Understanding the Elusive 'Alpha Male'

What is an Alpha Male?

I see a lot of people talking about 'alpha males'. Saying things like “They are the hot and/or rich assholes that get all the bitches!” or “An alpha male control his woman!”... or man if it's non-hetero relationship... I'm paraphrasing there but you get the idea. I've decided to share some thoughts on what I believe in a true alpha male. This is my opinion of course. Feel free to add on if you choose.

You do not get to be an alpha just because you are a man. Well some men are natural alphas it is also something you work towards by developing your character and leadership skills. An alpha male (even one born with it) is always honing his alpha skills. An alpha male doesn't think he's perfect.

An alpha male has purpose in his life.

An alpha male isn't a control freak.

He doesn't demand order. He commands it. Others follow him because they respect and trust his authority, not because he is forcing them to.

An alpha male doesn't put others down.

He isn't a jerk. That is a sign of an emotionally insecure person. An alpha male is secure enough in himself that he feels no need to attack other people in any way.

An alpha male is confident, not arrogant.

He is not boastful. He doesn't need to be. Other people understand his value just by being in his company.

An alpha male isn't a pushover yet he has a backbone without being defensive.

An alpha male knows how to effectively voice his concerns without resorting to incessant complaining.

An alpha male refrains from whining. An alpha male doesn't blame other people or outside influences for all of the problems in his life. An alpha male is a problem solver.

An alpha male cares about the well-being of others, especially those he is closest to.

Although he understands compromise may be needed (on both sides. He is not against making his own compromises) he would never make a decision that would potentially harm the ones he cares about.

An alpha male stands up for others.

An alpha male leads without putting the value of others below his.

He understands they have their own role which is just as important. It's just different.

An alpha male understands his partner isn't there to be his servant or slave...

(unless it's some kind of bedroom play they are into. Then by all mean..) but to take a supportive role (he knows how to be supportive as well). He respects the views of his partner. He would never dismiss them without hearing them out first. If he feels they are out of line then he communicates that in a way that is clear (he is stern) yet not disrespectful (i.e telling them to shut up).

An alpha male does not consider his partner to be 'weak' just because they are submissive.

He would never choose a weak partner. He knows they have their own mind. He would never expect them to do anything that goes against their own personal needs, beliefs, values, etc. To be able to sit back, relax and say “Ok hun you got this” is not a sign of weakness. The ability to put your faith and trust in someone is a power within itself. An alpha male may step up to take the leading role yet he also knows that you are in control of yourself. He does not treat you like a child.

An alpha male isn't afraid to recognize the authority of others.

He has the ability to take direction and fall in line behind someone of a higher ranking without losing his own personal self worth. He does not feel threatened.

An alpha male doesn't shy away from competition yet he isn't constantly looking for it either.

The never-ending need to fight and compete for power is akin to a cornered animal attacking out of fear.

An alpha male knows he has power.

He doesn't feel the need to always prove it to everyone.

An alpha male may get a lot of attention but he'll always pick quality over quantity.

If you are important to him he is severely loyal.

An alpha male knows when to ask for help.

He isn't too proud to do so.

An alpha male admits when he is wrong.

He doesn't deflect blame. He would rather work to fix an issue than play games.

An alpha male does not abuse.

Either physically and/or mentally.

A man who relies on his looks, wealth or social status to get what he wants is not an alpha male. An alpha male may have a lot of friends and acquaintances yet he is only close to those who respect and like him for who he is.

That's all folks!

Image source: https://screenrant.com/taken-3-4-liam-neeson-director-story/ - Because Neeson is bomb.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with most of what you wrote here but I wanted to point out that some of the negative things you say alpha males are NOT... sadly they are not always the case. The best alpha males are as you describe, but there are plenty of them who are control freaks, for example.

    Nice take though. I think your point was, in part, that alpha males can be really great guys. It's a term that gets thrown around a lot and often cast in a derogatory light, which is unfair for a lot of us.

    • I believe a TRUE alpha male is not a control freak. But those who want to act alpha, who overcompensate, will be.

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    • NOT that others have been abusive lol. Just a bit 'passionate'. It's ok. I'm passionate too. I'm not going to apologize.

    • Passionate is a nice way to characterize it. And no, you have nothing to apologize for.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 35

  • This "alpha male" bullshit is so fucking ridiculous and dumb.

