My boyfriend is hella girly. He's a great guy but this is really bothering me?

[Anonymooos]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months and this one little trait of his has really been starting to bother me.

My boyfriend is girly. As fuck.
Like literally he would be whining during a scary movie and just has very uhmm... Feminine characteristics that make him seem... well... Gay.

And it's not just me who's noticed either. My mom is pretty heavily convinced that he's gay and tells her friends it's "harmless." My dad has mentioned to me that he's "like a girl" when he caught him sitting on my lap.

Idk. I feel ashamed for even mentioning this because in all other aspects he's fine. I've asked him if he was gay and he keeps denying but he does things that honestly rlly make me wonder.

I dont know what to do really.

This trait bothers me, but at the same time I don't want to mention it to him and have him try and change his personality for me because that just doesn't seem like a genuine relationship. And is wholly jst unfair to him. But at the same time... I can only take so much of him whining and hiding behind me when it comes to bugs and scary movies and shit.

What do I do o_o

[BiffWebster]

-_- he's one of those metrosexual dudes isn't he? girls usually think those dudes would be awesome... Gay guy's fashion sense... in touch with feminist side etc etc... listens... but hey its annoying -_-

I don't think you'd be able to ask him to change. I mean now its bothering you... and your going on dates with him etc etc. That'd prob be a big change to ask of him. And that stuff is going to bother you more and more im afraid. I mean you could probably say "your such a girl" jokingly of course... planting the seed in the dude's head... but in all honesty id really ask him "wait why you whinning?"

i had a masculine girlfriend once... i didn't think she was tho. Just went to the gym a lot thought id give it a shot yah know. But she wasn't like a woman yah know. She wasn't really that caring... or affectionate. Who knows maybe that's how she grew up... all im saying was that it sucked... and it would have been nice to cuddle with a girl that acted like a woman ^^something that i was used to, because otherwise its like dating a dude.

[Mesonfielde]

Honestly, I'd be pissed if my girlfriend was asking me if I was gay.

I'M DATING YOU FOR A REASON. WHY ARE YOU ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS?

That's what I'd be thinking. I'd also think she's deceiving me, questioning my sexuality and yet claiming to love me and stuff. Like, what the hell?

That's just how his personality is. I'm surprised people attribute specific behaviors as "unacceptable" for specific sexes. I'm glad he found himself to be who he is, instead of trying to rigidly be controlled by arbitrary gender concepts.

[Anonymooos]

Interesting.
I don't know, he's a good guy. And has literally taken all of my suspicions with good grace. And I feel like a bitch sometimes with how I take him for granted.

And fuck, if he's gay I honestly don't really care. He can be my gay guy friend. Because I'll love him no matter what, gay or not.

But I don't know if that's really something I'm looking for in a relationship. Not in a guys can't act feminine way but in a Fuck if my guy can't kill the spiders for me then shit we both gon die way. Lol

But I don't know. Is it something I should talk about with him? It seems fair to him that he knows what's bothering me but at the same time talking about it can only lead to 2 results.

#1 we stay together and he feels self-conscious of whenever he "acts gay" and then restricts the way he acts. Which I would not want.

#2 we break up. And it just seems like... Idk. Such a small thing to break up over after all we've been through. :/

[Mesonfielde]

There's no way in hell I'm touching this thing: cdn4.independent.ie/.../spider_getty

[MissMarvelous]

I understand you. There was a guy that I didn't like because he was feminine ( and his bad personality and I wasn't physically attracted. there's a few things that you should take into consideration.
Does he really have men in his life? Like was raised by only women? Was he the only boy in his family? Or has only female friends? Most guys that were, has feminine charateristics that they just cannot help. It's like they were raised this way, but they only just picked up on the feminine ways just being around women.
For example. A cousin of mine watched his gay uncle growing up. He brought all sorts of men around the house that they lived together in, and was girly. My cousin was girly growing up and now he is full gay. Another cousin of mine, Mom died when he was young. His Dad was never around and he was raised by all of his aunts. He isn't feminine, but he has girly mood swings (Like a girl on her period.) Because he was around women more than men. But he is straight.

[MissMarvelous]

His feminine characteristics may just be who he is!:) There could be risks of him being gay, but everything has risks. If you look on the positive side it could be fun.
If this is something that is too much, and your intuition says that he is gay, then break up. If you really see a future with him despite his flaws then, stay. Forget about your family opinions, go with YOUR heart instincts. You can't change him, it'll ruin your relationship. This feminine guy is who he is.

