If I am so beautiful, than Why don't guys approach me?

[Anonymous]

All my friends are happily married or in engaged or in a close knit relationship with amazing men. The thing is- I'm still single. I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13! Everyone says I'm beautiful, attractive, and sweet but there's so, etching different about me. The fact that I'm "elegant" and I come off as a hmmm how can I say it, "high and mighty"? But I, not stuck up and I don't think I'm better than everyone. I'm always happy and smiling and being friendly. Everyone says guys are scared to approach me but why? Is it he fact that I'm "too feminine" do I need to change that?

[beauch11]

Are you sure it's not a situation where guys are approaching you but they aren't the types of guys you want approaching you? If you are a beautiful woman, I would think there would be guys that don't mind the risk of getting shot down. Not saying you are making this up by any means, I just would think that guys would approach you. When I was in college I didn't care and would approach anyone I thought I could like. I won some, lost some, but at least I knew. I don't think there is such a thing as being too feminine. Its just not for everyone. I was married to an ultra feminine woman. I know now it's not for me personally, but I have a lot of friends that really like that in a woman. Hang in there, you'll find a guy I'm sure!!

[Asker]

No I never been approach by any guys. They always stare. And I hope so but I'm loosing hope!

[beauch11]

You should try when a guy is staring to send positive signals. A lot of times guys will "fish" for a favorable response that way. Rather than just walk up to you, they do that as a safe way of gauging whether or not you will be interested. Try smiling back at them and tilting your head a little when they do that and you should have more luck. You have to send positive signals though because that is what they are looking for.

[Asker]

Well that's something I never do make eye contact or smile at them because I get really shy and look away lol. But I'm going to totally try giving off positive body language.

[beauch11]

That is your issue right there!!! You're not sending positive reinforcement signals so guys probably think you're uninterested. I am 100% sure it will work for you. If I hold a look at a woman and she looks back at me and smiles and I'm attracted to her at all, I'm over there in a heartbeat introducing myself!!! It will work, trust me!!!

[Asker]

I have a question: if I smile at a guy, and he looks away or doesn't smile back what should I do?

[beauch11]

Well if he notices and then does it, not good. Or he might be really shy that this hot woman is smiling at him. Do it a second time and if he looks nervous about it or looks behind him, then approach him. If he looks right at you and then goes about his business unaffected then he's either gay or totally not into you. You should be able to pick up on it. We aren't that great at poker faces when it comes to hot women. At least I'm not!!

[Asker]

Oh wow I hope guys would smile back lol I'm really terrified of rejection, that's another reason why I never approach guys. But why do guys stare at women like a lot and not do anything about it? Is it because their thinking about you or?

[beauch11]

In my experience it's the safe way to gauge whether a girl has interest in you or not. I used to be kind of afraid to approach girls and I'm 6' 4" and was an athlete in college so I was very fit and told I am attractive and I was still was afraid to go right up to a woman. I'd try to make eye contact and smile, but if I got nothing in return I'd think the girl just wasn't into me. She might have been shy, but I still wouldn't just go for it. Some guys are just apprehensive about it. Some have no problem just walking up to a girl and letting it fly. I wasn't one of those guys so I used the eye contact method!!! They are just playing it safe. Especially the more attractive you are. They also think someone that hot has to have a boyfriend.

[B-rad]

Maybe your energy creates a challenge... NO ... I got it... your problem is the same problem i have... when men see you they say to themselves..." there's no way she isn't already taken !"... im serious... this very line of thinking has done it to me before too.

[Asker]

Well, you are right about that. A lot of people are shock when I say I'm single.

[AidenBlue]

This is true. Its hard to believe one or more of the guys is not already on the case when we see a very attractive woman. If we got to know you on a personal level and found you were single - it would be instant movement.

[Asker]

@AidenBlue thanks for your feedback. It really helped!

[Anonymous]

I never had a bf and I think I'm attractive I think I don't know guys don't approach me either I don't know they do only it's online and they say I'm pretty yet they don't contact me only if I do and they say ur hot ur pretty bla bla and they don't ever contact me unless I do then they talk I don't know why :( I'm 22
I mean before i wasn't attractive so guys would tell me that now I think I am and guys tell me I'm pretty hot or beautiful

[Asker]

Same here. But not with the online thing. Only senior citizen men would inbox me on Facebook haha.

