Why I think so many men online become bitter and resentful and turn away from women

Anonymous

As a 21 year old who has little experience with women and spends a lot of time on the Internet (like the rest of us), I have been suprised by how often women mention confidence as their main requirement for men. It has been used so many times, it's basically a cliché at this point. What's surpising is how this is a huge issue for many men (like me) and that so many men that struggle with confidence turn to 'movements' that many accuse of misogyny like Red Pill, PUAs and MGTOW. Why are they intimidated by women and why do they give up?


I frequently debate this in my head as I switch from a man who just wants to cuddle a woman he loves and has used the idea of true love as a carrot to lead himself out of the worse times of his life to a man who thinks being a heartless, manipulative monster is the only way to spare himself heartache and back again without ever committing to either.


The following are some of the main issues that cause me to consider becoming the latter. Firstly, two quick notes:


1. This will not be a cheerful myTake and


2. Like most myTakes on this site, this will be written by a young person who is no expert so feel free to disregard everything I type if you want.


Fear of rejection


Why I think so many men online become bitter and resentful and turn away from women.


This is obvious and applies to both genders so I can't say too much about it that you don't already know. A unique thing for men is that while, for women, 'slut shaming' is an issue, men are praised for sleeping with many women and those who do are looked up to. Therefore, being rejected is likely to lead to a guy being insulted and mocked by his friends and by other women. As men are generally expected to make the first move, a bad experience that may turn him off taking the intiative in future is a big problem. Even seeing other guys embarassment at being rejected is likely to make him hesitate when asking girls out. This leads to dealing with women becoming an intimidating and, possibly, humiliating process that may embitter many.


Lack of Social Skills


Again this applies to both genders but it's worth mentioning because many people who are online a lot are people who may lack social skills irl. It's a safe assumption that many who struggle with socialising irl turn to online enviroments (like GAG) and this may account for the frequency of these debates online.


These poor social skills make dealing with women harder and some may just give up. They rant about this online (like I have) and find 'like-minded' people who can sympathise with their frustration better than any woman ever can. This is how movements like the Red Pill grow in my opinion.


Feminism and Uncertainty


Why I think so many men online become bitter and resentful and turn away from women


Hear me out.


Before feminism, there was a standard template and clear rules about everything from who pays for what to what to do if she's cold. Now the rulebook is torn up and stamped on by some women yet others still require it. A guy on a date can open a door for his date and get a slap. He could offer to split the cheque in the name of equality and to show that he respects her and she could think he's a cheap ba***rd. Uncertainty breeds fear. A date is twice as frightening if every move he makes (and he will have to make most of them) can be an insult or a basic requirement for a woman. Women might say "tough, dating is messy" but, normlly, they aren't the ones who have to take the initiative.


An additional problem is that women hate uncertainty so asking can cause problems too. Many women seem to think that asking permission to kiss her is a turn off which means he has to guess.


Basically imagine dating as a test for which everyone knows the questions you'll be asked but the correct answers will be entirely different based on whatever teacher you get marking your test and you barely know the teacher anyway. Who'd put themselves through that?


What happens when relationships go wrong: Divorce and the Law


Why I think so many men online become bitter and resentful and turn away from women


Divorce is the one thing that is most to blame from me transforming from a hopeless romantic (I was once) to a love sceptic.


Marriage should be about two people committing to one another forever. Instead, it is a short term arrangement, usually insisted on by the woman (for which the man must mostly pay) and usually ended by the woman that devastates both when it ends but particularly the man. It progresses into bitterness, infighting, broken families and broken lives. Marriage is supposed to be the "happily ever after" but it's the begininng of walking a very fine line where the woman can destroy the man and take everything just because they were"growing apart".


Divorce normally ends with the wife getting custody of the children and the house and the man's privilege is paying for hers. The laws around marriage appear to aimed at protecting the kids first. Which is fine but unless the mother is a compulsive chainsaw juggler with one hand, she's going to be seen as "best for the kids". But then she needs to get the house the kids are used to as well and she can't afford it all, so the man gets the honour of paying for her ownership of his kids and house. That is not 'fine'.


All this leads men to be sceptical of long term relationships with women as many women expect these relationships to end in marriage and anything less is seen as him not being serious. Why play a game (the dating game) where even a win (finding the right women and not screwing it up) leads to a situation where you can either break up as she wants marriage (meaning you're back at the start) or you get married and possibly divorced meaning you're even worse than you were at the start (for men, modern marriage is akin to swallowing a bomb and giving her the detonator to use as her whims dictate)?


This piece from a writer on a normally pro-marriage website will always stick in my mind. This is how he describes the end of his relationship with the women he once loved.


"I was sold a bill of goods by my then-wife, who had been consulting with her attorney, and our counselor who was found and selected by my wife. And then I was asked to sign the Terms of Surrender without being given the full story of custody and child support. My bad. I should have paid for my own attorney at this point, rather than stumble along blindly with the hope of good will, good intentions, and honesty. I got none of the above. What I got was a temporary peace treaty that lasted until I was late on my second child support payment to my ex-wife. Then the courts of the great state of Texas were warmed up against me. And today, according to my attorney, I could be arrested at any time, by the AG’s office. That is certainly part of the Terms of Surrender that I signed, but it’s not in line with the honest and caring approach we took to setting up our peaceful retreat from the marriage." - See more at: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/terms-surrender-divorce-papers-jmac/#sthash.IccrmrUV.dpuf


I could write about this forever but I imagine many of you have already skipped this so I'll move on.


Sex


Ah yes. The reasons why most guys try to power though all the above issues. As seen all the time, many relationships begin as the man tries to get the woman into bed and the woman tries to basically set her price. He tries to impress and seduce her while she tries to use this carrot to keep him interested because putting out too early leads to him not "taking her seriously". This leads to a situation where women are obstacles that need to be manipulated or tricked into sex. Sex becomes a bargaining tool or a reward for certain behavour rather than a mutual expression of love and dating becomes a battle of wits rather than a relaxed and fun process.


Also, porn is allowing many men to get a lot of satisfaction with very little investment. Increasingly on this site, there are girls complaining that their men are using online porn. While it may not compare to the real thing, the costs and risks of the real thing (unplanned pregnancy, STDs etc.) are ridiculously worse than those of porn and the man can choose what he does rather than comprimise like he'd have to in real sex.


Conclusion


Do you know the saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"?


In my opinion that depends on the benefits of loving, the pain of losing and the risks of it. These days, the pain of losing is high, the risks are high and the benefits of loving are not that high. Sex seems to be awkward and dishonest (and many find porn to be a good subsititute if not a better option), women seem to want strong, infallible robots to comfort them meaning emotional support is unlikely and the financial cost is too high. The best case scenario, marriage (i.e. committing to each other for the rest of your lives), is a joke these days. You may say "well, don't get married" but is that not just committing for life without the real, actual committment?


This really was me just trying to get certain thoughts out of my head. If you want to debate them, please fire away as I'd rather not think of any of this and I welcome any attempt to change my mind.


Please give your reaction below but try to keep it civil. I hope I did not offend anyone in this myTake.

Why I think so many men online become bitter and resentful and turn away from women
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