[president97]

Well if he was heterosexual he would really mad at you and he wouldn't try to deny it, he would break up with you because it may seem to them being gay is a really bad swear. However you wrote that he denied it, so there is something he can deny and he is probably gay or bisexual. If he is bisexual you can handle with it i guess. Or may be he acts like a girl and loves girls too. Give him a shot and dont be hurtful, yet i am sure you are not hurtful.

[Mesonfielde]

Of course he denied it, possibly because he probably ISN'T.

[president97]

but he would have become really angry if he is pure straight, he could have understand this as accusation and may not simply deny it

[justbanANNAz]

yeah if he's with u then he isn't gay. what id suggest is watch how he is around other guys in comparison to u. i dont really see a huge concern here. i would think that he's just not afraid to show u that silly, less manly side of himself. if he's manly when he needs to be then there's no problem here:)

[Bandit74]

Well i dont know if hers gay. Does he's seem to enjoy touching or kissing you? I know this is none of my buisness but has he seen you naked, and does he get turned on by you? If he does, he's probably not gay. Just like there are some gay people who have masculine personalities there are straight guys that have feminine personalities. Sure there are the stereotypes, and it is common for gay people to have the personality you described, but really sexuality is indicated by what the person is attracted to. So if you turn him on and he's probably straight but I can't say for certain. My theory (which I can't prove) is that people have predominant energies, either masculine (agressive, stoic, strong) or feminine (gentle, emotional, soft nurturing). I think everyone has both energies in them but they have a predominant one that shows through the most. These energies might be associated with their respective genders but there's always exemptions. There might be straight females that have more of a masculine energy and vice versa. I personally believe in balance and that in relationships a person with a masculine personality would want a feminine personality to balance it out. Because if you have two of the same energies or personalities in a relationship whether it's f-f or m-m they might fight each other. Like I said just my theory, I can't prove any of that. As far as what you should do, let me ask you this. ... Are you happy in the relationship? Nobody is ever going to be perfect but the good has to outweigh the bad. So if you're not happy in the relationship, you need to do something about that. I don't think you should try to change him, but if the good doesn't outweigh the bad if he cant/doesn't make you happy, then maybe you should find someone who can.

[MissMarvelous]

I really like your answer.

[Bandit74]

@MissMarvelous thanks

[truthbeknown]

If you are not into him 100% you are with the wrong person. You feel bad because you are a good person and do not want to hurt his feelings, (and make him cry, LOL). This is why you are torn between staying with him and breaking up. What others think really shouldn't matter, but if their view points are the same as yours, clearly this guy has traits you find less than desirable. These are the cracks in the foundation that lead to failure in relationships down the road. You shouldn't have to force yourself to be into someone. You may have to sit down and weigh the options here to see if this a relationship you want to be in or not.

[AdamThomas]

Just because he acts feminine doesn't mean that he's gay - plenty of gay men are very masculine also.

I'd find his behaviour annoying too though, feminine men make me cringe. It's not normal, and most girls I've met (in fact every girl I've met) prefers a masculine man.

Anyway it's up to you isn't it? You've either got to get over it or end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Gender identity is separate from sexual orientation. His gender identity may lean more towards feminine while his sexual orientation goes towards girls.

[CuriousEddie]

Agree. I mean, I believe that a lot of cross dressers are straight, for example.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the support :)
For example, I am a very feminine lesbian.
I have a friend who is completely straight but she acts like a tomboy.
I know a boy who is feminine and straight.

But, Asker, the biggest indication that he is straight (or possibly bisexual, I suppose) is that he is going out with you!

[Anonymous]

break up. why? if he is gay it won't last much longer

[Naughtyboy71]

He may be gay but are you fucking him

[Anonymous]

Do you have sex?

[Anonymooos]

Yea we do. Lol but maybe I'm the gay one tho since in the 7 months we've been dating he's never made me orgasm. I mean he really is an overall great dude with a great personality that I get along with so well. It's really just the bad sex and feminine characteristics that bother me. Is that enough to break up with someone tho? Because aside from that he does make me happy.

[Opinion Owner]

If your sex life is normal then he's probably not gay , if your both happy I don't see why you would break up

[Opinion Owner]

Don't leave him , unless this bothers you that much. If it does you will never be happy and the longer you leave it the harder it will get. Think about it and decide do you really want to stay with him

[CuriousEddie]

Well heck, a lot of guys haven't given their girl an orgasm in 7 months!

You might want to try teaching him how to please you. Perhaps I'm making assumptions here, but he may be feminine / submissive and straight and willing to learn! ;)

[Anonymous]

you should break up if you're unhappy.