    I mean all you did was described your ideal man and this makes them "alpha" how exactly? What is even the point of trying to put this label on people or talk about it as some sort of a goal to seek. I mean I admit you did list a bunch of very good personality qualities but saying that these things somehow make someone an "alpha" is just completely meaningless.

    I mean

    • Preach nigga, preach!!! 🙌

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    • I meant that someone who did not consider themselves alpha could blame their problems on that.

      "Im just naturally not an alpha so there's not much I can do about it" for example.

    • That's just a cop out.

  • Probably the only topic on "alpha" males I have ever agreed with, even though the whole thing has gotten rather silly in this day an age.

    Like all the guys who have to pat themselves on the back saying they are one to "get" girls, and of course so many girls too who think the loud obnoxious insecure baby types are these kind of "alpha". In either case though, people shouldn't be stuck so much on just terms, just be yourself. You attract what suits you anyway by just being you, if you put on a show, even with simple things as "confidence" you fake something that isent there and then naturally you draw people in who may desire your mask in a way, not the real you.

    So yeah again, just be you, can't please everybody, and everyone will never desire you since people are so different.

  • Thank you! If only more men... I'm sorry, not men, males... understood what it truly means to be "alpha". It is not silly man-child machismo posturing. It is not being a bully and an idiot. It is not abusing or belittling others. It begins with understanding that the definition of "man" is 'human male', that is, human first, then male.

    • Thanks for that comment. A lot of guys here have attacked my choice of the word 'alpha' without actually talking about the meaning of my words. If they say what I said is silly but don't tell me why. Like a few have said these traits are 'feminine' or what not (probably the man-child machismo posturing type...) and that alphas are assholes but most just didn't like the word alpha. After some explanation most are like "Oh I get what you mean... I just don't think we should label" Some don't even reply after I take their assumptions and trash them hah. Ok if one doesn't like labels fine but they completely deflecting from the point.

    • *they are

    • One guy that commented, and who I was trying to be nice to, admitted he didn't even READ this. He just skimmed through it quickly. Saw one thing he didn't like and went off. When I tried to do nothing other than explain what I meant he attacked me. Saying he was 'alpha' haha. Riight.

  • I don't typically use the term "alpha male" anymore. I mean, just look at alpha males in gorillas. Sure they get a lot of females, but they're also complete idiots.

    I remember reading about an experiment that was done with gorillas to see how they would react to their reflections in a mirror. The betas were mostly either curious about their reflections or they didn't really care. On the other hand, all the alpha males went apeshit (Aah? Aaaah? Y'all are no fun) and tried to fight their reflections.

    Needless to say, that terminology doesn't hold nearly the same merit as it used to..
    But no. Basically, all an "alpha male" is is one who understands that the world around him isn't as structured as it seems. Most guys (hell, most PEOPLE) lack either the confidence, the selfishness, or the knowledge to truly exert their will on their environment. The common mindset when it comes to society is that if you push it's barriers, those barriers will push back. The difference between "alphas" and everyone else is that "alphas" have the cajones to push those barriers, understand how hard to push, and doesn't care about collateral damage (unless it was something they really care about and didn't expect to be affected in a negative way).

    • Thank you for that well thought out and insightful comment.

  • I'm not sure all self appointed 'alpha males' will agree with this.

    • EXACTLY.

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    • Most people come in with preconceived notions. I just had a conversation earlier with someone where they went off on a tangent. Attacking me and claiming things I never even said or meant. I tried explaining myself but they wouldn't listen. Would just reply with a bunch of nonsense. Just kept going off. Even admitted they weren't reading what I wrote. When I tried to relieve some tension by making a joke they said I was attacking THEM (even though I wasn't). Called me names (I never called them any names). Obviously some people take strong offense to the ideals here. They also don't seem to get it's an opinion piece (or that I mentioned an alpha male isn't perfect and is always working on himself) and they don't HAVE to be that way. Though I personally wouldn't want to date anyone who wasn't. I think alpha or not (if you even believe in that concept) these are good well rounded traits. But that is my opinion.

