If Men Are Afraid of Women, Why Am I Hit On Every Hour of Every Day?

[tedybear]

Okay, the title is a bit of an exaggeration; I'm just trying to make a point. :) Anyway, I read this myTake yesterday and I was a little taken aback.

I guess it's more about younger guys, and maybe they really are becoming more afraid of women. And as I'm closing in on 30, I don't have a lot of experience with 22-year-olds anymore. That being said, it's clear to me that not all men are afraid of women; in fact, I doubt the majority are actually "fearful" of being around girls.

I get that more guys are worried about false rape accusations, the overriding aversion to rejection (guys, seriously, you're THAT fragile?), and the obvious fact that divorce courts have always favored women. I really understand all that and as an egalitarian, I don't like any of it. I think we should all be equal in society and relationships and honestly, I don't think it's even that hard to do. We just have to be human.

That being said, I'm hit on constantly. I'm not paranoid about it, I'm not looking for it everywhere I go, I don't give guys dirty looks for flirting, and I'm certainly not imagining it. It just happens. Guys look. They always have and for at least a few more years (I hope), they always will. To be brutally frank, ladies, I've had FAR more trouble with women, as I've come across so many that hate the fact that I'm pretty. Women can be really nasty about this, if you guys weren't aware.

The point is, I haven't seen any declining interaction with guys. They don't seem to have any trouble coming up and talking to me, and they definitely have no problem looking from afar. Even when I don't want to be flirted with, even when I'm not in the mood, I try to be nice and courteous. They're GUYS. They're not hurting me by flirting, I don't harbor this paranoid feminist delusion that all of them actually want to hurt me, and yeah, I do feel flattered. Any girl who says she doesn't care at all about attention from men hasn't reached a point in her life where she senses that one day, men WON'T give her any attention. Aging is a bitch.

Trust me, when you're around 30, you will get a little smile on your face when a guy flirts. You've still got it and it makes you feel better. And that's okay, I promise. Guys around where I live here in Minneapolis actually seem braver than ever; they're not trying to avoid me and they're definitely not hiding their heads in the sand. If I'm out in public, it doesn't matter where I am - the grocery store, the park, whatever - I will invariably draw a few looks from guys, and maybe one of them will approach. Yeah, sometimes they're nervous but I don't think it's because they're afraid of me...they're just nervous because it's natural to be nervous. And that's another reason I try to be nice.

I've never been attacked or molested or harassed by any of these men, and I don't feel unsafe when I'm around them. I've had my fair share of boyfriends and while none of those relationships worked out for various reasons, I don't hold any grudges and I don't want them to die horrible deaths, or anything like that. I didn't get involved with any of them for financial reasons, I never get involved purely for physical reasons (though I've had a fling or two, but I don't count those as "relationships"), I've never cheated, and yes, I think I know what a "nice guy" is and I LIKE the nice guy.

Maybe it's just that younger guys are SO nervous that the nerves have actually turned into legitimate fear. And the media is so hell-bent on telling us all these horror stories about relationships gone awry, and groups like MGTOW are constantly slamming all women for being bitches and sluts, and teenage girls are just SO messed up these days (I'm sorry, but it just seems like so many of them are), that young male adults really might feel overwhelmed. I'm just saying that I'm not seeing it in my age group or in my area, that's all. :)

P.S. I also think we should entertain the obvious possibility that only certain types of men are afraid of women...

[Hopefuldreamer8]

I've never understood it people claim beautiful girls never get hit on because guys are afraid. I once read an article from some girl claiming that only ugly women ever get hit on and beautiful women like her never do. She was going on that you only see hot guys with ugly women, and that ugly women only ever get hit on.

I've seen the opposite and most people I know have seen this. I shared that article with my friends on Facebook and asked their thoughts on it. They all agreed that the girl didn't know what she was talking about.

I am an ugly woman, and I never get hit on. I've never ever been asked out. If a guy has been interested, he has never told me. Any time a guy finds out I am interested in him, he wants nothing to do with me. Most beautiful girls I know get hit on all the time. My best friend is beautiful and she has a boyfriend. Men still hit on her even when he is with her. She basically has the same stories that you do. In fact, you could be her. She basically has the same attitude and I am one of the few girls she get along with. Most others are rude to her.

I've actually had most of my problems with other girls too. Guys notice I am unattractive but they aren't rude about it. Other women tend to love being rude to me about it. It's like it makes them feel better about themselves because they see someone that makes them look better. I think that's one of the reasons why my friend and I get along so well. We both understand on different levels. I would never hate on a girl for being beautiful (I am just full of self-hatred instead) and she would never be rude to someone for being ugly.

