How can I support my traumatised friend without burning myself out?

[MissSunshine2]

She was being moody towards me a few weeks ago and I noticed a change but thought I was just annoying her with my neuroticism, which is the one thing about me that drives everyone nuts. But it turns out that she was feeling traumatised by her past and trauma therapy went badly and ended up with her cutting open her wrist with a box cutter. I have not dealt with people with a severe personality disorder before. Those who I've dealt with and myself included were mild, so our issues just make us slightly different than we would have been otherwise. I've decided to stick around long-term when she asked me not to leave her as a friend, because when she's well, she's a very good friend. I understand that she'll never be completely free of her demons.

Apparently, she's so sick that she can't be left alone in the house, ever again. I'm the only one of our friends who she's told, so the responsibility rests on me to support her; but I don't know how. I can't tell our friends how unstable she is, as they don't understand severe mental illness like I do, as I have mild schizophrenia and I've been a disability and mental health support worker, I'm somewhat immune to fear. My level of mental illness, where you still look, act and feel mostly okay and you can work and marry, etc if you want to is about all they can cope with. I feel somewhat under pressure and that and my TAFE work and my argument with my other friend have triggered my own dependant personality disorder's neediness. I feel like I need to be hosed down. I don't mean with horniness, just out of sheer nerves.

[sage2021]

Hi 👋🏼 Miss Sunshine,

First I would like for you to know that I am not a professional mental health care professional. I am just a regular person.

I do not have any mental health issues, however, I am familiar with people who do, but not to the degree such as your friend who you are concerned about.

I know that I am a very good friend to the friends that have been in my life. I do know how to be a friend, but that doesn't mean that I have to be a trained professional and help someone else who does need immediate support and assistance with the severe issues that your friend is experiencing.

Friend and trained mental health professional are completely two different things.

I'm hoping that someone contacted paramedics and took her to the hospital for cutting herself. Because she needs to be watched in a mental health care facility by professional mental health experts for cutting herself.

In which case, you cannot keep this a secret. And you, yourself cannot help her other than being a friend to her.

Remember, friend is different from trying to take on too much from a hurting person who you can care about to a point, and then she needs professional mental health support.

You have your own mental health issues, and this situation is overwhelming for a person such as yourself.

I don't know if your friend has family who oversees her and will step in to help her?

As a friend, you can get her immediate emergency care that can take her to the hospital for cutting herself, or contact her family and inform them about what is going on with her after she gets immediate emergency medical support at a hospital.

Please don't overdo it because you will only be making yourself worse.

So, yes, be her friend, but you cannot be more than that for her.

Please get her some professional help by telling someone who you can trust, not just a friend, but a professional about what she's doing to herself.

She needs to be cared for in a hospital and let the hospital professionals who are trained to help people such as your friend.

I hope and pray 🙏🏼 that you understand what I am saying here.

[MissSunshine2]

You're right. I've been carrying this around inside myself for several days. I do need to detach a bit and yes she does have family and they all know about this.

[sage2021]

Let her know that you are still her friend so she won't feel abandoned.
You're good at cheering people up with an inexpensive little gift 🎁 and a little greeting card and your presence, just visit her once in a while and contact her by the usual way you communicate with her.

[NathanDavis]

being this a more extreme of a case... you really should not make yourself responsible for her well being, supporting a friend is one thing... but to take it upon you as a responsibility would be actually, irresponsible... be careful with that

[Bklynbadboy12]

Sometimes being supportive is giving them a little space

[Paige2006]

Just by listening to her

[FreyaRed]

Let her win the mental illness Olympia