Boyfriend of 2 years goes out clubbing EVERY weekend. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we live together. He goes out with the boys every weekend. I don't care that he goes out with the boys, but not every weekend. I tell him how it makes me feel, but he keeps disrespecting me and doing it! It would be nice if he could WANT to spend a whole weekend with me some times. Clubbing every weekend is for single guys. When I talk to him about it he gets angry and he thinks I want him to have no life. What do I do? I can't put up with it anymore, but I don't want to lose him. Guys help! How should I approach this?

Updates

+1 y

He also doesn't even come home til the next morning some of the time.

[MaskedSanity]

Not obeying you =/= disrespect.

You seriously need to grow up, if you believe him spending his weekends the way he wants and enjoys is somehow disrespectful to you. It's HIS free time and he's allowed to do what he wants. You've admitted it yourself: you're welcome to join in, it's no secret, but you choose to stay in. How is that his fault?

The only thing I would comment on is that he ought to compromise every now and then and do something you fancy for a change.

But ultimately, he's not required to spend all his time with you. You chose to date this man and have been doing so for 2 years, so surely you knew his habits by now.

Did you think you were going to change him to suit your preferences? That's not how relationships work. You can only express your dissatisfaction for his lack of compromise. If he entirely refuses to spend any weekends with you, then it's time to say good-bye. He is free to be who he wants to be and if you start making demands, it will only get sour.

Also, this is key: do you two live together? If you do, then I would say you're acting very selfishly, expecting him to spend literally all of his time with you.

[Kesh23]

Okay so girl I totally get what your saying with him going out every weekend. 1. it shouldn’t be an issue for your boyfriend to go out but everyyyyyy weekend is a little to much. Now majority of guys has this thing where they feel like if you try to stop certain suitions like this it’s the end of there life 🙄. So this what you do, when his getting ready to go out don’t argue just tell him have fun & you get dress and you go out with your girls. Trust me it’s going to grab his attention and sooner or later he’ll feel how you felt. But when your out make sure your having fun don’t answer any calls or text don’t be home moping around LIVE YOUR BEST FUCKING LIFE‼️ At the end of the day that’s how they are. They’ll change when there ready so you have fun while there still trying to figure out life☺️

[Anonymous]

If he really feels the need to be there every weekend, I'd have to start wondering why. What is so great at the club that it trumps spending time with you every night of the weekend? I might be making an incognito trip to the club myself to scope some shit out. Or, maybe he's just being young and immature and doing this because he knows he can get away with it. You two might just be getting to different points in your life. Ultimatums don't work for shit. So you can't just say, "Do this or I'm gone". However, you can calmly point out what you think is intolerable behaviour and let him know that if this continues to happen, you will walk away. It needs to be a decision he can make. If he chooses to keep making the same choices, then you need to make a different choice.

[Asker]

I get that he needs his time, but when he doesn't come home to me after the night is over then that's bad. I have told him before that if he keeps not coming home til the morning then I am done. But he continues to do so.

[xblumo]

Found the "pick me".

[Neurath]

You've been together 2 years but you haven't stated your ages?

I cannot give advise without ages because people need to experience life. If you've been together since school and you're both still under 20 It is understandable that he wants to be out clubbing.

If you're settled and a little bit older and he's been clubbing for a few years you need to sit him down and explain your feelings.

[Asker]

He is 20 and I am 24. I started dating him when he was 18 which in Australia is the legal age to go to bars.

[Neurath]

Right okay. It will take a few more years until he realises clubbing is a waste of time and boredom will set it. Explain to him that you need one weekend together a month (or more if you prefer) but you must let him get this clubbing urge out of his system. It will abate, he is still young and getting to grips with early masculinity. Try not to curb it completely or resentment will build on both sides of your relationship. Try and get him to work with you so you both enjoy this time in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you just have different interests. It's not that he "disrespects" you, it's that that's what he enjoys doing and you don't share the same interests as him. You guys need to try find a compromise somewhere in the middle.

