I LOVE shy guys, why don't you believe that ladies love you too?!

[SilkSatin]

It breaks my heart when I see a guy looking away with self doubt, or hold back feelings because of insecurity. I hate when people talk about being out of another persons league, or not being worth another persons love or time. Do you not realize that fear limits life? And does not allow love to work? Many will say that I'm an idealist, but it's true! Shy guys you should know we see your heart in your face, and we fall in love with you. Believe it

[Myth024]

I think that the real answer to this can only be found if we can first find out why a person is shy in the first place. Generally in public, I'm a fairly shy person. So to answer the "why" I can only give the reasons that I'm shy. It starts with the acknowledgment that I'm human and flawed. I know all my own flaws because being socially inept I have enough time on my hands to find all the things that I think are wrong with me. I know that I wouldn't want to deal with my own issues, so why would anyone else want to deal with them? Growing up I didn't have many friends and I was never put into enough social situations to know how to connect with people or to carry on a conversation. Having ADD my thoughts usually come AFTER the wrong words are out of my mouth. It always feels awkward to talk to someone I don't know. On the few occasions I've tried, I usually end up saying something stupid or make a comment that nobody understands but me. Most times people try and be polite but I can usually tell when someone has lost interest in me. (Sitting here behind a computer screen, it's easy for me to communicate. When I sit down and type I can take the time to think about what I want to say and in this specific forum on this site, I'm given something to work with.) If your attempts are consistently rejected then it doesn't take long before you recognize that your out of your element. If every-time you touch an electric fence you get shocked, eventually you stop touching the fence. I feel that being shy comes from a learned behavior and it's not always fear based. Sometimes I simply have no idea how to start a conversation and saying "hi" and having nothing to follow up with doesn't usually work. Personally I'm looking for someone that can accept me as I am and when I'm rejected for being the person I am, it makes me less likely to try again. It's not fear, it's the desire to not put myself through that type of pain. I see someone that is "out of my league" as someone who has everything and therefore I have nothing to offer. If I go into a store that only sells bread but I already have bread, then the store has nothing to offer me. So my thought is, why should I try and offer nothing to someone who already has everything. I'm not saying that is always an completely accurate assessment but if I'm going to risk being hurt, at least let me try with someone I feel might be less likely to cause me pain. Personally I believe that ladies can love me but my experience has been that it takes longer for people to get to know me than is the norm for a non-shy person. So I feel that many times I'm rejected before I'm given the chance. That's just my own personal take on things, I can't speak for anyone else.

[SilkSatin]

I understand what you're saying, and you sound like a guy that has closed yourself off from others because of your ingrained disappointment in yourself? What might be considered failings to you, may not be to someone else, sincerely. I think there's a risk that you're closed off and don't give others a chance to get to know you. It takes a long time for me to open up to people so I understand that, but there's many who are looking for a genuinely sensitive and loving companion, which = sincerity

[Myth024]

While it's true I am disappointed in many aspects of my life, I have actually come a long ways in the past few years. Being the way that I am I'm not usually one to make the first move, but once that "move" has been made I try and open up, I'm just more of a slow and steady type of person.

[BCRanger10]

I believe it! I'm shy :)

[beanburrito1]

Can I just say that I like a shy guy. it is hard for me to tell if he likes me too! I am leaning toward the uninterested end though. I like to have to work to get a person. if I know most everything about them right then and there, where is the fun? but on the other hand, I tend to get mad at people like that more easily.. nothing harsh, its just hard for me to understand.

[SilkSatin]

I have gotten so frustrated too. because sometimes you can just see that it's the self-doubt that is causing the barriers.

[Bumblebee23]

My boyfriend is a shy guy, I don't know why more girls don't take the time and effort to get to know more reserved guys; from my experience they're the best ones. I don't really know what to say to the guys here except that, if a girl's really worth it she'll make the effort to get to know you.

[SilkSatin]

They are so beautiful! Really kind-hearted people

[Bumblebee23]

Agreed. I've found that the more outgoing guys I've liked at first generally turn out to be jerks (not saying all of them are, just my experience)

[red324]

As a fairly shy guy I can tell you from experience that girls don't give you the time of day. Very rarely have I had a girl make an effort and say hi or try to start a conversation. I think most the time they assume that since we don't always say a whole lot all the time, they assume we are boring when all they have to do is give us a chance and with a little patience we will open up and be ourselves once we feel comfortable with you. Trust me the shy ones have the best intentions:)

[midnight223]

I love them! So adorable, but I can never tell if they're interested or not.

