Should I reply to this Happy Birthday message?

[Anonymous]

I wrote a very short version and a longer version with more details.
Short story: I’ve been completely ignored for months and now she wishes me happy birthday, “Hi, Happy Birthday to my bestie”. Wtf. Part of me doesn’t want to respond lol. What to do?

Long Story:
My “friend” has been ignoring me since last year, around October 2023. I’ve sent messages and stuff and she hardly ever responds, she’ll only react to the message. I’ll ask how she’s doing, How’s her new job etc and she would react (not reply) with a thumbs up emoji. Since January this she has completely ignored me, I sent messages, calls etc and I haven’t gotten a single reply nor reaction. I’m at a place in life where I detach from people easily so believe or not, her ignoring me made me feel as if a weight has been lifted off my chest, maybe cause she usually has a very heavy and negative outlook on life and hence an overall a heavy energy. But, at the beginning of it I did feel extremely hurt since I invest so much time with her and trying to help her just to receive this treatment. I give people their space, but I also think I deserve just a simple message back. Something as simple as “hey, I’m taking some space rn and won’t be chatting much” Will work for me. I’ve been worried SICK about her. But she’s okay and actually made some new friends , so I’m glad she’s alive and well. Anyways, she sent me that birthday message today ““Hi, Happy Birthday to my bestie”. I don’t even wanna reply, but I’ve been told not to drop to her level and ignore. What would you do in such a situation?
by the way: we’ve been friends for over 15 years. We didn’t have a falling out but she did give me attitude over a particular matter i advised her against. Maybe that’s why? If you want more details I’ll give in the comments.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that situation sounds super frustrating! 15 years of friendship just to be ignored like that - I'd be pissed too.

Honestly, I wouldn't reply to her "bestie" message after how she's treated you. Clearly she doesn't value your friendship the way you do. A simple "thanks" would feel like giving in after all the hurt.

If it were me, I think the high road is to keep your dignity and follow her lead - ignore it. You don't owe her any response. Let her wonder if you even saw it.

Maybe down the line if she genuinely apologizes and puts effort in, you can consider salvaging things. But for now don't let her pull you back in with empty words after dropping you for so long. You deserve better!

Focus on people who appreciate you every day, not just when it's convenient for them. You've got this! Your worth isn't defined by her opinion anyway, so do what's best for you :)

[Asker]

Hey, thanks for your advice! At first I didn’t reply, but I just decided to say a simple “thank you”. Just so that I have no guilt in the end lol. I’m glad I did that cause turns out she deleted my number, so I’m gonna say this friendship has ended. There was no explanation involved but I suppose her actions is all the closure I needed.

[Mr_twoface]

I see three options, either you continue your life as normal with responding back with a thumbs up on her message (the same way she has treated you) and leave it to that OR you write a message saying something along the lines of, "Thanks for the bday message but a bestie? I guess that train has passed since I've not heard from you since January" OR you be the better friend and responds back saying "Thanks bestie, I hope you are doing well wherever you are and know I am here for you".

I would suggest the third option. People grow from each other and find other friends to hang with which are more inline with their personality, work, lifestyle. It's common human nature and happens very often. You continuing to live your life as you do especially now since you have been able to detach yourself from her, will allow you to continue having a more positive and joyful life without having to get into a negative argument or discussion. She knows where you are and clearly do keep you in her mind despite her actions. Maybe she also thinks about you more often than you believe she does but for whatever reason she believes right now being away from you is the better option. Who knows what the future will hold but for now you can become the better friend by letting her know that she has a place in your heart despite your falling out.

Maybe your advice was not inline with what her other friends suggested to her and whether or not it went according to her wish, she clearly can't let you know that your advice might have been the better move for her. So hence she takes a step back and tries to convince to herself she needs people in her life that agrees with her decisions. Just like you suggesting that she has had negative outlook in the past, she may have a picture in her head about you.

Just live your lives and see where life and this friendship may take you. Don't dwell too much into it nor make it a thing or cut them off your life. Who knows, maybe you need her in the future if god forbids something bad for come down in any of your lives.

[Asker]

Hey, thank you for the reply. I replied with a simple “thank you”, and after that she deleted my number apparently lol. Or maybe blocked me who knows. I’ll say this friendship is at a dead end now.

At the end of the day, I feel better, cause if my advice made her get so angry she wanted to ignore me and not be friends, that shows the person she is I guess? For context, she was on her way to being a home wrecker , she sleeping with someone else’s husband. There are kids in the marriage and I advised her against doing what she’s doing. I never threatened to reveal what she’s doing but I told her it’s not right at all and I think a lot of people will end up hurt. Also since the guy’s wife is her cousin!! 🤯 ps: the husband is a serial cheater, and he’s promising her the world, and said he’ll leave his wife for her etc. He’s also playing with her cause she’s not as mature. Like it’s mind blowing to me how she thinks this is okay? To do this to her cousin is insane to me.

[Mr_twoface]

Wow, it truly shows her character at this point. Then again, men can be very persuasive especially if one is feeling very low or there are other reasons at stake. They make them feel very special as if they are the one.

I know it's not your place to share the information to the cousin yet given what one knows especially if kids are involved, I personally would still find a way, without revealing it comes from me, inform her about what is going on. People are all adult and one would believe they would think they are smart enough to realise what is going on but sometimes one is so in the dark that husbands can go on manipulate them without realising the truth.

As for the text and her non-response, I guess the friendship is dead for now, when its red roses and everything works for her. The minute everything goes to hell, she will crawl back and make a whole of excuses.

[NetherlandsNar]

Really your choice