[Opinion Owner]

One activity isn't more "correct" than the other. I'm afraid you can't demand he do what he finds boring any more than he could demand that you do what you find boring - e. g. if he asked you to go clubbing and you don't feel like it, you aren't "disrespecting" him, you just have different ideas of what constitutes an enjoyable way to pass the time on the weekend. Some amount of compromise is always necessary in a relationship, sure, but if two people have very different ideas about what's fun, and you can't reach a compromise, then there might not be a solution other than finding someone else more compatible.

[Asker]

I understand. You make a good point. He usually spends one night (Friday night) with me. Then he goes out every Saturday. The worst part is he sometimes doesn't come home til the next morning, like now for example. He went out last night, didn't message me once, and is still not home and it is 8am.

[Киттйлинк]

Haha guys go to clubs to check out, dance/talk and get to know girls... you’re dumb if he’s going without you. Especially when you seem soooo cool with it up to now and all of the sudden you want to put a stop to it? Lol funny. This should’ve been addressed from the beginning. You brought this upon yourself.

Anyway, have a talk with him, if he doesn’t stop, I suggest getting rid of him and avoid making this mistake in the future with the new guy! Cause honestly he said not going to a club to talk to his male friends... 👀 especially if it’s every weekend!

[Glasyanalan]

obviously makes you feel like your part of the home furniture... sit him down, look genuinely sad... and tell him to chill with the clubbing a bit... propose for him to invite his friends over or do something with him, his mates, and yours... (like bowling, ice-skating... whatevs) if he blows you off then go out with your friends and come back later than he does... just so that he has a think... then if that doesn't work... give him an ultimatum... telling him that if he doesn't calm the clubbing... that you won't be around anymore... (meaning you'll dump him)

this tactic is called escalation of force. use it wisely.

[zombiebabe]

he should respect you dear... you are together since 2 years... what seems strange is the fact that he gaets angry when you wanna talk about it... be careful!! defensive behaviour=is hiding something
but if he still acts like this then its better to dump him because if he don't wanna change his clubbing habit then he'll never change it

[Glasyanalan]

oi... just one thing, unlearned girl, defensive behaviour does not equal that he's hiding something, could also mean that he feels you STILL haven't understood his "needs" and therefore now longer wants to talk about it if he views you as dumb... i do not ever waste my breath repeating myself... if you dont get it... then you obviously are not on the same intellectual wavelength as i... hence not worth the time... and thats maybe what he thinks... no need to spread paranoia, girls!

[zombiebabe]

wtf? everyone is free to express his/her opinion on this forum... so what's your problem? i'm free to express my own opinions... and i'm not spreading paranoia

[stubbsy]

You can only approach it by expressing that you feel as if he is taking you for granted and that if it continues then he can have the single life he so really desires because you should never allow any guy to feel as if no matter what you will always stay around and allow them to use you as a door mat, so be brave and start demanding some respect otherwise he starts to lose all of you, x

[burntgold]

Girl if he’s going out with his boys to a club EVERY weekend there’s a high chance he’s not being loyal while he’s there. Tell him to either stop going, or that he can only go with you or if he does go it can’t be every weekend. If he doesn’t listen drop him sis.

[Anonymous]

I don't know any guys that go clubbing without girls? If they do it's to meet women? Guys nights are usually spent at someone's house, a bar or strip club. I wouldn't believe his story but if you do why can't you go with?

Honey I'm sorry but men rarely change and he has made it clear he won't. You have 2 choices: Change yourself to accept him or change boyfriends. A guy that disrespect yiu and gets angry over talking isn't worth keeping.

[Asker]

I'm usually allowed to go with him, but most of the time I choose not to because I would rather spend my weekends doing something else instead of clubbing. Preferably with him. I know he isn't hiding anything, it's just he loves to be out with his mates, but a bit too much.

[Opinion Owner]

I repeat he won't change. You have to change yourself or change boyfriends. I think the bigger red flag is his anger. How can you communicate about something serious with someone who gets angry?

[UPENDRA123]

This is ridiculous behaviour. Sounds he is hiding something in his mental pockets. If he gets angry and disrespects you it means he does not eants to share about the matter. Not a good indication. U should be alert.

[Anonymous]

Throw his sorry butt out.