[SilkSatin]

It's true, they play their cards so close to their chest... It's a shame :(

[Anonymous]

probably because girls rarely go after a guy, no matter what personality type he is. If you see them go after a guy, they are talkative, attentive, flirty, and seem to have no lack of confidence. And confidence is where most shy guys completely flop on their face. I'm 26 and never been on a date because I have always been shy and have social anxiety, and sometimes just a general feeling that I don't want to be around people sometimes because I am not good at being social, to a point where I have tried to get away from people, or go into an unpopulated area of a school or something, just to get away...maybe everyone experiences that a little bit. But I look back and think of girls that MAY have liked me, but I never knew how to understand them. As in, if they like you they wouldn't actually say anything about it, but they would beat around the bush. doing things like looking, or whatever, but never really expressing it. And most shy guys or people in general will not initiate anything. Now that I'm a little older, I kind of understand when a girl likes me, but I rarely even observe girls close to my age. I don't know where they are, where they hang out. I don't even know that many people that could even introduce me to friends or anything in order to begin talking to girls. In high school I never spoke to girls because I didn't know what to talk to them about besides girls just totally looking right past me. I was an outsider anyways. in college, I still couldn't understand how to tell if a girl liked me. Nowadays, I almost don't even care about girls, or even attempting to ask a girl out because I know that when they start to hear how bad I am at socializing they will leave anyways. So there is no point for me to even try for it anymore. I just started school again, and there are very few girls there around their mid 20's so I'm pretty well out of luck. I just don't have it in me to be able to get close to a person, never mind a girl. so I pretty well have given up... no girl would want a guy who is 26 years old and just started school again, and still lives with his parents, because he would be totally lost without their help.

[Anonymous]

Well, I've only had one woman ever tell someone else or me she was interested. Honestly, unless someone is keeping it VERY hush hush, none of the girls I know seem to know of anyone else who is interested. Minus the one time, none of the girls I know have even met any girl who has decided to "build me up" or say great, genuine things about me.

On the surface, I don't have much material wealth. I'm a very poor "convincer" - my "sales" techniques are apparently terrible - whether it's in dating, my career, or even giving advice - people don't listen much.



I recently met a guy who is famous in my field. He was talking about the difficulties he's currently having financially, and he has all kinds of backup and experience to help him. If HE'S having trouble and living many sleepless nights, I don't know how things would work out for me; and part of me would never want to do that to a wife and possible family.

Add that to me being shy, geeky, having very few options and no finances to improve my situation, that's a tough sell.

[SilkSatin]

From the get go, I see the issue. You sound like you are waiting for a woman to find you. Waiting for things to come to you. You have to go out and seek. Not in desperation, but you have got to be even a little proactive about life. That negativity is limiting and translates as barriers to people around you. Do you not know that what you think about yourself leaks through your body language? If you don't believe in yourself how do you expect a lady/employer to trust or have faith in you?

[Opinion Owner]

A certain amount of ambition works, up to a point. If a girl ignores me, I get the point and quickly move on. Otherwise, I'm wasting my time on someone who CLEARLY has no interest.

Some would see that as smart and confident. Others would see that as not being "forceful" enough. It's how it's perceived.

[Myth024]

I would say here that it could be argued that stereotypical rolls imply that men should be the pursuer and women the pursued. I don't see why it can't sometimes be the other way around. Gender rolls are slowly disintegrating and I don't feel it should have to be the guy that does the chasing all the time. It seems that it's usually the women that are waiting for things to come to them, not the men.

[SilkSatin]

I definitely agree, Myth, that there should be some give and take. I certainly don't have a problem showing a guy his value to me by doing a little pursuing aswell. It's all a part of love, selflessness, and romance.

[browolf]

shy is mostly likely how someone is brought up by the parents. Some parents instill confidence, some don't. Some guys have the strength of mind to grow out of it themselves, some need luck and the right relationships, some probably don't ever. Knowledge in itself is not enough.

Henri Frederic Amiel said "Learn to be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not."

Ultimately it's better for a shy guy to be happy positive guy than a negative depressed guy. Growth comes from positive attitude. Everyone can leverage some confidence off the things they're good at and use that to bridge gaps. In such a way a person can go a long way in many small steps.

[SilkSatin]

I do agree that there is some childhood cause, and the right adult relationships have got to really turn things around for a guy that is shy. But it's got to start with self awareness and changing the way you perceive things and what you believe too, otherwise its stalemate :(

[Anonymous]

Some guys are shy, but other people are just naturally very, very quiet and choose to only speak when they feel its important. Still others have trust issues or just prefer the quiet. Or prefer to be alone in general.

It's irritating to me that most women jump to the assumption that a guy has no self-confidence just because he doesn't talk a lot. But I guess that's more of an American thing, where someone being open with their words is somehow viewed as being confident.