    • If anyone can point out ANYTHING negative in what I said and be 100 PERCENT specific then please do. i. e quote me and then explain WHY it's offensive to you. Don't just say "Oh this is silly" "This is feminine" blah blah blah. If someone is going to argue they should give a good reason why. If not it's just nonsense.

  • You just described most of the corrupt politicians of our time and the traits that Pharaoh used to have. Well Done!!

  • There is no such thing as an "alpha male". That is just a term that stupid people came up with in order to try and make themselves feel more important than others. If you have to come up with terms to show you are better than someone else, then you aren't better than them.

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    • I'm getting tired of people using this excuse to not understand the meaning of my words. If you don't like the label then FINE but the label isn't the meaning here. It's far beyond that. You are just looking at the label and getting all worked up. Look past it.

    • And I'm not saying you have to agree with everything I wrote or even any of it... but if you come here and only point out my choice of the word 'alpha' without actually talking about the CONTEXT of my piece and giving me valid examples as to why you don't agree with it... then well... *shrug*

  • I feel like i have a lot of these traits. I do put people down unfortunately when i think they are bad, evil or misguided from my bias perspective which can't be right 100%. Its probably like 30 to 40% correct so i end up hurting people. Im working on it as i did such a thing to my manager and she almost cried because i only show that side of me when i see you as an enemy. When i realized she didn't know any better on her mistake, i apologized, not as a employee trying to save my job but because of how harsh i was on her for something she didn't mean to do. Im working on being empathetic towards others.

    • That's good. That is one thing I said above. An alpha male (or 'leader' I guess. Since some people hate the word alpha) does not think he is perfect and is always working on himself. He will make mistakes yet he admits them and works to be better.

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    • Its not being tough or aggresive but assertive and understanding." "its not about being manly, its just being true to who you are so you try to be genuine."

      THIS. You can call yourself whatever you wish. The point is being a well rounded person.

    • *the supposed alpha male

  • I hate to burst your bubble but there is no such thing as an ALPHA MALE

    the term ALPHA MALE was invented by the true insecure narcissist to be used as a shaming tactic against those other folks they look down upon and make themselves feel better about themselves in return. therefore the folks who use this term are in fact the true inferior beings and now that you wrote a mytake on this I guess this says a lot of things about you.

    • And this term is used in order to score better and more with the women, who fell for that and to confuse the others by labeling them as - how did they call it? - beta.

      I mean hey, I can be a true tiger and everyone else is a goose but that would only display foolishness from me as much as some douchebags call themselves "alpha male" xD

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    • @Unit1 I don't care if one disagrees but I don't respect those who display immaturity or ad hominem attacks.

    • @Unit1 If he's who I think he is then based on many of the things he has written here I know that a conversation with him would be pointless. I can tell when people are stuck in their narrow minded views.

  • Not this shit again...

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    • This take was more for those who believe in terms like 'alpha' and 'beta' and what not. Because no matter what your opinion of them is, many people do. Calling them idiots isn't productive. Most, I think, are just lost.

    • I know. Hence the reason I don't waste time and energy complaining and not put up with this term to begin with.

      But it was worth this discussion. Cheers!

  • Not gonna lie, I only came here for Liam Neeson.

  • People need to stop using the word "alpha", mostly on this site. y'all make it sound so gay (well, more gay)

    • There's nothing gay about being a strong leader who doesn't walk all over other people to get what he wants.

  • I think you're correct in your definition but I hope you and other realize that this is an ideal to aspire to and not something that someone can actually be 100%

    • Yes as I stated someone like this doesn't believe they are perfect and are also working to better themselves. The most important thing is self improvement. One cannot be everything but they can get better.

      Also I should have specified that 'alpha male' is a subjective idea. I put it in quotes but a lot of people didn't get that quotes means not being 100% serious.

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    • No no. Not at all. You're actually pretty polite and well thought out.

    • Even if you did misunderstand a tad lol.

      And thanks. Just would be nice if more people would read the whole piece instead of see the title and freak out.

  • By this list, I am an Alpha. Yay.
    however, I'm still working this:
    "An alpha male isn't a pushover yet he has a backbone without being defensive."

    I do get defensive, I need to be stronger to the point no one can irk me!!!

    • "To err is human..."
      -Alexander Pope

      I think what separates this type of man, regardless of what you want to call him (some don't want to use the alpha label and that's fine) is that he is always working to improve himself. He's introspective and doesn't let his ego control him. Your ego is what causes you to become defensive.

