Do you think it’s okay for your LD boyfriend to go out EVERY weekend?

[ihaveaquestion567]

My boyfriend and I have been long distance for a few years now. He’s only 3 1/2 hours away but we live separately in different cities, same state. I’m not the type of person that likes to go out much to bars and clubs at night so I don’t go often at all but lately I feel like I’ve been forcing myself to go out to match his energy or just so that I’m not up all night waiting for my boyfriend to get home and call me (we sleep on video call every night). He literally goes out at least one day on the weekend, sometimes both (Friday & Saturday). Lately I’ve been getting extremely fed up with this because to me, there’s no reason to be at a club or bar every single weekend when you’re in a relationship. I feel bad having these feelings because I don’t want to seem controlling but at the same time I don’t feel like he’s necessarily respecting our relationship or what I’m saying. Am I wrong for not wanting him out every weekend? I don’t mind here and there but every weekend is beyond excessive in my opinion.

[Screenwriter]

This guy is in his early 20s. He's in a distant relationship. Why wouldn't he want to go out and hang with friends? Every weekend. It's not like he has you to go out with.

I'm gonna say this: If you're not living in the same city, it's fairly foolish to call yourself "in a relationship." All you can do is email, talk and text. Those are backups, and that's all they are, and they can only maintain an intimate relationship if you've dated in person AND known someone for long enough to establish a solid friendship: say for a year or more.

And, in your early '20s your life is in flux. You're finding out what job, career you want to have. You might be in college, grad school or trade school. You're deciding your personal life goals: marriage, children, where you want to live, how you want to travel.

At the end of a week of studies and/or work, this guy wants to blow off steam. It doesn't seem that that is the way YOU relax. But it IS for HIM. Three and a half hours is not a driveable distance. Meaning, you can't do 7 hours of driving every weekend to see this guy or for him to see you. It's too difficult. You can't fly to see him. It's too costly. Distance is a GIANT limiter in relationships

Leave the guy alone. Let him have the fun he CAN have, or call it quits. I think that'd be more rational for both of you. Then you don't have to be angry that he's going out and you'll both be free to find people who live IN your city..

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart WANDER.

[SassyAussieAddy]

You shouldn't expect him to not live a life especially when it is long distance mate. Is he neglecting you or does he make time still to talk to you? You can't really expect anyone to stay home every night on the weekend to make sure you are entertained. I think you need to get out yourself and live a bit yourself.

[ihaveaquestion567]

Another reason I forgot to mention was the reason I don’t like him going out to clubs and bars every weekend is because we recently had an ordeal where I found out he had a one night stand with someone he met at a club while according to him “he was blackout drunk and made a mistake”. I do agree I need to get out more but I suffer from really bad social anxiety so it’s very hard to push myself to go out. I have made progress but it is still difficult.

[SassyAussieAddy]

Thats a bit different but now it comes down to trust and if you can't trust someone you can't be in a relationship with them. Long distance relationships are hella hard as both parties are not getting their physical needs met.

[ihaveaquestion567]

Him going out every weekend after I found out about him cheating (i found out a month ago but it happened last year in April) only exacerbates my anxiety. I know I chose to take him back and we’re still working on building trust and he has been trying to prove to me he’s changed but i don’t see how going out every weekend is building trust either.

[SassyAussieAddy]

It doesn't sound like he is willing to not go out and lets face the facts I believe you would still be nervous even if it was only once a month.

[D_Bone_Steak]

First of all I don't approve of the nightlife party stuff... male or female. I think I've been in your shoes where I felt bad not liking it and here's the sad part... I wasn't fucking wrong for not liking it. Same shit, I didn't want to seem too controlling, or in her words "just jealous and paranoid." After it all played out though I was right all along about where it would go and exactly what kind of things would happen. You are not wrong for not wanting him out every weekend in my opinion. It's kinda bullshit if you think about it... like why does it even need to be a thing? It's just going to play out until it finally hits that conclusion you figured it would so long ago... the very reasons you had beef with it to begin with. So it's up to you... let it play out or say fuck that shit. You're going to have to put your foot down if you want it to stop.

[slatyb]

How often do you meet? When do you plan move to be together? No plans? No relationship.

[EllaNella]

going to clubs/bars can be done with friends and without the intent to pick anyone up. let him have his fun

[sheikalana]

It's okay as long as he keeps you on the loop and doesn't go silent for hours and hours.

[Mate99]

It's not good to do that every weekend. I would be worried

[Avicenna]

Not to bars and clubs he shouldn’t