Living in Japan for almost 5 years now I can say it's the opposite here. Wordy people are typically viewed as rude, unintelligent and in some cases even barbaric. Which is basically how most Americans actually are, come to think of it heh

[SilkSatin]

No, I don't think that every guy that speaks less lacks self-confidence. I think that's an admirable quality lol!

[bond_007]

great answer dude!, I'm a quiet guy, but people perceive me as a shy guy, I wish they can read your answer

[MrFlirtatious1992]

These guys have had this fear their whole lives and usually will have it there whole lives. I used to be a really shy guy but not many of us know how to come out of our shells.

Shy guys have probably been rejected very harshly in the past and that could be why some of them are shy, they are afraid of getting hurt again. Sometimes you need to be upfront and direct with them if you want to know how they really feel.

[SilkSatin]

It's a lot. It's good that you are no longer disillusioned and have come t realize that it's a fear that needs to be rejected. Rejection does not necessarily mean the person is not good enough or has no worth, its more likely to do with timing and temperaments

[Love_is_in_the_air]

I don't believe it cause you look like a guy. Why are You doing this? Why are you giving people wings knowing that life is going to cut them off. Shy guys don't stand a f***ing chance, I should know that, I m shy. Confidence = action, how are you supposed to get a girl without acting?

[SilkSatin]

Did you really say "...cause you look like a guy"? Lol that's funny...

[Love_is_in_the_air]

lol don't take that too seriously

[OptimusPrime2017]

I still constantly struggle or battle with that and I believe that too. I'm at the verge of where I can't handle it anymore so I'm in self preservation mode. Anyways, it is hard for a shy guy like myself technically to believe someone, like a girl, would like them because they tend to put themselves down or constantly doubt themselves.

[Anonymous]

Is it worth the time invested to get some guy to open up or would you prefer someone easier to deal with?

I'm introverted. but I don't have any issues with talking to someone. I still hold a lot of insecurities as well. I still think it's hard to trust someone and I find it difficult to be close to someone else without some sort of fear. So a lot of it has to do with past experiences and I've gone through a lot of negative ones. but I'm trying my hardest not to give up though I do envy those who get attention rather easily. Yes it's bad to envy others but I'm being rather honest about myself.

[SilkSatin]

It's worth the time. When you believe that person is kind and good-hearted and will treat you right, you want to do the same for them, and patience becomes everything. Immediate gratification is overrated! Lol besides, I've been through many negative experiences in my life also and it's the gift of resilience that has sustained me ;)

[Opinion Owner]

instant gratification overrated? consider it today's norm.

maybe so but mind you a lot of these guys are truly stubborn. you can say resilient but I don't think you need to color terms around here. there's a mind trick to everything as if your judgements are correct you're try to get into a softer inner core. then again that's also "manipulation' no wait let's use better terms "b persuasive".

i'm just saying if you really like those shy quiet types.you should build a comfort zone for them.

[SilkSatin]

I agree about building a comfort zone for them...for both really. It is a two way thing, and shy guy nervousness transmits and causes nervousness in the other person too! Lol

[Fiona83]

I love shy guys too. There's nothing more exciting than turning on a shy guy... :)

[Guysensei]

lol.. that's kinda mean isn't it?

[Fiona83]

No no, I mean turning him on and actually doing something with him eventually.

[SilkSatin]

Lol I can relate

[timidmale]

Maybe ride him? That would be nice.

[Dan2287]

They usually don;t when I've tried, or they are already taken anyways when I'm interested. I hardly have any experience so all I've got to fall back on is the negative - not sure what its like on the other side

[SilkSatin]

I'm starting to feel like I'm trying to force you all to believe something ugly truth!

[SilkSatin]

Some*

[Dan2287]

Its hard to believe when you haven't seen it with your own eyes for so many years. Really hard when you truly believe you will be successful with a particular women, only to realize that in the end you were wrong and it ends like all the others

[Shpongolia]

You can say that all you want, but I'm still convinced shyness is more of a curse than a blessing. I am a former shy guy, yet I sometimes seem to have spells of shyness that get the most of me.

[SilkSatin]

Yes, shyness is debilitating. I experience it at times myself. Yet still, it's whilst you feel that adrenaline that urges you to stay or flee, talk or clam up, think or blank out, that you stand your ground, take a breath, advise yourself that there is no present danger, and allow your comprehension to steadily come back. As you will know as a former shy guy, it's exhilarating once you do it, and it becomes habitual!

[Kain6th]

We're just to used to seeing girls pass us over for the jerks or the louder guys, cause hey it's easier to spot the louder ones over the shy ones anyways right?