[Opinion Owner]

Fb that's what I meant online lol whTs ur thing I need ur help

[Asker]

I don't have it any more. My New Years resolution was to get off of fb and find me a a man haha and I'm still working on it! But you can message me

[Opinion Owner]

Ur annonymous what's ur thing

[Asker]

Oh! Lol "simplyme13"

[banksss_]

You just need to let it be. Do you for awhile & the right one will come along. I am in the same position as you, stop your worrying.

Guys are usually afraid to approach pretty girls. Why don't you approach them for a change? Surprise them ;)

[abc3643]

If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things as something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
5. She's going to be bitchy and high maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

So, he basically thinks that
1) he doesn't have a chance to get her,
2) if he did, he'll lose her, and
3) she's going to be a lot of work.

Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

So, a beautiful girl needs to be proactive and hit on men instead of waiting for them to hit on her. A beautiful girl being proactive removes doubts males have regarding Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

[Anonymous]

Beauty is subjective. You might be beautiful to yourself, and a lot of other people, but at the same time, be ugly, gross, unacceptable to look at in other people's perception.
That being said, let's exclude the guys who don't think you're beautiful, and focus on those who think you are. And before going any further, ask yourself this. How beautiful am I considered to be among those guys (kinda cute, really cute, hot, super stunning etc.)? Because being beautiful above a certain point in someone's perception sometimes decrease chances of them approaching you simply because they're either shy, or scared, or nervous, or simply stunned and frozen right in their spot. At the same time, being good looking but falling under a certain point of it in someone's perception can also decrease chances of them approaching you, because you are definitely not the only girl in the world, or even within a mile around you. If you are "kinda cute", and they see someone who looks better, chances are they'll complete for her, and every other girl who looks better in their perception, before getting to you. It's like mining gold. Would you spend time digging a big piece of it knowing there's a bigger piece a bit more inside the tunnel? Put that into perspective, and realize that you're not 100% irreplaceable. You are unique, you are special, you are someone no one else can be. But deep down, what is the attraction about? It very much involves the skin and bones on you, which everyone else in the world has, even if it's not identical. That makes attraction a superficial and flimsy concept, and getting hung up on that, would mean surrendering to the society's constraints and disregarding your own feelings. So no matter what the reason, even though there are a million possibilities, the one thing you should always have on your mind, is that it does not matter why someone doesn't approach you. If they don't, they don't, and that means you can focus on other things rather than invest time and efforts into making it happen, or waiting around for it to happen.

I know I drifted a lot, but I did answer your question while simultaneously trying to get a psychological read on you and your motivations behind this question, and also tried to address those and answer those. I hope this was helpful.

[CharlieUnicorn]

Because people aren't doing much approaching anymore in the classical sense.
Both men and women are more advanced in their dating habits these days.
If someone is looking to date nowadays they either
* Use apps where you filter after person criteria
* Look who's single in their friend circles, among people they already know
* Waits themselves until someone else takes iniative (yes, guys do that now)

Neither of those require any approaching, to which there are only negatives. Just walking up to people, make idle conversation, and very quickly turn on the extra charm, even though you have no idea of who she really is. It just sucks.

Ofc, people still talk to you and mingle in social places, but few go further than pleasant talk. Not until you've seen each other several times already and you've also shown initiative to be social as often as he.

In the past, I think that even very shy and introvert girls got scooped up eventually. Not anymore I'm afraid. Being pretty helps, but it isn't enough. I guess it's equality.

[MrOracle]

What I'm hearing is that guys aren't COMFORTABLE enough with you to ask you out, and that's not all that uncommon, especially with attractive women.

Some of that may be your "vibe" - if you have some guy friends, ask them what their perceptions are. You may be inadvertently giving off an "I'm not interested" vibe or an "I'm already taken" vibe.

You mentioned that you are "elegant." If you dress well (a notch or two better than folks around you) and/or carry yourself in an elegant way, many people will be intimidated by you, or feel like they aren't "good enough" for you, so even though they are attracted to you. You may need to dress down a bit and/or loosen up a bit so that folks around you feel more comfortable. You can still be feminine without being hoity-toity.

Continue to be outgoing and fun, but don't be afraid to wear jeans and a T-shirt and let people feel like you are on their level, and not 5 levels above them.