[Dipsy]

Just saying, you seem like a really good and nice person :)

If a woman/person is ever mean to you because of your looks, then she is a really mean woman. They're very insecure that they want to make themselves look better.
But I'm sure there are a lot of good women out there as well to befriend :) shy ones are usually dont judge.

And by the way, you're very most likely not ugly at all, sometimes guys just don't approach women that often. I've seen this happen a lot to women who looked good.

[JohnDoe3000]

People on the internet are not representative of the general population, but you can still get hit on all the time even if only a minority of guys do it.

"the overriding aversion to rejection (guys, seriously, you're THAT fragile?)"

Yeah... that's rich coming from a woman. Most women I know get seriously worked up over each and every rejection they get, while the success rate of men is much lower and we can go months or even years without a woman saying yes. Who wouldn't start doubting they're even remotely attractive if that happened to them?

[JohnDoe3000]

Of course there's a huge difference between a man not doing cold approaches and a man being afraid of women up to the point where he avoids them.

[Fathoms77]

Just to play devil's advocate here, what about the legions of not-so-great-looking girls who are rarely, if ever, approached by men, and sit in bars and clubs and watch all the other girls get all the attention? You think THEY don't go months or even years without having a man show interest? ;)

[JohnDoe3000]

@Fathoms77

They would have to be really ugly for that to happen, after all, (drunken) men lower their standards for casual sex. But if it happens and they feel bad about I wouldn't tell insult them by calling them fragile, which was precisely my point.

[Fathoms77]

I think it's a perfectly fair observation to call men increasingly fragile. They certainly seem to be.

[cth96190]

I am not afraid of women.
I have never been afraid of women, or rejection (although I did not enjoy rejection when it happened).
I am wary of what random women can do to me, in terms of the misandric laws that have been imposed by leftard politicians.
In some places, such as Nottinghamshire, in Britain, a man can be arrested on an Orwellian thought crime charge if he shows interest in a female (which can range from catcalling to speaking with her in a civil manner) who does not reciprocate his interest. The self-evident answer is for men to not go anywhere near women in Nottinghamshire. Do not even glance at them as they walk past.
Where I live (Australia) things are not quite that bad, but they are headed in that direction, due to the societal cancer known as Feminism.
I went MGTOW years ago, before there was a name for it.
I did not go MGTOW because I was afraid of women, but because I became fed up with being rejected by woman after woman, then watching as women threw themselves crotch first at Mr Harley MacBadBoy, Iva Necktattoo, or some other version of the sociopathic bad boy.
Watch that for long enough and one cannot help but form an unflattering opinion of the female cognitive process.
Funny thing, but about the time that most women reach age stated by @tedybear they begin to have a collective epiphany and realise that the bad boys are not husband material. They begin to appreciate the good men, or so-called nice guys, who were not 'fun' or 'exciting' enough for them when they were younger.
Experience forces me to question the choices made by @tedybear when she was younger, given that she stated that she was an attractive woman who was still single at 30. Forgive me if I am incorrect in my assumption, but that screams conga line of bad boys from 15 to 30, then the epiphany at 30 and a resultant interest in good men.
I have seen this so many times.
I have also experienced it.
When I was younger than 30 it was just about impossible for me to get a date, let alone a relationship.
Not long after I turned 30, women were hitting on me in ways that would astonish younger men.
I enjoyed the novelty of the experience for a while, but, in the end, I came to the conclusion that I was Mr White Picket Fence, who was being offered the consolation prize after she had fucked her way through a conga line of bad boys and was finally 'ready for a good man'.
They can go back to the bad boys. They deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

I know I an a guy like you are talking about. It isn't much of a fear thing as an acceptance that it just isn't worth it. I mean I have had some bad things happen to me dating. I'very been cheated on not once but twice by women. One I was only dating for a month and the other I was dating for a few years. One of which I actually caught in the act. I have also expressed my intrest and attraction to a girl before to get rejected by her and then have her tell friends about it in a humor sense like it was a good joke.

On top of that you have the fact that women just seem to be more promiscuous now. I mean I haven't had many partners and I would like a partner who is the same. And knowing a woman has slept around or is easy is a big turn off to me. But now days it's hard to find a woman with a lower number, almost impossibe. Then a lot will also lie about it.

