, opportunities, etc compared to men historically (although egalitarianism did exist in some isolated cultures). But evolution did give women an advantage with their femininity. Women could use it to emotionally manipulate men and they often had to for survival purposes. They were much pickier then men when it came to mating because they could get stuck with the baby. They also dependent on men to protect and provide for them. Positive attention from men was validation that they were viable in society. Attractive women had a better chance of landing high value men.

Women also had to be selfish for self-preservation purposes. They aren’t going to waste their time with a man who could only offer mediocre protection and providence if they had a shot at someone higher up.

[Opinion Owner]

But in modern culture this selfishness is no longer necessary. There is zero excuse for women to be dependent on men in western culture. Any able bodied woman can make it on her own if she wants to.

But the pickiness and selfishness has been part of thousands of years of evolution. Also where adult men and women really “friends” often historically? Most often women got married young and the only men she interacted with were her husband and relatives. But how often did men and women platonically interact via “friendships” as adults historically? It was actually a bad look and viewed as suspicion back then.

So long story short the OPs “female best friend” can be selfish and use him for validation, attention, favors, etc and NOT feel guilt about it. Not saying that’s for sure. But it’s a huge risk. And many women don’t realize they are doing wrong in these situations.

[OlderAndWiser]

Having an affair implies that one or both of the participants is married or in a committed, exclusive relationship with someone else. You didn't mention either of you (you or the older woman) being married or in a relationship so it is not an affair. Stop being dramatic about this!

You almost engaged in a sexual relationship with someone who would have been a willing partner.

Your concern is that you almost revealed that you have a strong sexual need and are willing to engage in sex without any long term commitment. So that means that you are like 99% of all guys at your age. This raises two issues for you.

1. You need to accept yourself the way you are and stop pretending that you occupy some moral high ground. You are a flawed human, just like the rest of us. You burp, fart, lose your temper, and sometimes want to have lustful sex. . . just like everyone else. Life is easier when you come to terms with your flaws and limitations.

2. You have a female friend who expects you to act like a saint. I'd be willing to bet that, if we could administer a truth serum and then interview her, you would learn that she has wild sexual urges that she suppresses. She may even have a strong sexual urge to rip off her clothes and jump YOUR bones! And she also burps, farts, and loses her temper.

You call her your best friend and claim that you can talk to her about whatever is bothering you, but that statement is not true. You can talk to her about being a saint but you can't talk to her about being a sinner. You both need to mature and get past your teenage idealism. If she cannot accept you as you are, maybe she is not such a good friend as you seem to believe.

[Caroline91]

Perhaps you might talk to a therapist instead or at least first. One reason I think that would be a good thing for you is bc it seems you’re not just worried about talking with your best friend about your experience, but a whole lot of other stuff about how you view yourself. Getting some help from a nonjudgemental professional will help you process and come to terms with your feelings. If you don’t resolve the internal turmoil it will come back to bite you. Please get help with this…you WILL be alright.

[Valdemort]

She'll feel more betrayed by you not telling her and finding out herself one day (cause she will), than you telling her now and communicating your concerns with her.
I'd be fully open about it; more so about how much it mattered to you how she felt about it.
You'll see how she takes it, but if she's your best friend... I think she'll come around, in case she needs time.

[b_lova]

Sounds like you have a lot of shame you are heaping onto yourself. My suggestion is to get a psychologist to help you navigate these feelings. Since you don't feel like you can discuss them with your friend.

Also, remember that a friend is there to discuss things with and will hopefully tell you the things you want to hear and give advice you don't, but a real friend will always have your back and welcome the good and bad you have to say. If she will turn her back on you when you technically didn't do wrong. I wouldn't consider that a friend.

Also, based upon your question, you didn't do anything wrong. Actions matter more than thinking about the temptation. You didn't follow through and maybe you should consider it a blessing that whomever she was broke communication before you did. For all you know she was struggling on her end for one reason or another about your relationship too.

[Flatmanlewis]

Let it go. Own your mistake and learn from it. In the scheme of life this is pretty small beans. You learned a little about yourself and can grow from the experience.