[man32]

That is simple!!! Guys are intimidated to beauty. Instead of admiring and approaching u like anyother girl. They feels she will say piss off or maybe she won't give attention they expect and becomes intimidated or insecured about it. Also many guys thinks that. She must have already taken. She will say no to us. All their own predetermined judgmental thoughts.
Dont change urself for no one. The right one will come to sweep u off ur feet and make ur carried away. Dont change ur originality. U arr who u are. I always approach girls who are smoking hot and speak as if nothing. I believe all girls are beauty inside and outside. Irrespective of caste color creed ethinicity

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I wish I could've gave you MH!

[man32]

No problem. I appreciate ur comment. I am not in here to get MH... i am here to help people in the best way i possibly can madam. I am happy i helped u. Even the gager whom u gave. Answered superbly. Keep my points in ur mind. Person who is worth for u. Will approach u like a man and take u. U will feel it inside when u see him. Butterfly will fly in ur stomach ;-)

[Asker]

Aww thanks!

[man32]

Ur welcome young lady

[placepo]

I think your problem is the way you are thinking ! like you are just waiting for someone to approach you!!!
I think you should try to get the man you are attracted to ! not just anyone ! because when you are too friendly to everyone then no one will fell special or that you are attracted to him.
find the guy around you that you think he could be a good bf and try to attract him. the eyes contact is very clear message and every guy can read the girl attraction when she stare in his eyes , just let him notice you and then try to get closer... but as i said i think there should be a certain guy , not just anyone, good luck

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice.

[placepo]

you welcome and best wishes for you

[ForeverBronze]

I have the same problem and it gets worse the older I get. I can't get girls I like to keep eyes contact or stay around me for more than 3 minutes without bolting away. I'm considered "high & mighty", "the player", the "heart-breaker", "too sophisticated". I'm considered "unattainable" even though I'm right there talking to them showing obvious interest. SMDH

It's unfortunate, but there's an unspoken view that you're supposed to date within the pool of your "own kind" (i. e. beautiful people), something you never labeled yourself as but others tend to remind you that you are.

[Keyspirits]

Yas beauties are truly intimidating. Its what prevent us from approaching u cuz the thought of saying"zim out of ur league" is doubting us so its better not to pit ourself in shame cuz we know we gonna get rejected. As seen in medias, it make us think dat cuties are only gonna get with da hawties right? U look to good for meh, im not as outstanding as u with my lame appearance :/
For the most part, ladies need to do da Fawken approaching too and stop waiting pn us guys. If ur dat desperate for a bf, than go ahead. No one stopping u for the sake of GOD!

[Asker]

A lot of guys where I'm from don't like being approach because they claim a woman is desperate because of such. And I'm not "desperate" of I was I would've just go up to a random Jim/joe off the street and date him.

[Keyspirits]

Omg.. are the guy overthere really that stupid? Who the hell wouldn't want to be approach? I don't know why would they say it in ur face dat u are desperate. To me, it means dat u like meh and is attracted to meh. It doesn't mean dat ur desperate or anything. All living things need luv. I wouldn't be able to live onto this day if there's no luv. U get into relationship to make "Luv". I don't know why they would say that dat ur desperate right in ur face... that juz dumb.-.

[Asker]

I know right, I wish there was more guys like you where I live but it's this whole trend on the word "thot" and "thirsty" and if you go out your way to talk to a guy your label as that. It's really immature and plain out stupid.

[Keyspirits]

Correct. It really is. Maybe a pix would be helpful ;3

[Tractorbeam]

You can guarantee that it's your body language, or your failure to read body language in others and respond.
This might be some help, but it's a big read.cdn.preterhuman.net/.../...20Love%20with%20You.PDF

[bamesjond0069]

Many guys do not approach very attractive women. The guys that would approach you have probably already approached other very attractive women and now have girlfriends.

That being said, don't try to be less feminine. The way to get more guys to talk to you is to go places where you talk to someone. ie. don't walk down the street and be bummed out you didn't get a date... instead join a club where you are forced to talk to a bunch of people and then there is no "approach" to keep men from talking to you.