I don't go along with groups like MGTOW though either since they just seem like a group that likes to spread hateful ideas and belittle women. But that being said I have taken myself out of the dating game for sometime. I just don't see myself ever meeting a girl who I think I will be able to fully trust, has similar beliefs as me and her being into to me. In all honesty I don't think I even believe in love anymore.

I also won't go to escorts or prositutes since I don't want to lower myself to having to pay for sex. Besides it is a waste of money since there is more to life than just sex and it just isn't worth that much money.

On top of that you just can't tell with women the type of person they are since they are good at hiding their intentions. She could be an extreme feminist and actually believe she is better than you and secretly dislikes men. She could be just into you for your money and that is why she wants to be with you. She could be an easy girl who is just looking for sex from you and nothing more but still enters into a relationship with you. Or she could just cheat on you. You just can't tell and you might not find out til it is to late.

So no I don't think it is due to fear. Nor do I think it is all men. I do know more men are doing it, and a lot are good men who just haven't had a good time at dating in the past. It's sad really. Since it's dating is just not worth it anymore from a man's point of view.

[PlacentaSalad]

My favorite part of this posting is where you claimed that you have more issues with women than you ever have had with men, because it does seem like it'd be the case for many other women as well. There is this theory that a lot of women are actually jealous and envious of the more attractive ladies and that they then resort to something like feminism so that they can ultimately lower the pretty girl's attraction value, while making themselves appear more equal to them in terms of beauty. Feminism is a trade-union for the unappealing, basically. Anyway, we need more people who identify as egalitarian.

I'm one of those "millenials" and younger males the MyTake you linked referred to, but I'm not afraid of women. I just don't involve myself with women too often and this isn't due to misogyny or fear, it's mostly because I'm focusing more on myself than anybody else right now. Lots of girls my age are focusing on furthering their education for a decent career (or already have decent careers) so I'm working on that as well.

[BubbleBoy69]

This happened long before feminism. You don't seem to be aware of the female who gave an insight of how women think. Women see men as things not people.

[Anonymous]

See, I will say that false rape accusations and prospect of divorce (dunno why that would scare someone, it needs to get that far first...) can be scary prospects. However, weighing in with my own personal experience going off the mistakes I've made.
I dated one girl from work who when we broke up spread rumors and lies about me, that I was stalking her (when in reality she was watching me). This quickly turned people against me. People who i thought were friends suddenly wanted nothing to do with me, not even to hear my side of the story. She even denied to new starts that there was ever anything going on with us and made me out to be some weirdo. I'm assuming the false rape thing would have a similar effect.
I dated a foreign girl briefly. Things were going well until she started pushing to get an apartment together after about a month and a half. I don't really think it was so much clingy-ness but more a girl looking to take advantage of a nice guy.
I dated another girl from work (a different place) this was the one that taught me my lesson. She didn't spread rumors about me or anything that I know of. She did however manipulate me and mess with my feelings. She also did the same to a friend of mine and turned him against me. I later found out she had a boyfriend the entire time. She was basically doing the same with a number of different guys.
Not directly affecting me but a girl I went to college with used to get a guy to text her and, she would flirt with them for weeks, going on dates etc then, she would tell them they were like a brother to her. Effectively friend-zoning the poor guy. She got off on this behavior

Things like this are the reason why guys are probably afraid of women. Games that they can play and how nasty they can be when they don't get their way. Personally, all they've done for me is make me more aware of what to look for in terms of red flags when I first start getting to know a girl.

[Negrodamuss]

" the overriding aversion to rejection (guys, seriously, you're THAT fragile?), "

To be fair, even at our worst, guys still approach vastly more often than women do, and so no matter how fragile guys may be today, women generally are like 3x worse when it comes to rejection.

Anyways, what you said seems to mirror what I see other older women say. The more women seem to age, the more they seem to appreciate those moments where they feel like "they've still got it" as you said. there's some issues amongst the younger generation though. The game is changing and a lot of guys can't adapt to the new rules. And there's a lot of girls as well who are playing the game a little too well (ie. The court system). Personally, I pretty much never see guys approaching women with a romantic interest.

[ImmunoDane]

I like you mind. I think your little essay was funny and direct, love it!
I couldn't agree more. I, and all my friends, are very outgoing, direct and it's like a way of life. We constantly remind each other of being honest and direct if we're interested.

I don't know any overly shy guys and I have been nervous etc sometimes myself. Curiously enough, the easiest approach ever was my current girlfriend who I also think will be the mother of my children. It's really true what they say: the better the fit, the more obsolete the whole notion of nerves.