[SilkSatin]

And do you know what, I immediately focus on the shy and quiet guy all the way in the corner not begging for attention, or showcasing his manly qualities. There's something more genuine about that. Yes you can't 'miss' the louder personalities but it's not safe to assume it's the most attractive! ;)

[socalgamehater2006]

because you always go for the loud-mouth, talkative guys, seriously I don't get why is confidence so attractive to you women

[SilkSatin]

Personally, it's not so much about the confidence, it's about protection. I don't even need a guy to approach me all the time, even if it's that ONE time, I just want to see that you will protect me, because it takes courage to approach. Courage equals protection. From that, I will happily submit to my guy and approach all the time from here on because he is king

[socalgamehater2006]

well okay that is understanable, I know I could protect a girl even if she approached me first, I swear

[GymStatus]

Women pass up up all of the time... Some women like shy guys but a majority find it annoying

[GymStatus]

Women see shyness as a lack of confidence... But I will say this, if you really really like the shy dude just ask him out.

[SilkSatin]

It is stressing because shy guys won't open up no matter what is said or done. Yes shyness is seen as lack of confidence. but it's still attractive ! For women who find over confidence appalling

[GymStatus]

I have yet to meet a woman who likes shyness lol

[Moloch]

Because I don't see shy men having any luck with the ladies.

[SilkSatin]

Because they take 'flight' when they ought to stay and 'fight'. It means a lot when a man approachs because it shows that you will fight for her. Shows courage...etc. Sometimes we can see when a guy wants to but doubts his self and walks away. Even if you just stand your ground and make eye contact that is showing courage. And if the woman is available, I believe that she will respond. I did in the same situation.

[Moloch]

If they 'fought', they wouldn't be shy now would they?

[SilkSatin]

Come on? Some of the greatest victors in history were men that were timid, but decided to fight!

[Moloch]

Definition of shy - wary and distrustful; disposed to avoid persons or things. Why would someone that naturally avoids uncomfortable situations, all of a sudden approach that which makes them feel most uncomfortable? Does not make any sense.

[SilkSatin]

Yet, it's at that very point of standing in the discomfort that a person can change and come out a victor. What do you want? It's down to choices. Not one person will ever say they like discomfort and everyone would agree that they would likely avoid it if they could. It may not make sense, but if you want to come out on the other side strong, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable/weak. There's great strength to gain in allowing yourself to be weak.

[Moloch]

That is true, but then they won't be shy then, get it? They'll be confident then, not shy. You're interested in stoic, confident men, not shy men. If shy men face their fears, they'll be confident, but they wouldn't be shy anymore. Shy men don't face their fears, hence they don't get women because they don't approach.

[SilkSatin]

Yes, you're right. We all can be shy or confident depending on the situation. But why take ownership of a particular behavior ? Especially one that is so limiting. No, I find less confident people humble and meek, and it's heart warming

[Moloch]

You basically proved me right. I hear “yes but, yes but,” bottom line is shy men don't get women. I saw your previous comments and you want men to approach you, not happening with a shy man. Nice to hear you find them humbling, but humble doesn't get them laid. If you really like shy men, just accept that they are shy and approach them yourself.

[Temporary37]

@ silksatin. You are arguing with an idiot,

[Anonymous]

"An empty can makes the most noise"

We like to attract the more intelligent sect of our species.

Also, some guys don't like to be all flamboyant and hence not chatty & gossipy. Shall I say a Guy GUY!

[Anonymous]

It is refreshing to read the words of a girl with a compassionatye heart. Most women dismiss us as weak and unmanly which really hurts. Hopefully some day I will meet someone like you. Thanks for the kindness and understanding.

[Thepinkcoconut]

I like shy guys. My first love was shy. I am rather shy too but someone had to make the first move!
I basically like "cool, calm, collected" men. If the "cool" is really just shyness, even better.

[davematthewsband589]

thats not true... at least for me.. I don't like a guy who hold back his feelings because he's insecure, that's a turn off for me.. I want a confident guy who isn't afraid to say what he's feeling

[Kain6th]

^ see here's another reason too.

[SilkSatin]

This lady is one person! Come on! Lol

[davematthewsband589]

lol and most girls I know agree with me...

[Guysensei]

well, in their defense reserved guys will say things in those moments that matter, they just won't babble a lot of useless bullsh*t.

[davematthewsband589]

just because a guy isn't afraid to say what he's feeling doesn't make what he's saying useless bullsh*t?...

[Temporary37]

This is one of the reasons many of them don't even try

[timidmale]

We're just insecure, but if the girl is a go getter it will work, we need leaders.