There is zero obligation to tell your female BFF and in fact, you should understand that there is both no need, and often no benefit, to telling “everything” to anybody. It’s okay to let some mistakes or aspects of your thoughts and ideas be private matters.

[Dinklex3]

She might.

It’s normal to feel guilty and to feel like shit when you do shitty things.
My best friend cheated on his girl friend and didn’t tell me because he knew I’d tell him what I thought and he didn’t want to feel worse.

You’re only 20. If she ends the friendship, you can find other friends.

[MikeTheBartender]

You pretty much cheated, if the woman would have made the move, are you gonna tell us you would have turned her down? You can tell your friend. We (men) are savages. Hearing it from you, even a close friend, will alert her about how bad it can be out there.

[mistershy94]

[...] sexted for a while [...] at this point i stopped reading because let me in on a little secret - you already cheated if you sexted while being in a relationship, instead of asking your female friend for an opinion, ask your partner if she considers sexting cheating or not

[dustybiker2]

Tell your friend. Perhaps the trauma of honesty will prevent anyone getting hurt in the future. Nothing like a good jolt to the system to set a person straight.

[Caroline91]

@dustybiker2 "trauma of honesty" is such an interesting turn of phrase... I'm not quite sure what to think of it...

[dustybiker2]

I just mean it's hard to admit something honestly.

[Caroline91]

Well that was just such an interesting way to put it. I like how original it is :)

[dustybiker2]

Thank you.

[DishLady]

Why are you so hung up on what this girl thinks? She's not your girlfriend... not your wife... "almost" had an affair is not "HAVING" an affair... Let it go...

[coachTanthony]

Yeah keep it to yourself. You telling someone else about shit doesn't unburden you and make you feel better.

[Nikki1989]

Why are you worried about something “almost” happened?

[avery58]

Well tbh he did cheat, emotionally

[Caroline91]

@avery58 Except she's not his girlfriend.

[avery58]

@Caroline91 I know. Makes no sense to me why he feels more guilty about what his best friend will think than cheating on his wife.

[Finchie40]

If she is just your friend tell her the truth about what almost happened but it didn’t happen , so your friend will more than likely understand

[WhitneySnow]

Do you have a girlfriend? If not you didn’t do anything wrong. You were both of legal age. If you wanted to hook up nothing was stopping you.

[Pillubi]

But she isn't your girlfriend right? So why are you worried? It's okay , chillax!

[rachel776]

watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona, that's how most girls think

[slatyb]

Do you have a partner that you cheated on to have the affair?

[Juxtapose]

If your friend can't handle your past then screw them. I have made friends of people who have done far worse because they don't do those things to me.

[blueonblack22]

I think he’s got strong feelings for his female friend and believes she will eventually become his girlfriend. If that wasn’t the case he would care less about her judgment of him. I got a long time female friend and her and I dump our dirty laundry with each other all the time. She’s dating a married man but I don’t think less of her nor let that impact my friendship with her. I don’t have romantic feelings for her.

Anyway as for what this young man is going through we both know how that usually works out. He’s confusing her “friendship” and trust in him for romantic attraction. He’s naive and I feel sorry for him. This is not going to end well for him unless he adjusts his expectations.

This isn’t his fault. He likely had a screwed up upbringing. But the needs to help on this.

[Juxtapose]

Good point, it may be true but hard to know for sure. I hope he can find some peace.

[blueonblack22]

Takes one to know on how he’s thinking. He’s got idealistic viewpoint of women. But you watch that same girl who is saying “oh you are so wonderful” will turn around and date some asshole and then look at him as a shoulder to cry on. Then he will comes to know the agonizing reality of how women really think.

[DrPepper12]

If your seeking solace and advice on how to avoid it in the future tell her. Otherwise let it be. Lesson learned.

[jahaims]

Sexting someone in a relationship or while in a relationship is an affair lol. You didn't almost have an affair you did have one.

[LiamJHayden]

I didn't happen so you should not torture yourself over it. Move on and learn from the near miss.

[Staximus]

If you don't have a girlfriend then it doesn't matter and you're being stupid.

[strateguy632]

you didn't actually so keep quiet