[godfatherfan]

Guys love "feminine" and you can never be too feminine. But the better looking a woman is the more a guy will think she is high maintenance bitch. You answered your own question as to why guys don't approach you when you said:
The fact that I'm "elegant" and I come off as a hmmm how can I say it, "high and mighty"?
the is the came as saying I am a high maintenance cunt.
what guy wants that?
no guy will want to bother with you if you act that way. If you come off that way they you are that way. You cannot say your not stuck up and you don't think your better then anyone else if you act that way.
SO if you want to find someone drop the attitude and guys will respond.

[Asker]

I don't have an attitude! People say I automatically think I'm stuck up because I'm normally off to myself (shy!)

[godfatherfan]

I copied it in my first post. Let me copy it again for you since it is your own words:
The fact that I'm "elegant" and I come off as a hmmm how can I say it, "high and mighty"?
..
well then you need to scrap the "elegant" whatever that means. and if you come off as "high and mighty" then that means you are acting "high and mighty" you just don't want to admit it or you just don't want to see it in yourself.
If only one or two people that that is would be different. If the majority think that then it is true.
You need to do some serious soul searching and decide to make a change. Or find someone that is rich and snooty and wants someone that is high maintenance and snobby.

[Asker]

Elegance is a form of high class and having poised. Elegance and being a bitch doesn't belong in the same sentence. I come off as high and mighty but I don't try too! In fact I don't even notice it, everyone else does.

[Asker]

And it's a fact that people automatically think why people are stuck up or people with high class are snobs. It's an optical illusion. Especially when you don't know the personal at all. I speak, I smile, I'm fire fly- how is that high and mighty?

[Asker]

Shy not why

[Asker]

Ugh autocorrect- I'm friendly not fire fly

[saucegoddess]

Maybe because guys are too afraid of getting rejected by you, so they aim for women they think they can actually get. Most guys don’t go for 10s or 9s unless they’re stupid or they themselves think they’re a 10 or 9. Most guys go for average or remotely pretty or beautiful, not supermodel gorgeous.

[AceOtana135]

Guys tend to look for certain reactions. Like a girl staring at him, smiles at him, walk by him, glance at him as she walks by. You need to let the guy you're interested in, that you're interested.

For me, if a girl never glances, never smiles and gives off no signal at all, I won't approach.

One young lady glanced at me, smiled and even waved at me to come over to her. Most guys do need clear signals.

[Felinegirl]

Perhaps you're closed off and distant. If you are always polite but relarely personal, people are less likely to have very personal feelings for you.

You might also come across as if you're not interested in dating. Try to learn to flirt a bit more, go on dates, ask a guy out yourself, and/or simply try to get more male friends. Hanging out with guys can make you better at interacting with them, and they might have some friends to introduce you to.

[Lynx122]

It's definitely not that you're too feminine don't change that! I don't know what it is it's kinda hard to tell just from your description. But it is true that the way we think and feel internally gets projected to the outside so maybe you're not as ready as you think you are or something is holding you back. Just keep being social, Ithink that's the best thing you can do.

[Ericky]

Reading your post really made me surprised. Honestly we are in the same category. Lots of people say that I'm handsome but I never had a stable relationship.

I'm single and some people indirectly mock about my private life which I hate it. But what I learned is you have to focus your energy on something else like career and hobbies. Just like I'm doing.

[Lyndsielee666]

You might intimidate guys...
The guy I'm dating now was terrified to talk to me in high school because he thought I was so pretty. Haha

[FreshOutaIdeas]

Truth!

Same for guys like me, I'm straight down the line (with a little panache) and hot or not, I'll come over. It freaks so many gals... And guys 😂

[Justinho69]

The thing is, guys don't actually approach girls in real life that much, especially girls that are really beautiful, which is good for us guys that have the balls to do it.
by the way, you can't be too feminine. I don't think the problem is with you, but with them.

[FunkyMonkee]

Sometimes guys think that, because you're so beautiful, you MUST have a stable of boyfriends, so, they won't even bother approaching you. Otherwise, they may just figure they're way out of your league and will also not even bother approaching you. In both cases, it's a fear of being turned down! Why don't you pick a guy you think you might like and go after him? Just pretend it's Sadie Hawkins Day and go get him!!

[Anonymous]

How attractive are we talking?
If you are really THAT attractive something is deeply wrong with you if you do not get approached or you have the worst luck in the world.
Make yourself seem more available and dress better and sexier without looking trashy.