  • Lmao feminists trying to emasculate men. If you love feminine men so much why not go for gay men?

    • This is not feminine. It's being a stoic and strong leader that isn't a total asswipe.

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    • And I'm not a freaking feminist so GTFO with that nonsense.

    • This dude got his account banned. Hahaha!

  • An alpha male this an alpha male that blah blah blah.
    This take can be shortened to, an alpha male is a man who strives to learn and does what he believes is right.

    • Sure but that wouldn't have been enough characters :P

  • www.court-records.net/.../miles-shrug(d).gif

    You missed the most important one...

    "An alpha male is a man who women want to fuck the shit out of."

    If you are not a man women want to fuck, they you are esentially beta or omega.

  • There is no thing called alpha or beta males, it's all bullshit. A man is what he makes himself to be.

    • Sooooo your beef is with the LABEL and not the message? Hmm...

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    • The fact is anyone can be a good or bad person. This is about having purpose and ownership in your life. What I see here is a LOT of whining.

    • I mean on the comments here... Not singling you out.

  • That's all very lovely and all that, but just a fairy tale.

    "A man who relies on his looks, wealth or social status to get what he wants is not an alpha male."
    Why shouldn't he make use of what he has accomplished?

    • This may be a language barrier but you are not understanding what I meant. Perhaps I should say a man who relies on those things ALONE.

    • Anyone can have these traits. Issue is they may be too hard for someone to even try. It's better to blame others than work on yourself... Right?

  • Alpha male = a butt hole with mommy issues.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Excellent Take! I agree with everything you've said and several of your points are things I've tried to explain to guys on this site several times now

    The problem with the term "alpha" is that it kind of got hijacked in the same way "feminism" did to the point where you think of the negative traits of imitators when you hear it rather than the positive traits of the genuine alphas. Part of this is because non-alphas tend to be jealous of alphas because alphas tend to be happier I'm life, but they're happier because they're more secure and go after what they want, not because they easily get girls. Since there are less alphas than non-alphas, the alpha name gets drug through the mud

    Most guys on this site think of someone like Iron Man, Tony Stark as an alpha, but he's really just a rich asshole. Captain America, Steve Rogers is a true alpha male because he respects men and women alike, and has an honorable purpose in the way he lives his life

  • Neeson is my fave♡ I agree with everything you wrote. You have a real way with words and good taste in Alpha men ☆☆☆☆☆

    • I know eh? If I can find a guy that looks that good at that age I'll be set haha. And thanks!

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    • They are probably just pissed off that they aren't Neeson.

    • Who wouldn't be? You make a good point!

  • So basically, you're describing a secure, well-rounded happy person and I believe this would apply to both men and women. There's nothing complicated there. It's neither "Alpha" or "Beta" or whichever silly label people have established and it's toxic. Generalizing is dangerous and close-minded.

    • Fully agreed!

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    • And yes it would apply to men AND women... That isn't the POINT here though...

    • Yup... That's right.

  • I'm so happy you made this Mytake. I feel like in today's time, a lot of people are confused as to what an alpha male is. An alpha man is a normal man, not a push over. Not a mangina. He's someone who understands what it means to be a man.

    • Thank you for not attacking my choice of the word 'alpha' lol. Or getting all defensive haha.

  • I'd say aye aye to justin trudeau

  • An alpha anything is people who don't give a flying fuck about this stupid thing called "alpha/beta male/female"

    • It's all subjective. You could call these good leadership skills. I just got tired of hearing the "'Alpha males are all assholes" nonsense or seeing articles telling guys to be get women they need to be pretty much being abusive and controlling and that is what an 'alpha' is. Putting someone you are supposed to care about down. Considering that many people today are growing up with information they read online I wonder what things will be like in the next 15-20 years.

    • *need to be abusive and controlling. Sorry I was changing what I wrote and forgot to delete one part. That make no sense. Me English good! Hahaha.

    • And of course this is just an opinion piece. And yeah they probably wouldn't care. And I'm not saying they would care. I'm saying these are what I believe some of their traits are. And people who do things like belittle, bully, abuse, disrespect, talk down to, etc... are NOT alphas. Anyone who needs tear others apart to build themselves up is weak.