Anyway, I ramble but I wanted to give you this compliment on a great mytake.
C

[Nothanks700]

I don't think most guys are afraid of women. I'm 26, but I haven't seen that in any of my younger friends either. Although, the comment "are you guys really that fragile" is a little ridiculous. Men are still the approaches in today's world, and everyone has fear of rejection. I'm guessing you do as well, you being an above average female don't have to worry about approaching men though. Only the very rare, and extremely handsome men get approached, and still not as much as an even moderately attractive woman.

[PrincessPanda]

I approached a guy and he wasn't extremely handsome, nor am I ugly or even an average looking female

[Nothanks700]

@PrincessPanda you approached one guy that wasn't handsome. My point is that if you are being approached that often, you don't have to deal with the fear of rejection

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

You're right, there's no shortage of guys willing to hit on women constantly. But I never want to be one of THOSE guys. For every woman like you who doesn't mind being approached daily, there are many others who find these frequent looks and comments to be annoying, threatening, or even misogynistic. They'd much rather be left alone, free of such harassment, when they go out. That's how it seems anyway, especially in the media. You hear women complain about being hit on way more often than they complain about not getting approached enough.

If the tables were turned and you were always getting cold, offended looks when you approached guys, wouldn't YOU become afraid to do it?

[Anonymous]

I think your ignoring the statistics involved in this question. You being very attractive kinda makes the title confusing. Your looks skew the results... no? Doesn't matter, i get the spirit of what your write up says. It was good.

Im glad you take all this as a compliment. Some women that complain about this don't know what's waiting for them when they hit 30+. There comes a day when men stop seeing you in a sexual way and you essentially become invisible to men. Some women don't take that day well. Then they manically scour for any image that makes them look flattering to post online. Online dating is the last bastion of male attention for these women.

[Anonymous]

I guess, but if you REALLY like someone you get nervous.

Some people muster the courage, other people think you have a boyfriend, other times there is a social context (e. g. work or uni) where you can't approach her and make your intent clear meaning that he HAS been hitting on you, but you don't seem to get it.

A lot of the time, a lot of players/less attractive guys will talk to you because they only want to bang you. The confident guy who goes quiet round you (the good guy) wants to hit on you, but you act innocent round them.

Can u help me out on question pls?

[Tony1974]

Bravo! Great post. "A woman without an axe to grind."

Only through discourse and interaction can we ascertain the character and fiber of the humanity around us. Unfortunately, most women don't seem to be as "enlightened" and as informed as you. Many can't walk a mile in somebody else's shoes as the way they've been raised and shaped by society has made them blind tot he plight of others. All they see is their reality. The same could be said of many men these days. We all need to take a step back to disengage from our truths to experience others truths.

[Scrambledagain]

Because @Fathoms77 who did that take was very wrong. Sorry dude...

the reality is, many guys are not afraid. I know that I am not. In fact, I've been rejected 4 times the last 2 weeks. His take was on men going the "easy " route with prostitutes. But many times it's the ONLY route. I would get a prozzie now because I've been burnt 4 times and it's not from lack of trying. You get a lot of men who are content in their mediocrity. They will try and go for you and have fun but not really expect anything. Most men are like this. I'm jeolous of these men.

The men who want a better sex life and something more than mediocrity know they are up against it. Women can choose this path, men have to work for it.

[Fathoms77]

"But many times it's the ONLY route."

That is never true.

[Scrambledagain]

@Fathoms77 Really?

Tell me Fathoms... I missed out on screwing anyone in school and university and I want to feel what its like banging a 20yr old for example. Do you think I could get that normally? I suppose I could go for a gold digger or be THAT good to attract a young one. But its difficult. I could chase all day and go to clubs all night long and get "lucky" but its just easier to get a prostitute.

Tell me, go get a threesome. Go on, get one...

When you done tell me how it goes and what you did to achieve that. Write a book and make millions too.

A woman. She wouldn't have to worry about ANY of this. Threesome, fucking young guys, any of it. She can get it. The ONLY... ONLY way men can get this is through paying. Even porn stars have to pay their girls to scene. Its all moola bro...

[Fathoms77]

None of that is necessary, which is why I said it was never true.

If you're THAT desperate for that which is entirely unnecessary for a happy life, you need to reevaluate your priorities. All this comes back to my original point, which is that it's on YOU, not the women.

[Scrambledagain]

@Fathoms77 my examples are extreme I admit.

but a) You don't define happiness. My priorities differ from yours. There are happy South Africans, for example, in an environment of declining education, 49 people murdered a day, and a government who has just been ranked most corrupt over North Korea. I doubt any American could handle that (unless they have bucket loads of money).

b) Its not about desperation, I never said that. Its also not about "its on me". Im the only guy on GAG who admits that its the guy, not feminism, or whatever. My point is, its not out of FEAR either that men resort to prostitutes. Its dictating your sex life. And prostitution is the ONLY... I repeat... ONLY way for your average joe to have the same sexual power as a woman. Those extreme examples I gave are easy for a woman to obtain (or even charge for), but nigh impossible for a man, unless he pays for it.

[Fathoms77]

That's entirely your perspective, and you're not defining "average joe," either. I know quite a lot of men who seem to have no trouble with women, and even have significant power of them, and they're certainly no Don Juans. ;)

[Scrambledagain]

@Fathoms77 I must admit... you got me by the balls with the definition of average joe. I may need to go back down into my secret lair and rethink that. But again the bottom line, men with no problems with women won't have the same sexual weight as women. Just too much evidence against it. There is only one rule a guy needs to know: he has to beat his fellow guy. so in the event there is some awesome babe, I'm gonna have to beat the other dudes to get her. That's the game.

[Fathoms77]

That is true, without a doubt. But I think it's a game that has been in existence ever since the dawn of males and females, right? The rules will always change (and keep changing, I think) but at the end of the day, we men are indeed in endless competition when it comes to women. There's just no getting around THAT. ;)

[castratedwhiteguy]

I like your attitude and I like this article. However, I think that egalitarianism is actually the #1 reason why so many marriages crash and burn. Without interdependence a couple has no incentive to stick it out through the tough times.

Also, I never approach strange women in public. Most women, especially attractive women, give off a defensive vibe if they don't know you. So why even try to start up a conversation with a cold fish? I already know that I don't have what it takes to be a pick-up artist so I don't even go there. It's not worth the time and effort just to create a situation that's sure to be uncomfortable for both of us. Although, I'm glad to see that you're different.

[thetundrawolf]

Kind, caring, sensitive guys are afraid of women. Guys who are deceived into thinking they only want sex, are the ones who go after you, because they don't care about rejection, it doesn't damage their hearts like it does sensitive guys. God has given women so much power over us. We have physical power over them only, but they have everything else. SO it is a risk to trust a woman with your heart. But if you have no heart to break, then sex is the only option for those men who hit on you.

[Nyx_85]

So a man can't break a woman's heart?

GTFO.

[peachblossomluck]

I get a lot of guys I consider undesirable and annoying trying to talk to me. I'm pretty direct and tell them to leave me alone. I'll flirt with a guy I like though and the guy will always be surprised I'm talking to him. So if I want to talk to a guy I like I have to initiate it.

[Belgie]

You are right of course, men are not afraid of women. There is a small minority who are very vocal about their terror, who want women to assume the risks, who want to be assured that such terror is normal and widespread, and who want the pity of the world rained upon them.

Losers, all.

The most pathetic thing isn't their fear, it's their insistence that men who don't have this fear don't exist. And therefore they can learn nothing from sites like this.

[NexAngelus]

guys are not AFRAID of chicks, they are pissed at the system, and how chicks can just say rape or sexual assult or what ever and the guy is guilty till the guy manages to prove that he is 100% innocent. even then the female gets off scott free and the guy may have his life semi ruined becaues some dumb bitch thought she was going to be funny. guys still NEED a gf/wife. this means we have to aquire one some way. at times we will be asking them out. it happens. sham wow... lol

[zorro8888]

The majority of men aren't afraid to talk to women, but the ones who do have a problem with it tend to advocate it a lot more (especially online)... giving the false impression that so many guys have a problem with it.

[Brokenheartedx]

Try online dating young men in their early 20s are all brave on the net.. I call it the stiflers mom syndrome poor guys think older women are all Cougars

U get hit on because u probably let vibes off ur approachable Nd a nice person... probably get women hittin on u to but don't notice it

I agree with other stuff I've noticed the rise of false rape claims as well... no wonder men are terrified the accuser is almost anon while the guy is plastered everywhere in the paper..

[beaves11]

I think the good type of men who want something real are afraid because your answer actually matters to them, it hurts their feelings and feels bad to be rejected by a good looking girl, whereas the guys who constantly hit on you don't give a damn about you opinion as to them it's mainly s number game until they get sex.